Stiles Stilinski
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Quotes for
Stiles Stilinski (Character)
from Teen Wolf (1985)

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"Teen Wolf: Anchors (#3.13)" (2014)
Dr. Deaton: When is a door not a door?
Stiles: When it's a jar.

Kira: I couldn't help overhearing what you guys were talking about. And I think I actually might know what you're talking about. There's a Tibetan word for it. It's called "Bardo". It literally means "in-between state." The state between life and death.
Lydia Martin: So are you talking Bardo in Tibetan Buddhism or Indian?
Kira: Either, I guess. But all the stuff you guys were just saying? All that happens in Bardo. There are different progressive states where you can have hallucinations. Some you see, some you just hear. And you can by visited by peaceful and wrathful deities.
Isaac Lahey: Wrathful deities? And what are those?
Kira: Like demons.
Stiles: Demons. Why not?
Allison Argent: Hold on, if there are different progressive states, then what's the last one?
Kira: Death. You die.

Stiles: Hi puppy. Get rid of it.
Scott McCall: Me?
Stiles: Yes you. Glow your eyes at it. Something. Be the Alpha.

Isaac Lahey: For half of my child hood I was locked in a freezer, so being helpful is kind of a new thing for me.
Stiles: Are we still milking that?
Isaac Lahey: Yeah, we're still milking that.

Stiles: Yeah, try not to forget we hit the reset button on a supernatural beacon for supernatural creatures. I think there's a pretty good chance that things are never going back to normal.

Lydia Martin: Well, well, look who's no longer the crazy one.
Allison Argent: We are not crazy.
Lydia Martin: Hallucinating, sleepy paralysis, yeah, you guys are fine.
Scott McCall: We did die and come back to life. That's gotta have some side effects, right?
Stiles: We keep an eye on each other. Okay? And Lydia, stop enjoying this so much.

Stiles: [Sees his dad with a bunch of boxes] What's that?
Sheriff Stilinski: That's just, uh, files from the office.
Stiles: It says "Sheriff's station, do not remove."
Sheriff Stilinski: Well, yeah, unless you're the Sheriff.

Scott McCall: Okay, so what happens to a person who has a near-death experience and comes out of it seeing things?
Stiles: And is unable to tell what's real or not?
Allison Argent: And is being haunted by demonic visions of dead relatives?
Isaac Lahey: They're all locked up because they're insane.

Stiles: [Explaining sleep paralysis] It happens because during REM sleep your body is basically paralyzed. It's called muscle atonia. That way if you start dreaming about running, you don't actually start running in your bed.
Scott McCall: That makes sense.
Stiles: But sometimes your mind can wake up before your body does. So for this split second, you're actually aware that your body is paralyzed. And that's the terrifying part. It turns your dream into a nightmare. You can feel like you're falling, like you're being strangled, or, in my case, like you're at the center of a grove of magical trees where human sacrifices took place.

Stiles: Hey, Dad, what is all this?
Sheriff Stilinski: I've been looking over some old cases from a more "illuminated" perspective; if you know what I mean.
Stiles: [Reads] "Strange sighting of bipedal lizard man sprinting across freeway".
Sheriff Stilinski: Kanima pile.

Stiles: You know, if my dad's right, that means there's another werewolf in town that we haven't met yet.
Scott McCall: I know.
Stiles: If it turns out to be something like triplets that form into, like, a three-headed hound of hell, I'm seriously not up for that.

"Teen Wolf: Restraint (#2.7)" (2012)
Scott McCall: What did you tell her?
Allison Argent: That we were part of an online gaming community that battles mythical creatures.
Stiles: I *am* part of an online gaming community that battles mythical creatures.
Allison Argent: O-oh. Great.

Stiles: But what if we both have to use the bathroom at the same time and there's only two stalls available, and they're only right next to each other? I'll just hold it.

Stiles: Dad, humor's very subjective. I mean we're talking, like, multiple levels of interpretation here!
Sheriff Stilinski: Uh huh. OK, how exactly am I supposed to interpret the stolen prison transport van?
Stiles: We filled the tank!

Lydia Martin: I'm not supposed to tell anyone.
Stiles: Come on! Anyone who ever says 'I'm not supposed to tell anyone' is always dying to tell someone, so tell me!
Lydia Martin: Why do you want to know?
Stiles: I can't tell you that.
Lydia Martin: Then I'm not telling you.
Stiles: But you are telling me that you could tell me something if you wanted... to tell me?
Lydia Martin: Was that a question?

Jackson: I can't have detention with these tools. I have a restraining order against them.
Mr. Harris: All these tools?
Stiles: No, just us tools.

Stiles: You wanna play Catwoman, I'll be your Batman.

Stiles: [Discussing who could be controlling the Kanima] Hey. What if it's Matt? I mean, this whole thing comes back to the video, right?
Scott McCall: Danny said that Matt was the one who found the two hours of footage missing.
Stiles: Exactly! He's trying to throw suspicion off himself.
Scott McCall: So he makes Jackson kill Isaac's dad, one of Argent's hunters, and the mechanic working on your jeep?
Stiles: Yes!
Scott McCall: Why?
Stiles: Because... He's evil.
Scott McCall: You just don't like him.
Stiles: The guy - Bugs me. I don't know what it is. Just look at his face.

Scott McCall: [Reading] The bond between master and servant grew stronger until the will of the master became that of the Kanima's and whomever the priest deemed unworthy the Kanima served his vengeance. The Kanima is a mutation of the werewolf gene that cannot fully transform until it resolves that is in its past which manifest it.
Stiles: Okay if that means that Jackson could use a few thousand hours of therapy, I could have told you that myself.

Melissa McCall: I have to ground you. I am grounding you. You are grounded.
Scott McCall: What about work?
Melissa McCall: Fine. Other than work. And no TV.
Scott McCall: My TV's broken.
Melissa McCall: Then no computer.
Scott McCall: I need the computer for school.
Melissa McCall: Then no... uh...
[Glances at Stiles]
Melissa McCall: No Stiles.
Stiles: What? No Stiles?
Melissa McCall: NO STILES!

Stiles: So not only is Jackson rich now, but he's getting even richer at 18?
Erica Reyes: Yep.
Stiles: There's something so deeply wrong with that.

"Teen Wolf: Abomination (#2.4)" (2012)
Scott McCall: He thinks the Argents have a book of creatures they've encountered.
Stiles: Oh, so like a bestiary.
Scott McCall: A what?
Stiles: A bestiary.
Scott McCall: I think you mean bestiality.
Stiles: No. I'm pretty sure I don't.

Allison Argent: I think you mean...
Stiles: No! I mean bestiary. And I really don't want to know what's going through you and Scott's minds.

Derek Hale: Can you get me out of here before I drown?
Stiles: You're worried about drowning? Did you notice the thing out there with multiple rows of razor sharp teeth?
Derek Hale: Did you notice that I'm paralyzed from the neck down in 8 feet of water?

Stiles: Can't you trust me just this once?
Derek Hale: NO!

Derek Hale: What did you see in the mechanic garage?
Stiles: Ah... several alarming EP violations that I'm seriously considering reporting.

Stiles: I didn't see anything. At all. Can I go now please?
Sheriff Stilinski: Sure. But not in your jeep. We're gonna have to impound it. Sorry kid, evidence. I'll see you at home.
Stiles: All right, well, at least make sure they wash it.

Stiles: You were right. It's not like you. I mean, its eyes were almost like, reptilian. But there was something about them.
Scott McCall: What do you mean?
Stiles: You know when you see, like, a friend in a Halloween mask, but all you can actually see are their eyes and you feel like you know 'em but you just can't figure out who it is?
Scott McCall: Are you saying you know who it is?
Stiles: No, but I think it knew me.

Stiles: [about Scott and Allison getting him to run back and forth to deliver messages] You know, drug dealers have been using disposable cellphones pretty successfully for years.

Coach Finstock: [about an usually large lacrosse player] Come on, is that thing even a teenager? I wanna see a birth certificate. Who or what is that genetic experiment gone wrong?
Stiles: Eddie Abramovitz, Coach. They call him The Abomination.
Coach Finstock: Oh, that's cute.

Stiles: All right, the thing was pretty slick looking. Um, skin was dark. Kind of patterned. Uh, I think I actually saw scales. Is that enough? Okay, because I've somebody I really need to talk to - Hrr. All right, fine, eyes. Eyes are, um, yellowish. And slitted. Um, has a lot of teeth. Oh. And it's got a tail, too. Are we good? What? Wait, have you seen it? You have this look on your faces like you know exactly what I am talking about.
[the creature is right behind him]

"Teen Wolf: Frenemy (#2.6)" (2012)
Stiles: I got it. Kill Jackson. Problem solved.

Sheriff Stilinski: What're you doing here?
Stiles: What do you mean what am I doing here? What? It's a club. It's a club, we were clubbing, you know? At the club.
Sheriff Stilinski: Not exactly your type of club.
Stiles: Uh- well, dad- There's a conversation that we...
Sheriff Stilinski: You're not gay.
Stiles: I could be!
Sheriff Stilinski: Not dressed like that.

Jackson: Scales. Like a fish?
Stiles: No. More like a reptile. And your claws have this liquid that paralyzes people. And you have a tail.
Jackson: I have a tail?
Stiles: Yeah, you do.
Jackson: Does it do anything?
Stiles: Not that I know of.
Jackson: Can I use it to strangle you?

Scott McCall: Dude, everyone here's a dude! I think we're in a gay club!
Stiles: [Surrounded by drag queens] Man, nothing gets past those keen werewolf senses...

Stiles: Oh my God! Oh my God! Could this get any worse?"
Jackson: [Mostly unconscious] Mmmmmmm...
Stiles: That was rhetorical!

Jackson: [chained in the prisoner transfer van] LET ME OUT! NOW!
Stiles: You know, I put those pants on you. Alright, buddy? One leg at a time. Being all up close and personal with your junk wasn't exactly a highlight of my day. So don't think this is fun for me, either. You know, we are actually doing you a favor.
Jackson: [Holds up his cuffed hands] So, this is doing me a favor?
Stiles: Yes! You're killing people... to death! Yeah! And until we figure out how to stop you, you gonna stay in here. Sorry.
[Holds up two sandwiches]
Stiles: Now, you want the ham and cheese or the turkey club?

Stiles: All right, any clue where he's going?
Scott McCall: To kill someone.
Stiles: Ah. That explains the claws, and the fangs, and all that. Good. Makes perfect sense now What? Scott, come on. I'm 147 pounds of pale skin and fragile bone, okay? Sarcasm is my only defense.

Stiles: I've got an idea
Scott McCall: Does it involve breaking the law?
Stiles: By now don't you think that's a given?
Scott McCall: I was just trying to be optimistic.
Stiles: Don't bother.

Stiles Stilinski: What? Scott, come on. I'm 147 pounds of pale skin and fragile bone, ok? Sarcasm is my only defense.

