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Jackie Burkhart (Character)
from "That '70s Show" (1998)

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"That '70s Show: Can't You Hear Me Knocking (#7.13)" (2005)

Steven Hyde: Seriously Jackie don't you have something to say?
Jackie Burkhart: Like what?
Steven Hyde: I don't know, I'm a spoilt, crazy whack job and I'm sorry
Fez: That's no way to talk to a lady
Michael Kelso: Especially a spoilt crazy whack job, that's likely to get you killed
Reginald "Red" Forman: [entering] Oh my god, there's a hundred morons in my basement! Not even that's going to ruin my day
Eric Forman: Yes only one and one man only has the power to do that, tis I
Reginald "Red" Forman: No not even you can do that and who the hell talks like that
Kitty Forman: Red, honey you were happy remember?
Reginald "Red" Forman: Today's the first day of winter and I'm going fishing
Kitty Forman: I'll come too, I'll grab my fishing stick
Reginald "Red" Forman: I don't want to go
Kitty Forman: Why not?
Reginald "Red" Forman: Because I don't want you to go
Michael Kelso: [using a golf stick like a shotgun] Burn

Karate Instructor: You don't understand Jackie, I am a stranger who wants to hurt you
[gets in a fighting stance]
Jackie Burkhart: I'm not buying it
Donna Pinciotti: [to Jackie] Okay maybe its not a stranger, maybe its someone who's already hurt you like Hyde
Jackie Burkhart: Watch it Donna
Donna Pinciotti: You with a glimpse of hope asked him if you had a future and he said I don't know
[to the other students]
Donna Pinciotti: I don't know! Like Jackie Burkhart wasn't special enough, I thought Jackie Burkhart was special but apparently you're no better than me
Jackie Burkhart: All men are bastards!
[She pushes the karate instructor behind the screen and hits knee, punches and elbows to the back of the neck]
Jackie Burkhart: I'm better then everyone and its Jackie, not Jackie san,just Jackie, dork san
[She kicks him in the nads]

Jackie Burkhart: There were dogs on the path so we climbed to the top of this tall thing to get away from them
Donna Pinciotti: That was me
Fez: Dogs?
Donna Pinciotti: What did you do!
Eric Forman: What! Nothing! Kelso thought there was a death ray so he called the White House and we thought the Feds were after us! But its okay, we just imagined it
Donna Pinciotti: I'm cutting you off, where's your stash?
Michael Kelso: Its all gone man

Jackie Burkhart: [To the karate instructor] Someone might follow one of these other women home but when people follow me, its usually to ask me where I get my hair done or to give me presents
Donna Pinciotti: That's true, I've seen it

Jackie Burkhart: I would never be in an alley because I'm not poor and if I ever was in an alley, I would have a boy with me to protect me
Donna Pinciotti: Jackie you're not always going to be with a guy, you're not with one now and no I don't count

"That '70s Show: Jackie's Cheese Squeeze (#4.19)" (2002)

Michael Kelso: Alright, look. Jackie, here's the deal, you cheated on me.
Jackie Burkhart: You used to cheat on me all the time.
Michael Kelso: Yeah? Well, yeah. But you cheated out of hate, and I cheated out of joy.

Jackie Burkhart: So, friends?
Eric Forman: As long as you promise not to tell people we're friends.

[Eric catches Jackie and Todd kissing]
Jackie Burkhart: Eric! Did you get a haircut? 'Cause I love it. You look just like Parker Stevenson.
Eric Forman: Oh, really? 'Cause I told the guy he should.... No! No, no. That's not gonna work, tramp-face. I saw tongue!

Jackie Burkhart: I was waiting outside for Michael to pick me up, but the idiot never showed.
Todd: That's the third time this week. Three strikes and he's out according to the rules of baseball... and love.
Jackie Burkhart: Actually, it's four strikes, if you count the time he showed up late 'cause he had to see how the Jetsons ended.
Todd: Oh man. First he goes behind your back and takes that modeling job and now this whole Jetsons thing. No futuristic cartoon could ever keep me from you.

"That '70s Show: I Can't Quit You Babe (#5.2)" (2002)

[Hyde explains how he and Jackie got together]
Steven Hyde: It was obvious she wanted me.
[we see the recollection of Hyde]
Jackie Burkhart: I want you.
Steven Hyde: It's obvious.

[Eric and Donna walked in Jackie and Hyde while they were making out]
Jackie Burkhart: Okay, so, um... what exactly did you see?
Eric Forman: Hands, tongues, yours, his... It was horrible!
Donna Pinciotti: You were like Siamese twins, joined at the beard.

