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Dr. Abby Barnes
: How's it going? Brian
: Yeah, well, he snores, which was a problem, um, but we solved it. Dr. Abby Barnes
: How'd you do that? Brian
: Well, he slept on my face and I couldn't hear him any more.
: You forgot to say I love you because you're beautiful. Brian
: No, I didn't. I mean, she is. But that's not why I love her.
: You know how someone's appearance can change the longer you know them? How a really attractive person, if you don't like them, can become more and more ugly; whereas someone you might not have even have noticed... that you wouldn't look at more than once, if you love them, can become the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. All you want to do is be near them.
: I have to tell you something. Brian
: What? Abby
: The other night on the phone...I'm pregnant. Brian
: Oh darling...are you sure it was me? Abby
: I don't know. I made a lot of phone calls that night.
: What are we discussing? Brian
: Well there's the issue of Hank, who's in a terrible state without you.
: Abby, I only ever loved one woman and I don't want to lose her twice.
: OK. So say you meet one of these no sparks women, and you really take the time to get to know her and then you become intellectually stimulated by her. You just really enjoy her personality, thereby igniting all your lust and passion. Have you ever thought about that? Brian
: Are you going to eat that?
[over the phone
] Dr. Abby Barnes
: Say something. Brian
: I want to make love to you. Dr. Abby Barnes
: Never on the first phone call.
: Throw something to me. Throw something you've been wearing and then I'll go.
[Abby throws her sneaker out the window and Brian catches it
: Wow...it's a Ked! Cranky Neighbor
: Will you shut up?
: Who are you? What is this? Is this some kind of weird game you two play for kicks, you take some guy and see how much you can screw him up! Abby
: No, it was a mistake.
: You're dumb and beautiful, and you're smart and - I gotta go. Dr. Abby Barnes
: Brian! Oh.