"Teen Wolf: The Dark Moon (#4.1)" (2014)
Malia: Alright. I'll ask. Who's Kate Argent?
Kira: [raising hand] Uh, I'd like to know, too.
Stiles: Well, we were at her funeral, so I'd like to know how she got out from a casket buried six feet under ground.

Stiles: Just give us Derek. You don't want him anyway. Haven't you noticed what a downer he is? No sense of humor, poor conversationalist.

Stiles: We don't leave without people. Remember, we talked about this? Rules of the wild kingdom don't apply to friends.
Kira: Is that what you would do as a coyote, leave her for dead?
Malia: If she was weak and injured, yeah. If hunting had been bad that season, I would eat her. Then I'd leave.
Stiles: Believe it or not, that's progress.

Lydia Martin: We are going to die.
Stiles: Are you saying that as a Banshee or you're just being pessimistic?
Lydia Martin: I'm saying it as a person who doesn't wanna die.
Stiles: Okay. Would you just mind restricting any talk of death to actual Banshee predictions?
Lydia Martin: ...This plan is stupid and we're going to die.

Stiles: Ok, so how long has it been?
Scott McCall: Weeks. He hasn't gotten back to any of my texts.
Stiles: Has Derek ever returned your texts?
Scott McCall: Once. Definitely once.

Stiles: Kate was the one who set the fire that killed most of Derek's family.
Scott McCall: Some of them survived, like Cora, and Peter.
Stiles: A very angry Peter.

Stiles: [Trying to fix his jeep] Lydia, could you please hold the light still for a second? It's really hard to see anything if you keep shaking it like that.
Lydia Martin: I'm shaking it like this because we're in the middle of nowhere with your broken down jeep and we're being attacked by yet another razor-clawed monster. And I'm terrified.
Stiles: Well, just be slightly less terrified.
[Hands her a metal object]
Stiles: And hold this.
Lydia Martin: What's this?
Stiles: I don't know. I'm hoping it's not important.

Araya: Not smart to come alone.
Stiles: What makes you think we came alone?
Araya: You brought a wolf into my home?
Stiles: We brought an Alpha.

Braeden: Right now, I'm the only one who's gonna take you to la iglesia.
Lydia Martin: The Church?
Stiles: What's The Church?
Braeden: It's not a place you'll find God.

"Teen Wolf: Night School (#1.7)" (2011)
Jackson: Call the cops.
Stiles: No.
Jackson: What do you mean, "no"?
Stiles: I mean no. You wanna hear it in Spanish?
[Spanish accent]
Stiles: No!

Scott McCall: What do we do?
Stiles: We get to my Jeep. We get out of here. You seriously think about quitting your job.

Stiles: Alright, first off - throwing Derek under the bus... nicely done.

Stiles: We need to get somewhere with no windows!
Scott McCall: Every single room in this building has windows.
Stiles: Somewhere with less widows!

Stiles: I'm not dying here. I'm not dying at school.

Scott McCall: No, Derek's not dead. He can't be dead.
Stiles: Blood spurted out of his mouth, okay? That doesn't exactly qualify as a minor injury. He's dead, and we're next.

Stiles: [about the Alpha] God, what is he doing? What does he want?
Scott McCall: Me. Derek says it's stronger with a pack.
Stiles: Oh, great. A psychotic werewolf who's into teen work. That's - that's beautiful.

Stiles: All right, we have to do something.
Scott McCall: Like what?
Stiles: I don't know. Kill it, hurt it, inflict mental anguish on it. Something.

Stiles: [as the gang creates a large barricade in front of the classroom door] Guys - Can we just wait a second? You guys, listen to me, w - Can we wait a second? Guys? Stiles talking. Can we hang on one second, please? Hello! Okay, nice work. Really beautiful job, everyone. Now - what should we do about the 20 foot wall of windows?

"Teen Wolf: Echo House (#3.20)" (2014)
Ms. Morell: It's called a Lichtenberg figure. They appear on lightning strike victims. The fact that they're appearing on you after a shot of Wolf Lichen is both significant and strange.
Stiles: By significant and strange do you mean hopeful and optimistic?

Oliver: I heard the echo.
Stiles: What do you mean?
Oliver: It's this place. Something about the way that it was built. Everything echoes eventually. That's why they call it Echo House.

Scott McCall: This is the same place where Barrow came. The guy who had a tumor inside him filled with flies. You don't know everything yet.
Sheriff Stilinski: I know enough. Nogitsunes, Kitsunes, Oni, or whatever they're called.
Stiles: Wow, that was actually all surprisingly correct.

Eichen House Attendant: [after a patient commits suicide] The accident that occurred is being taken care of.
Stiles: You're seriously referring to that as an accident?
Eichen House Attendant: Incident.
Stiles: Slightly better. Still need to use the phone. Just five minutes. Three minutes, please. A three minute call.
Eichen House Attendant: Would you like to go to sleep, Stiles, or would you like to be introduced to our five-point restraint system?
Oliver: [Already restrained] I would go with sleep.

Oliver: Most of the people here are okay. The violent ones are in the closed unit.
[Pointing people out]
Oliver: That's Hillary. She has OCD. That's Gary. He thinks he's Jesus Christ. Dan. Also Jesus. That's Mary...
Stiles: Mary Magdalene?
Oliver: No, she also thinks she's Jesus. You'd be surprised how many Jesuses we get.

Ms. Morell: If your friends haven't figured out something by the time those marks are gone, I'll come find you.
Stiles: To tell me what to do?
Ms. Morell: No, to give you an injection. Pancuronium Bromide. It causes respiratory paralysis.
Stiles: That sounds a lot like death.
Ms. Morell: It's used for lethal injection, yes.
Stiles: So when the Nogitsune takes over, you're going to kill me?
Ms. Morell: I'm going to do what I've always done. Maintain the balance.
Stiles: Okay then. I've missed our talks.

Meredith: [Talking on a phone] No. No, I think you're wrong. I really think I should tell them. They're going to want to know the story. The whole story. I really think they should know. Yes, I do.
[Goes quiet as Stiles and Oliver approach]
Meredith: One of them is standing right behind me.
[She leaves]
Stiles: Who was that?
Oliver: That's Meredith. She's a little weird.
Stiles: You're a little weird. She's a lot weird.

Stiles: I'm getting out of this nuthouse.
Oliver: That's not really the appropriate way to describe a facility like this.

Stiles: Um... Okay, so what are you doing in the Boys Room?
Malia: Showering.
Stiles: I can see that. I mean I saw that. Well, actually I didn't see anything really. I just... There was too much steam to, uh... Not that I would prefer there to be less steam...
Malia: Stiles, I don't care. In the woods, there was no Boys' and Girls' Room. And if you really need to know, they keep the water temperature in the Girls' Room too low. It's much hotter in here. Ever since I turned back to human, I just can't seem to get warm.
Stiles: Maybe you just have a low core temp. You know, you might just be sick or...
Malia: I used to have a fur coat.
Stiles: Or, it could be... Hey, it might be that. It's probably that.

"Teen Wolf: Fury (#2.10)" (2012)
Stiles: Trust me, they'll let you in.
Sheriff Stilinski: Trust *you*?
Stiles: Trust... Scott?

Stiles: [Watching a security video] That's him! That's Matt!
Sheriff Stilinski: All I see is the back of someone's head.
Stiles: Matt's head, yeah. I sit behind him in history. He's got a very distinct cranium, it's weird.

Stiles: What, are you going to kill everyone in here?
Matt: No. That's what Jackson is for.

Stiles: How many people do you know wear a black leather jacket?
Sheriff Stilinski: Millions. Literally.

Matt: Werewolves, hunters, kanimas... It's like a frickin' Halloween party every full moon! Except for you, Stiles. What do you turn into?
Stiles: Abominable snowman. But it's more of, like, a wintertime thing. You know, seasonal.

Sheriff Stilinski: Why would this kid want most of the 2006 swim team and its coach dead?
Stiles: Isn't it obvious? Our swim team sucks. They haven't won in like six years. OK, we don't have a motive yet.

Stiles: [Paralyzed] So is that hypothetical situation we talked about getting any less hypothetical?
Derek Hale: I can move my toes.
Stiles: Dude, I can move my toes.

Melissa McCall: Scott, you know how many people I deal with in a day?
Scott McCall: [about Matt] This one's 16 he's got dark hair, looks like a normal teenager.
Stiles: He looks evil!

Stiles: All right, dad, if one's an incident, two's a coincidence, and three's a pattern, what's four?
Sheriff Stilinski: Four's enough for a warrant.

"Teen Wolf: The Benefactor (#4.4)" (2014)
Stiles: Okay, Liam. Now, you've seen a lot of confusing things tonight and more confusing things are gonna happen because of the confusing things that happened tonight. Do you understand?
Liam: Not really.
Stiles: Good, that's good.
Scott McCall: ...I don't either.

Stiles: So you bit him.
Scott McCall: Yeah.
Stiles: And you kidnapped him.
Scott McCall: Yeah.
Stiles: And brought him here.
Scott McCall: I panicked.
Stiles: Yup. This isn't going to end with us burying the pieces of his body out in the desert, is it? As a reminder, this is why I always come up with the plans. Your plans suck.

Scott McCall: Liam, what happened to you, what I did to you, which I had to do in order to save you... It's going to change you.
Stiles: Unless it kills you. I shouldn't have said that. Uh... Uh-Oh... is he crying?
Scott McCall: Liam, it's okay. You're going to be all right. You're not going to die.
[Liam keeps crying]
Stiles: Probably not.
Scott McCall: Stop it!
Stiles: Okay, possibly not.

Scott McCall: Can you just listen for one second. Please? Liam...
Scott McCall: We're brothers now.
Liam: [Makes a face] What?
Stiles: Oh, God. That's...
Liam: What are you talking about? We just met and you bit me.
Scott McCall: [Tries again] The bite... The bite is a gift.
Stiles: Scott, stop. Please stop.

Scott McCall: We're going to use the boathouse for Liam. It's got support beams. We can chain him to one of them.
Kira: But how do we get him out to the lake house if he doesn't trust us?
Stiles: I say if it keeps him from murdering someone we chloroform the little bastard and throw him in the lake.
Malia: I'm in.

Liam: What are you?
Stiles: Uh, for a little while, I was possessed by an evil spirit. It was very evil.

Malia: You can leave if you want.
Stiles: I'm not going anywhere. And to be honest, I'm probably safer down here than in a party with fifty freshmen and a very pissed off Lydia.

Liam: What the hell is this?
Stiles: Think of it like an intervention.

Stiles: Just breathe, okay. I'm not going to leave you.
Malia: What if I hurt you?
Stiles: You're not going to.
Malia: But I want to. Uh! I look at your face and I want to slash at it. I want to tear at it. I want to feel your bones crack between my hands.
Stiles: Surprisingly enough, you're not the first person to ever say something like that.

"Teen Wolf: Illuminated (#3.16)" (2014)
Stiles: [after she kisses him] Uh, I thought you liked girls.
Caitlin: I do like girls. Do you?
Stiles: Absolutely.
Caitlin: Great.
Stiles: So you also like boys?
Caitlin: Absolutely. Do you?

