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Steven Hyde (Character)
from "That '70s Show" (1998)

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"That '70s Show: Can't You Hear Me Knocking (#7.13)" (2005)

Eric Forman: Poor little tough guy hiding behind his bluster
Steven Hyde: Shut up Forman, I'm fine!
Michael Kelso: Sounds like someone needs a tickle
Fez: No I'm okay
Eric Forman: We're your best friends and we're not going to let you go through this alone
Michael Kelso: Eric's right
[climbs over the couch]
Michael Kelso: we're going to do something that guys do
Fez: A massage train?
Michael Kelso: No
[to Hyde]
Michael Kelso: so we got you a present
Michael Kelso: [The circle] This is a great present guys, I especially like the teeny white paper you wrapped it in
Michael Kelso: The Russians have a Russian death ray aimed at the White house, I read it in a magazine
Eric Forman: That was the Flash and it is a comic book
Fez: I love comic books, sometimes I wish I had thought bubbles, do you see anything?
Steven Hyde: The Russians don't have a death ray man but they do have a stupid ray and its pointed at your head
Michael Kelso: They do have a death ray and I'll prove it, where's the phone?
Eric Forman: Kelso I'm not allowed to make long distance calls without permission
Michael Kelso: They've got me on hold, oh and they're playing the theme song to the President
Eric Forman: Hail to the chief
Michael Kelso: Thank you Eric but I'm trying to enjoy the President's theme song

Fez: If Hyde's right and the Feds are outside, we have to dispose of the evidence
Eric Forman: [The second circle] Good job disposing of the evidence guys
Michael Kelso: Eric you better take this seriously, we have a lot of evidence to dispose of, even more than at the Pink Floyd concert
Fez: Without all the smoke machines and lasers this is just like punishment
Steven Hyde: I never thought I'd say this but I wish I had more people to share this with

Steven Hyde: [The third circle] This is our third circle today and it hasn't calmed me down at all!
Fez: I can't be sent back to my home country, my parents would be ashamed, I'd get stoned and then they'd throw rocks at me
Eric Forman: I think we all need to settle down! Just settle down! Who's yelling! Who is yelling!

Eric Forman: The Feds wouldn't park a car right outside my house
Steven Hyde: Everything you think the Government aren't doing, they are doing, the only thing they didn't do was land man on the moon, Spielberg shot the whole thing in a Hollywood movie set, that's how he got the job for Jaws!

Eric Forman: Kelso if you tell the White house there's a death ray, they're going to have you committed, I say go for it
Michael Kelso: Of course they're not going to admit it, I got to trick them into saying it, its what cops call
[uses air quotes]
Michael Kelso: tricking them
[on the phone]
Michael Kelso: hello white house, I have a few questions, how well is the President protected? Because someone wants to hurt the President, damn right its a threat, a threat on the President's life! Where am I now? I'm at Red Forman's house in Point place
Eric Forman: No!
[Eric and Hyde hang up the phone]
Steven Hyde: You idiot! You just told them where we are, they're going to come here and arrest us
Michael Kelso: They should arrest the Russians, they're the ones with the death ray!
Fez: You didn't mention the death ray!
Michael Kelso: Ah ha! So you admit there is a death ray!

Eric Forman: [to a vacuum they think has a bug in it] You're looking for Michael Kelso
Michael Kelso: Quit it
Eric Forman: No this whole thing is your fault.
Michael Kelso: If its anyone's fault, its Hyde's because he got dumped by Jackie so we had to be nice to him
Fez: Go easy on the kid! Breaking up with Jackie was the biggest mistake he ever made, remember we were talking about it behind his back!
Steven Hyde: Shut up Fez, if I want to hear your advice, I'll kick you in the nads
Fez: Oh in that case my advice is please don't kick me in the nads
Eric Forman: [in a loud voice] Maybe the Feds have some advice, remember they're listening with the
[whispers]
Eric Forman: V-A-C-U-U-M
Steven Hyde: [They look puzzled for a little bit] It spells Vacuum.
Michael Kelso: Vacuum has two U's in it, that's messed up

Steven Hyde: Seriously Jackie don't you have something to say?
Jackie Burkhart: Like what?
Steven Hyde: I don't know, I'm a spoilt, crazy whack job and I'm sorry
Fez: That's no way to talk to a lady
Michael Kelso: Especially a spoilt crazy whack job, that's likely to get you killed
Reginald "Red" Forman: [entering] Oh my god, there's a hundred morons in my basement! Not even that's going to ruin my day
Eric Forman: Yes only one and one man only has the power to do that, tis I
Reginald "Red" Forman: No not even you can do that and who the hell talks like that
Kitty Forman: Red, honey you were happy remember?
Reginald "Red" Forman: Today's the first day of winter and I'm going fishing
Kitty Forman: I'll come too, I'll grab my fishing stick
Reginald "Red" Forman: I don't want to go
Kitty Forman: Why not?
Reginald "Red" Forman: Because I don't want you to go
Michael Kelso: [using a golf stick like a shotgun] Burn

Fez: [They think a van parked across the street is the FBI] Its just a dog catcher van
Steven Hyde: That's what they want you to think man
Michael Kelso: Yeah a real dog catcher van wouldn't say dog catchers because otherwise the dogs would see it and run away
Fez: I can hear dogs inside
Steven Hyde: Its obviously a recording, alright, on the count of three, one, two, three
[They open the doors releasing a bunch of dogs]
Steven Hyde: I don't know if its the fresh air talking but I'm beginning to think this entire thing is just our imagination
Eric Forman: I think we need to let this whole imagination thing go
[almost hits Fez with his red plastic light saber]
Eric Forman: Whoa, watch out, I almost cut you right in half there man

Steven Hyde: [Fourth circle] The Feds have ruined the circle man
Michael Kelso: The circle's what's keeping us sharp, if it wasn't for the circle, we wouldn't have known the Feds were after us, planning our every move, I say thank you for the circle

Steven Hyde: [Eric is carrying a red plastic light saber] You know that's not a real weapon?
Eric Forman: I know
Steven Hyde: Not even if you really, really believe
Eric Forman: I don't
[Hyde walks away]
Eric Forman: Don't let me down baby
[He kisses the light saber]

Steven Hyde: Kelso finally figures out how to use a phone and we're all going to jail!
Eric Forman: Maybe its not them, I mean the Feds wouldn't park a car right outside my house
Steven Hyde: Everything you think the Government's not doing, they are doing, the only thing they didn't do was land man on the moon, Spielberg shot the whole thing in a Hollywood movie set, that's how he got the job for Jaws!

