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Eric Forman (Character)
from "That '70s Show" (1998)

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"That '70s Show: Over the Hills and Far Away (#5.6)" (2002)

Eric Forman: You love Marquette and I've made my peace with that so we're just gonna go to different colleges, drift away and make out with guys named Ted because these are things we can't change, you're gonna get menopause and I'm gonna die!
Donna Pinciotti: Eric, I'm not going to Marquette.
Eric Forman: Oh. Well, never mind.
Donna Pinciotti: I loved it there and was so excited to tell you about it but the drive took forever and I realized that's how far we would be from each other all the time so I'm going to UW.
Eric Forman: Oh, Donna.
Donna Pinciotti: Eric isn't this great; we're going to be together all the time.
Eric Forman: You're not going to get all clingy.
Donna Pinciotti: [playfully] Shut up!
Eric Forman: I mean I'm going to be a big college man.
Donna Pinciotti: Ah ha...
Eric Forman: I'm gonna need my space.

Donna Pinciotti: I have a bad feeling about this weekend, going away to different colleges.
Eric Forman: There's an upside, when we get together, its going to be electric.
Donna Pinciotti: I'm serious, what if we go to different schools for three years, we'll never see each other.
Eric Forman: Then summer break, you better board up your windows because here comes Hurricane Eric.
Donna Pinciotti: What are my windows and wouldn't you want them open?
Eric Forman: We go to different schools now and we make it through it because our love is strong like a burly bear, zip up your tent because this bear has claws.
Donna Pinciotti: Again wouldn't you want my tent open?

Kitty Forman: Do you have to breathe so much, it's like a sauna in here
Eric Forman: Alright, you heard the lady, no more breathing
Kitty Forman: I didn't tell you not to breathe, I asked you not to breathe as much, there's a difference
Fez: [to Red] For crazy people
Reginald "Red" Forman: Hey Ali Baba, close sesame
Steven Hyde: Red you missed the exit
Reginald "Red" Forman: Oh damn, Eric you're supposed to be watching the map, what are you doing?
Eric Forman: [He holds up the map which he folded into a crown] Making you a crown because you're king of the road!
Fez: I need to go to the bathroom
Steven Hyde: Can you turn up the radio?
Michael Kelso: First down, touchdown!
Kitty Forman: WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP!

Eric Forman: Mum seems to have cheered up
Reginald "Red" Forman: Don't be fooled, at any minute it can strike
Michael Kelso: Wait up!
Reginald "Red" Forman: What do you want?
Michael Kelso: The explanation is pinned to my lapel
Reginald "Red" Forman: [opens the envelope] Dear Mr Forman, Mr Kelso and I are unable to take Michael to UW, here's 30 bucks so he can go with you, where's the thirty bucks?
Michael Kelso: I used it to pay for this electronic football game
Reginald "Red" Forman: I swear to God Kelso, you make Eric look like Einstein
Eric Forman: Thank you Daddy
Michael Kelso: [to Eric] Thank you? Einstein was ugly

Reginald "Red" Forman: Before we hit the road we need to talk about the horrible thing that has taken over your mother.
Eric Forman: Oh you mean her change of life?
Steven Hyde: I thought we were calling it the lady parts problem.
Reginald "Red" Forman: It goes by many names, it's a tricky enemy, I haven't been this frosty since Korea and like a Commie it can jump out at any moment and attack.
Kitty Forman: [off-screen] Red, honey.
Steven Hyde: Take cover!
Eric Forman: Retreat!

Eric Forman: So I told my girlfriend we could go to different schools, everyone does that right?
Lisa: My boyfriend and I have been going to different schools for three years and now we love each other more than ever.
Eric Forman: And I bet when you get together, it's like a thunderstorm.
Ted: [to Lisa] Hey pretty lady.
[She kisses him]
Eric Forman: Excuse me, hello? Didn't you just say you have a boyfriend?
Lisa: Yeah but he's not here
Eric Forman: [to Hyde] I told Donna we could go to different schools, if Donna doesn't hate Marquette, we're screwed
Steven Hyde: Who cares man? I just turned down a half drunk college chick, I'm pretty sure she could do stuff

Steven Hyde: Mrs. Forman, college isn't for me. I do my learning on the streets.
Reginald "Red" Forman: Steven you're a smart kid. If you apply yourself, you can go to college too
Steven Hyde: You don't trust me alone around the house?
Reginald "Red" Forman: See how smart you are.
Kitty Forman: My baby boy is all grown up and off visiting college. I am so frickin old!
Eric Forman: And menopause makes another unwelcome appearance at the dinner table.

Eric Forman: There's my favorite co-ed, you all ready to go?
Donna Pinciotti: I can't go, my Dad's making me go to Marquette. He says it's a better school. Oh, and because it sounds French.
Eric Forman: Well, if it's a better school I should go too, right Dad?
Reginald "Red" Forman: No state schools are cheap. that's where you belong.
Eric Forman: Can't you take out a second mortgage on the house?
Reginald "Red" Forman: [Red and Hyde laugh] Not for you, dumbass.

Donna Pinciotti: Donna
[on the phone]
Donna Pinciotti: Eric ?
Eric Forman: You hate Marquette so I think its safe to cross it right off the list.
Donna Pinciotti: Actually I love it, there's this English professor, he wears a beret and a collaroy jacket but he listens to Zeppelin.
Eric Forman: Well UW has a vending machine
[pauses]
Eric Forman: Donna I love you
Donna Pinciotti: I love you, bye.
Reginald "Red" Forman: [To Eric] You gonna cry too?
[Kitty's on the foot of the bed watching TV and crying]

Eric Forman: [about Donna and Marquette] She loves it there
Reginald "Red" Forman: We're all screwed; you think I want to be here nursing my lunatic wife from the brink and even if by some slimmer of hope you hang on to Donna, eventually she's going to turn into that
[Kitty]
Reginald "Red" Forman: and then a few years later you die
Eric Forman: [sarcastically] Thanks for the bedtime story

Eric Forman: [about UW] This place is great, I wish Donna were here.
[a towel clad college girl walks past]
Eric Forman: My God, will you look at that!
Michael Kelso: We just saw college butt.
[pause]
Michael Kelso: On a girl.

"That '70s Show: Can't You Hear Me Knocking (#7.13)" (2005)

Eric Forman: Poor little tough guy hiding behind his bluster
Steven Hyde: Shut up Forman, I'm fine!
Michael Kelso: Sounds like someone needs a tickle
Fez: No I'm okay
Eric Forman: We're your best friends and we're not going to let you go through this alone
Michael Kelso: Eric's right
[climbs over the couch]
Michael Kelso: we're going to do something that guys do
Fez: A massage train?
Michael Kelso: No
[to Hyde]
Michael Kelso: so we got you a present
Michael Kelso: [The circle] This is a great present guys, I especially like the teeny white paper you wrapped it in
Michael Kelso: The Russians have a Russian death ray aimed at the White house, I read it in a magazine
Eric Forman: That was the Flash and it is a comic book
Fez: I love comic books, sometimes I wish I had thought bubbles, do you see anything?
Steven Hyde: The Russians don't have a death ray man but they do have a stupid ray and its pointed at your head
Michael Kelso: They do have a death ray and I'll prove it, where's the phone?
Eric Forman: Kelso I'm not allowed to make long distance calls without permission
Michael Kelso: They've got me on hold, oh and they're playing the theme song to the President
Eric Forman: Hail to the chief
Michael Kelso: Thank you Eric but I'm trying to enjoy the President's theme song

Fez: If Hyde's right and the Feds are outside, we have to dispose of the evidence
Eric Forman: [The second circle] Good job disposing of the evidence guys
Michael Kelso: Eric you better take this seriously, we have a lot of evidence to dispose of, even more than at the Pink Floyd concert
Fez: Without all the smoke machines and lasers this is just like punishment
Steven Hyde: I never thought I'd say this but I wish I had more people to share this with

Steven Hyde: [The third circle] This is our third circle today and it hasn't calmed me down at all!
Fez: I can't be sent back to my home country, my parents would be ashamed, I'd get stoned and then they'd throw rocks at me
Eric Forman: I think we all need to settle down! Just settle down! Who's yelling! Who is yelling!

