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[In the car after the baseball game, Kevin is singing "The Diarrhea Song" while Taylor laughs
] Kevin Buckman
: When you're sliding into first and you're feeling something burst, diarrhea, diarrhea. When you're sliding into third and you feel a juicy turd, diarrhea, diarrhea. When you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam, diarrhea, diarrhea. When you're driving in your Chevy and your pants are feeling heavy, diarrhea, diarrhea. Karen
: Kevin, honey, where did you learn that song? Kevin Buckman
: Last summer at camp, Mom. Gil
: Ah, that was money well spent. Justin
, Kevin Buckman
: When you're sliding into first and you're feeling something burst, diarrhea, diarrhea.
: You don't talk like a kid. Young Gil Buckman
: Yeah, well I'm not really a kid. Stan
: You're not a duck. Young Gil Buckman
: This is a memory of when I was a kid. I'm 35 now. I have kids of my own. You don't even really exist. You're an amalgam. Stan
: A what? Young Gil Buckman
: A combination of several ushers my dad left me with over the years. I combined them into one memory. Stan
: Why? Young Gil Buckman
: This was a great symbolic moment of my life. My father dumping me with you... it's why I swore things would be different with my kids. It's my dream. Strong, happy, confident kids. Stan
: That's great, that's great. You know, you - you got a lovely family, and I'm a god-damn amalgam!
Kevin Buckman Age 21
: Thank you. When I was 9 years old, I had kind of a rough time. A lot of people thought I was pretty mixed up. But there was one person who got me through it. He did everything right. And thanks to him today, well I'm the happiest, most confident and most well-adjusted person in this world. Dad, I love you. You're the greatest!
Student 1 at College
: Someone's gone to the roof of the bell tower with a rifle! Dean at College
: It's Kevin Buckman! His father totally screwed him up! Student 2 at College
: What's he yelling? Kevin Buckman Age 21
: YOU MADE ME PLAY SECOND BASE! Gil
: [Yelling through a megaphone
] Son, I'm sorry. I did all the best I could.
[Kevin shoots the megaphone from his hands
: Nice shot, son! It's important to be supportive. Come on, let's sing one of the old tunes. "When you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam, diarrhea..."