Steven Hyde: This is starting to feel like work, the Feds have ruined the circle man
Michael Kelso: The circle's what's keeping us sharp, if it wasn't for the circle, we wouldn't have known the Feds were after us, planning our every move, I say thank you for the circle

"That '70s Show: Over the Hills and Far Away (#5.6)" (2002)

Kitty Forman: Do you have to breathe so much, it's like a sauna in here
Eric Forman: Alright, you heard the lady, no more breathing
Kitty Forman: I didn't tell you not to breathe, I asked you not to breathe as much, there's a difference
Fez: [to Red] For crazy people
Reginald "Red" Forman: Hey Ali Baba, close sesame
Steven Hyde: Red you missed the exit
Reginald "Red" Forman: Oh damn, Eric you're supposed to be watching the map, what are you doing?
Eric Forman: [He holds up the map which he folded into a crown] Making you a crown because you're king of the road!
Fez: I need to go to the bathroom
Steven Hyde: Can you turn up the radio?
Michael Kelso: First down, touchdown!
Kitty Forman: WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP!

Reginald "Red" Forman: Before we hit the road we need to talk about the horrible thing that has taken over your mother.
Eric Forman: Oh you mean her change of life?
Steven Hyde: I thought we were calling it the lady parts problem.
Reginald "Red" Forman: It goes by many names, it's a tricky enemy, I haven't been this frosty since Korea and like a Commie it can jump out at any moment and attack.
Kitty Forman: [off-screen] Red, honey.
Steven Hyde: Take cover!
Eric Forman: Retreat!

Eric Forman: So I told my girlfriend we could go to different schools, everyone does that right?
Lisa: My boyfriend and I have been going to different schools for three years and now we love each other more than ever.
Eric Forman: And I bet when you get together, it's like a thunderstorm.
Ted: [to Lisa] Hey pretty lady.
[She kisses him]
Eric Forman: Excuse me, hello? Didn't you just say you have a boyfriend?
Lisa: Yeah but he's not here
Eric Forman: [to Hyde] I told Donna we could go to different schools, if Donna doesn't hate Marquette, we're screwed
Steven Hyde: Who cares man? I just turned down a half drunk college chick, I'm pretty sure she could do stuff

Melanie: That is a great beard, I've never made out with a guy with a beard before.
Steven Hyde: Well today is your lucky day.
Melanie: You want to go up to my room?
Steven Hyde: Absolutely.
[she grabs his arm but he doesn't move]
Steven Hyde: Actually, I can't.
Melanie: If you change your mind, me and a few of the other girls will be in the shower.
[she leaves]
Fez: [to Melanie] I can go! My name is Fez! Don't pretend you don't see me!
Steven Hyde: What did I just do man? I turned down a sure thing because of Jackie.
Fez: And you don't know what she's doing at Marquette. Or who.
Steven Hyde: Shut up!
Fez: I bet if she was doing it, you would cry because you love her.
Steven Hyde: If you don't shut up, you're gonna to become the first person to touch his chin to his ass.
Fez: Have you been spying on me!

Steven Hyde: Mrs. Forman, college isn't for me. I do my learning on the streets.
Reginald "Red" Forman: Steven you're a smart kid. If you apply yourself, you can go to college too
Steven Hyde: You don't trust me alone around the house?
Reginald "Red" Forman: See how smart you are.
Kitty Forman: My baby boy is all grown up and off visiting college. I am so frickin old!
Eric Forman: And menopause makes another unwelcome appearance at the dinner table.

Ted: Visitor's week is great. There's a dorm party, tons of beer, tons of chicks.
Steven Hyde: Hey man all I need is one beer and two chicks.

Fez: Hyde I meant to tell you.
[sings]
Fez: Hyde and Jackie sitting in a tree making love like two monkeys.
Steven Hyde: Will you shut up man, that's not even how it goes.
Fez: Is it making you mad?
Steven Hyde: Yeah.
Fez: Then that's how it goes.

Michael Kelso: This place is awesome, look they've even got dirty cartoons on the wall.
Steven Hyde: Kelso, those are CPR instructions.
Michael Kelso: I've done CPR a lot.

"That '70s Show: Eric's Burger Job (#1.6)" (1998)

Ricky: Why do you want a career at Fatso Burger?
Eric: I think it will be a wonderful experience.
Michael Kelso: My girlfriend's dad owns it.
Fez: I love the uniforms.
Steven Hyde: To unionize the workers, man.
Ricky: What do you consider to be your best quality?
Eric: I'm a real people person.
Steven Hyde: I don't answer stupid questions.
Fez: I speak Dutch.
Michael Kelso: My eyes. Oh and I guess my butt too.
Ricky: Name something about yourself that is a weakness.
Eric: I allow people to boss me around.
Fez: I love chocolate.
Steven Hyde: I'm brutally honest. Pinhead.
Michael Kelso: Um...
[falls backwards on chair]
Ricky: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Eric: Fatso Burger.
Fez: Covered in gold chains.
Michael Kelso: Rock star. No, movie star. No, yeah rock star.
Steven Hyde: Prison.

Eric: Hey would you guys respect me if I got a job at the town dump?
Donna Pinciotti: Town dump no? State dump? why are you getting a job anyway?
Eric: Everything costs money, gas, clothes, fun
Michael Kelso: Dates, dates cost money
Fez: No Kelso that is prostitution
Steven Hyde: Dates are prostitution man , except you don't always get what you paid for
Donna Pinciotti: Says the man who's never had a girlfriend
Steven Hyde: Hey you guys remember Andra the biker chick?
Eric: Whatever happened to her?
Steven Hyde: [proud] She's dating my uncle

Jackie Burkhart: I just want to listen to the guitar solo one more time.
Steven Hyde: Not again put the headphones on
[Jackie holds up the cord and plugs it in then puts on the headphones]
Steven Hyde: Now wrap it around your neck.