Eric Forman: The Feds wouldn't park a car right outside my house
Steven Hyde: Everything you think the Government aren't doing, they are doing, the only thing they didn't do was land man on the moon, Spielberg shot the whole thing in a Hollywood movie set, that's how he got the job for Jaws!

Eric Forman: Kelso if you tell the White house there's a death ray, they're going to have you committed, I say go for it
Michael Kelso: Of course they're not going to admit it, I got to trick them into saying it, its what cops call
[uses air quotes]
Michael Kelso: tricking them
[on the phone]
Michael Kelso: hello white house, I have a few questions, how well is the President protected? Because someone wants to hurt the President, damn right its a threat, a threat on the President's life! Where am I now? I'm at Red Forman's house in Point place
Eric Forman: No!
[Eric and Hyde hang up the phone]
Steven Hyde: You idiot! You just told them where we are, they're going to come here and arrest us
Michael Kelso: They should arrest the Russians, they're the ones with the death ray!
Fez: You didn't mention the death ray!
Michael Kelso: Ah ha! So you admit there is a death ray!

Eric Forman: [to a vacuum they think has a bug in it] You're looking for Michael Kelso
Michael Kelso: Quit it
Eric Forman: No this whole thing is your fault.
Michael Kelso: If its anyone's fault, its Hyde's because he got dumped by Jackie so we had to be nice to him
Fez: Go easy on the kid! Breaking up with Jackie was the biggest mistake he ever made, remember we were talking about it behind his back!
Steven Hyde: Shut up Fez, if I want to hear your advice, I'll kick you in the nads
Fez: Oh in that case my advice is please don't kick me in the nads
Eric Forman: [in a loud voice] Maybe the Feds have some advice, remember they're listening with the
[whispers]
Eric Forman: V-A-C-U-U-M
Steven Hyde: [They look puzzled for a little bit] It spells Vacuum.
Michael Kelso: Vacuum has two U's in it, that's messed up

Steven Hyde: Seriously Jackie don't you have something to say?
Jackie Burkhart: Like what?
Steven Hyde: I don't know, I'm a spoilt, crazy whack job and I'm sorry
Fez: That's no way to talk to a lady
Michael Kelso: Especially a spoilt crazy whack job, that's likely to get you killed
Reginald "Red" Forman: [entering] Oh my god, there's a hundred morons in my basement! Not even that's going to ruin my day
Eric Forman: Yes only one and one man only has the power to do that, tis I
Reginald "Red" Forman: No not even you can do that and who the hell talks like that
Kitty Forman: Red, honey you were happy remember?
Reginald "Red" Forman: Today's the first day of winter and I'm going fishing
Kitty Forman: I'll come too, I'll grab my fishing stick
Reginald "Red" Forman: I don't want to go
Kitty Forman: Why not?
Reginald "Red" Forman: Because I don't want you to go
Michael Kelso: [using a golf stick like a shotgun] Burn

Fez: [They think a van parked across the street is the FBI] Its just a dog catcher van
Steven Hyde: That's what they want you to think man
Michael Kelso: Yeah a real dog catcher van wouldn't say dog catchers because otherwise the dogs would see it and run away
Fez: I can hear dogs inside
Steven Hyde: Its obviously a recording, alright, on the count of three, one, two, three
[They open the doors releasing a bunch of dogs]
Steven Hyde: I don't know if its the fresh air talking but I'm beginning to think this entire thing is just our imagination
Eric Forman: I think we need to let this whole imagination thing go
[almost hits Fez with his red plastic light saber]
Eric Forman: Whoa, watch out, I almost cut you right in half there man

Jackie Burkhart: There were dogs on the path so we climbed to the top of this tall thing to get away from them
Donna Pinciotti: That was me
Fez: Dogs?
Donna Pinciotti: What did you do!
Eric Forman: What! Nothing! Kelso thought there was a death ray so he called the White House and we thought the Feds were after us! But its okay, we just imagined it
Donna Pinciotti: I'm cutting you off, where's your stash?
Michael Kelso: Its all gone man

Steven Hyde: [Eric is carrying a red plastic light saber] You know that's not a real weapon?
Eric Forman: I know
Steven Hyde: Not even if you really, really believe
Eric Forman: I don't
[Hyde walks away]
Eric Forman: Don't let me down baby
[He kisses the light saber]

Steven Hyde: Kelso finally figures out how to use a phone and we're all going to jail!
Eric Forman: Maybe its not them, I mean the Feds wouldn't park a car right outside my house
Steven Hyde: Everything you think the Government's not doing, they are doing, the only thing they didn't do was land man on the moon, Spielberg shot the whole thing in a Hollywood movie set, that's how he got the job for Jaws!

"That '70s Show: Ramble On (#5.5)" (2002)

Eric Forman: Well... did you see that? I told you the truth and we got into a fight. My dad told my mom she's pleasant, a whopper of a lie, and they've been married 150 years.
Donna Pinciotti: I don't care. I want you to tell me the truth all the time.
Eric Forman: No, no, you don't. It's like when women ask whether or not their outfit makes them look fat. How many men tell them they look fat? Zero. How many women look fat? Not zero.

Eric Forman: [looking at the man ring] My girlfriend has bad taste
Fez: Well she is dating you
Eric Forman: What was she thinking?
Steven Hyde: Forman you got to expect this man, I mean look at her Dad, the apple doesn't fall far from the bob

Donna Pinciotti: [first lines] You know, Eric, I'm really happy with our relationship right now.
Eric Forman: Yeah, me too. It's like we're way past the broken up and miserable stage and we're back in the having sex again stage. Yeah, thumbs up from this end, too. Yeah
Donna Pinciotti: I'm serious. I mean, we've been through a lot, and even though some of it wasn't exactly fun, I mean, it was worth it, because now we know we can handle anything. And we don't freak out about the little stuff.
Eric Forman: Right like that time we got into that big fight because I ran over your cat
Donna Pinciotti: That wasn't little stuff, I really loved that cay
Eric Forman: Yeah, I know, I meant the cat was little

Kitty Forman: Click damn it, click!
Reginald "Red" Forman: Kitty I think your lady problem's acting up again
Kitty Forman: No just the clicker is all, it's supposed to click, it's a clicker, that's what it does
Reginald "Red" Forman: I think its time for a nap
Eric Forman: Guys really important, Donna's coming over and I lost the ring she gave me
Reginald "Red" Forman: Eric your mother is having a nervous breakdown
Kitty Forman: The only thing having a breakdown is the clicker, why won't it click! Nothing loves me
Donna Pinciotti: [entering] Okay Eric, Jackie told me you hate the ring
Eric Forman: Oh, oh
Donna Pinciotti: I happen to think its beautiful, that's what a man ring looks like!
Eric Forman: Maybe I'm just not a man ring kind of guy, I mean I like man pants and man shirts
Donna Pinciotti: Why didn't you just tell me you hated it when I gave it to you, just give it back to me
Eric Forman: I absolutely will just as soon as I find it
Donna Pinciotti: What? How could you lose it! I told you it was a symbol of our loving freaking relationship!
Eric Forman: And my losing it symbolizes! How much I love and respect you?
[She leaves]
Reginald "Red" Forman: Eric quick get me compound presses and a bloody Mary, your mother is talking about adopting a communist orphan I need help, move, damn it!