[Hyde just left and Jackie makes up an excuse to leave as well]
Jackie Burkhart: I just remembered that I have to go to the mall because they're having this big Monday Madness Sale.
Donna Pinciotti: Jackie, it's Tuesday.
Jackie Burkhart: See? Total madness!

[talking with Donna]
Jackie Burkhart: Okay, this is my Michael box. I saved everything that loser ever gave me.
[she opens the box and pulls out a rubber chicken]
Jackie Burkhart: Hmm. One-year anniversary... What a moron.
[she throws the rubber chicken away]

"That '70s Show: Ramble On (#5.5)" (2002)

Jackie Burkhart: You're mad at me for telling Donna Eric's secret, I tell secrets, that's who I am
Steven Hyde: All I know is if you're going to be my girlfriend, you can't go shooting off your big fat cheerleader mouth
Jackie Burkhart: Wait you just called me your girlfriend
Steven Hyde: No I didn't
Jackie Burkhart: Yes you did
Steven Hyde: No I didn't
Jackie Burkhart: Yes you did
Steven Hyde: No I didn't
Jackie Burkhart: Yes you did, shut up you're ruining it
[moving to his bed]
Jackie Burkhart: listen I'll stop telling secrets if you admit I'm your girlfriend
Steven Hyde: No the price is too high
Jackie Burkhart: I'm going to tell everyone everything anyway starting with you called me your girlfriend
Steven Hyde: You're blackmailing me now? you're coming along nicely
[They kiss]

Eric Forman: How can I lose a 25 pound ring?
Michael Kelso: I once lost a six foot rubber chili dog, I still haven't found it, it's just gone!
Eric Forman: Hyde this is all your fault, you told Jackie I didn't like the ring
Michael Kelso: Hyde stabbed you in the back, no, he wouldn't do a thing like that, like he didn't steal Jackie from me, oh, wait a minute!
Steven Hyde: [To Eric] Look man I told her not to tell
Eric Forman: And I told you not to tell
Michael Kelso: [To Hyde] You and Jackie are gossiping now, the more you go out, the more like each other, you become
Eric Forman: Who knows what you and your little girlfriend are going to be up to in a couple of months
Jackie Burkhart: [Fantasy sequence] 2,4.6.8, who do we appreciate! Go team!
Steven Hyde: 2,4.6.8, who do we appreciate! Go team! Jackie I heard the best piece of gossip, Eric Forman doesn't have any school spirit
Jackie Burkhart: I'm telling everyone
Steven Hyde: Too late I already did
Steven Hyde: First of all Jackie's not my girlfriend and second of all I'm not the only one who spills stuff around here
Eric Forman: You're right, hey Kelso, Hyde watches Little House on the Prarie
Michael Kelso: [laughs] Little house on the prarie?
Steven Hyde: It reminds me of a simpler time

Michael Kelso: [Kelso's superhero fantasy]
Michael Kelso: [As Batman] Okay super pals I'm gonna need a status report
Steven Hyde: [As a wonder twin, stops making out with Jackie] My sensors indicate peace and quiet throughout the universe
Fez: [As Aquaman] The oceans are secure but I can't check for another 45 minutes because I just ate
Eric Forman: [As Superman entering with Donna as Wonder Woman] Hey guys
Michael Kelso: Oh no, you've been brainwashed and forced to wear this hideous ring
Donna Pinciotti: Actually its a gift
Steven Hyde: Form of worst gift ever
[Holds his fist out to the side]
Jackie Burkhart: [As the other wonder twin] Shape up, I hope he kept the receipt
Eric Forman: Alien zombies are attacking the Earth, lets swing into action gang
Michael Kelso: Hold it, we're still on this ring
Steven Hyde: Are you sure its not an alien artifact?
Donna Pinciotti: I got it at the mall
Reginald "Red" Forman: Greetings dumbasses
Eric Forman: Oh, oh, its Dr Bald
Reginald "Red" Forman: My army of alien zombies is invading, good lord that is an ugly ring, alien zombies get a load of that ring
Eric Forman: That's it, this thing's coming off
Steven Hyde: Careful man, you drop something that big and heavy, it'll throw off the Earth's rotation, we'll all go crashing into the sun
Michael Kelso: Yeah way to use science in a burn

"That '70s Show: Eric's Burger Job (#1.6)" (1998)

Jackie Burkhart: I just want to listen to the guitar solo one more time.
Steven Hyde: Not again put the headphones on
[Jackie holds up the cord and plugs it in then puts on the headphones]
Steven Hyde: Now wrap it around your neck.