Jackie Burkhart: Wait so your parents are going to be out of town?
Donna Pinciotti: Yeah it's just going to be me alone Saturday, well I'm babysitting my sister Tina; I'll watch some TV, maybe order a pizza
Michael Kelso: Let's have a party, a toga party
Jackie Burkhart: Michael maybe she doesn't want to have a party, maybe she wants to be alone
Donna Pinciotti: Well it'd just be me but if someone happens to come by, that'll be cool
Michael Kelso: Party at Donna's
Fez: Donna I've never been to an American party, may I come?
Donna Pinciotti: I don't care, so Eric will you be there?
Eric: Eric:
[not looking up from the newspaper]
Eric: Yeah, sure
Jackie Burkhart: [Donna leaves the basement and Jackie smacks Eric and Kelso across the back of the head] You are both so stupid
Steven Hyde: That's a first, I actually agree with Jackie
[to Eric]
Steven Hyde: she totally put on a full court press man and you dropped the ball
Eric: What are you talking about, all she said was she's going to be alone Saturday, order a pizza, oh my God, I'm so stupid

Steven Hyde: So big party?
Donna Pinciotti: [sarcastically] Whoopee
Steven Hyde: I can't believe Forman missed all those signals
Donna Pinciotti: What signals?
Steven Hyde: [in a girly voice] Oh poor me, all alone in my big house, just me in my nightie, if only some scrawny little neighbor boy would come over
Donna Pinciotti: He's not scrawny, why am I even talking to you about this?
Steven Hyde: Because I'm all you've got
Donna Pinciotti: [lying down on the couch embarrassed] So everyone knows! All I wanted was some time alone with him
Steven Hyde: And how does that make you feel?
Donna Pinciotti: Frustrated, its frustrating as hell
Steven Hyde: Do you have trouble sleeping at night?
Donna Pinciotti: Yeah, Sometimes
Steven Hyde: Do you think you'd sleep easier if you had a scrawny little neighbour boy next to you?

Steven Hyde: Hello my minimum wage friend, I demand service
Eric: Welcome to fatso burger, how may I serve you?
Steven Hyde: That is so sad man
Michael Kelso: Jackie I've been racking my brain trying to thinking of why this guy didn't hire me
Jackie Burkhart: Michael I'm so sick of hearing this, you've still got me
Michael Kelso: I'm good looking and he's jealous, this body's a curse!
Jackie Burkhart: If you worked you wouldn't be able to see me whenever I wanted lover
[They kiss]
Fez: Please stop touching, it gives me needs

Donna Pinciotti: Hey Fez
Fez: Hello Donna, now tell me which one of these ladies is easy?
Tina Pinciotti: Donna your creepy friends are playing with Dad's stereo
Fez: [to unseen characters] Guys you can't go in the house
Donna Pinciotti: [to Tina] Hello pretty lady with the eyes like the sea
Tina Pinciotti: Hi
Steven Hyde: She's not a pretty lady, she's my sister and she's 14
Fez: You know in my country
Steven Hyde: It's illegal here

"That '70s Show: Ramble On (#5.5)" (2002)

[to Eric]
Michael Kelso: Man, that is one big bad-ass ring. Hey, maybe people will think that you won the Super Bowl.
Steven Hyde: Nah, nobody will believe that. But he could be the sick little boy that the whole team rallies around.

Eric Forman: [looking at the man ring] My girlfriend has bad taste
Fez: Well she is dating you
Eric Forman: What was she thinking?
Steven Hyde: Forman you got to expect this man, I mean look at her Dad, the apple doesn't fall far from the bob

Jackie Burkhart: You're mad at me for telling Donna Eric's secret, I tell secrets, that's who I am
Steven Hyde: All I know is if you're going to be my girlfriend, you can't go shooting off your big fat cheerleader mouth
Jackie Burkhart: Wait you just called me your girlfriend
Steven Hyde: No I didn't
Jackie Burkhart: Yes you did
Steven Hyde: No I didn't
Jackie Burkhart: Yes you did
Steven Hyde: No I didn't
Jackie Burkhart: Yes you did, shut up you're ruining it
[moving to his bed]
Jackie Burkhart: listen I'll stop telling secrets if you admit I'm your girlfriend
Steven Hyde: No the price is too high
Jackie Burkhart: I'm going to tell everyone everything anyway starting with you called me your girlfriend
Steven Hyde: You're blackmailing me now? you're coming along nicely
[They kiss]

Eric Forman: How can I lose a 25 pound ring?
Michael Kelso: I once lost a six foot rubber chili dog, I still haven't found it, it's just gone!
Eric Forman: Hyde this is all your fault, you told Jackie I didn't like the ring
Michael Kelso: Hyde stabbed you in the back, no, he wouldn't do a thing like that, like he didn't steal Jackie from me, oh, wait a minute!
Steven Hyde: [To Eric] Look man I told her not to tell
Eric Forman: And I told you not to tell
Michael Kelso: [To Hyde] You and Jackie are gossiping now, the more you go out, the more like each other, you become
Eric Forman: Who knows what you and your little girlfriend are going to be up to in a couple of months
Jackie Burkhart: [Fantasy sequence] 2,4.6.8, who do we appreciate! Go team!
Steven Hyde: 2,4.6.8, who do we appreciate! Go team! Jackie I heard the best piece of gossip, Eric Forman doesn't have any school spirit
Jackie Burkhart: I'm telling everyone
Steven Hyde: Too late I already did
Steven Hyde: First of all Jackie's not my girlfriend and second of all I'm not the only one who spills stuff around here
Eric Forman: You're right, hey Kelso, Hyde watches Little House on the Prarie
Michael Kelso: [laughs] Little house on the prarie?
Steven Hyde: It reminds me of a simpler time

Michael Kelso: [Kelso's superhero fantasy]
Michael Kelso: [As Batman] Okay super pals I'm gonna need a status report
Steven Hyde: [As a wonder twin, stops making out with Jackie] My sensors indicate peace and quiet throughout the universe
Fez: [As Aquaman] The oceans are secure but I can't check for another 45 minutes because I just ate
Eric Forman: [As Superman entering with Donna as Wonder Woman] Hey guys
Michael Kelso: Oh no, you've been brainwashed and forced to wear this hideous ring
Donna Pinciotti: Actually its a gift
Steven Hyde: Form of worst gift ever
[Holds his fist out to the side]
Jackie Burkhart: [As the other wonder twin] Shape up, I hope he kept the receipt
Eric Forman: Alien zombies are attacking the Earth, lets swing into action gang
Michael Kelso: Hold it, we're still on this ring
Steven Hyde: Are you sure its not an alien artifact?
Donna Pinciotti: I got it at the mall
Reginald "Red" Forman: Greetings dumbasses
Eric Forman: Oh, oh, its Dr Bald
Reginald "Red" Forman: My army of alien zombies is invading, good lord that is an ugly ring, alien zombies get a load of that ring
Eric Forman: That's it, this thing's coming off
Steven Hyde: Careful man, you drop something that big and heavy, it'll throw off the Earth's rotation, we'll all go crashing into the sun
Michael Kelso: Yeah way to use science in a burn

"That '70s Show: After Glow (#2.17)" (2000)

Steven Hyde: Eric, I've been thinking about your problem with Donna. After hours of careful consideration, it still makes me laugh.