Coach Bobby Finstock: Class starts in five minutes. Just because there's no power, don't expect there to be no school.
Stiles: That was a triple negative. Very impressive, Coach.
Coach Bobby Finstock: Copy that.

Stiles: Okay, this one will get you into all of the perimeter doors, this one into the evidence room, and this one's for my father's office.
Scott McCall: You didn't steal these, did you?
Stiles: No. I cloned them using the RFID emulator.
Scott McCall: Isn't that worse than stealing?
Stiles: ...It's smarter.

Kira: [after breaking in and out of the police station] That was awesome! I mean, terrifying, completely terrifying... but kind of awesome. I've never done anything like that before. Have you?
Stiles: Yeah, once or twice.

Stiles: [about Kira] Until we figure out if she's just another psychotic monster that's going to start murdering everybody, I vote against any and all interaction.
Scott McCall: What if she's like me?
Stiles: That girl walked through 1.21 gigawatts of electricity. She's not like you.

Kyle McCall: So when did you get there?
Stiles: At the same time.
Kyle McCall: At the same time as who?
Scott McCall: At the same time as me.
Kyle McCall: By coincidence?
Stiles: What do you mean coincidence?
Kyle McCall: That's what I'm asking you. The two of you arrived at the same time. Was that coincidence?
Stiles: Are you asking me?
Scott McCall: I think he's asking me.
Lydia Martin: I think he's asking the both of you.
Kyle McCall: Okay, let me answer the questions. Let me ask the questions. Just so I have this absolutely clear. Barrow was hiding in the chemistry closet at the school. Someone left him a coded message on the blackboard telling him to kill Kira. Then Barrow took Kira to a power substation and tied her up with the intent of electrocuting her, which blacked out the entire town.
Stiles: Sounds about right.
Kyle McCall: How did you know he'd take her to a power station?
Stiles: Well, 'cause he was an electrical engineer. So where else would he take her?
Kyle McCall: That's one hell of a deduction there, Stiles.
Stiles: Yeah, what can I say? I take after my pops. He's in law enforcement.

Kyle McCall: What do you want, Stiles?
Stiles: Oh, jeez!
Stiles: I was just... I was thinking on the case. I was thinking I should clue you in on my thinking. Here's my thinking. I was thinking this... I was thinking that Barrow, right... I was thinking that Barrow received the information about who to kill at the school, right, you know that? So I was thinking maybe the person who gave him that information, check this out, might actually be someone at the school. And that's, uh, my thinking.
Kyle McCall: Hmm. You're right.
Stiles: [Surprised] I am?

Stiles: It just showed up there on my key ring this morning. I asked my dad if he put it there but he said he didn't know anything about it.
Scott McCall: It's just a key, right?
Stiles: Yeah, but it's not mine. And I don't know how it got there or what it's for.
Scott McCall: You want to leave so we can figure it out?
Stiles: Uh...
Caitlin: [Comes up to Stiles, kisses his cheek] Happy Halloween!
Stiles: It can wait.

"Teen Wolf: Heart Monitor (#1.6)" (2011)
Derek Hale: I'm gonna kill both of you! What the hell was that? What are you trying to do? Attract the entire state to the school?
Scott McCall: Sorry, I didn't know it would be that loud.
Stiles: Yeah, it was loud... and it was awesome!
Derek Hale: Shut up.
Stiles: Don't be such a sour wolf.

Stiles: Well, personally I'm a fan of ignoring a problem until eventually it just goes away.

Stiles: It's Allison. Remember what you told me about the night of the full moon? You were thinking about her, right? About protecting her.
Scott McCall: Okay.
Stiles: Remember the night of the first lacrosse game? You said you could hear her voice out on the field.
Scott McCall: Yeah, I did.
Stiles: Well, so that's what brought you back so you could score. And then after the game in the locker room, you didn't kill her. At least not like how you were trying to kill me. She brings you back, is what I'm saying.
Scott McCall: No, no, no, but it's not always true, because literally every time I'm kissing her or-or touching her...
Stiles: No, that's not the same. When you're doing that, you're just another hormonal teenager thinking about sex, you know? You're thinking about sex right now, aren't you?
Scott McCall: Yeah. Sorry.
Stiles: That's fine. Look, back in the classroom when she was holding your hand, that was different, okay? I don't think she makes you weak. I-I think she actually gives you control. She's kind of like an anchor.
Scott McCall: You mean because I love her.
Stiles: Exactly.
Scott McCall: Did I just say that?
Stiles: Yes, you just said that.
Scott McCall: I love her.
Stiles: That's great. Now, moving on...
Scott McCall: No, no, no, really. I think I'm totally in love with her.
Stiles: And that's beautiful. Now, before you go off and write a sonnet, can we figure this out, please?

Stiles: I'll be your Yoda.
Scott McCall: Yeah, you be my Yoda.
Stiles: Your Yoda I will be.
Stiles: I said it backwards!
Scott McCall: Uh yeah, I know.
Stiles: Alright, you know what? I definitely still hate you.

Stiles: [to Scott] Be a man. Be a werewolf not a teen wolf, be a werewolf.

Scott McCall: Isn't this one of the heart rate monitors for the track team?
Stiles: Yeah, I borrowed it.
Scott McCall: Stole it.
Stiles: Temporarily misappropriated. Coach uses it to monitor his heart rate with his phone while he jogs, and you're gonna wear it for the rest of the day.
Scott McCall: Isn't that coach's phone?
Stiles: That, I stole.

Scott McCall: Oh, no. You're getting an idea, aren't you?
Stiles: Yeah.
Scott McCall: Is this idea gonna get me in trouble?
Stiles: Maybe.
Scott McCall: Is this idea gonna cause me physical pain?
Stiles: Yeah, definitely.

Scott McCall: Was that okay? I mean, that was a howl, right?
Stiles: I - yeah, technically.
Scott McCall: Well, what did it sound like to you?
Stiles: Like a cat being choked to death, Scott.

"Teen Wolf: Chaos Rising (#3.2)" (2013)
Scott: How's my breath smell?
Stiles: I'm not smelling your breath.
Scott: Do you have any gum?
Stiles: No. No gum. You're fine.

Heather: You've never done it before either?
Stiles: Turned 17? No. Not yet. No.
Heather: Stiles?
Stiles: Yeah, maybe that other thing too.

Scott: [about Allison and Lydia] They're trying to help.
Derek Hale: These two. This one, who used me to resurrect my psychotic uncle. Thank you. And, this one, who shot about 30 arrows into me and my pack.
Stiles: Okay, all right, now, come on. No one died, all right? Look, there may have been a little maiming, okay, a little mangling, but no death. That's what I call an important distinction.
Allison Argent: My mother died.
Derek Hale: Your family's little honor code killed your mother. Not me.

Derek Hale: If I go in first, how much space do I have?
Stiles: What do you - what do you think you're gonna do, Derek? You gonna punch through the wall?
Derek Hale: Yes, Stiles. I'm gonna punch through the wall.
Stiles: Okay, okay, big guy. Let's see it. Let's see that fist. Big, old fist. Make it, come on. Get it out there. Don't be scared. Big bad wolf. Yeah, look at that. Okay, see this?
[Holds up his hand]
Stiles: That's maybe 3 inches of room to gather enough force to punch through solid co -
[Derek punches him]
Stiles: Ah! Ah! He could do it.

Stiles: I can't take waiting around like this, you know? It's nerve-racking. My nerves are racked. They're severely racked. Racked.
Peter Hale: I could beat you unconscious and wake you when it's over.

Stiles: Why wouldn't they chain them up in some underground lair or something? They're an Alpha Pack, right? So shouldn't they have a lair?
Peter Hale: They're were werewolves, not Bond villains.
Stiles: Maybe they're living there. You know? Like, maybe the bank vault reminds them of their little wolf dens.
Peter Hale: Wolf dens?
Stiles: Yeah, wolf dens. Where do you live?
Peter Hale: In an underground network of caves hidden deep in the woods.
Stiles: Whoa, really?
Peter Hale: No, you idiot. In an apartment downtown.

Peter Hale: Do I have to remind you what we're up against here? A pack of alphas. All of them, killers. And if that's not enough to scare your testicles back into your stomach, try to remember that two of them combine to form one giant Alpha. I'm sure Erica and Boyd were sweet kids. They're going to be missed.
Stiles: Can someone kill him again please?

Derek Hale: [to Scott] What about you?
Stiles: Yeah, if you want me to come.
Derek Hale: Not you.

"Teen Wolf: Galvanize (#3.15)" (2014)
Coach Bobby Finstock: Wow. Pulling a fire alarm on Mischief Night is one thing. Doing it when there's a mass murderer spotted nearby is insane! If I were four years younger I'd punch you.
Stiles: What? Coach that doesn't make sense.
Coach Bobby Finstock: Oh, well, it does to me.

Stiles: Wait here, all right? Just wait for the cops to come.
Lydia Martin: Me? Wait, why?
Stiles: I only have one bat.

Stiles: You're an alpha, okay? You are the apex predator. Everyone wants you, you're like the hot girl that every guy wants.
Scott McCall: I'm a hot girl?
Stiles: You are the hottest girl.
Scott McCall: ...I'm a hot girl!
Isaac Lahey: Yes, you are.

Stiles: [about Lydia] Basically,it means that she can sense when someone's close to death.
Sheriff Stilinski: Can she sense that I'm about to kill you?

Scott McCall: It's the middle of the night.
Stiles: Which means it's after midnight and officially Mischief Night/Day, and, by perfectly awesome coincidence, it's also happens to be Coach's birthday. So if you are not down here in five seconds, I will destroy you. Okay? And I mean five, four, three, two...
Scott McCall: [Scott appears] One
Stiles: ...I hate you.

Sheriff Stilinski: Lydia said that he's still here.
Sheriff Stilinski: Did she see him?
Stiles: Not exactly. No. Well, not at all actually. But she has a feeling. A supernatural feeling.
Sheriff Stilinski: ...Lydia wasn't on the chessboard.
Stiles: She is now.
Sheriff Stilinski: Kanima?
Stiles: Um, Banshee.
Sheriff Stilinski: Oh, God.

Lydia Martin: What do the different colored strings mean?
Stiles: Oh, just different stages of the investigation. So green is solved, yellow is to be determined, blue's just pretty.
Lydia Martin: What does red mean?
Stiles: Unsolved.
Lydia Martin: You only have red on the board.
Stiles: Yes, I'm aware. Thank you.

Stiles: He was here, performing very minor surgery on himself. You were right.
Lydia Martin: Then why don't I feel good about this?
Stiles: Probably because he was here to kill somebody.

