Heather Mooney
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Quotes for
Heather Mooney (Character)
from Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (1997)

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Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (1997)
Heather: OK cowboy, I don't know what your trip is, but if this is some kind of a sick game... If you fuck with me, in any way, I will rip each and every appendage from your body, starting with your dick. Capice?

Heather: This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.
Michele: OK, I don't even know what you're talking about cause of those words, but come here.

Romy: Heather, um, has anyone ever told you that smoking can kill you?
Heather: No. No one. Thank you.

Romy: Well, anyways, are you going?
Heather: [referring to her cigarette] I'd rather put this out in my ass!

[the secret of her cigarette paper invention]
Heather: Twice the taste in half the time for the gal on the go.

Heather: Why don't you tell everyone I said to go fuck themselves for making my teen years a living hell?

Heather: Why are you tormenting me? Why don't you go fuck a sheep, or your sister, or YOURSELF? Braindead redneck asshole!

Heather: Do you live with Michele Weinberger?
Romy: Yeah.
Heather: I just figured she'd be married to Sandy by now.
Romy: Sandy Frink?
Heather: Yes, Sandy Frink! He could barely contain his erection every time she walked by! Why do you think he always carried around that huge notebook?
Romy: The Frink-a-zoid and Michele... I'm sure! Besides, didn't *you* have a thing for Sandy in high school?
Heather: I did not have a THING! I did not have a thing, I did NOT have a THING! I was VERY much in love with him! VERY much in love and there's a difference!
[to customer behind her]
Heather: There's a difference!
[to Romy]
Heather: There's a difference! I have to go now!

[Heather thinks she's never made anyone's life hell]
Toby Walters: Since you never got around to it in high school, I was wondering if you would sign my yearbook. And please don't tell me to fuck off, because it really hurts my feelings.
Heather: I hurt your feelings?
Toby Walters: Yeah, all the time.
Heather: Tremendous! That's tremendous! Go get your stupid yearbook, I would be happy to sign it!

Heather: What a waste of a tank of gas!

Heather: Wow, all that time you guys were making my life hell, the A group was doing the same thing to you! I had no idea!
Michele: You know? I bet in high school, everybody made somebody's life hell.
Heather: Nope, sorry, never had the opportunity.
Michele: I bet that's not true...
Heather: You think?
Michele: Oh, yeah, you were really unpleasant.

Heather: [after the Cowboy says he wants to talk to her] Okay. What the hell! What is your name?
Cowboy: Clarence.
Heather: I like your hat, Clarence. Pick up the pace!

Romy: [reading the customer paperwork] Heather? Heather Mooney? From Sagebrush High in Tuscon?
Heather: [disinterested yet quietly anxious] Yeah?
Romy: [excitedly] It's Romy! Romy White!
Heather: [disinterestedly taking a drag from her cigarette] You're shittin' me.
Romy: No! This is so weird - I didn't know you were living in L.A.
Heather: Well, now that you know, will we be getting together a lot?

Heather: [attempting to light a cigarette, turns and sees the cowboy offering her a light] Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what do you want?
Cowboy: You were right, I was a brain dead redneck asshole. Though I never screwed a sheep or my sister.
Heather: Why not, couldn't catch 'em?