Steven Hyde: See Fez, you take all the partially consumed drinks. You mix them together to form one giant Uber-drink. In this case, Tom Wallbanger Bloody Sunrise On The Beach!

Steven Hyde: I think Donna and Forman finally made the beast with two backs
Eric Forman: Well, Hyde, I'm not saying yes and I'm not saying no, but... I'm especially not saying no!

Steven Hyde: Look, Forman, if God had meant for virgins to lose it to other virgins, he wouldn't have given us middle-aged hookers, man!

"That '70s Show: I'm a Boy (#6.8)" (2004)

Kitty Forman: You have been such a big help, working yourself nearly to death. I made you your special sandwich.
Eric Forman: Awww. The 'Eric McSweety'.
Steven Hyde: It's a regular sandwich, hold the masculinity.

Steven Hyde: No, no, man, there is no way I'm going on a date with your ex-girlfriend who's now my girlfriend and your new girlfriend who doesn't want to be your girlfriend, but is pregnant with your child. That's like, hillbilly territory.
Michael Kelso: I'll pay.
Steven Hyde: I'm in.

Jackie Burkhart: So, hey, maybe a good way to break the ice would be for everyone to tell a few things about themself. I'll go first. I like make-up and diets, and Steven here likes black things and throwing stuff at glass.
Brooke: Okay, well, I was valedictorian in my class, I run marathons, and I tutor kids in Latin.
Michael Kelso: Well, I egged a valedictorian of my class. And a marathon runner Oh, and some kids that took Latin!
Steven Hyde: This is fun.

[Eric and Donna just had sex]
Eric Forman: You know what I have right in the palm of my hand?
Steven Hyde: No one wants to know that, just wash up.

"That '70s Show: Eric Gets Suspended (#2.9)" (1999)

Hyde: Hey, I got a B in Spanish... I didn't even know I was taking Spanish.
Eric: [Moments later] Donna! You're smoking a cigarette.
Hyde: Even worse, man. It's a menthol!

Hyde: The blonde's blonde and hot.
Fez: Yes, and since I set us up on this date she is mine, right?
Hyde: Well, I can see why you'd think that. But, actually, since I came along to help you out, American custom dictates that I get the blonde.
Fez: Once again the local custom bones the foreign guy.

Hyde: Forman's first suspension... I'm so proud.
Michael Kelso: Wow, back up. Why'd he get suspended?
Donna Pinciotti: Because he's stupid.
Michael Kelso: [terrified] They can do that?

"That '70s Show: Stolen Car (#1.14)" (1999)

Eric Forman: Why does Sully have a statue of the Virgin Mary on his dashboard?
Michael Kelso: [chewing] Maybe he's, like, religious or something.
Steven Hyde: Wasn't Sully in prison for arson?
Michael Kelso: Yeah. People who burn stuff believe in God, too, Hyde.
Steven Hyde: [pointing at the key-chain] Why does his key-chain say "I Love Bingo?"
Fez: Sully must love bingo.
Eric Forman: All right. I'm starting to think that this isn't Sully's car.
Michael Kelso: Then who's car is it?
[Police siren wails behind them and they stare forward in shock]

Steven Hyde: I can't talk to cops, man. I go insane with rage.

Steven Hyde: So what do you guys wanna do?
Eric Forman: We could walk to the Hub.
Steven Hyde: Too far.
Eric Forman: We could walk to...
Steven Hyde: Too far.

"That '70s Show: Canadian Road Trip (#3.23)" (2001)

Steven Hyde: We're part of an elite, high school terrorist team. The Strike Force Wisconsin!

Eric: Okay, guys. Road trip checklist. Car: Check. Okay. We're good.
Fez: Is there anything about Canada we need to know before we get there?
Steven Hyde: Well, the beer is stronger, and as a result, their women look prettier.
Fez: Then let's haul ass to Canada!
Eric: Okay. Shh. Fez. If my dad finds out that we're going to Canada uh, for beer, no less, he's gonna start killing people, okay? People like us. So keep it down.
Michael Kelso: [Runs up to the guys] All right! Canada! Whoo-hoo! Beer!
[blows his horn]
Eric: Kelso, you're not going.
Michael Kelso: What? Why not?
Steven Hyde: Because this is a risky mission and you tend to screw these things up.
Michael Kelso: That is a damnable lie!
Eric: Okay. Kelso, remember that time we were gonna put a flaming bag of dog poop in front of Principal Pridwell's door, and you lit it in the car on the way over?
Michael Kelso: Yeah, I wanted to see it all flamey.
Eric: And then you panicked and stepped on it.
Michael Kelso: Eric, it was on fire!
Eric: Okay, You're not going.
Michael Kelso: No, no, no. Fine. I won't use the air horn, and I'll pay for the gas and the beer
Eric: I can't stay mad at you... Come on, you big lug.
Leo: [already sitting in the backseat of the car] Hey, dudes.
Steven Hyde: Leo, man, what are you doin' here?
Leo: Sittin'. What are you doin' here?
Steven Hyde: We're goin' to Canada to buy beer.
Leo: Canada? Cool, man. I spent some time up there during 'Nam.
Eric: Oh, conscientious objector, huh?
Leo: No. I didn't mind. Hey, a road trip sounds good, man, but I don't want nothin' to do with that beer. That stuff will mess with your mind, man.

[to the Mounties]
Steven Hyde: You got us. We're here to take over your country.

"That '70s Show: Hunting (#2.13)" (2000)

Steven Hyde: So you caught those birds with just a whistle and a stick? Very impressive, Fez.
Michael Kelso: Yeah, you know, that's a good way to hunt. Because even if you don't get anything, you still have all the fun of a whistle and a stick.

Fez: I like Midge.
Steven Hyde: Yeah, we all like Midge.
Michael Kelso: Yeah, Midge has nice jugs.
Bob Pinciotti: What?
Michael Kelso: What?
Bob Pinciotti: No, you said something.
Michael Kelso: [nervously] No I didn't. So what's up with your hair?

[about Red]
Steven Hyde: You know, he's never really warmed up to you.
Eric Forman: Going on 17 years now.

"That '70s Show: Ice Shack (#3.10)" (2001)

Leo: Wow, business really picked up with those "Buy one get one free coupons."
Steven Hyde: Yeah, because you forgot the "buy one" part.