Eric Forman: How can I lose a 25 pound ring?
Michael Kelso: I once lost a six foot rubber chili dog, I still haven't found it, it's just gone!
Eric Forman: Hyde this is all your fault, you told Jackie I didn't like the ring
Michael Kelso: Hyde stabbed you in the back, no, he wouldn't do a thing like that, like he didn't steal Jackie from me, oh, wait a minute!
Steven Hyde: [To Eric] Look man I told her not to tell
Eric Forman: And I told you not to tell
Michael Kelso: [To Hyde] You and Jackie are gossiping now, the more you go out, the more like each other, you become
Eric Forman: Who knows what you and your little girlfriend are going to be up to in a couple of months
Jackie Burkhart: [Fantasy sequence] 2,4.6.8, who do we appreciate! Go team!
Steven Hyde: 2,4.6.8, who do we appreciate! Go team! Jackie I heard the best piece of gossip, Eric Forman doesn't have any school spirit
Jackie Burkhart: I'm telling everyone
Steven Hyde: Too late I already did
Steven Hyde: First of all Jackie's not my girlfriend and second of all I'm not the only one who spills stuff around here
Eric Forman: You're right, hey Kelso, Hyde watches Little House on the Prarie
Michael Kelso: [laughs] Little house on the prarie?
Steven Hyde: It reminds me of a simpler time

Michael Kelso: [Kelso's superhero fantasy]
Michael Kelso: [As Batman] Okay super pals I'm gonna need a status report
Steven Hyde: [As a wonder twin, stops making out with Jackie] My sensors indicate peace and quiet throughout the universe
Fez: [As Aquaman] The oceans are secure but I can't check for another 45 minutes because I just ate
Eric Forman: [As Superman entering with Donna as Wonder Woman] Hey guys
Michael Kelso: Oh no, you've been brainwashed and forced to wear this hideous ring
Donna Pinciotti: Actually its a gift
Steven Hyde: Form of worst gift ever
[Holds his fist out to the side]
Jackie Burkhart: [As the other wonder twin] Shape up, I hope he kept the receipt
Eric Forman: Alien zombies are attacking the Earth, lets swing into action gang
Michael Kelso: Hold it, we're still on this ring
Steven Hyde: Are you sure its not an alien artifact?
Donna Pinciotti: I got it at the mall
Reginald "Red" Forman: Greetings dumbasses
Eric Forman: Oh, oh, its Dr Bald
Reginald "Red" Forman: My army of alien zombies is invading, good lord that is an ugly ring, alien zombies get a load of that ring
Eric Forman: That's it, this thing's coming off
Steven Hyde: Careful man, you drop something that big and heavy, it'll throw off the Earth's rotation, we'll all go crashing into the sun
Michael Kelso: Yeah way to use science in a burn

Eric Forman: I can't believe you took my ring!
Fez: Yes I took it, I took it and I'm proud, you have a girlfriend, you have a ring, I have nothing!
Eric Forman: Well you have a job
Fez: Yes that's true, good for me

"That '70s Show: Eric's Burger Job (#1.6)" (1998)

Ricky: Why do you want a career at Fatso Burger?
Eric: I think it will be a wonderful experience.
Michael Kelso: My girlfriend's dad owns it.
Fez: I love the uniforms.
Steven Hyde: To unionize the workers, man.
Ricky: What do you consider to be your best quality?
Eric: I'm a real people person.
Steven Hyde: I don't answer stupid questions.
Fez: I speak Dutch.
Michael Kelso: My eyes. Oh and I guess my butt too.
Ricky: Name something about yourself that is a weakness.
Eric: I allow people to boss me around.
Fez: I love chocolate.
Steven Hyde: I'm brutally honest. Pinhead.
Michael Kelso: Um...
[falls backwards on chair]
Ricky: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Eric: Fatso Burger.
Fez: Covered in gold chains.
Michael Kelso: Rock star. No, movie star. No, yeah rock star.
Steven Hyde: Prison.

Eric: Hey would you guys respect me if I got a job at the town dump?
Donna Pinciotti: Town dump no? State dump? why are you getting a job anyway?
Eric: Everything costs money, gas, clothes, fun
Michael Kelso: Dates, dates cost money
Fez: No Kelso that is prostitution
Steven Hyde: Dates are prostitution man , except you don't always get what you paid for
Donna Pinciotti: Says the man who's never had a girlfriend
Steven Hyde: Hey you guys remember Andra the biker chick?
Eric: Whatever happened to her?
Steven Hyde: [proud] She's dating my uncle

Jackie Burkhart: Wait so your parents are going to be out of town?
Donna Pinciotti: Yeah it's just going to be me alone Saturday, well I'm babysitting my sister Tina; I'll watch some TV, maybe order a pizza
Michael Kelso: Let's have a party, a toga party
Jackie Burkhart: Michael maybe she doesn't want to have a party, maybe she wants to be alone
Donna Pinciotti: Well it'd just be me but if someone happens to come by, that'll be cool
Michael Kelso: Party at Donna's
Fez: Donna I've never been to an American party, may I come?
Donna Pinciotti: I don't care, so Eric will you be there?
Eric: Eric:
[not looking up from the newspaper]
Eric: Yeah, sure
Jackie Burkhart: [Donna leaves the basement and Jackie smacks Eric and Kelso across the back of the head] You are both so stupid
Steven Hyde: That's a first, I actually agree with Jackie
[to Eric]
Steven Hyde: she totally put on a full court press man and you dropped the ball
Eric: What are you talking about, all she said was she's going to be alone Saturday, order a pizza, oh my God, I'm so stupid

Steven Hyde: Hello my minimum wage friend, I demand service
Eric: Welcome to fatso burger, how may I serve you?
Steven Hyde: That is so sad man
Michael Kelso: Jackie I've been racking my brain trying to thinking of why this guy didn't hire me
Jackie Burkhart: Michael I'm so sick of hearing this, you've still got me
Michael Kelso: I'm good looking and he's jealous, this body's a curse!
Jackie Burkhart: If you worked you wouldn't be able to see me whenever I wanted lover
[They kiss]
Fez: Please stop touching, it gives me needs

[Practicing for a job interview]
Reginald "Red" Forman: Stand up straight
Eric: [shaking his hand] Hello I'm Eric Forman
Reginald "Red" Forman: Not loose, firm, not sloppy like a fish, try it again
Eric: [shaking his hand] Hello I'm Eric Forman
Reginald "Red" Forman: Bend into it
Eric: Stand up straight and hold a fish
Reginald "Red" Forman: Don't be a smart mouth
Eric: Okay
[shaking his hand]
Eric: hello I'm Eric Forman
Reginald "Red" Forman: And?
Eric: Eric; And?
Kitty Forman: Maybe you could mention your Junior achievement experience
Reginald "Red" Forman: Kitty they could give a rat's ass about that
Kitty Forman: Maybe your honorable mention for the science award
Reginald "Red" Forman: Kitty?
Kitty Forman: Right rat's ass
Reginald "Red" Forman: Don't slouch
Eric: Wouldn't that go under the stand up straight category?
Reginald "Red" Forman: See that's a smart mouth comment; you're fired Mr Smart mouth! That's how that works

Eric: Dad I'm quitting my job
Reginald "Red" Forman: You're quitting?
Eric: I'm quitting, I'm a quitter and I coldn't hit a cow over the head with a hammer
Reginald "Red" Forman: Everybody quits their first job, it's no big deal
Eric: I gotta say I'm a little disappointed Dad
Reginald "Red" Forman: It wasn't a man's job anyway
Kitty Forman: Red
Reginald "Red" Forman: Come on Kitty it wasn't a man's job, it was a hairnet, name tag, nothing kind of a job
Eric: Well I'm quitting
Reginald "Red" Forman: It's a good thing too, it was cutting into your chores, you did a half assed job on that driveway
Kitty Forman: I think he did a wonderful job
Reginald "Red" Forman: [not looking up from his newspaper] Didn't look wonderful to me
Kitty Forman: [standing up] Sweep it yourself then

Eric: Ricky how did you start working here?
Ricky: Funny story, I was going to go to college, then they made me assistant manager and threw all this money at me and I didn't go
Eric: Yeah I'm quitting now
[jumps over the counter]
Ricky: Oh I would

"That '70s Show: That '70s Pilot (#1.1)" (1998)

Eric Forman: If my dad catches me copping beers he'll kill me.
Steven Hyde: I'm willing to take that risk.