"Teen Wolf: Battlefield (#2.11)" (2012)
Stiles: I'm fine. Yeah, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant overwhelming crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen.
Ms. Morell: It's called hyper vigilance. The persistent feeling of being under threat.
Stiles: It's not just a feeling though. It's like it's a panic attack. You know, I can't even breathe.
Ms. Morell: Like you're drowning?
Stiles: Yeah.
Ms. Morell: So, if you're drowning and you're trying to keep your mouth closed until that very last moment. But if you choose to not open your mouth, to not let the water in.
Stiles: You do it anyway. It's a reflex.
Ms. Morell: But if you hold off until that reflex kicks in. You have more time, right?
Stiles: Not much time.
Ms. Morell: But more time to fight your way to the surface.
Stiles: I guess.
Ms. Morell: More time to be rescued.
Stiles: More time to be in agonizing pain. Did you forget about the part where you feel like your head's exploding?
Ms. Morell: If it's about survival, isn't a little agony worth it?
Stiles: What if it just gets worse. What if it's agony now and then... then it's just hell later on?
Ms. Morell: Then think about what Winston Churchill once said: If you're going through hell... keep going!

Stiles: [Talking to Scott] We're losing, Dude.
Coach Finstock: What the hell are you talking about? The game hasn't even started.

Stiles: Put on your helmet and get out there. You're in for Greenburg.
Coach Finstock: What? What happened to Greenburg?
Coach Finstock: Greenburg! He sucks, you suck... slightly less.
Stiles: I'm playing? On the field? With the team?
Coach Finstock: Yes! Unless you'd rather... play with yourself.
Stiles: I already did that today. Twice!

Stiles: Just because a bunch of dumbasses dragged him into a pool when he couldn't swim doesn't really give him the right to go off killing them one by one. And by the way, my dad told me that they found a bunch of pictures of Allison on Matt's computer. And not just of her though. I mean, he Photoshopped himself into these pictures. Stuff like them holding hands and kissing. You know, like he had built this whole fake relationship. So yeah, maybe drowning when he was nine years old was what sent him off the rails, but the dude was definitely riding the crazy train.

Ms. Morell: [about Scott] Have you talked to him since that night?
Stiles: No, not really. I mean, he's got his own problems to deal with though. I don't think he's talked to Allison either. But that might be more her choice, you know. Her mom dying hit her pretty hard. But I guess it brought her and her dad closer. Jackson? Jackson hasn't really been himself lately. Actually the funny thing is, as of right now, Lydia is the one who seems the most normal.

Stiles: It's going to be bad, isn't it? I mean, like people screaming, running for their lives, blood, killing, maiming kind of bad?
Scott McCall: Looks like it.

Coach Finstock: [Giving a speech before the game] Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind.
Melissa McCall: What?
Coach Finstock: "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today...
Melissa McCall: [to Stiles] What the hell is he taking about?
Stiles: He does this every year.
Melissa McCall: Seriously?
Stiles: Yeah.
Coach Finstock: We are fighting for our right to live...
Melissa McCall: Wait... is this...
Stiles: Yeah! It's the speech from Independence Day.
Coach Finstock: ...but as the day the world declared in one voice.
Stiles: It's his favourite movie.
Coach Finstock: We will not go quietly into the night!
Melissa McCall: He doesn't know any sports speeches?
Stiles: I don't think he cares.

"Teen Wolf: Lunatic (#1.8)" (2011)
Stiles: All right, well, when your best friend gets told by his girlfriend that they're taking a break- You get your best friend drunk.

Scott McCall: I looked at her, and it was like someone hit me in the ribs with a hammer.
Stiles: Yeah it's called heartbreak. About two billion songs written about it.

Stiles: You were having a panic attack, but thinking you were having an asthma attack actually stopped the panic attack: irony... I used to get them after my mom died. Not fun.

Stiles: [Drunk] Dude, y'know, she's just one, one girl out of so many. There's so many other girls in the sea.
Scott McCall: Fish in the sea.
Stiles: Fish? Why are you talking about fish? I'm talking about girls. I love girls, I love them. I love- Especially ones with strawberry-blonde hair, green eyes, five-foot-three...
Scott McCall: Like Lydia?
Stiles: Yeah, exactly! Hey, how did you know I was talking about?

Stiles: In a general, broad sense, can you determine sexual desire?
Scott McCall: From Lydia to you.
Stiles: Fine, yes, from Lydia to me! Look, I need to know if I have a chance with this girl; I've been obsessing over her since third-freaking-grade.
Scott McCall: Why don't you just ask her?
Stiles: To save myself utterly crushing humiliation, thank you, Scott. Okay, so can you just go up and ask her if she likes me? See if her heartbeat rises or pheromones comes out.
Scott McCall: FINE.
Stiles: I love you, I love you! You're my best friend in the whole world!

Stiles: You got this kinda serial-killer look going on in your eyes, and I'm hoping it's the full moon.

Coach Bobby Finstock: All right, geniuses, listen up. Due to the recent pink eye epidemic - Thank you, Greenberg - the following people have made first line on a probationary basis, emphasis on the word "probationary." Rodriguez. Welcome to first line. Taylor, and, uh - Oh, for the love of crap. I can't even read my own writing. What is that, an "s"? No, no, that's not an "s." That's a - that's a - That's a "b." It's definitely a "b." Uh, Rodriguez, Taylor, and, uh - Bilinski.
Stiles: [Cheers] Whooo!
Coach Bobby Finstock: Bilinski!
Stiles: Yes?
Coach Bobby Finstock: Shut up!
Scott McCall: Stiles.
Stiles: It's Biles. Call me Biles, or I swear to God I'll kill you.

"Teen Wolf: Pack Mentality (#1.3)" (2011)
Stiles: Maybe you caught a rabbit or something.
Scott McCall: And did what?
Stiles: Ate it.
Scott McCall: Raw?
Stiles: No, you stopped to bake it in a little werewolf oven.

Stiles: I don't think Danny likes me very much.
Scott McCall: [Not listening] I ask Allison on a date and now we're hanging out?
Stiles: Am I not attractive to gay guys?
Scott McCall: I made first line and the team captain wants to destroy me. And now, now I'm gonna be late for work.
Stiles: Wait Scott you didn't answer my... Am I not attractive to gay guys? He didn't answer my question.

Melissa McCall: Can you please tell your friend to use the front door?
Scott McCall: We lock the front door, he wouldn't be able to get in.
Melissa McCall: Yea exactly. AND, by the way, do either of you care that there's a police enforced curfew?
Scott McCall, Stiles: No.
Melissa McCall: No. Alright then. You know what, that's about enough parenting for me for one night. Goodnight.

Melissa McCall: [after almost hitting Stiles with a bat] Stiles! What are you doing here?
Stiles: What am I doing? What are you doing? Do either of you even play baseball?

Scott McCall: Someone needs to keep watch.
Stiles: How come I'm always the guy keeping watch?
Scott McCall: Because there's only two of us!
Stiles: Well, why is it starting to feel like you're Batman and I'm Robin? I don't wanna be Robin all the time.
Scott McCall: Nobody's Batman and Robin any of the time.
Stiles: Not even some of the time?

Stiles: So you killed her?
Scott McCall: I don't know. I just woke up. And I was sweating like crazy, and I couldn't breathe. I've never had a dream where I woke up like that before.
Stiles: Really? I have. Usually ends a little differently.
Scott McCall: A," I meant I've never had a dream that felt that real, and "B," never give me that much detail about you in bed again.

Stiles: It's gotta be a pack thing. Like an initiation, you do the kill together.
Scott McCall: Because ripping someone's throat out is such a bonding experience?

"Teen Wolf: The Girl Who Knew Too Much (#3.9)" (2013)
Cora: What's this... what's this look on your face?
Stiles: What look?
Cora: The kind of look that makes me want to punch you.
Stiles: Oh, my God. You are so Derek's sister.

Ethan: In actual wolf packs, omegas are the scapegoat, the last to eat, the one who has to take the abuse from the rest of the pack.
Stiles: So you and your brother were, like, the bitches of the pack?

Ethan: Why are you even talking to me? I helped kill your friend. How do you know I'm not gonna kill another one?
Stiles: Is he looking at me? Are you threatening me? You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to break off an extra large branch of Mountain ash, wrap it in wolfsbane, roll it in mistletoe, and shove it up your freaking...
Scott McCall: Whoa, Stiles, okay. We get it.

Scott McCall: The druids are emissaries, right? So what if the Darach was an emissary to the alphas?
Stiles: Okay, first of all, I cannot believe that we've gotten to the point where a sentence like "what if the Darach was an emissary to the alphas?" Actually makes sense to me.

Stiles: [after Cora attacks the twins] Do you realize how suicidally crazy that was? What were you thinking going after them?
Cora: I did it for Boyd. None of you were doing anything. We're trying. And you're failing. You're just a bunch of stupid teenagers running around, thinking that you can stop people from getting killed. But all you do is show up late. All you really do is find the bodies.

Lydia Martin: It's the same thing. Same thing as the pool. I got into the car heading somewhere totally different, and ended up here. And you told me to call you if there's a dead body.
Stiles: You found a dead body?
Lydia Martin: Not yet.
Stiles: Not yet? What do you mean not yet? Lydia, you're supposed to call us after you find the dead body.
Lydia Martin: Oh no, I'm not doing that again. You find the dead body from now on.
Stiles: How are we supposed to find the dead body? You're always the one finding the dead body.
Scott McCall: Guys. I found the dead body.

Sheriff Stilinski: Why was Jackson the Kanima?
Stiles: 'Cause sometimes, the shape that you take reflects the person that you are.
Sheriff Stilinski: And what shape would an increasingly confused and angrier-by-the-second father take?
Stiles: Uh, that would be more of an expression like the one you're currently wearing.

"Teen Wolf: Wolf Moon (#1.1)" (2011)
Harley: Can someone tell me how new girl is here all of five minutes and she's already hanging out with Lydia's clique?
Stiles: Because she's hot. Beautiful people herd together.

Sheriff Stilinski: So you listen to all of my phone calls?
Stiles: No... well, not the boring ones.

Stiles: Two joggers found a body in the woods.
Scott McCall: A dead body?
Stiles: No, a body of water. Yes, dumb ass, a dead body.

Scott McCall: You know what actually worries me the most?
Stiles: If you say Allison, I'm gonna punch you in the head.

Stiles: It's a specific kind of infection.
Scott McCall: Are you serious?
Stiles: Yeah. I think it's called lycanthropy.
Scott McCall: What's that? Is it bad?... There could be something seriously wrong with me!
Stiles: I know, you're a werewolf! Rwrrr!

Stiles: I mean, this is seriously going to be the best thing that's happened to this town since-
[Lydia walks by]
Stiles: since the birth of Lydia Martin. Hey Lydia! You look- like you're gonna ignore me.
[to Scott]
Stiles: You're the cause of this, you know, dragging me down to your nerd depths.
Scott McCall: Uh-huh.
Stiles: I'm a nerd by association. I've been scarlet nerd-ed by you.

Stiles: Come on, if I have to, I'll chain you up myself on full moon nights and feed you, live, mice. I had a boa once. I can do it.