Leo: I can't drive since my license got suspended.
Steven Hyde: What'd you do, man?
Leo: I dropped it in a glass of water and it just hung there... suspended. And while I was looking at it I ran a red light.

Steven Hyde: [Got pulled over by police and thought the bag Leo had was filled with illegal drugs] Dog food?
Leo: Yeah... oh wait. I mean if the dog food is in this bag then wheres... oh wow, I gotta check on my dog man!

"That '70s Show: That '70s Pilot (#1.1)" (1998)

Eric Forman: If my dad catches me copping beers he'll kill me.
Steven Hyde: I'm willing to take that risk.

Steven Hyde: [The first circle] Is Red still thinking of giving you the car man ?
Michael Kelso: Even if we do get it, we're gonna need serious gas money because the Cruiser's a boat
Eric Forman: I know the cruiser's a boat, this whole gas shortage bites
Fez: Who's getting a boat?
Steven Hyde: There's no such thing as gas shortage man, its all set up by the government, everything's controlled by the oil companies like I heard about this guy who invented a car that runs on water man, its fiber glass, air cooled and it runs on water!
Fez: So it is a boat?
Steven Hyde: No its a car but instead of gas you put water in the tank
Michael Kelso: [laughing] I haven't heard of this car, hey Jackie's good for gas money
Eric Forman: You are such a whore
Fez: When does the boat get here whore?

Steven Hyde: [The first circle] Is Red still thinking of giving you the car maybe ?
Michael Kelso: Even if we do get it, we're gonna need serious gas money because the Cruiser's a boat
Eric Forman: I know the cruiser's a boat, this whole gas shortage bites
Fez: Who's getting a boat?
Steven Hyde: There's no such thing as gas shortage man, its all fake, the oil companies control everything like I heard about this guy who invented a car that runs on water man, its got a fiber glass, air cooled engine and it runs on water!
Fez: So it is a boat?
Steven Hyde: No its a car only you put water in the tank instead of gas
Michael Kelso: [laughing] I haven't heard of this car, hey Jackie's good for gas money
Eric Forman: You are such a whore
Fez: When does the boat get here whore?

"That '70s Show: Jackie Moves On (#2.22)" (2000)

Steven Hyde: Boy Laurie, you really like that hot dog... you didn't even chew it!

Laurie Forman: Hey, Hyde. Going home, so you could ask another guy "Are you my daddy"?
Steven Hyde: Hey, Laurie. The surgeon general called, he told you to stop hording all the penicillin.
Laurie Forman: You know, you should watch your table manners. Because when you're in prison, that would just really turn on some guy named "Tank".
Steven Hyde: Oh, yeah? Well, maybe when you're there for a conjugal visit, you could ask him to take it easy on me.
Laurie Forman: Oh, yeah? Well... Nice hair.
Steven Hyde: Awww, Laurie... Are you out of put downs?
Laurie Forman: Yeah...

Laurie Forman: Well, that's not as bad as when I walked in on you in bed with your Dorthy Hammil poster and you were all...
Eric Forman: LAURIE WAS BORN WITH A TAIL!
Steven Hyde: What?
Eric Forman: Yea! Laurie was born with a tail!
Laurie Forman: Yea! Laurie was born with a tail!

"That '70s Show: The Career Day (#1.18)" (1999)

Michael Kelso: In the morning my dad and I picked the carrots fresh off the trees
Steven Hyde: Kelso, that's... that's good, go with that.

Fez: Oh, I am so excited to be in the Food Service Industry. May I cut the cheese?
Edna Hyde: [to Steven] Is he kidding?
Steven Hyde: We can never tell.
Edna Hyde: Well, knock yourself out, but if you cut off a finger, you're outta here.

"That '70s Show: Uncomfortable Ball Stuff (#4.7)" (2001)

[about Fez]
Leo: I don't like what's going on here, man. That little dude's making us all look bad. I'm afraid the boss is gonna fire me.
Steven Hyde: Leo, you are the boss.

[Fez needs money to buy new shoes]
Leo: Just do what I do and steal money from the register when the boss ain't looking.
Steven Hyde: Again, Leo, you are the boss.
Leo: And I'm not looking.
[Hyde takes some money from the register and gives it to Fez]

"That '70s Show: Ski Trip (#1.13)" (1999)

Steven Hyde: Man, I can't wait! A trip to my favorite place. Anywhere but here!

Michael Kelso: Guess who made out with Pam Macy behind the gym!
Steven Hyde: Everyone!

"That '70s Show: Too Old to Trick or Treat, Too Young to Die (#3.4)" (2000)

Michael Kelso: You want to see Fez and Eric run around? Someone might get hurt, it's funny when people get hurt.
Steven Hyde: Especially when their in there underwear.
Jackie Burkhart: Michael, the only one dumb enough to get hurt around here, is you.
Michael Kelso: Okay, Jackie, I'm really starting get sick-
[cuts his finger on soda can]
Michael Kelso: OWW!

Reginald "Red" Forman: [on Fez getting hurt] So, you were chasing him on the roof because he took you're little rubber ball?
Eric Forman: No, it wasn't a ball, it was a super ball.
Steven Hyde: Yeah, you should see that thing bounce, it's pretty super.
Reginald "Red" Forman: [annoyed] Dumbasses.

"That '70s Show: Bring It on Home (#5.19)" (2003)

Steven Hyde: This just in: Your weirdo boyfriend sleeps in the nude.
Donna Pinciotti: Yeah? So? I do too.
Michael Kelso: Oh yeah!
Fez: Oh, I can see it now. And it is glorious!
[looks around nervously]
Fez: Excuse me.
[he runs out]

Michael Kelso: I have a question. If Hyde was in Hyde's bed and Jackie was in Hyde's bed, what exactly was going on in said bed?
Steven Hyde: Nothing. She needed a place to sleep.
Michael Kelso: Needed a place to sleep! Well, a bed is an interesting choice now, wouldn't you say?

"That '70s Show: Battle of the Sexists (#1.4)" (1998)

Michael Kelso: Donna beat you at basketball?
Fez: Is this true, Eric?
Eric: Yeah, is that a big deal?
Steven Hyde: Of course not. Unless Donna happens to be, you know, a girl.
Michael Kelso: Especially a girl you love.
Fez: In my country, if a woman beats you it makes her want you.
Eric: Really?
Fez: Yeah, but this is America, wuss.

Fez: [Watching Kelso and Jackie argue] She will crush him, yes?
Steven Hyde: Like the spirit of your Mayan forefathers.
Fez: My forefathers were not Mayan.
Steven Hyde: Like anyone cares.