Jackie Burkhart: Wait so your parents are going to be out of town?
Donna Pinciotti: Yeah it's just going to be me alone Saturday, well I'm babysitting my sister Tina; I'll watch some TV, maybe order a pizza
Michael Kelso: Let's have a party, a toga party
Jackie Burkhart: Michael maybe she doesn't want to have a party, maybe she wants to be alone
Donna Pinciotti: Well it'd just be me but if someone happens to come by, that'll be cool
Michael Kelso: Party at Donna's
Fez: Donna I've never been to an American party, may I come?
Donna Pinciotti: I don't care, so Eric will you be there?
Eric: Eric:
[not looking up from the newspaper]
Eric: Yeah, sure
Jackie Burkhart: [Donna leaves the basement and Jackie smacks Eric and Kelso across the back of the head] You are both so stupid
Steven Hyde: That's a first, I actually agree with Jackie
[to Eric]
Steven Hyde: she totally put on a full court press man and you dropped the ball
Eric: What are you talking about, all she said was she's going to be alone Saturday, order a pizza, oh my God, I'm so stupid

Steven Hyde: Hello my minimum wage friend, I demand service
Eric: Welcome to fatso burger, how may I serve you?
Steven Hyde: That is so sad man
Michael Kelso: Jackie I've been racking my brain trying to thinking of why this guy didn't hire me
Jackie Burkhart: Michael I'm so sick of hearing this, you've still got me
Michael Kelso: I'm good looking and he's jealous, this body's a curse!
Jackie Burkhart: If you worked you wouldn't be able to see me whenever I wanted lover
[They kiss]
Fez: Please stop touching, it gives me needs

"That '70s Show: Going to California (#5.1)" (2002)

[Eric wants to tell Donna how he feels about her]
Jackie Burkhart: Look, Eric, just write her a letter. That's how I broke up with Michael. I was able to take my time and come up with good synonyms for... cowardly won't-marry-me loser, run-away-to-California jackass.

[to Donna]
Jackie Burkhart: Look, Donna, I know you're nervous about seeing people at school after running away and all. But I want you to know it's all under control. I told everyone you went away to have a baby.

"That '70s Show: Roller Disco (#3.5)" (2000)

Jackie Burkhart: Hey, Fez, I just made up a poem. Do you want to hear it?
Fez: Okay.
Jackie Burkhart: There once was a guy named Fez... who had a really cute butt!
Fez: Well, I have to say... I don't hate it.

Jackie Burkhart: We're going to be partners!
[Hyde just stares at her]
Jackie Burkhart: Skating partners!
Steven Hyde: How about instead, you hit me in the face with a wrench and I black out?

"That '70s Show: The Pill (#1.17)" (1999)

Donna Pinciotti: You have to tell Kelso. If you don't, I will.
Jackie Burkhardt: Thank you, Donna! Thank you! Oh, thank you!
[she runs to the bathroom door]
Donna Pinciotti: Jackie, I don't want to tell him!
[a crash is heard. Donna and Jackie goes out of the bathroom, they see Kelso passed out on the floor while Fez is slapping his face side to side]
Jackie Burkhardt: I think he knows.

Eric: What happened? Did Kelso forget your birthday or something?
Jackie Burkhardt: I'm pregnant.
Donna Pinciotti: [outside] Eric, you're like a million miles away. What's going on?
Eric: Ok, Donna. I have to tell you something, but you promise you're not going to tell anybody else.
Donna Pinciotti: Dirt! I swear. Now tell me.
Eric: Not here.
[they run into the car]
Eric: [no audio] Jackie's pregnant.
[Donna makes a shocking face]

"That '70s Show: Red Fired Up (#2.24)" (2000)

Laurie Forman: [Jackie and Laurie are arguing in the basement] You better watch your back.
Jackie Burkhardt: Really? 'Cause you should stop spending so much time on *yours*
Michael Kelso: Burn!
[Laurie looks shocked]
Michael Kelso: Hey I'm sorry. I just got swept away by the super-good burn.

Laurie Forman: You better watch your back!
Jackie Burkhardt: Really? Cause you should stop spending so much time on yours.

"That '70s Show: Cat Fight Club (#2.25)" (2000)

Steven Hyde: [Jackie has just beaten up Laurie] You kicked her ass, man!
Jackie Burkhardt: [Exhausted] Yeah... whatever.