Donna Pinciotti: Oh, have I told you how incredibly attractive you are Eric?
Eric Forman: No.
Michael Kelso: You told me he was cute.
Donna Pinciotti: No I didn't.
Michael Kelso: I remember, because you said not to say anything in front of Eric.

[the battery of Eric's car is dead]
Randy: So, what, you want a battery? 'Cause I can get you a battery.
Eric Forman: Are they cheap, or possibly free?
Randy: Thirty-two bucks, minimum.
Michael Kelso: All right, I'll tell you what. We'll trade you our battery plus five bucks for one of your batteries.

Donna Pinciotti: Eric, relax. We've lived next door to each other forever. You could've had me when I was four.
Eric Forman: Really? And there I was all day long on the hippity hop.

Steven Hyde: [The first circle] Is Red still thinking of giving you the car man ?
Michael Kelso: Even if we do get it, we're gonna need serious gas money because the Cruiser's a boat
Eric Forman: I know the cruiser's a boat, this whole gas shortage bites
Fez: Who's getting a boat?
Steven Hyde: There's no such thing as gas shortage man, its all set up by the government, everything's controlled by the oil companies like I heard about this guy who invented a car that runs on water man, its fiber glass, air cooled and it runs on water!
Fez: So it is a boat?
Steven Hyde: No its a car but instead of gas you put water in the tank
Michael Kelso: [laughing] I haven't heard of this car, hey Jackie's good for gas money
Eric Forman: You are such a whore
Fez: When does the boat get here whore?

Steven Hyde: [The first circle] Is Red still thinking of giving you the car maybe ?
Michael Kelso: Even if we do get it, we're gonna need serious gas money because the Cruiser's a boat
Eric Forman: I know the cruiser's a boat, this whole gas shortage bites
Fez: Who's getting a boat?
Steven Hyde: There's no such thing as gas shortage man, its all fake, the oil companies control everything like I heard about this guy who invented a car that runs on water man, its got a fiber glass, air cooled engine and it runs on water!
Fez: So it is a boat?
Steven Hyde: No its a car only you put water in the tank instead of gas
Michael Kelso: [laughing] I haven't heard of this car, hey Jackie's good for gas money
Eric Forman: You are such a whore
Fez: When does the boat get here whore?

"That '70s Show: I Can't Quit You Babe (#5.2)" (2002)

Eric Forman: How was your first day?
Donna Pinciotti: Grim. This nun totally spanked me with a ruler.
Fez: Yet another reason I wish I was a ruler.

[Eric and Donna walked in Jackie and Hyde while they were making out]
Jackie Burkhart: Okay, so, um... what exactly did you see?
Eric Forman: Hands, tongues, yours, his... It was horrible!
Donna Pinciotti: You were like Siamese twins, joined at the beard.

Bob Pinciotti: She's going to that school and that's final.
Eric Forman: Ok, fine. But know this, I'm prepared to fight this with every fiber of my being.
[Donna walks in wearing her school uniform]
Eric Forman: On the other hand, you can't put a price on a good education.

Donna Pinciotti: Eric, we're never gonna to see each other.
Eric Forman: Yeah, I know, and I can't even drive you to school. And we can forget about any lunchtime hokey-pokey. That's what it's all about.

Reginald "Red" Forman: Now, Eric, hand over the keys to the Vista Cruiser.
Eric Forman: What? Dad, no. The Cruiser's my Bat-Mobile. Without it, I'm just a guy in a silly outfit.

"That '70s Show: Eric Gets Suspended (#2.9)" (1999)

Hyde: Hey, I got a B in Spanish... I didn't even know I was taking Spanish.
Eric: [Moments later] Donna! You're smoking a cigarette.
Hyde: Even worse, man. It's a menthol!

Eric: [Eric is caught holding Donna's cigarette and Red is going to make him smoke a whole pack to punish him] Dad, I don't smoke! I give you my word!
Reginald "Red" Forman: Your word, huh?
Reginald "Red" Forman: What a load of crap! Light up!

Donna Pinciotti: Did you get in a lot of trouble for the cigarette?
Eric: Uh, surprisingly, yes. It turns out Red has a temper.
Donna Pinciotti: Really?
Eric: So, yeah, who knew?

Donna Pinciotti: Hey, check it out. I've got an F on my report card.
Eric: An F? What did you fail?
Donna Pinciotti: English.
Eric: Isn't that... what we speak?

"That '70s Show: Hunting (#2.13)" (2000)

Eric Forman: So where's Fez?
Bob Pinciotti: Kelso probably shot him.
Reginald "Red" Forman: Oh, I saw him walking into the woods right after we got here. Said he was going hunting. He had a whistle and a stick!
[starts laughs]
Bob Pinciotti: Ah, crazy foreign bastard.
[Fez walks up to them carrying two dead birds]
Fez: Let's eat.

Reginald "Red" Forman: What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you always so damn nervous?
Eric Forman: Oh, hmm, I don't know, maybe it's because you've been yelling at me for seventeen years?

[about Red]
Steven Hyde: You know, he's never really warmed up to you.
Eric Forman: Going on 17 years now.

[Red made Eric touch a dead rabbit when he was six which caused him several nightmares]
Reginald "Red" Forman: I just thought that if you touched it, you wouldn't be afraid of it.
Eric Forman: Well, thank you, Dr. Spock!

"That '70s Show: A New Hope (#1.20)" (1999)

Laurie Forman: Hey little brother. I made out with Kelso.
Eric Forman: SHUT UP!
Laurie Forman: What is wrong with you?
Eric Forman: Everything is wrong. Donna's mad at me, and the plant's closing, dad's out of a job.
Laurie Forman: Oh wow, I guess this is a bad time to tell him I flunked out of college.
Eric Forman: You know what Laurie, I cannot believe that you're the favorite.
Laurie Forman: Yeh. Doesn't it kick ass.

Donna Pinciotti: David Milbank? Aw, barf! Eric, remember when you beat him up on the playground?
Eric Forman: Yep!
[grinning]
Eric Forman: I kicked his ass.
Jackie Burkhart: Wait, wasn't he the kid with scoliosis and asthma?
Eric Forman: Yep.
[excitedly]
Eric Forman: And I kicked his *ass*!

Donna Pinciotti: [angrily] Eric, just because a guy pays attention to me does not mean he wants to get me naked!
Eric Forman: Oh, *grow up*!
Donna Pinciotti: [coldly] Is that why *you* paid attention to me?
Eric Forman: *Of course*!... Not! Of course not.

Eric Forman: Then they go into this bar and there are all these space creatures. Then someone makes the mistake of picking on Obi-Wan Kenobi. And then he takes out his lightsaber and he goes "whoosh" and he chops this guy's arm right off... 'cause it's a saber that's made out of light!
Kitty Forman: You know, this doesn't sound like a nice movie. Now, "The Way We Were", that's a nice movie.

"That '70s Show: After Glow (#2.17)" (2000)

Fez: If there's one thing guys like us know, it's how to have sex. Oh, I cannot live with this lie. Everyone, prepare to be shocked. I, Fez, am still a virgin.
Eric Forman: [sarcastically] Gosh. My world no longer makes sense.