"That '70s Show: Red Sees Red (#3.2)" (2000)

Reginald "Red" Forman: Look what Eric and Steven did was bad but you sneaking around with Kelso that's just unpleasent.
Laurie Forman: But Daddy I'm not seeing Kelso.
Steven Hyde: Untrue!
Eric Forman: A damnable Lie!

Eric: I love the Bradys... hey, did you ever see the one where Mr. Brady went insane and put bells on all the doors?
[both Eric and Hyde laugh]
Red: Hey, did you ever see the one where Greg was a real wise-ass, so Mr. Brady took him outside and cleaned his clock?
Laurie: Did you ever see the one where I hated living here?
[Laurie storms out]
Hyde: That one's my favorite.

"That '70s Show: Eric's Birthday (#1.2)" (1998)

[first lines]
Steven Hyde: [watching "Petticoat Junction"] Does it bother anyone else that these women live in Hooterville?
Eric Forman: Technically, Petticoat Junction is down the track from Hooterville.
Steven Hyde: Well, does it bother anyone that they live down the track from Hooterville?
Donna Pinciotti: What bothers me is that they bathe in the town water tank.

Michael Kelso: Hey, Eric, maybe she's going to give you the big gift. You know, the BIG gift. You guys know what I'm talking about right?
Steven Hyde: Yes, Kelso. We got it. Then, we got it.
Fez: I'm not even from here, and I got it.

"That '70s Show: Hyde's Father (#3.3)" (2000)

Bud: You know, Steven, I've really improved since I stopped drinking. I got a new job, and even a new apartment. I even got a color TV.
Steven Hyde: Color TV. Wow. I remember when I was a kid, I didn't even have a father.
[walks out of the room]

[the bartender sees Hyde]
Bud: Hey, you look kinda familiar. Do I know you?
Steven Hyde: I should hope so... dad.

"That '70s Show: Cat Fight Club (#2.25)" (2000)

Steven Hyde: [Jackie has just beaten up Laurie] You kicked her ass, man!
Jackie Burkhardt: [Exhausted] Yeah... whatever.

Hyde: Hey, man. It's better than Laurie being down here. She's like a big cancerous tumor. Jackie, y'know, she's like a tiny benign cist.

"That '70s Show: Babe I'm Gonna Leave You (#5.14)" (2003)

Steven Hyde: Well, I'm done with Jackie and I feel like a guy who had a 95 pound mole removed. A 95-pound, Donny-Osmond-loving, shoe-shopping, ice-capade-attending mole.

Jackie Burkhart: Steven! I called three times within the last half hour!
Steven Hyde: Yeah, I figured it was you because all the calls came during the commercials for "The Newlywed Game".

"That '70s Show: Romantic Weekend (#3.16)" (2001)

[telling the guys how he was making out with Pam Macy in the school orchestra room]
Michael Kelso: You know the really, really bad thing that can happen to guys when they're with girls?
Fez: Oh, did Mr. Cooper come in to buff the floor?
Michael Kelso: No.
[pauses]
Michael Kelso: Okay. Let me put it this way. The buffer wouldn't buff.
Fez: Poor Mr. Cooper.
Steven Hyde: No, Fez. I think what he's trying to say is the rabbit wouldn't come out of the hat.
Eric Forman: The weasel wouldn't pop.
Michael Kelso: The alphabet soup never spelled "go".
Eric Forman: There were a lot of Amish people but they couldn't raise the barn.
Steven Hyde: Nice one, Forman.
Eric Forman: It just came to me.

Donna Pinciotti: We're spending the weekend at a hotel.
Steven Hyde: What, car sex isn't good enough anymore?
Fez: I would love car sex...
[pauses]
Fez: Or just sex...
[pauses]
Fez: Or just a car.

"That '70s Show: That Disco Episode (#1.7)" (1998)

Fez: What is disco?
Steven Hyde: Disco is from hell, okay? And not the cool part with all the murderers, but the lame-ass part where all the bad accountants live.

Fez: What is disco?
Steven Hyde: It's from Hell. And, not the cool part of hell with all the murderers, but the lame-ass part with all the accountants.

"That '70s Show: A Legal Matter (#6.10)" (2004)

Michael Kelso: I can't believe I'm the stooge.
Jackie Burkhart: Michael, it's just the way some people are, okay? Some people are lazy, some people are clumsy, some people are stooges.
Steven Hyde: You're lucky enough to be all three.

Michael Kelso: You guys are making a pretty good case that I'm the stooge.
Steven Hyde: Well if you're not, there's a guy who's about to step on a rake that I really wanna meet.

"That '70s Show: Nobody's Fault But Mine (#5.23)" (2003)

[Hyde and Kelso decide to drive to Fez]
Michael Kelso: Fine, Shotgun!
Steven Hyde: There's only 2 of us, you moron!

Steven Hyde: Jackie... I love you.
Jackie Burkhart: [long silence] Yeah, well I don't love you.

"That '70s Show: The Velvet Rope (#2.3)" (1999)

[on the way to the club, in Chicago]
Fez: People are so friendly around here. Two women on the corner just offered to have sex with me.
Steven Hyde: Yeah, for money, Fez.
Fez: I could not ask them for money.
[pauses]
Fez: Or could I?

"That '70s Show: Heartbreaker (#5.4)" (2002)

Michael Kelso: [He's wearing goggles] Get my eye now
Steven Hyde: [Hyde kicks him in the leg then Hyde's sitting on his back pinning him to the couch]
Michael Kelso: Get off me!
Steven Hyde: Not until you calm down
Fez: [after giving him a wet willy] Ah a wet one
Michael Kelso: Fez I'm going to get free eventually and then I'm going to kick your ass!
Steven Hyde: We need to settle this
Michael Kelso: I don't want to settle this, I don't want to talk about it, all I want to do is pound you until you feel as bad as I do!
Steven Hyde: [getting up] Fine, hit me, free shot
Michael Kelso: [getting up] Fine hit me, free shot
Steven Hyde: No man that's why they call it a free shot
Michael Kelso: [in a stance] Here it comes, its coming, get ready
Fez: We're ready fool, do it!
Michael Kelso: Forget it, its not going to change anything, just, forget it
[He sits down on the couch]
Steven Hyde: Look man I didn't plan this thing with me and Jackie, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry
Donna Pinciotti: [same time] Awwww!
Fez: Awwww!
Steven Hyde: Get bent!
Michael Kelso: What are we going to do now?
Donna Pinciotti: [getting up] I'll tell you what you're going to do, you're going to shake and you're going to get over it
Michael Kelso: No
Donna Pinciotti: Shake
Michael Kelso: I don't want to
Donna Pinciotti: Shake!
[Kelso and Hyde shake hands]

"That '70s Show: Roller Disco (#3.5)" (2000)

Jackie Burkhart: We're going to be partners!
[Hyde just stares at her]
Jackie Burkhart: Skating partners!
Steven Hyde: How about instead, you hit me in the face with a wrench and I black out?