Jackie Burkhardt: [Hyde, Jackie, and Fez are playing Monopoly] This game is just like real life. I am the richest of all.

"That '70s Show: Babe I'm Gonna Leave You (#5.14)" (2003)

Jackie Burkhart: Steven! I called three times within the last half hour!
Steven Hyde: Yeah, I figured it was you because all the calls came during the commercials for "The Newlywed Game".

Jackie Burkhart: Oh. You're here. Didn't know they let slut-balls in here.
Annette: Well I saw you here so I thought it was okay.
Jackie Burkhart: Oh, you don't know it but you just burnt yourself.
Annette: Oh, I know it. The question is do *you* know it?
Eric Forman: Donna, are you following this?
Donna Pinciotti: Um, I think one of them is a slut-ball and the other one knows it.

"That '70s Show: That '70s Pilot (#1.1)" (1998)

Michael Kelso: That's Fez. He's a foreign exchange student.
Jackie Burkhart: Who did we exchange for him?

Jackie Burkhart: Michael! Don't tell our private conversations to other people Michael. We have to have our own private conversations!

"That '70s Show: Fez Gets the Girl (#3.12)" (2001)

Michael Kelso: Jackie, why do you wanna go anyway? You hate Led Zeppelin.
Jackie Burkhart: I never said I hated them, Michael. For your information, I think Led is hot.

[Donna tells Jackie she has two tickets for Led Zeppelin]
Jackie Burkhart: Zeppelin? Oh, my God! That's a band, right?

"That '70s Show: Punk Chick (#1.22)" (1999)

Kitty Forman: Have you ever baked a pie before?
Jackie Burkhart: No, I don't really cook much. I was kinda just hoping to get by on my looks.

Kitty Forman: Now Jackie, have you ever made a pie before?
Jackie Burkhardt: No, I don't really cook much. I just plan on getting by on my looks.

"That '70s Show: Jackie Bags Hyde (#3.8)" (2000)

Jackie Burkhart: I wish my daddy could buy him for me.

Jackie Burkhart: Wait. Is Fez Puerto Rican?
Donna Pinciotti: You know what... I don't know.

"That '70s Show: Halloween (#2.5)" (1999)

[the gang is burying their permanent records]
Jackie Burkhart: This is so stupid. Why don't we just burn them?
Michael Kelso: Jackie, they've already been in a fire. They can't be destroyed that way.

[Fez is dressed up as Batman for Halloween]
Jackie Burkhart: Donna, you know who protected me back there? Fez.
Donna Pinciotti: He had to, he's Batman.

"That '70s Show: A Legal Matter (#6.10)" (2004)

Michael Kelso: Come on, Eric, we're a team.
Jackie Burkhart: Yeah. Michael is the looks, Steven is the brain, and you? Your house has food.

Michael Kelso: I can't believe I'm the stooge.
Jackie Burkhart: Michael, it's just the way some people are, okay? Some people are lazy, some people are clumsy, some people are stooges.
Steven Hyde: You're lucky enough to be all three.

"That '70s Show: After Glow (#2.17)" (2000)

Jackie Burkhart: Eric, if it makes you feel any better, Michael was really bad his first time, too.
Eric Forman: Oh, that's supposed to make me feel better?
Jackie Burkhart: Doesn't it?
Eric Forman: [realizes it does] Yeah, a little. Thanks, Jackie.

"That '70s Show: The Velvet Rope (#2.3)" (1999)

Jackie Burkhart: Androgynous guys are so manly.

"That '70s Show: Laurie and the Professor (#2.4)" (1999)

Jackie Burkhardt: No offence Eric, but your sister is as slutty as they come.
Michael Kelso: Eric, would you let her talk about your sister like that?
Eric: Sure.

"That '70s Show: Red and Stacey (#4.10)" (2001)

Fez: It's time that you two left now good day.
Donna Pinciotti, Jackie Burkhart: But Fez...
Rhonda: [shouts] He said good day.

"That '70s Show: Kitty and Eric's Night Out (#2.18)" (2000)

Jackie Burkhart: [has a wide-eyed epiphany, while talking with Donna] Oh my God... I LIKE FEZ!
[runs away, screaming]

"That '70s Show: Moon Over Point Place (#2.26)" (2000)

Jackie Burkhardt: Steven Hyde, you were right. We will never be friends. We'll be more than friends. Because now, I love you!
Hyde: Oh my God, will you shut up?