Jackie Burkhart: Eric, if it makes you feel any better, Michael was really bad his first time, too.
Eric Forman: Oh, that's supposed to make me feel better?
Jackie Burkhart: Doesn't it?
Eric Forman: [realizes it does] Yeah, a little. Thanks, Jackie.

Steven Hyde: I think Donna and Forman finally made the beast with two backs
Eric Forman: Well, Hyde, I'm not saying yes and I'm not saying no, but... I'm especially not saying no!

"That '70s Show: Heartbreaker (#5.4)" (2002)

Michael Kelso: [laughs] Why is Hyde kissing Jackie?
[He looks back at Donna who's putting her hand through her hair]
Michael Kelso: What the hell? He's dead!
[He slams the beer can on the bench and starts pulling at the kitchen door unable to open it]
Donna Pinciotti: Kelso
Michael Kelso: They're getting away, what is wrong with this thing?
Eric Forman: It's against my better judgment but
[flips the switch]
Michael Kelso: Thank you, now Hyde's really dead
Michael Kelso: [He walks into the screen door] Well that's invisible!

Eric Forman: Okay Donna we need to stabilize him, we're gonna need pudding and lots of it
Michael Kelso: [getting up] Who chooses a chick over a friend?
Eric Forman: What, come on, Kelso remember when you made me walk home in a blizzard because you wanted 10 extra minutes with Pam Macy?
Michael Kelso: I didn't steal Pam Macy from you and you could've played in the snow until we were done
Donna Pinciotti: Jackie wanted to get married and you bailed; now she doesn't want to marry you, that solves your problem albeit with a disturbing twist ending
Michael Kelso: I'm kicking Hyde's ass
Eric Forman: Kelso you couldn't open my kitchen door

Eric Forman: Mum I'm really sorry, I know how much you wanted a baby, I 'm not sure what to say mainly because I don't really know what menopause is, are you going to lose your hair?
Reginald "Red" Forman: Shut up, she's not losing anything, from time to time, a woman's body, Kitty explain it to the boy
Bea Sigurdson: I'm just going to get some orange juice
Eric Forman: Mum maybe you should talk to Grandma about this
Reginald "Red" Forman: Yeah we're just a couple of ignoramuses
Kitty Forman: Go
Eric Forman: [As they're leaving] Is it? Is it a lady parts thing?
Reginald "Red" Forman: We'll look it up in the World book

"That '70s Show: Stolen Car (#1.14)" (1999)

Eric Forman: Why does Sully have a statue of the Virgin Mary on his dashboard?
Michael Kelso: [chewing] Maybe he's, like, religious or something.
Steven Hyde: Wasn't Sully in prison for arson?
Michael Kelso: Yeah. People who burn stuff believe in God, too, Hyde.
Steven Hyde: [pointing at the key-chain] Why does his key-chain say "I Love Bingo?"
Fez: Sully must love bingo.
Eric Forman: All right. I'm starting to think that this isn't Sully's car.
Michael Kelso: Then who's car is it?
[Police siren wails behind them and they stare forward in shock]

Steven Hyde: So what do you guys wanna do?
Eric Forman: We could walk to the Hub.
Steven Hyde: Too far.
Eric Forman: We could walk to...
Steven Hyde: Too far.

Cop #1: You stole a car, kid! What kind of cop would I be if I just let you go?
Eric Forman: My best friend the cop?

"That '70s Show: Red Sees Red (#3.2)" (2000)

Eric Forman: [to Red] What now? Ho Chi Minh?

Reginald "Red" Forman: Look what Eric and Steven did was bad but you sneaking around with Kelso that's just unpleasent.
Laurie Forman: But Daddy I'm not seeing Kelso.
Steven Hyde: Untrue!
Eric Forman: A damnable Lie!

Eric: I love the Bradys... hey, did you ever see the one where Mr. Brady went insane and put bells on all the doors?
[both Eric and Hyde laugh]
Red: Hey, did you ever see the one where Greg was a real wise-ass, so Mr. Brady took him outside and cleaned his clock?
Laurie: Did you ever see the one where I hated living here?
[Laurie storms out]
Hyde: That one's my favorite.

"That '70s Show: Babe I'm Gonna Leave You (#5.14)" (2003)

Eric Forman: We're gonna do what Luke Skywalker was too afraid to do: use the dark side to our advantage.
Donna Pinciotti: Eric, if we're gonna be married you really have to ease up on the Star Wars stuff. All right? It doesn't apply to everything.
Eric Forman: I'll have to rewrite my vows.

Jackie Burkhart: Oh. You're here. Didn't know they let slut-balls in here.
Annette: Well I saw you here so I thought it was okay.
Jackie Burkhart: Oh, you don't know it but you just burnt yourself.
Annette: Oh, I know it. The question is do *you* know it?
Eric Forman: Donna, are you following this?
Donna Pinciotti: Um, I think one of them is a slut-ball and the other one knows it.

[about the dance]
Eric Forman: Yeah, I'm just glad it's in the gym. There's nothing like celebrating the most romantic day in your life in a room where I got my first wedgie.
Donna Pinciotti: It meant I liked you, Eric.

"That '70s Show: The Crunge (#5.10)" (2002)

[Eric told the gang he and Donna are engaged]
Donna Pinciotti: I can't believe you told!
Eric Forman: Hey, Donna, I got an 800 on the S.A.T... We're lucky I can wash myself.

Eric Forman: I'm the man and the man's the man and that's just the way it is.

[to Donna]
Eric Forman: You know that Little House on the Prairie where Laura accidentally tells Fez and Jackie and Kelso and Hyde that we're engaged?

"That '70s Show: We're Not Gonna Take It (#6.6)" (2003)

Michael Kelso: [Kelso trying to train to be a waiter] I can't believe I did it!
Eric: I can't believe the glue held. Your first shift will not go well.
Michael Kelso: [holding the tray side ways] Yeah it'll be a disaster!

Eric: I'm going to get a high-paying job.
Reginald 'Red' Forman: Yeah, why don't you just go down to the 'Bureau of High-Paying Jobs'? It's right next to the 'Pie In The Sky' office.

Roy: Eric, you're hired.
Eric: Thank you, Roy. This is like a dream. A really... mediocre dream.

"That '70s Show: Jackie's Cheese Squeeze (#4.19)" (2002)

Jackie Burkhart: So, friends?
Eric Forman: As long as you promise not to tell people we're friends.

[Eric catches Jackie and Todd kissing]
Jackie Burkhart: Eric! Did you get a haircut? 'Cause I love it. You look just like Parker Stevenson.
Eric Forman: Oh, really? 'Cause I told the guy he should.... No! No, no. That's not gonna work, tramp-face. I saw tongue!

[Jackie doesn't want Eric to tell Kelso about her kissing Todd]
Eric Forman: You can buy two guaranteed hours of silence by carving this wheel of cheddar into a handsome likeness of me. And... go!

"That '70s Show: I'm a Boy (#6.8)" (2004)

[Donna and Eric are about to have sex]
Eric Forman: I'm just going to have to warn you, I'm exhausted, so you're going to have to do all the work.
Donna Pinciotti: Why should today be any different?

Kitty Forman: You have been such a big help, working yourself nearly to death. I made you your special sandwich.
Eric Forman: Awww. The 'Eric McSweety'.
Steven Hyde: It's a regular sandwich, hold the masculinity.

[Eric and Donna just had sex]
Eric Forman: You know what I have right in the palm of my hand?
Steven Hyde: No one wants to know that, just wash up.

"That '70s Show: Drive in (#1.8)" (1998)

Reginald "Red" Forman: Eric is that Kid from not America down here?
Eric Forman: Dad it's Fez!
Reginald "Red" Forman: Yeah whatever! The Erdmans called and they they want him to Go Home! Kelso stop saying Porno!
Michael Kelso: I didn't say it Mr. Foreman. Fez did!
Fez: [to Kelso] You are a bitch!
[leaves]

Michael Kelso: Eric! 'The Omen' is playing at the drive-in! Do you know what this means for us? It's make-out city!
Eric Forman: I... I really like you as a friend, Kelso. But can I bring a girl?