"Teen Wolf: More Bad Than Good (#3.14)" (2014)
Lydia Martin: [Stiles is stuck in an animal trap] Look for a warning label.
Stiles: A warning label?
Lydia Martin: Instructions on how to disarm it.
Stiles: Lydia, why the hell would they put instructions on the bottom of a trap?
Lydia Martin: Because animals can't read.
Stiles: Lydia, we got a problem.
Lydia Martin: Huh?
Stiles: I can't read either.
Lydia Martin: You don't need the instructions. When was the last time you've ever used instructions? Am I right? You don't need them because you are too smart to waste your time with them, okay? You can figure it out. Stiles, you're the one who always figures it out. So you can do it. Figure. It. Out.

Stiles: [about Isaac] What is the point of him? I mean seriously, what is his purpose, aside from his negativity and the scarf. What's up with the scarf anyway? It's 65 degrees out.

Stiles: We're trying to keep a father from killing his own daughter.
Isaac Lahey: Actually we're trying to get a guy from killing a coyote who is actually his daughter who we don't know how to get to change back from a coyote back to his daughter, but...
Stiles: And, again with the not helping.

Stiles: Scott, you can't transform, Allison is seeing her dead aunt and I'm flat out losing my mind. We can't do this. We can't we can't help Malia. We can't help anyone.
Scott McCall: We can try. We can always try.

Allison Argent: Coyotes don't like wolves. And they're really smart. If they don't want to be heard, they walk on their toes.
Stiles: They tip toe?
Allison Argent: They tip toe.

Scott McCall: I thought you guys were gonna teach me to roar.
Aidan: We are. You do it by giving in.
Ethan: Giving in and letting go. That's how Deucalion taught us control.
Stiles: Hey, you know, that's funny. I've actually tried something like this one time using a heart monitor and lacrosse balls. But you're right, beating the living crap out of him is probably a lot better.
Scott McCall: That's actually the plan? You kick my ass?

Stiles: Why would it go all the way to the school and then all the way back to the house just for a doll? One that was in the car wreck in the first place. We didn't find it in the coyote den.
Lydia Martin: It likes the doll. Who cares?
Stiles: It likes the doll a lot.
Lydia Martin: What kind of doll is it?
Stiles: I don't know. It's a doll, you know. It's got little arms, a big baby head and dead, soulless eyes.

"Teen Wolf: Code Breaker (#1.12)" (2011)
Peter Hale: Don't feel bad. If she lives, she'll be a werewolf. She'll be incredibly powerful.
Stiles: Yeah and once a month she'll go out of her freakin' mind and try to tear me apart!
Peter Hale: Well, actually, considering she's a woman... twice a month.

Peter Hale: It will save Scott, your best friend, who you know so well, you even have his username and password.
[Stiles types]
Peter Hale: His username is "Allison"?
Peter Hale: His password is also "Allison"?
Stiles: Still want him in your pack?

Argent: Let me ask you a question, Stiles: Have you ever seen a rabid dog?
Stiles: No. I could put it on my to-do list if you just let me go.
Argent: Well I have. And the only thing I've ever been able to compare it to is seeing a friend of mine turn on a full moon. Do you wanna know what happened?
Stiles: Not really, no offense to your storytelling skills.

Stiles: And you're a Mac guy. Does that go for all werewolves or is that just a personal preference?

Stiles: Whose car is this?
Peter Hale: It belonged to my nurse.
Stiles: What happened to your n -
[Sees her dead in the back]
Stiles: Oh, my God!
Peter Hale: I got better.

Stiles: So you're not gonna kill me? Oh God.
Peter Hale: Don't you understand yet? I'm not the bad guy here.
Stiles: You turn into a giant monster with red eyes and fangs, and you're *not* the bad guy here?

Teen Wolf (1985)
Stiles: Never say die.

Scott Howard: Listen, Stiles. Do you know anything about a rash that's going around?
Stiles: Why, you looking to catch something?
Scott Howard: No, I'm serious.
Stiles: No... but I heard Mr. Murphy, you know, the shop teacher?
Scott Howard: Yeah?
Stiles: Got his dick caught in a vacuum cleaner.

Stiles: [during party games] OK, Chubby. What you've got to do is eat this entire bowl of jello.
[Chubby makes a face as if to say "No problem"]
Rhonda: What do I have to do?
Stiles: Hold the jello!
[he tips the bowl of jello down her top]

Scott Howard: Styles, I got something to tell you. It's kind of hard, but...
Stiles: Look, are you gonna tell me you're a fag because if you're gonna tell me you're a fag, I don't think I can handle it.
Scott Howard: I'm not a fag. I'm... a werewolf.

Stiles: Do the right thing.
Scott Howard: That's all I wanna do, Stiles. That's all I wanna do.

Stiles: [his car is speeding by] Boof, how the hell are you?
Scott Howard: Say no.
Lisa 'Boof' Marconi: [to Stiles] No!
Stiles: Great talking to you.

"Teen Wolf: Muted (#4.3)" (2014)
Liam: I came here to play lacrosse. The team could use a few good players, right?
Stiles: No. No, we don't need any more good players.
Scott McCall: Actually, we could sort of use a couple.
Stiles: [Suspicious] Have you always been this good. Or did it suddenly happen just once over night?
[Gets looks from Liam and Scott]
Stiles: Have you ever been out in the middle of the woods during the night of a full mo...
Scott McCall: Stiles!
Liam: Look, I learned from my stepfather, all right? He made team captain when he was a sophomore. Like you. And yeah... I guess I'm just that good.
Scott McCall: He wasn't lying that time.

Kira: An axe murderer?
Stiles: A family murdering axe murderer.
Scott McCall: I already heard about it.
Stiles: Wait. What? You did? How?
Scott McCall: My mom called me. She knew we'd see it on the news.
Stiles: Perfect. Let's go.
Scott McCall: Whoa, whoa. We've got Econ in five minutes.
Stiles: All right. Did you forget the part about the family murdering axe murderer?
Scott McCall: Did you forget that your dad's the sheriff? They want us to stay out of it.
Stiles: Are you guys kidding me? There's a family murdering axe murderer and we're not going to do anything about it?
Kira: Maybe we should just let the adults handle it?
Stiles: So two of you, you just want to stay here, school, go to class? Never heard anything so irresponsible in my life.

Stiles: Did you tell Argent?
Scott McCall: I texted him but he didn't get back to me.
Stiles: You told him his sister came back from the dead by a text?
Scott McCall: ...I didn't have the money to call France.

Stiles: He's inhuman. What is he, like a were-cheetah? Does that even exist? Is that even a thing?
Scott McCall: He's just that good.
Stiles: No one's that good. No one human. I'm gonna puke. Take me somewhere.

Stiles: Scott, if you had used any wolf power, that kid wouldn't be limping. He'd be crawling back to the other half of his body.
Scott McCall: If I hadn't been so worried about being captain, he wouldn't be hurt either.
Stiles: It's okay to want something for yourself once in a while - team captain, alpha werewolf. You're still only human.

Stiles: What's with all the highlighters anyway?
Malia: Green is for the things I understand. Yellow, is for "I'm working on it," and... Red means I have no clue. I'm mostly using red.
[Stiles looks at his old case board and smiles]

"Teen Wolf: Raving (#2.8)" (2012)
Sheriff Stilinski: I'm not sharing confidential police work with a teenager!
Stiles: Is that it on the board behind you?
Sheriff Stilinski: Don't look at that.

Stiles: Just forget about it. Nobody got hurt.
Matt: I had a concussion!
Stiles: Well, no one got seriously hurt.
Matt: I was in the ER for six hours!

Stiles: [about Jackson] Sorry Coach. I haven't seen him since the last time I saw him.
Coach Finstock: And when was that?
Stiles: The last time I saw him... Was definitely the time I saw him last.

Dr. Deaton: This part is for you, Stiles. Only you.
[Shows him a container of black powder]
Stiles: Uh, that sounds like a lot of pressure. Can we maybe find a slightly less pressure - filled task for me?
Dr. Deaton: It's from the Mountain ash tree, which is believed by many cultures to protect against the supernatural. This office is lined with ashwood, making it difficult for someone like Scott to cause me any trouble.
Stiles: Okay, so then what? I just spread this around the whole building and then either Jackson or whoever's controlling him can't cross it?
Dr. Deaton: They'll be trapped.
Stiles: Doesn't sound too hard.
Dr. Deaton: Not all there is. Think of it like gunpowder. It's just powder until a spark ignites it. You need to be that spark, Stiles.
Stiles: You mean, like light myself on fire? I don't think I'm up for that.

Stiles: Scott? Pick up. Pick up now! Look, I got like 50 feet of ash left, and I'm out. OK? So you gotta get your wolf-ass down here and help me, because I don't know what to do and I'm just standing out here... And I'm all alone and I'm hearing gunfire and werewolves. And I'm standing here like a friggin' idiot, all by myself with a handful of magic fairy dust!

Sheriff Stilinski: [Biting into a hamburger] Oh, what the hell is this?
Stiles: Veggie-Burger!
Sheriff Stilinski: Stiles! I asked for a hamburger.
Stiles: Well, veggie is healthier. We're being healthy.
Sheriff Stilinski: [opening a box of raw vegetables] Oh, hell! Why are you trying to ruin my life?
Stiles: I'm trying to extend your life! Could you just eat it please?

"Teen Wolf: Magic Bullet (#1.4)" (2011)
Stiles: What happens if Scott doesn't find your magic bullet? Huh? Are you dying?
Derek Hale: Not yet. I have a last resort.
Stiles: What are you talking about, what last resort?
[sees Derek's wound]
Stiles: Oh my god, what is that? Is that contagious? You know what, you should probably just get out.
Derek Hale: Start the car. Now.
Stiles: Ok I don't think you should be barking orders, ok? You know, if I wanted to, I could probably drag your little werewolf ass out into the middle of the road and leave you for dead.
Derek Hale: Start the car, or I'm gonna rip your throat out. With my teeth.

Stiles: [about Derek] And by the way, he's starting to smell.
Scott McCall: Like, like what?
Stiles: Like *death*.

Stiles: Ugh. Look- I don't know if I can do this.
Derek Hale: Why not?
Stiles: Well, because of the cutting through the flesh, the sawing of the bone, and especially the blood!
Derek Hale: You faint at the sight of blood?
Stiles: No, but I might at the sight of a chopped-off arm!

Derek Hale: It was a different kind of bullet.
Stiles: A silver bullet?
Derek Hale: No, you idiot.

Stiles: [after Derek throws up black blood] Holy, God! What the hell is that?
Derek Hale: It's my body. It's trying to heal itself.
Stiles: Well, it's not doing a very good job of it.

Derek Hale: If the infection reaches my heart, it'll kill me.
Stiles: Positivity just isn't in your vocabulary, is it?

"Teen Wolf: Fireflies (#3.3)" (2013)
Lydia Martin: The answer is - I have no clue how I ended up finding that body. I didn't even know where I was until I got out of the car.
Stiles: Yeah, but the last time something like this happened...
Lydia Martin: I know. Derek's uncle.
Stiles: Peter.

Stiles: All three were virgins... and they're all gonna have the same three injuries - strangled, throat slashed, head bashed in. It's called the threefold death.
Scott McCall: So if these aren't random killings, then what are they?
Stiles: Sacrifices. Human sacrifices.

