Jan Wolfhouse
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Quotes for
Jan Wolfhouse (Character)
from Beerfest (2006)

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Beerfest (2006)
Todd Wolfhouse: We've got to go back and get grandpa's ashes.
Jan Wolfhouse: You go, I'm never leaving this place.

Jan Wolfhouse: Get bent, Umlaut

Barry Badrinath: [about Great Gam Gam] All I'm saying is... that whore thing could be a real possibility. Some of my best friends are whores.
Jan Wolfhouse: We know, Barry.

Jan Wolfhouse: [Barry picked up a woman] Are you sure you want to do this?
Barry Badrinath: Are you kidding? She's hot as hell! I'm just lookin' for a little slap n' pickle.
Jan Wolfhouse: You're drunk.
Barry Badrinath: Hey... I'm drunk, you're drunk... everybody's drunk!

Jan Wolfhouse: And here's something else you forgot to factor in - we're not that drunk.
Pim Scutney: Did you hear that everybody? They said they're not that drunk! Cheeky bastards!
Crowd: [shouting along] They're not that drunk! They're not that drunk! They're not that drunk!

Todd Wolfhouse: [after trying the beer] What's wrong?
Jan Wolfhouse: This means Great Gam Gam really was a whore.
Todd Wolfhouse: [thinks about it for a second, then runs off with his ears covererd] LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA...

Jan Wolfhouse: So yeah, I heard you got fired from the brewery?
Landfill: [Landfill gets mad, throws his trophy] God damn brewery! You know that brewery makes 10,000 bottles of beer a day. I drink 45 of them, and I'm the asshole!

Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Somehow I cloned a batch of monkey frogs.
Todd Wolfhouse: They hand out Nobel prizes for stuff like that?
Jan Wolfhouse: Let me see that, let me see you little...
[looking in to the bag, monkey frog screams]
Jan Wolfhouse: Oh my god!
Todd Wolfhouse: Oh my god, what have you done?

Hammacher: We are gonna wipe our schwanz on you.
Jan Wolfhouse: Bring it on, meine bitch.

Jan Wolfhouse: Where are you taking him?
[Two shots of a gun]
Otto: He is of no concern to you.

Otto: Despite your thievery, we are prepared to buy it from you right now... in cash.
[opens suitcase of euros]
Jan Wolfhouse: Big deal. A suitcase full of monopoly money.
Schlemmer: Come on, those are euros.
Landfill: What's that, like pesos?
Otto: That is legal European tender!
Rolf: I told you we should have brought Deutsch marks.
Gunter: But they are so hard to find!

Great Gam Gam: [seeing Jan's black eye] What happened to you?
Jan Wolfhouse: Oh, I, uh, accidentally walked into a wall... the Berlin Wall...

Jan Wolfhouse: So what else do the Germans do?
Great Gam Gam: They also practice by drinking the urine of a ram.
Todd Wolfhouse: The - the what?
Great Gam Gam: They drink ram's piss.
Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Because of the pH balance?
Great Gam Gam: No... because if you can drink ram's piss, fuck, you can drink almost anything.
Steve "Fink" Finklestein: She said "fuck."