Eric: [Kelso, Jackie, Donna and Eric are in a drive in movie. Donna and Jackie screams and hides in the car, then Kelso gets Erics attention, then Eric shoves his face back, then Jackie grabs Kelso face] Donna, it's just a movie.
[Donna gets up. Then Kelso and Jackie starts kicking them in the head while making out]
Eric: Do you want to sit somewhere else?
Donna Pinciotti: So bad.
[they try to get out of the car while Kelso and Jackie were still kicking them]

"That '70s Show: Laurie and the Professor (#2.4)" (1999)

Jackie Burkhardt: No offence Eric, but your sister is as slutty as they come.
Michael Kelso: Eric, would you let her talk about your sister like that?
Eric: Sure.

Reginald "Red" Forman: Well I just wished that more teachers cared about their students like you do. I think it all started going downhill when youn couldn't paddle the kids anymore.
Eric: [Eric laughs] Pansy-ass supreme court.
Reginald "Red" Forman: Shut up.

"That '70s Show: Bring It on Home (#5.19)" (2003)

[about Jackie]
Eric Forman: Donna, you have to let her stay with you. Come on, she's your best friend.
Donna Pinciotti: She's not my best friend.
Eric Forman: Well, then who's your best friend?
[Donna thinks it over]
Donna Pinciotti: Oh crap. How the hell did that happen?

Fez: Oh, please! I'm a hot looking, smooth talking, frisky ass son of a bitch!
Eric: Hey Fez, right there! That's like, that's like a really weird thing to say.
Michael Kelso: Yea, I mean we're used to you but dude, you're weird!

"That '70s Show: Canadian Road Trip (#3.23)" (2001)

Eric: Okay, guys. Road trip checklist. Car: Check. Okay. We're good.
Fez: Is there anything about Canada we need to know before we get there?
Steven Hyde: Well, the beer is stronger, and as a result, their women look prettier.
Fez: Then let's haul ass to Canada!
Eric: Okay. Shh. Fez. If my dad finds out that we're going to Canada uh, for beer, no less, he's gonna start killing people, okay? People like us. So keep it down.
Michael Kelso: [Runs up to the guys] All right! Canada! Whoo-hoo! Beer!
[blows his horn]
Eric: Kelso, you're not going.
Michael Kelso: What? Why not?
Steven Hyde: Because this is a risky mission and you tend to screw these things up.
Michael Kelso: That is a damnable lie!
Eric: Okay. Kelso, remember that time we were gonna put a flaming bag of dog poop in front of Principal Pridwell's door, and you lit it in the car on the way over?
Michael Kelso: Yeah, I wanted to see it all flamey.
Eric: And then you panicked and stepped on it.
Michael Kelso: Eric, it was on fire!
Eric: Okay, You're not going.
Michael Kelso: No, no, no. Fine. I won't use the air horn, and I'll pay for the gas and the beer
Eric: I can't stay mad at you... Come on, you big lug.
Leo: [already sitting in the backseat of the car] Hey, dudes.
Steven Hyde: Leo, man, what are you doin' here?
Leo: Sittin'. What are you doin' here?
Steven Hyde: We're goin' to Canada to buy beer.
Leo: Canada? Cool, man. I spent some time up there during 'Nam.
Eric: Oh, conscientious objector, huh?
Leo: No. I didn't mind. Hey, a road trip sounds good, man, but I don't want nothin' to do with that beer. That stuff will mess with your mind, man.

Leo: You know why they call it beer?
Eric: No, why?
Leo: I'm just curious, man.

"That '70s Show: Magic Bus (#6.3)" (2003)

Steven Hyde: How'd it go with Donna?
Eric Forman: I ruined it. And I knew I was ruining it, while I was ruining it. I just kept on ruining it. Now Bogie, you know that, that guy knows how to let a woman go, "Here's lookin' at you kid." I threw a toaster.

Fez: Eric, long distance don't work, just like my girlfriend back home.
Eric Forman: Fez, you have a girlfriend back home?
Fez: No, don't you listen? Long distance relationships don't work.

"That '70s Show: Eric's Buddy (#1.11)" (1998)

[Buddy kisses Eric and freaks him out]
Eric Forman: [stammering] You're gay!
Buddy Morgan: Me? No, I'm not gay.
Eric Forman: You're not? But you just kissed me!
[pause]
Buddy Morgan: OK, I'm gay.

Donna Pinciotti: Where's Buddy?
Eric Forman: Oh, Buddy. Um, well, Buddy got... busy, so...
Jackie Burkhart: Yeah, I mean, I'm sure he has lots to do. He is popular.
Fez: Yeah, and so obviously gay
[Eric squirms]
Fez: .

"That '70s Show: Eric's Birthday (#1.2)" (1998)

[first lines]
Steven Hyde: [watching "Petticoat Junction"] Does it bother anyone else that these women live in Hooterville?
Eric Forman: Technically, Petticoat Junction is down the track from Hooterville.
Steven Hyde: Well, does it bother anyone that they live down the track from Hooterville?
Donna Pinciotti: What bothers me is that they bathe in the town water tank.

Kitty Forman: So, what do you want for your birthday?
Red Forman: Whatever you want. Money is no object, as long as it's reasonable.
Eric: I want a cassette player for the car. A cassette player, not an 8 track. NOT an 8 track. Okay?
Kitty Forman: Why don't they put record players in cars?
Red Forman: OK, Eric, if you don't want an 8 track, you won't get one.
Kitty Forman: Oh, but Red, he wants one.
Eric: No, I don't. I don't want an 8 track.
Red Forman: You'll get a Delco. A genuine GM part for a genuine GM car.

"That '70s Show: Time Is on My Side (#7.1)" (2004)

Eric: You know, this whole marriage thing has made me think: why am I in such a hurry to grow up? You know life is like a train. It's bearing down on you, and guess what? It's gonna hit you! So you can either start running when it's far off in the distance, or you can pull up a chair, crack open a beer, and just watch it come!
Kelso: I did that once.
Eric: No, Kelso. Not a real train... a metaphorical one...
Kelso: Like a... like a ghost train?
[Eric stares at Kelso for a moment]
Eric: Yes... a ghost train.

Eric: Okay! I'm here to earn my dinner! What am I gonna do about Donna?... We're hanging out! What am I gonna do about my job?... I quit! What am I gonna do about my future?... Nothing! When am I moving out?... Make me!

"That '70s Show: Hyde's Christmas Rager (#3.9)" (2000)

Eric Forman: Fez is making ice.

Eric Forman: There's a fine line between scumbag and father of the year.

"That '70s Show: Eric's Panties (#3.6)" (2000)

Eric Forman: Hi, hello, hi Donna.
Donna Pinciotti: Don't hi, hello, hi Donna me!

Eric Forman: Donna, you have to believe me, I have no idea whose panties those are!
Midge Pinciotti: [rushes in] Donna! Those are my panties.
Michael Kelso: Eric!
[he and Fez bow down]
Michael Kelso: You are a god! A god I say!

"That '70s Show: Grandma's Dead (#1.23)" (1999)

[to his grandma]
Eric Forman: I don't think being nice for a whole day would kill you.
[grandma falls over and dies]

Eric Forman: I killed her. She was old, and the shock of her grandson telling her that she was nasty killed her.
Donna Pinciotti: Have you talked to Red about this?
Eric Forman: I'm not talking to my dad about this. Do you remember how angry he got when I didn't rake the yard? And this is like, twice as bad.