Stiles: Lydia, are you okay?
Lydia Martin: I'm okay. That, over there...
[Gestures to the body]
Lydia Martin: Not okay.
Stiles: Yeah, all right. I'm gonna call my dad.
Lydia Martin: I already called 911.
Stiles: You called the police before you called me?
Lydia Martin: I'm supposed to call you first when I find a dead body?
Stiles: Yes!

Lydia Martin: Are you really gonna go without asking me the question that you've been dying to ask me?
Stiles: Well, I'm not... I haven't been dying to ask anything. I... no questions here for Stiles. Nothing.
Lydia Martin: I can see it on your face.
Stiles: Maybe my face just has, like, a naturally interrogatory expression.
Lydia Martin: Well, your interrogatory expression is getting on my nerves.

Stiles: [On the phone with Scott] Throat ripped out, blood everywhere. It's like the frickin' shining over here. Two little twin girls come out of the woods, start asking me to play with them forever and ever, I'm not gonna be surprised.

"Teen Wolf: Alpha Pact (#3.11)" (2013)
Rafael McCall: Oh, just perfect. A Stilinski at the center of this whole mess. What a shocker. Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?
Stiles: If you ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.

Rafael McCall: Where's your dad, and why's no one been able to contact him?
Stiles: I don't know. I haven't seen him in hours.
Rafael McCall: Is he drinking again?
Stiles: What do you mean, again? He never had to stop.
Rafael McCall: But he did have to slow down. Is he drinking like he used to?
Stiles: All right, how about this? Next time I see him, I'll give him a field sobriety test, okay? We'll do the alphabet, start with "F," end with "U."

Rafael McCall: You know something that could help us find your dad?
Stiles: If I did, why would I not tell you?
Rafael McCall: If it meant helping your dad, why wouldn't you?
Stiles: So you're asking me to tell you what I wouldn't not tell you?
Rafael McCall: First, I have no idea what you just said. Second, how about you just help me help you.
Stiles: Well, I don't know how to help you help me tell you something that would help you if I don't know it.
Rafael McCall: Are you doing this on purpose?

Stiles: You seriously want to go after her? I mean, what if she just takes you like the others, huh? No offense, but what's the difference between you and them?
Chris Argent: I'm carrying a .45.

Derek Hale: Where is she?
Stiles: Jennifer? Gone with Scott's mom.
Derek Hale: She took her?
Stiles: Yeah, and if that's not enough of a kick to the balls, Scott left with Deucalion.

"Teen Wolf: Second Chance at First Line (#1.2)" (2011)
Sheriff Stilinsky: So you lied to me?
Stiles: That depends on how you define lying.
Sheriff Stilinsky: Well I define it as you not telling the truth. How do you define it?
Stiles: Reclining your body... in a horizontal position.

Scott McCall: What if Derek catches us?
Stiles: I have a plan for that.
Scott McCall: Which is...
Stiles: I run one way, you run the other, if he catches either of us, too bad.
Scott McCall: I hate that plan!

Scott McCall: I wanna play! I wanna be on the team. I wanna go out with Allison. I want a semi-freaking normal life. Do you get that?
Stiles: I get it. Just try not to worry too much while you're out there, okay? Or get too angry.
Scott McCall: I got it.
Stiles: Or stressed.
Scott McCall: I got it.
Stiles: Don't think about Allison being in the stands. Or that her father's trying to kill you. Or that Derek's trying to kill you. Or the girl he killed. Or that you might kill someone. If a hunter doesn't kill you first- I'm sorry. I'll stop. Good luck.

Stiles: Her dad...
Scott McCall: Shot me...
Stiles: Allison's father?
Scott McCall: With a crossbow.

Stiles: Haven't you ever seen the Wolfman?
Scott McCall: ...No.
Stiles: [sighs] You're so unprepared for this.

"Teen Wolf: Frayed (#3.5)" (2013)
Stiles: Ethan keeps checking his phone, like, every five minutes. It's like he's waiting for something, you know, like, a message or a signal of some kind. I don't know, something evil though, I can tell. I have a very perceptive eye for evil, you know that.

Stiles: We shouldn't have come. I knew it. We shouldn't have come.
Scott McCall: We had to. There's safety in numbers.
Stiles: Well, there's also death in numbers, okay? It's called a massacre - or bloodbath, carnage, slaughter, butchery...

Lydia Martin: What's wrong with him?
Stiles: What's wrong with him? I don't... do I have a PhD in lycanthropy? How am I supposed to know that?

Stiles: So it's the sacrifices, right? Everything has to do with them and someone who thinks he's, like, a dark druid of some kind.
Lydia Martin: Or actually is a dark druid.
Stiles: A darach.
Lydia Martin: You know... some ancient cultures sacrificed people in preparation for battle.
Stiles: So we got alpha werewolves against a dark druid.
Lydia Martin: Yeah.

Scott McCall: [Doing PSAT prep] What's the word?
Stiles: "Anachronism."
Scott McCall: Something that exists out of its normal time.
Stiles: Nice. Okay, next word..."incongruous."
Scott McCall: Um, can you use it in a sentence?
Stiles: Yes. Yes, I can. It's completely incongruous that we're sitting on a bus right now, on our way to some stupid cross-country meet after what just happened...

"Teen Wolf: Omega (#2.1)" (2012)
Sheriff Stilinski: All right, let's get an APB out on a 16 year-old read-head; any other descriptors?
Stiles: 5 foot 3, green eyes, fair-skinned, and her hair is actually strawberry blonde.
[Sheriff gives him a look]

Jackson: If Lydia wants to take a naked hike in the woods, why should I care?
Scott McCall: Because we have a pretty good idea that she might be - you know, turning.
Jackson: Turning?
Scott McCall: Yeah... Turning.
Jackson: Into what?
Stiles: A unicorn. What do you think, dumbass?

Stiles: Hey, you know, maybe they're just here for the funeral. I mean - what if they're the non - hunting side of the family? There could be non - hunting Argents. It's possible, right?
Scott McCall: I know what they are. They're reinforcements.

Scott McCall: She ate the liver?
Stiles: No, I didn't say she ate it. I just said it was missing. And you know what? Even if she did, so what? It's the most nutritious part of the body.
Scott McCall: I never ate anyone's liver!
Stiles: Yeah, right, 'cause when it comes to werewolves, you're a real model of self - control.

Scott McCall: If she's turning, would they actually kill her?
Allison Argent: I don't know. They won't tell me anything. Okay, all they say is, "We'll talk after Kate's funeral, when the others get here."
Stiles: What others?
Allison Argent: I don't know, they won't tell me that yet.
Stiles: Okay, your family's got some serious communication issues to work on.

"Teen Wolf: Ice Pick (#2.3)" (2012)
Stiles: Alright, I'm with ya. And I also gotta say that this new-found heroism is making me very attracted to you.
Scott McCall: [smiles, pushes him] Shut up.
Stiles: No seriously. Do you wanna just try makin' out for a sec? Just to see how it feels?

Stiles: Have you seen the piece-of-crap Jeep that I drive?
Boyd: Have you seen the piece-of-crap bus that I ride?

Lydia Martin: I'm in blue. Orange and blue: Not a good combination.
Stiles: But it's the colors of the Mets!

Boyd: I said 50.
Stiles: Really, I - I remember 20. I don't know. I have a really good verbal memory. And I remember 20. I remember that distinct "twa" sound, "twa - enty."
Boyd: I said fifty. With the "fa" sound. Hear the difference?
Stiles: Uh...
Boyd: If you can't, I can demonstrate some other words with the "fa" sound.

Erica Reyes: You know what you're doing right now that's kind of funny? You're only looking in my eyes.
Stiles: That's funny?
Erica Reyes: Well, yeah. Because it's that kind of look where you're trying not to look anywhere other than my eyes, but you want to, don't you? You want a nice, long, hard - Look.
Stiles: Not really. No.
Erica Reyes: Oh. So it's just my eyes?
Stiles: Oh. So it's just my eyes?
Erica Reyes: I have beautiful everything.
Stiles: And a new - found self - confidence. Congratulations, Erica.

"Teen Wolf: The Overlooked (#3.10)" (2013)
Stiles: [to Derek] Are you telling me what to do now? When your psychotic, mass murdering girlfriend - the second one you've dated, by the way - has got my dad somewhere, tied up, waiting to be ritually sacrificed?

Peter Hale: A true Alpha.
Stiles: What's that?
Peter Hale: The kind that doesn't have to steal his power from another. One that can rise by the force of his own will. Our little Scott.

Stiles: [to an unconscious Cora] You just hold on a little longer, okay? Trust me, if anyone's gonna get us out of this, it's Scott. Can't believe I just said that. You know, I actually used to be the one with the plan. Well, or at least a plan B. Now I don't know. Now I'm thinking maybe you were right. You know, maybe... maybe we are pretty much useless. Maybe all we really do is show up and find the bodies. I don't want to find my father's body. You know, you're a lot easier to talk to when you're completely unconscious.

Scott McCall: [Stiles is carrying a baseball bat] What's that?
Stiles: Well, you got claws. I got a bat.

Stiles: Scott, don't do this. Don't go with him.
Scott McCall: I don't know what else to do.
Stiles: No, there's g... Scott, there's got to be something else, okay? We always... we always have a plan B.
Scott McCall: Not this time.
Stiles: Scott.
Scott McCall: I'm gonna find your dad. I promise.

"Teen Wolf: Formality (#1.11)" (2011)
Stiles: Well I shouldn't say I told you so, 'cause it's not strong enough. How about, I'm always right, and you should listen to whatever I have to say, and never disagree ever for the sake of your wolvlihood.

Stiles: You know, you probably lost it when you two were fighting. You remember that, when he was trying to kill you, after you interrupted him trying to kill Jackson? Are you starting to see a pattern of violent behavior here?
Scott McCall: He wasn't going to kill anyone. And I'm not letting him die.
Stiles: Could you at least think about letting him die? For me?

Stiles: You wanna dance?
Lydia Martin: Pass.
Stiles: You know what, let me try that again: Lydia, get off your cute little ass and dance with me now.
Lydia Martin: Interesting tactic, but I'll stick with 'no'.
Stiles: Lydia, get up! Okay? You're going to dance with me. I don't care that you made out with my best friend for some weird power-thing. Lydia, I've had a crush on you since the third grade, and I know that somewhere inside that cold, lifeless exterior there's an actual human soul. And I'm also pretty sure that I'm the only one who knows how smart you really are. And that once you're done pretending being a nitwit, you'll eventually go off and write some insane mathematical theorem that wins you the Nobel Prize.
Lydia Martin: [Smiles] Fields Medal.
Stiles: What?
Lydia Martin: [She stands up and walks to him] Nobel doesn't have a prize for mathematics. A Fields Medal's the one I'll be winning.

Scott McCall: I can't do this alone. We have to find Derek.
Stiles: Well, "A", you're not alone. You have me. And "B", didn't you say Derek walked into gunfire? He sounds pretty dead.