"That '70s Show: Red and Stacey (#4.10)" (2001)

Steven Hyde: [to Eric] You're soft.
Donna Pinciotti, Michael Kelso: [Leaning over to Hyde, and in unison] How soft is he, Hyde?
Steven Hyde: [pauses] Softer than Liberace at the playboy mansion.
[They all start laughing again]

"That '70s Show: Moon Over Point Place (#2.26)" (2000)

Jackie Burkhardt: Steven Hyde, you were right. We will never be friends. We'll be more than friends. Because now, I love you!
Hyde: Oh my God, will you shut up?

"That '70s Show: Garage Sale (#2.1)" (1999)

Kitty Forman: [about Hyde's brownies] Well, I know Steven put the special ingredient in.
Eric: I told him not to!
Hyde: [At the same time] Special ingredient?
Kitty Forman: Of course! Love!
Hyde: Yes, ma'am, Mrs. Forman. There's a whole big bag of love in here.

"That '70s Show: Magic Bus (#6.3)" (2003)

Steven Hyde: How'd it go with Donna?
Eric Forman: I ruined it. And I knew I was ruining it, while I was ruining it. I just kept on ruining it. Now Bogie, you know that, that guy knows how to let a woman go, "Here's lookin' at you kid." I threw a toaster.

"That '70s Show: Eric's Buddy (#1.11)" (1998)

Frank: Hey, you. Buy something or get out. I have a big wedding coming in.
Steven Hyde: Frank, you don't have a big wedding coming in.
Frank: Oh, did I say I have a big wedding? What I meant to say was, buy something, or get out!

"That '70s Show: Red's Birthday (#2.10)" (1999)

[to Kelso]
Steven Hyde: Man, if you get any dumber, you're going to need a helmet.

"That '70s Show: Who Wants It More? (#3.11)" (2001)

Leo: I saw a UFO once, man. It was awesome. It just hung in the air, then it sent me a message. Big bright yellow letters saying I was going to have a good year.
Steven Hyde: Did this, by any chance, happen at a football game?
Leo: Yeah, man! And the weird thing is, I was the only one freaking out about it, man. Wait a second, good year, no, it was a terrible year, man. Stupid aliens.

"That '70s Show: The Seeker (#6.25)" (2004)

Kitty Forman: Trade you a kiss for a lollipop.
Steven Hyde: I don't need that kid stuff.
[walks to door with everyone, waits until they leave, then turns around and runs back to Kitty, giving her a kiss and taking the lollipop]

"That '70s Show: Prom Night (#1.19)" (1999)

Edna Hyde: They're all gonna laugh at you!
Steven Hyde: Shut up Ma! You're making the night too damn special!

"That '70s Show: Thank You (#5.8)" (2002)

Steven Hyde: Yeah, Thanksgiving. We celebrate the subjugation of an indigenous people with yams and Underdog floats.

"That '70s Show: Red Fired Up (#2.24)" (2000)

[the guys are sitting in the circle and talking about Kelso and Jackie breaking up]
Michael Kelso: Ya know guys, there are a lot of ladies out there and I haven't seen nearly enough of them naked. From now on, I'm gonna live free. I'm going to be boldly going where no man has gone before.
[the next seen shows the Forman's front door. The doorbell rings and Kitty answers the door. Kelso is standing there holding flowers]
Michael Kelso: Is Laurie here?
Kitty Forman: [laughs] Don't you mean Eric?
Michael Kelso: No Laurie. Your other kid.
[Hyde walks by and stops when he sees Kelso]
Steven Hyde: You're dating Laurie? Man, you're going where every man has gone before.
Kitty Forman: [turns around] Steven it is not nice to be so... truthful.
[Laurie comes down the stairs]
Laurie Forman: Hi Kelso.
[notices the flowers]
Laurie Forman: Did you buy those for me?
Michael Kelso: Yep, just like you told me.
Laurie Forman: No, I told you roses! Come on doofus!
[she walks out the door with Kelso]
Steven Hyde: You know Mrs. Forman, those two could have the dumbest babies ever.
Kitty Forman: [starts to laugh then abruptly stops and turns toward Hyde] That's not funny

"That '70s Show: Baby Don't You Do It (#6.14)" (2004)

Steven Hyde: Oral test on the penal code!
[Jackie, Hyde, and Fez start laughing hysterically]

"That '70s Show: Till the Next Goodbye (#7.25)" (2005)

Kitty Forman: Eric, Jackie's on the phone. She wants to talk to you.
Steven Hyde: Jackie wants to talk to Forman?
Kitty Forman: Yes. Now, pick up, because she's been blabbering for 45 minutes, and I never noticed it when she was living here, but she's not that interesting.

"That '70s Show: Hyde's Christmas Rager (#3.9)" (2000)

Steven Hyde: I mean he lives on a fantasy island, man and he's a midget. It's so obvious.

"That '70s Show: Gimme Shelter (#7.20)" (2005)

Steven Hyde: Why can't we do something fun? Like drive up to the border and throw stuff at the Canadians. They never fight back because... they're Canadians.

"That '70s Show: Sleepover (#2.8)" (1999)

Steven Hyde: So, what do I do here anyway?
Leo: Well, I don't expect a lot, man. Like, pretty much, if the hut doesn't burn down, it's been a good day. And even if it burnt down, man, it's cool, 'cause I got three or four more of these little huts somewhere.

"That '70s Show: That '70s Finale (#8.22)" (2006)

Michael Kelso: [walking into the living room with a big bottle rocket] Mr: Forman, can I light this off in your house?
Red Forman: Sure and then I'll light my foot off in your ass.
Steven Hyde: And that my friends, is the last foot-in-ass of the decade! Cheers!
Kitty Forman: Michael, I just... it's so good to see you. The girls in the emergency room where just asking about you.
Michael Kelso: You know, it's like I've been gone for so long, I almost forgot you're a hot Mom!
Kitty Forman: Oh! Hahahahaha!
Red Forman: You know what else it hot?... My foot when it's in your ass.
Steven Hyde: Look at that. He got one more in him.