"That '70s Show: Romantic Weekend (#3.16)" (2001)

[telling the guys how he was making out with Pam Macy in the school orchestra room]
Michael Kelso: You know the really, really bad thing that can happen to guys when they're with girls?
Fez: Oh, did Mr. Cooper come in to buff the floor?
Michael Kelso: No.
[pauses]
Michael Kelso: Okay. Let me put it this way. The buffer wouldn't buff.
Fez: Poor Mr. Cooper.
Steven Hyde: No, Fez. I think what he's trying to say is the rabbit wouldn't come out of the hat.
Eric Forman: The weasel wouldn't pop.
Michael Kelso: The alphabet soup never spelled "go".
Eric Forman: There were a lot of Amish people but they couldn't raise the barn.
Steven Hyde: Nice one, Forman.
Eric Forman: It just came to me.

Kitty Forman: Will Michael's parents be home?
Eric Forman: Yes.
Reginald "Red" Forman: Are they as dumb as he is?
Eric Forman: I can't lie. Yes. Yes they are.
Reginald "Red" Forman: Right answer. That was a trick question. I know they're dumb.

"That '70s Show: Radio Daze (#3.14)" (2001)

Eric Forman: Hey, I'm Hyde. I don't feel anything. I'm just a frizzy haired robot!
Steven Hyde: Hey, I'm Forman, I use the same voice to imitate everybody!

Eric Forman: People all over the world heard it... people in Canada heard it.
Kitty Forman: Oh honey, people in Canada don't matter.

"That '70s Show: Eric's Drunken Tattoo (#3.22)" (2001)

[Leo is giving Eric a tattoo on his butt]
Leo: Dude, Debbie is gonna be real happy about this.
Eric Forman: Who's Debbie?
Leo: Hello? Your girlfriend, Debbie? Jesus...
Eric Forman: Leo, her name is Donna.
Leo: Oh, I can fix that.

Donna Pinciotti: Did you read my diary? I won't get mad if you did.
Eric Forman: [cautious] Yes.
Donna Pinciotti: You sneaky little dillhole!

"That '70s Show: That Disco Episode (#1.7)" (1998)

Eric Forman: You smell great. What'd you do?
Donna Pinciotti: I took a bath.
[pause]
Donna Pinciotti: I was thinking of you the whole time.
Eric Forman: Yeah, I do the same thing in the shower.
Donna Pinciotti: What?
Eric Forman: [quickly] Nothing.

Eric Forman: I like you.
Donna Pinciotti: So... you're in like with me?

"That '70s Show: Eric's Stash (#2.12)" (2000)

Eric Forman: Oh, hey, here comes a dumb question. Uh, I wasn't a mistake, was I?
Kitty Forman: Oh, for... for... Okay! Who wants some cocoa?

Eric Forman: Money doesn't make the world go round. You know what makes the world go round?
Steven Hyde: Screw you, you called me a thief!
Eric Forman: It's love, that's right.

"That '70s Show: Baby Fever (#3.7)" (2000)

Reginald "Red" Forman: Eric, what have I told you about calling your sister the devil?
Eric Forman: That it's offensive to the devil?

Donna Pinciotti: So it turns out that my super-sensitive-guy boyfriend wants me to be a baby machine. What a dillhole!
Eric Forman: [looking stunned] Donna, I'm sitting right here.
Donna Pinciotti: That's why I said it, you dillhole.

"That '70s Show: Kiss of Death (#2.20)" (2000)

Red Forman: It's funny how you always manage to pull up the car right up to the garage, but not in it
Eric: Yeah it takes a keen eye and a sure foot
Red Forman: Would you like your keen eye to watch my sure foot kick your smart ass?

"That '70s Show: Going to California (#5.1)" (2002)

[about Annette]
Michael Kelso: I love her.
Eric Forman: No you don't.
Michael Kelso: Well I love parts of her.

"That '70s Show: Uncomfortable Ball Stuff (#4.7)" (2001)

Eric Forman: It's not like being friends with Hyde. I haven't touched his fun parts. Well, on purpose.

"That '70s Show: Red and Stacey (#4.10)" (2001)

Eric Forman: She likes Red.
Donna Pinciotti: Oh my god!
Michael Kelso: You're gonna have to leave town!
Eric Forman: Why?
Michael Kelso: 'Cause we're gonna tell EVERYONE!

"That '70s Show: Garage Sale (#2.1)" (1999)

Kitty Forman: [about Hyde's brownies] Well, I know Steven put the special ingredient in.
Eric: I told him not to!
Hyde: [At the same time] Special ingredient?
Kitty Forman: Of course! Love!
Hyde: Yes, ma'am, Mrs. Forman. There's a whole big bag of love in here.

"That '70s Show: Ski Trip (#1.13)" (1999)

Kitty Forman: Honey, I put some sandwiches in your duffel bag. Now, um, why do you need such a big bag of oregano?
Eric Forman: Uh... Donna's Italian.

"That '70s Show: Too Old to Trick or Treat, Too Young to Die (#3.4)" (2000)

Reginald "Red" Forman: [on Fez getting hurt] So, you were chasing him on the roof because he took you're little rubber ball?
Eric Forman: No, it wasn't a ball, it was a super ball.
Steven Hyde: Yeah, you should see that thing bounce, it's pretty super.
Reginald "Red" Forman: [annoyed] Dumbasses.

"That '70s Show: First Date (#1.16)" (1999)

Reginald "Red" Forman: Damn good thing I went with him. He wanted to buy a leisure suit.
Eric Forman: Come on, dad. Leisure suits are cool. Everybody wears them.
Reginald "Red" Forman: Leisure suits are for dumbasses. Believe me.
[Bob walks in wearing a leisure suit]

"That '70s Show: You Can't Always Get What You Want (#7.9)" (2004)

Eric Forman: I don't want to wake up in five years and hate my life.
Reginald "Red" Forman: That's unavoidable.

"That '70s Show: Battle of the Sexists (#1.4)" (1998)

Michael Kelso: Donna beat you at basketball?
Fez: Is this true, Eric?
Eric: Yeah, is that a big deal?
Steven Hyde: Of course not. Unless Donna happens to be, you know, a girl.
Michael Kelso: Especially a girl you love.
Fez: In my country, if a woman beats you it makes her want you.
Eric: Really?
Fez: Yeah, but this is America, wuss.

"That '70s Show: Thanksgiving (#1.9)" (1998)

Red: Eric, Donna just came through here looking very upset. Did you have something to do with this?
Eric: What? No- Oh you already know.
Red: Yes I already know.
Eric: Look it's just that all these things always happen to me. It's like I have bad luck or something.
Red: Son, all these bad things don't happen to you because you have bad luck; they happen to you because you're a dumbass.

"That '70s Show: Bye Bye Basement (#4.5)" (2001)

Eric Forman: Hey Fez, does that costume come with a unicycle pump?
Donna Pinciotti: Well, you should talk. That shirt makes you look like a fruit-striped gum.
Eric Forman: God, what did you eat for breakfast? Carnation-instant bitch?

"That '70s Show: The Pill (#1.17)" (1999)

Eric: What happened? Did Kelso forget your birthday or something?
Jackie Burkhardt: I'm pregnant.
Donna Pinciotti: [outside] Eric, you're like a million miles away. What's going on?
Eric: Ok, Donna. I have to tell you something, but you promise you're not going to tell anybody else.
Donna Pinciotti: Dirt! I swear. Now tell me.
Eric: Not here.
[they run into the car]
Eric: [no audio] Jackie's pregnant.
[Donna makes a shocking face]

"That '70s Show: Sunday, Bloody Sunday (#1.10)" (1998)

[to Jackie and Kelso]
Donna Pinciotti: Finally. Where have you guys been?
Michael Kelso: We had to look for the paper, and eat, and then some stuff happened, you know.
Eric Forman: Your shirt's on inside out.
Michael Kelso: Yeah, that's the stuff.