Scott McCall: [about the dance] I'm still going.
Stiles: Is that such a good idea? Do you even have a date?
Scott McCall: Not yet.
Stiles: Do you have a suit?
Scott McCall: Not yet.
Stiles: Do you have a ticket to the formal? A ride there?
Scott McCall: No. And no.
Stiles: So you're gonna ride your bike to a dance that you're not even allowed to go to without a date, a suit, or a way in with werewolves and werewolf hunters all out to kick your little werewolf ass.
Scott McCall: Yeah. You gonna help me?
Stiles: Hell, yeah.

"Teen Wolf: Venomous (#2.5)" (2012)
Stiles: Unrequited love is a bitch.

Scott McCall: How do we know it's not her?
Stiles: Because I looked into the eyes of that thing, OK? And what I saw was pure evil. When I look into Lydia's eyes, I only see 50 percent evil. Alright, maybe 60. But no more than 40 on a good day!

Stiles: [When Lydia gives him a weird look for double-locking the door] Ah... There's been a few break-ins around the neighborhood... And a murder!

Stiles: Sounds like the beginning of a heartfelt story, but I'm gonna pass.

Stiles Stilinski: As much as been broken up hurts,being alone is way worse.

"Teen Wolf: Party Guessed (#2.9)" (2012)
Stiles: So whoever controls the kanima really hates the swim team?

Stiles: Are you going to apologize to Allison or what?
Scott McCall: Why should I apologize?
Stiles: Because you're the guy. It's like what we do.
Scott McCall: I haven't done anything wrong...
Stiles: Then you should definitely apologize. See, whenever a guy thinks he hasn't done anything wrong, it means he's definitely done something wrong.

Stiles: Something's got to go right here. I mean, we're getting our asses royally kicked, if you haven't noticed. People are dying. I got my dad fired. You're gonna be held back in school. I'm in love with a nutjob... If on top of all that, I gotta watch you lose Allison to a stalker like Matt, I'm gonna stab myself in the face!
Scott McCall: [Sees Jackson] Don't stab yourself in the face.

Scott McCall: Stiles, look at me. Drink the water. Stiles, drink it. Something's happening, and I need you to sober up right now. Come on, Stiles.
Danielle: What do you think you are doing? You want to sober him up fast, that's not the way to do it.
Scott McCall: You can do better?
Danielle: I can do best, boy. Whoo!
[Dunks him in the pool]
Danielle: How do you feel?
Stiles: Like I might have to revisit my policy on hitting a girl.
Danielle: He's sober.

Allison Argent: [about Lydia] We've completely ignored her for the past two weeks.
Scott McCall: She's completely ignored Stiles the past 10 years.
Stiles: I prefer to think of it as me not having been on her radar.

"Teen Wolf: Weaponized (#4.7)" (2014)
Stiles Stilinski: Bet they're thinking smallpox.
The Chemist: Not likely. Smallpox was eradicated worldwide in 1979. We've only managed to completely eradicate two viruses in history. The other was rinderpest. It killed cows.
Stiles Stilinski: So we should be comforted by that, right?
The Chemist: Unless it's something worse.

Kira Yukimura: Where's Lydia?
Stiles Stilinski: She took it her freshman year.
Malia Tate: Does that mean I could have taken it some other time?
Scott McCall: Malia, you studied harder for this than any of us.
Malia Tate: Doesn't mean I'm gonna do good.
Stiles Stilinski: Well.
Malia Tate: Well what?
Stiles Stilinski: ...It's do well, not good.
Malia Tate: Oh, God!

Ken Yukimura: Obviously the virus is affecting the two of you in a way it won't hit any human being.
Stiles Stilinski: You guys have to stay out of sight. We have to quarantine you... from the quarantine.

Malia Tate: How much am I worth?
Scott McCall: $4 million.
Stiles Stilinski: Are you okay?
Malia Tate: Yeah. Scott's worth 25, Kira's 6; they'll take you guys out way before me.
Stiles Stilinski: It's progress, it's progress.

"Teen Wolf: Insatiable (#3.23)" (2014)
Stiles Stilinski: It's okay. I'm the one who asked her to come.
Kira Yukimura: You're the one who's going to get stabbed with swords.

Stiles Stilinski: Isaac, we're not going to torture her.
Isaac Lahey: I meant scare her.
Stiles Stilinski: We're not going to psychologically torture her either.

Stiles Stilinski: What are you doing here?
Rafael McCall: I could ask you the same thing.
Stiles Stilinski: Free period. We're doing group study.
Rafael McCall: [Gestures to Meredith] Who's she?
Stiles Stilinski: She's my girlfriend.
Meredith Walker: You're not my type.
Stiles Stilinski: Well, obviously we have a lot to talk about.

Stiles Stilinski: [Trying to get Meredith to find Lydia] Okay, just try to focus on the sounds around you.
Isaac Lahey: On what you're hearing.
Stiles Stilinski: Just focus on the silence.
Isaac Lahey: Listen to the silence.
Stiles Stilinski: Focusing on the silence.
Isaac Lahey: Listening to the...
Stiles Stilinski: Okay, will you just let me handle this, Isaac. Please? I just... I have more experience with Banshees.
Isaac Lahey: Yeah. And mental patients.

"Teen Wolf: Shape Shifted (#2.2)" (2012)
Coach Bobby Finstock: Stilinski! What the hell is wrong with your friend?
Stiles: Well, he's failing two classes, he's a little socially awkward, and if you look closely his jaw line is a little uneven.
Coach Bobby Finstock: Huh, interesting.

Scott McCall: I swear I don't have the urge to maim and kill you.
Stiles: You know, you say that now. But then the full Moon goes up and out come the fangs and the claws and there's a lot of howling and screaming and running everywhere, OK? It's very stressful on me! So yes, I'm still locking you up.

Stiles: What's your plan?
Derek Hale: To... distract her.
Stiles: Oh yeah? How? By punching her in the face?
Derek Hale: By talking to her.
Stiles: All right, give me a sample. What are you going to open with?...
[Derek doesn't say anything]
Stiles: Dead silence. That should work beautifully. Any other ideas?
Derek Hale: Thinking about punching you in the face...

Stiles: [after Derek stops a werewolf from attacking] How did you do that?
Derek Hale: I'm the Alpha.

"Teen Wolf: Unleashed (#3.4)" (2013)
Stiles: Okay, was he like - Could he have been a virgin maybe? Did he look like a virgin? Was he, you know, virginal?
Scott McCall: No, definitely not. Deaton makes me have sex with all of his clients. It's a new policy.

Scott McCall: And why are you talking like he's already dead?
Stiles: He's just missing. Missing and presumed dead because he's probably a virgin, Scott. And you know who else is a virgin? Me. I'm a virgin, okay? And you know what that means? It means that my lack of sexual experience is now literally a threat to my life. Okay, I need to have sex, like, right now. Someone needs to have sex with me, like, today. Like, someone needs to sex me right now!
Danny Mahealani: [At the locker nest to them] All right, I'll do it.
Stiles: What?
Danny Mahealani: Come to my place at 9:00. Plan to stay the night. I like to cuddle.
Stiles: Oh. That was so sweet. Are you kidding?
Danny Mahealani: Yes, I'm kidding.
Stiles: Okay, you know, you don't toy with a guy's emotions like that, Danny.

Scott McCall: Seriously, dude, human sacrifices?
Stiles: Scott, your eyes turn into yellow glow sticks, okay? Hair literally grows from your cheeks and then will immediately disappear, and if I were to stab you right now, it would just magically heal, but you're telling me that you're having trouble grasping human sacrifices?

Stiles: You know that there's a temple in Calcutta where they used to sacrifice a child every day? That's every day a dead baby, Lydia, every day! Hey, you want to know what today is? It's dead baby day. Oh, no, wait, that's every day, because every day is dead baby day, yay!

"Teen Wolf: 117 (#4.2)" (2014)
Sheriff Stilinski: I want you to be honest with me. Totally and completely honest. Have you been time traveling?
Stiles: Hang on, what?
Sheriff Stilinski: Because if time traveling is real, I'm done, I'm out. You're going to be driving me to Eichen House.
Scott McCall: We found him like that.
Sheriff Stilinski: Where? Swimming in the fountain of youth?
Stiles: No. We found him buried in a tomb of wolfsbane in an Azetec temple in Mexico underneath a church in the middle of a town that was destroyed by an earthquake.

Stiles: We'll figure this out in a day or two, he goes back to being old Derek, everyone's happy. Except for Derek, who's never happy.

Dr. Alan Deaton: [Looking at de-aged Derek] Wow.
Stiles: Wow? Wow as in, "I've seen this before and I know exactly what to do," kind of wow? 'Cause that's the kind of wow we were hoping for.
Dr. Alan Deaton: I think you might be overestimating my abilities.

Rafael McCall: So, uh, Miguel. What did you say your last name was again?
Stiles: Oh, it's Juarez. Cinqua... Tiago.
Rafael McCall: That's a mouthful. How do you spell that?
Stiles: Phonetically.

"Teen Wolf: I.E.D. (#4.5)" (2014)
Scott McCall: I think Kira's right. I think we should stop the game.
Kira: I'm not afraid.
Scott McCall: Neither am I.
Stiles Stilinski: Well, I'm terrified. And I'm not even on the list.

Scott McCall: Deaton said that the Nemeton would draw supernatural creatures here.
Sheriff Stilinski: Here being Beacon Hills? Or Beacon County? The population of Beacon Hills is just under 30,000.
Stiles Stilinski: And dropping.

Kira: Maybe instead of trying to find a lacrosse stick with a hidden dagger in it, we should be trying to get the game canceled?
Scott McCall: The game's the best way to catch him red-handed.
Stiles Stilinski: But what if he's red-handed 'cause his hands are covered in the blood of the person that he just stabbed to death?

Stiles Stilinski: You guys know that anabolic steroids are illegal in the United States? You wear a lot of facial hair for a teenager. What are you on? Seriously? HGH? Gamma radiation?

"Teen Wolf: The Tell (#1.5)" (2011)
Stiles: Do you have any idea what's going on? Lydia's totally MIA, Jackson looks like he's got a time bomb inserted into his face, another random guy's dead, and you have to do something about it!
Scott McCall: Like what?
Stiles: Like what?

Sheriff Stilinski: I'm carrying a lethal weapon: if I want the curly fries, I will have the curly fries.
Stiles: If you think getting rid of contractions in all your sentences makes your argument any more legitimate, you ARE wrong.

Stiles: [Calling Scott] Hey, it's me again. Look, I found something, and I don't know what to do, okay? So if you could turn your phone on right now, that'd be great. Or else I'll kill you. Do you understand me? I'm gonna kill you. And I'm too upset to come up with a witty description about how exactly I'm gonna kill you, but I'm just gonna do it, okay? I'm gonna-ugh! Goodbye. God.

"Teen Wolf: Wolf's Bane (#1.9)" (2011)
Stiles: You swing for a different team but you still play ball, don't ya Danny boy.
Danny: You're a horrible person.
Stiles: I know. It keeps me awake at night.