"That '70s Show: That Wrestling Show (#1.15)" (1999)

Steven Hyde: Hey, can we get a move on? If I miss that twenty midget free-for-all I'm gonna be super pissed!

"That '70s Show: Grandma's Dead (#1.23)" (1999)

Steven Hyde: Red, I'm sorry your mom died and I'm sorry Kelso's an idiot.

"That '70s Show: Jackie's Cheese Squeeze (#4.19)" (2002)

[Eric just told Steven Jackie kissed Todd]
Steven Hyde: We hold information that could crush the very heart and soul of one of our best friends. I live for days like this!

"That '70s Show: Dine & Dash (#3.13)" (2001)

[Kelso comes running into the basement]
Michael Kelso: Hey guys, guess what I got!
Steven Hyde: V.D.?
Michael Kelso: No. A 100 bucks!
Eric: Money to treat your V.D.?

"That '70s Show: What Is and What Should Never Be (#5.3)" (2002)

Michael Kelso: Hey guys! What are you talking about?
Eric, Steven Hyde: [at the exact same time] Indie 500
Eric: Niiice!

"That '70s Show: Radio Daze (#3.14)" (2001)

Eric Forman: Hey, I'm Hyde. I don't feel anything. I'm just a frizzy haired robot!
Steven Hyde: Hey, I'm Forman, I use the same voice to imitate everybody!

"Robot Chicken: Gold Dust Gasoline (#1.3)" (2005)

Fez: [phone rings] Kelso!
Michael Kelso: Fez! I just took your picture with my phone! I just sent it to you!
Fez: [checks phone] Oooh... what a sexy photo! It really captures my metrosexuality!
Steven Hyde: Okay... who just text messaged me saying I'm a douche bag?
Michael Kelso: *Burn!*

"That '70s Show: Punk Chick (#1.22)" (1999)

Steven Hyde: [talking about moving to New York] If I can make it there...
Eric Forman: You can't make it there!
Steven Hyde: ...But if I can make it there...
Eric Forman: You won't make it there!
Steven Hyde: Would you just listen! If I can make it there... Dammit Forman, now I lost my train of thought!

"That '70s Show: The Trials of M. Kelso (#3.18)" (2001)

Steven Hyde: School spirit is for losers, man. You're just like, floating along on a conveyor belt of conformity... like, pep-rallies, extra curricular activities... washing you hair...

"That '70s Show: Crazy Little Thing Called Love (#8.17)" (2006)

Kitty Forman: [Discussing possible retirement activities with Red] Well you know, you could take a trip. When Amy O'Brien's husband retired, they went to see the nutcracker museum in Rhode Island. We don't have to go some place that fancy, but there is that cave in West Virginia I've been wanting to see.
Steven Hyde: That's a good idea, Red. You and Kitty should travel - you know, see the world.
Reginald 'Red' Forman: I saw the world when I was in the Navy. It shot at me.

"That '70s Show: A New Hope (#1.20)" (1999)

Fez: Im so excited to see Star Whores!
Steven Hyde: No Fez, it's Star Wars.
Fez: Screw that!

"That '70s Show: I Can't Quit You Babe (#5.2)" (2002)

[Hyde explains how he and Jackie got together]
Steven Hyde: It was obvious she wanted me.
[we see the recollection of Hyde]
Jackie Burkhart: I want you.
Steven Hyde: It's obvious.

"That '70s Show: Water Tower (#1.21)" (1999)

Steven Hyde: Okay. All right. Do you remember that time when I was climbing your fence, and I hit my forehead on that tree branch, and I fell into your yard, and your dog Yogi came out of the house and bit me twice on the ass?
Michael Kelso: [laughing] Yeah, you bled and you cried.
Steven Hyde: I bled. I didn't cry.
Michael Kelso: Yeah, you did. You bled AND you cried.
Steven Hyde: And you laughed, man. A lot. While I was bleeding... You see my point?
Michael Kelso: Yeah: it's funny when friends get hurt.
Steven Hyde: Close enough.

"That '70s Show: Jackie Bags Hyde (#3.8)" (2000)

Hyde: Get in the car, we're goin' on a freakin' date.

"That '70s Show: Vanstock (#2.6)" (1999)

Laurie Forman: Good morning, orphan
Steven Hyde: Good morning...
Laurie Forman: That's it? That's all you've got?
Steven Hyde: [waits until Red's out of the room] ... whore.
Laurie Forman: Mom, he called me a whore!
Kitty Forman: Um... yeah.

"That '70s Show: Streaking (#1.3)" (1998)

Steven Hyde: I'm going to write an awesome slogan like "I hate the fuzz" on my ass.
Fez: If you hate the fuzz on your ass, why don't you just shave it off?

"That '70s Show: Donna's Panties (#3.15)" (2001)

Michael Kelso: Hey guys, check out this article in "Boy's Life."
Eric: "The Square Knot Not Just For Squares"?
Michael Kelso: No the one about being an astronaut. I think I'm gonna do that.
Jackie Burkhardt: Michael, I think in order for them to let you be an astronaut, you have to be not dumb.
Michael Kelso: No, 'cause if they can send a monkey into space, they can send me.
Steven Hyde: I don't know. Monkeys are pretty smart.
Michael Kelso: All right, fine, make fun of me. But when you see my shoe prints on the moon, what are you gonna say then?
Eric: Probably "Hey some monkey is wearing Kelso's shoes!"

"That '70s Show: Eric's Stash (#2.12)" (2000)

Eric Forman: Money doesn't make the world go round. You know what makes the world go round?
Steven Hyde: Screw you, you called me a thief!
Eric Forman: It's love, that's right.

"That '70s Show: Baby Fever (#3.7)" (2000)

[Kelso finds out Jackie smashed his van]
Michael Kelso: How did this happen, Jackie, how?
Jackie Burkhart: Michael, like I said...
Michael Kelso: How?
Jackie Burkhart: Coming out of the drive...
Michael Kelso: How?
Steven Hyde: Kelso. Come on man, relax. Let those of us who aren't you enjoy this moment.

"That '70s Show: The Battle of Evermore (#5.17)" (2003)

Red Forman: [Red walks out into the driveway] Wellll, I guess this is the way an immature, engaged, high-school dumbass with no car, no job, and no money trims the hedges.
Steven Hyde: That was like eight burns in one sentence.
Donna Pinciotti: An octo-burn. Let's get the hell outta here.