"That '70s Show: Kitty's Birthday (That's Today?!) (#3.17)" (2001)

Michael Kelso: See, I did some reflecting, and I realized that Jackie is the only girl I want to be with.
Eric Forman: Today?

"That '70s Show: Angie (#7.8)" (2004)

Eric: [re: his quitting his roller disco alter ego Rainbow because everyone is teasing him. He is throwing away his skates and outfit.] You know here, I'm just an average kid. But down there, down there I was a *star*.

"That '70s Show: Hyde's Father (#3.3)" (2000)

[Donna and Eric are making out on his bed, she sees something underneath the bed]
Donna Pinciotti: You keep a stack of dirty magazines under your bed?
Eric Forman: What? No! No, not a stack.
[Donna picks up about 15 magazines]
Eric Forman: I mean, what is a "stack"?

"That '70s Show: I Love Cake (#2.7)" (1999)

Donna Pinciotti: I love you, Eric.
Eric Forman: [Eric looks shocked] I love... cake.

"That '70s Show: Fez Dates Donna (#3.21)" (2001)

Jackie Burkhart: Come on Michael, let's go somewhere where our love is accepted.
Eric Forman: While you're there, you might want to check out the monkey cages.

"That '70s Show: Ice Shack (#3.10)" (2001)

Red Forman: Son... there's something you should know... you're an idiot.
Eric: Um... nice... pep talk.

"That '70s Show: It's a Wonderful Life (#4.1)" (2001)

Eric: You're not an angel. You don't even float. Everyone knows angels float.
The Angel: Fine.
[starts floating above the floor and glowing brightly]
The Angel: Eric Forman, God's favorite cherub. Come with me, and I will release you of your suffering. Don't be afraid, little one.
Eric: No offense, but are you coming on to me?

"That '70s Show: Sleepover (#2.8)" (1999)

Eric Forman: Red won't let me get a job. He says if I don't study hard and get into college, once I turn 18, he's going to kill me... and I think he's serious, man.

"That '70s Show: Street Fighting Man (#7.14)" (2005)

Crazy Fan: [to Eric] Looks like the Bears have pretty much lost, so why don't you just get lost
Reginald "Red" Forman: Look you've made your point, yes he's wearing the
[Bears]
Reginald "Red" Forman: shirt but he's my son
Crazy Fan: Son or daughter?
Eric Forman: You can say what you want about me but its not going to affect me
Crazy Fan: [To Red] Stay out of this baldy
Eric Forman: Hey watch what you say about my Dad
Crazy Fan: Oh yeah, who's going to make me?
Reginald "Red" Forman: I am
Eric Forman: No I am
[He knees the fan and then throws him into the ground pounding him, hits an elbow drop]
Reginald "Red" Forman: Eric's in a fight, no-one's here, no-one's going to believe me, why didn't I bring my camera!

"That '70s Show: That '70s Finale (#8.22)" (2006)

Eric: [Final line of the series] Last one up has to call Red a dumb ass!

"That '70s Show: Hyde Moves In (#1.24)" (1999)

Michael Kelso: 'No Parents' would be cool, like the Lord of the Flies!
Eric Forman: Kelso, did you ever FINISH Lord of the Flies?
Michael Kelso: No, so...?

"That '70s Show: Happy Jack (#6.17)" (2004)

Eric: If God had wanted Mexican girls to wear tops, he wouldn't have created tequila.

"That '70s Show: Who's Been Sleeping Here? (#7.19)" (2005)

Eric Forman: OK Fez, let me ask you a question. If you were choosing godparents, wouldn't you choose Donna and me?
Fez: Well, in my country we don't have godparents. If something happens to your parents - tough crap. You're a bum. You Americans and your safety nets.

"That '70s Show: Dine & Dash (#3.13)" (2001)

[Kelso comes running into the basement]
Michael Kelso: Hey guys, guess what I got!
Steven Hyde: V.D.?
Michael Kelso: No. A 100 bucks!
Eric: Money to treat your V.D.?

"That '70s Show: What Is and What Should Never Be (#5.3)" (2002)

Michael Kelso: Hey guys! What are you talking about?
Eric, Steven Hyde: [at the exact same time] Indie 500
Eric: Niiice!

"That '70s Show: Jackie Moves On (#2.22)" (2000)

Laurie Forman: Well, that's not as bad as when I walked in on you in bed with your Dorthy Hammil poster and you were all...
Eric Forman: LAURIE WAS BORN WITH A TAIL!
Steven Hyde: What?
Eric Forman: Yea! Laurie was born with a tail!
Laurie Forman: Yea! Laurie was born with a tail!

"That '70s Show: Punk Chick (#1.22)" (1999)

Steven Hyde: [talking about moving to New York] If I can make it there...
Eric Forman: You can't make it there!
Steven Hyde: ...But if I can make it there...
Eric Forman: You won't make it there!
Steven Hyde: Would you just listen! If I can make it there... Dammit Forman, now I lost my train of thought!

"That '70s Show: Sparks (#6.22)" (2004)

Eric Forman: Please tell me that sound was a rip in the space-time continuum.

"That '70s Show: Water Tower (#1.21)" (1999)

Laurie Forman: Oh, for God's sake! Eric saw you guys doing it!
Kitty Forman: Oh, honey. Were your father and I having intercourse?
Eric: [shocked] Mom!
Laurie Forman: Oh, well, no wonder you have been acting so strange. Red, say something to the boy.
Red Forman: Oh! Ummm... It's more fun than it looks.

"That '70s Show: The Kids Are Alright (#6.1)" (2003)

Kitty Forman: And Eric, he needs quiet, so no shenanigans.
Eric: Mom please, I haven't shenaniganned in about six years. I've hooliganned, I've no-good-nicked, I've ne'er-done-well, just yesterday I found myself rabble-rousing...
Red Forman: Will you shut up!

"That '70s Show: Jackie Bags Hyde (#3.8)" (2000)

Eric Forman: You're just a National Guard kid.

"That '70s Show: Holy Craps (#3.20)" (2001)

[Eric thinks about him and Donna when they're middle aged and have totally had it with each other]
Donna Pinciotti: Who ate the last donut?
Eric Forman: [looks around] Um, I did.
Donna Pinciotti: Son of a bitch.
Eric Forman: Well, you ate the first eleven! I weigh 80 pounds! You know why I'm bald? My body is eating its own hair!

"That '70s Show: Streaking (#1.3)" (1998)

[about streaking]
Eric Forman: Don't get me wrong, I'm completely pro nudity, but I think my dad might kill me and I'm anti being killed.

"That '70s Show: Donna's Panties (#3.15)" (2001)

Michael Kelso: Hey guys, check out this article in "Boy's Life."
Eric: "The Square Knot Not Just For Squares"?
Michael Kelso: No the one about being an astronaut. I think I'm gonna do that.
Jackie Burkhardt: Michael, I think in order for them to let you be an astronaut, you have to be not dumb.
Michael Kelso: No, 'cause if they can send a monkey into space, they can send me.
Steven Hyde: I don't know. Monkeys are pretty smart.
Michael Kelso: All right, fine, make fun of me. But when you see my shoe prints on the moon, what are you gonna say then?
Eric: Probably "Hey some monkey is wearing Kelso's shoes!"

"That '70s Show: Nobody's Fault But Mine (#5.23)" (2003)

Fez: Ah, this is tomorrow's school paper. Oh my god, on the front page, there's a picture of me kissing Kelso by the lake.
Eric Forman: Fez, why are you kissing Kelso by the lake?
Fez: We caught a fish, I was excited. I kissed the fish too, but, of course, they don't show you that.

"That '70s Show: The Battle of Evermore (#5.17)" (2003)

Eric: [after Eric failed to make a cabin out of Lincoln Logs] I made a Millennium Falcon.
Red Forman: If that's a Star Wars thing, I'm going to kick you in the ass.