Sheriff Stilinski: I'm very happy for you. And I'm really proud of you.
Stiles: Thanks. Me too, I'm happy and proud of myself.

Scott McCall: Your mind's blank? You can't think of anything to say?
Stiles: Not under this kind of pressure.

"Teen Wolf: Orphaned (#4.6)" (2014)
Deputy Jordan Parrish: What's the number?
Stiles: That's how much your worth.
Deputy Jordan Parrish: I'm worth five dollars?
Stiles: Five million.
Deputy Jordan Parrish: But I make $40,000 a year. Maybe I should kill myself.

Lydia Martin: Meredith, what you mean you can't tell us?
Stiles: We just need the third key. You can give it to us in numbers, letters, hieroglyphs. Whatever you want.
Meredith: I can't.
Lydia Martin: Then why did you give us the second key?
Meredith: I wanted to help. That's what I want to do. I want to help.
Lydia Martin: Great. So help us now. Okay? Give us the third cipher key.
Meredith: Things have changed. I... I can't.
Stiles: Why not?
Deputy Jordan Parrish: Guys, go easy on her.
Meredith: I'm sorry. I can't. He... He doesn't want me to.
Stiles: He? Who's he?
Lydia Martin: Meredith, who doesn't want you to tell us the third cipher key?
Meredith: The Benefactor.

Stiles: Okay, well, we know one thing. Both of the first two keys, Allison and Aiden, they're both names of the dead. Right?
Lydia Martin: But we've already tried every other dead person's name we could think of. And if you haven't noticed, there were a lot of tries.

"Teen Wolf: Time of Death (#4.8)" (2014)
Liam Dunbar: Are we really doing this?
Scott McCall: We're doing it. Tonight.
Liam Dunbar: But isn't it kind of dangerous?
Stiles Stilinski: It's incredibly dangerous. And borderline idiotic.
Liam Dunbar: Have you guys done something like this before?
Stiles Stilinski: Something dangerous? Or something idiotic?
Kira Yukimura: I think it's a yes to both.
Scott McCall: You don't have to be part of it if you don't want to
Liam Dunbar: I'm not scared.
Stiles Stilinski: Then you're borderline idiotic.

Stiles Stilinski: That's your assassin speak?
Chris Argent: I said he's dead. What more do you want?
Stiles Stilinski: It was a little dry. You could've said something like, "Target has been neutralized. The crow flies at midnight." That's always cool.

Stiles Stilinski: Hey. Where have you been?
Malia Tate: Talking to Peter.
Stiles Stilinski: Okay. You think that's a good idea?
Malia Tate: If he can help me find my mother, I don't think I care.
Stiles Stilinski: You might be related to him, but you're not like him.
Malia Tate: Maybe I am. That night I caused the car crash...
Stiles Stilinski: You mean when you were out-of-control on the full moon.
Malia Tate: There's a part I didn't tell you about. Right before we got in the car, my mother... My adoptive mother, I guess... We got into a huge fight. I don't even remember what it was about, but... I remember what I said. I said, "I wish you were all dead."
Stiles Stilinski: Killing doesn't run in a family.
Malia Tate: Maybe it does in mine.

"Teen Wolf: Motel California (#3.6)" (2013)
Stiles: Yeah, your boss. I don't really like the whole Obi-Wan thing he's got going on. It freaks me out.
[Scott gives him a blank look]
Stiles: Oh, my God. Have you still not seen Star Wars?
Scott McCall: I swear, if we make it back alive, I will watch the movie.
Stiles: It just makes me crazy.

Scott McCall: It all started that night, the night I got bitten. Do you remember the way it was before that? You and me, we were... we were... we were nothing. We weren't popular. We weren't good at lacrosse. We weren't important. We were no one. Maybe I should just be no one again. No one at all.
Stiles: Scott, just listen to me, okay? You're not no one. Okay? You're someone, you're... Scott, you're my best friend. Okay? And I need you. Scott, you're my brother. All right, so... so if you're gonna do this, then... I think you're just gonna have to take me with you.

Stiles: That's a beautiful thing. Most places leave a mint under the pillow. This one leaves a record of all the horrible deaths that occurred.

"Teen Wolf: Riddled (#3.18)" (2014)
Nogitsune: Everyone has it, but no one can lose it. What is it? What is it?
Stiles: I don't know.
Nogitsune: What is it, Stiles?
Stiles: A shadow.

Mrs. Yukimura: You know me. Then you remember that I won't be deterred by your choice of host. Even if it's an innocent boy.
Stiles: [Possessed] Are you threatening us?
Mrs. Yukimura: [the Oni appear] Now I'm threatening you.
Stiles: We're not really afraid of your little fireflies.
Mrs. Yukimura: If the oni can't defeat you, I know someone who will.

Nogitsune: You don't understand, do you? It's a riddle. Do you know any riddles, Stiles?
Stiles: A few.
Nogitsune: What gets bigger the more you take away?
Stiles: A hole.
Nogitsune: What gets wetter the more it dries?
Stiles: A towel.
Nogitsune: When is a door not a door?
Stiles: [Anguished] When it's ajar.

"Teen Wolf: Tattoo (#3.1)" (2013)
Scott McCall: I kind of needed something permanent. Everything that's happened to us - everything just changes so fast. Everything's so, uh... ephemeral.
Stiles: Studying for the PSATs?
Scott McCall: Yep.
Stiles: Nice.

Scott McCall: Can we just drive please, Stiles?
Stiles: Scott, it's a red light.
Allison Argent: [In the next car] Will you go? Just go!
Lydia Martin: But the light!

"Teen Wolf: The Divine Move (#3.24)" (2014)
Mrs. Yukimura: Here, it'll calm you.
Stiles: What is it?
Mrs. Yukimura: Tea.
Stiles: What, like magic tea?
Mrs. Yukimura: No, chamomile tea.

Stiles: So what's our move?
Mrs. Yukimura: At this point, you need a divine move.
Kira: What's that?
Mrs. Yukimura: In the game of Go, it's what we call a truly inspired, or out-of-the-box move. The Nogitsune has had sente, the advantage, until this point. What you need is a divine move in order to turn the game around.
Stiles: Okay, so is anyone feeling divinely inspired?

"Teen Wolf: Letharia Vulpina (#3.19)" (2014)
Stiles: [Possessed] It's okay. Does it hurt? Hey, look at me. You should have done your reading, Scott. See, a nogitsune feeds off chaos, strife and pain... All that pain. You took it all. Now, give it to me! You really have to learn, Scott. You really have to learn not to trust a fox.

Aiden: What the hell were you doing? Building a Terminator?
Stiles: Thank you for that.

"Teen Wolf: A Promise to the Dead (#4.11)" (2014)
Sheriff Stilinski: We're going to be okay. And at least for the moment, I can afford to take my son and his girlfriend out to dinner. Malia, what's your favorite food?
Malia Tate: Deer.
[the Sheriff gives her a peculiar look]
Stiles Stilinski: Pizza. She likes pizza.

Stiles Stilinski: Everything's fine. I got a text from Scott this morning and he said he might be a little late.
Liam Dunbar: Well, how late is late? Is he always late? We're playing Devenford Prep again and this time it's an actual game. He shouldn't be late.
Coach Bobby Finstock: [Coming up to them] Who shouldn't be late?
Liam Dunbar: Scott and Kira.
Stiles Stilinski: They might be slightly late.
Coach Bobby Finstock: Slightly late is still late. What are they doing?
Stiles Stilinski: They're doing something that's going to make them slightly late.
Coach Bobby Finstock: What could Scott and Kira be doing right now that's more important than playing in the first game?
Stiles Stilinski: Oh, Coach.

"Teen Wolf: Master Plan (#2.12)" (2012)
Stiles: The 10-year plan for making Lydia fall in love with me may have to stretch to 15, but the plan is definitely still in motion.

Stiles: So what are you doing with me? Because Scott can find me. He knows my scent! It's pungent, it's more like a stench. He could find me even if I was buried at the bottom of a sewer covered in fecal matter and urine.
Gerard: You have a nag for creating a vivid picture, Mr. Stilinski. Let me paint one of my own. Scott McCall finds his best friend bloodied and beaten to a pulp. How does that sound now?
Stiles: I think I might prefer more of a still life or a landscape, you know?

"Teen Wolf: Perishable (#4.9)" (2014)
Stiles Stilinski: Try Maddy. It's got to be Maddy.
Lydia Martin: Doesn't Maddy feel a little obvious as a cipher key?
Stiles Stilinski: I guarantee it's Maddy.
[Lydia tries, it doesn't work]
Stiles Stilinski: Okay, your name. She left the code for you, right? So it's got to be your name.
[Lydia types. Another miss]
Stiles Stilinski: Your mom's name?
Stiles Stilinski: ... Do you have any beloved family pets?

Stiles Stilinski: What do you remember doing with your grandmother? You know, what was you guys', like, special thing? Did you guys go to the beach? You know, did you like ice cream or...
Lydia Martin: We read.
Stiles Stilinski: Okay. What did you read?
Lydia Martin: "The Little Mermaid".
Stiles Stilinski: You read that movie?
Lydia Martin: It was a book first!

"Teen Wolf: Silverfinger (#3.17)" (2014)
Melissa McCall: Been feeling irritable?
Stiles: Yeah, possibly to the point of homicide.

"Teen Wolf: Visionary (#3.8)" (2013)
Cora: They were there for two days, waiting, hiding. That's what we're taught to do when the hunters find us... hide and heal.
Stiles: Okay, so is two days standard, then, or are we thinking Derek's on, like, some extended getaway?
Cora: Why do you care?
Stiles: Why do I care? Let's see... because over the last few weeks, my best friend's tried to kill himself. His boss nearly got ritually sacrificed. A girl that I've known since I was three was ritually sacrificed. Boyd was killed by alphas. I... do you want me to keep going? 'Cause I can, all right? For, like, an hour.

"Teen Wolf: Monstrous (#4.10)" (2014)
Malia Tate: I heard you almost got killed.
Stiles Stilinski: I heard you almost got killed.
Malia Tate: You okay?
Stiles Stilinski: Brunski punched me in the face. Turns out he was a serial killer.
Malia Tate: Makes sense.
Stiles Stilinski: Yeah. What about you?
Malia Tate: We almost got set on fire.

"Teen Wolf: Lunar Ellipse (#3.12)" (2013)
Stiles: Do you think you can come get us?
Scott McCall: Yeah, of course.
Stiles: Great. Okay. Um, uh, bring a ladder.

"Teen Wolf: Currents (#3.7)" (2013)
Danny Mahealani: [Stiles is in Danny's hospital room, rummaging through his bag] What are you doing?
Stiles: I'm not doing anything, Danny. This is just a dream that you're having.
Danny Mahealani: Why are you going through my stuff?
Stiles: Right, but only in the dream, remember? Dream. Dreaming.
Danny Mahealani: Why would I dream about you going through my stuff?
Stiles: I don't know that, Danny, okay? It's your dream. Take responsibility for it.