"That '70s Show: Too Old to Trick or Treat, Too Young to Die (#3.4)" (2000)

Michael Kelso: You want to see Fez and Eric run around? Someone might get hurt, it's funny when people get hurt.
Steven Hyde: Especially when their in there underwear.
Jackie Burkhart: Michael, the only one dumb enough to get hurt around here, is you.
Michael Kelso: Okay, Jackie, I'm really starting get sick-
[cuts his finger on soda can]
Michael Kelso: OWW!

"That '70s Show: Bring It on Home (#5.19)" (2003)

[Jackie's mum has left home]
Kitty Forman: Honey, do you have any idea where she might be?
Jackie Burkhart: Well, the last postcard I got had a picture of some guy with a bone through his nose. What is that, like, Tennessee?

"That '70s Show: First Date (#1.16)" (1999)

Jackie Burkhart: I can't believe you, Michael.
Michael Kelso: What?
Jackie Burkhart: You can't just maul me in front of my father!
Michael Kelso: I bet he didn't even notice.
Jackie Burkhart: He yelled at you to stop it.
Michael Kelso: I thought he was yelling at you.

"That '70s Show: The Best Christmas Ever (#1.12)" (1998)

Jackie Burkhart: Hyde, if you want to make out with me, the answer's probably no.

"That '70s Show: Eric's Hot Cousin (#4.14)" (2002)

Jackie Burkhart: Lobster face!
Donna Pinciotti: Little Red Riding BITCH!

"That '70s Show: Eric's Buddy (#1.11)" (1998)

Donna Pinciotti: Where's Buddy?
Eric Forman: Oh, Buddy. Um, well, Buddy got... busy, so...
Jackie Burkhart: Yeah, I mean, I'm sure he has lots to do. He is popular.
Fez: Yeah, and so obviously gay
[Eric squirms]
Fez: .

"That '70s Show: Winter (#7.11)" (2004)

Patty Ryals: Jackie Burkhart, welcome to the LOPP's christmas party. Who's your boyfriend?
Jackie Burkhart: Oh ehm... he can't be here. He's at rich... stockbrokers school.
Patty Ryals: Well then i'm just gonna have to seat you with the Single Ladies Of Point Place.
Jackie Burkhart: The SLOPP's?
Donna Pinciotti: HA! You're a SLOPP.

"That '70s Show: Kitty's Birthday (That's Today?!) (#3.17)" (2001)

Fez: I was just showing Caroline the back of my new car and my tongue.
Michael Kelso: Fez, this isn't your car.
Jackie Burkhart: Yeah, foreigners can't drive here unless it's a cab.

"That '70s Show: Fun It (#8.7)" (2005)

Donna Pinciotti: [entering the Formans' basement] Quick, turn on the TV.
Jackie Burkhart: [groans] Donna, nobody has time for one of your muscle-building shows.

"That '70s Show: The Good Son (#1.25)" (1999)

Donna Pinciotti: Excuse me. Jackie, when exactly did you lose your soul?
Jackie Burkhart: Umm, Cheerleading camp.

"That '70s Show: I Love Cake (#2.7)" (1999)

Jackie Burkhart: Look, the sooner you realize I'm a genius the better off we'll both be.

"That '70s Show: Let's Spend the Night Together (#7.2)" (2004)

Jackie Burkhardt: I never thought I'd say this to someone wearing cashmere - but I don't think we can be friends.

"That '70s Show: Fez Dates Donna (#3.21)" (2001)

Jackie Burkhart: Come on Michael, let's go somewhere where our love is accepted.
Eric Forman: While you're there, you might want to check out the monkey cages.

"That '70s Show: Ice Shack (#3.10)" (2001)

Jackie Burkhart: Fez, I'm cold.
Fez: Frankly my dear, I don't give a rat's ass.

"That '70s Show: Eric's False Alarm (#4.25)" (2002)

Jackie Burkhart: [tired of Kelso spying on her] Michael, you've lost your mind!
Michael Kelso: Yep, and I don't miss it!

"That '70s Show: Parents Find Out (#2.19)" (2000)

Reginald "Red" Forman: [as Jackie tries to cheer Kitty up, after Kitty learns Eric and Donna are "sexually active"] Jackie? Oh, good, you're here. Now get out.
Jackie Burkhart: I'm trying to help.
Reginald "Red" Forman: You wanna help? Go make me a sandwich.

"That '70s Show: Grandma's Dead (#1.23)" (1999)

[to Red]
Jackie Burkhart: I'm really sorry your mom died. It's like... sad and stuff.

"That '70s Show: Jackie Moves On (#2.22)" (2000)

Jackie Burkhardt: OK, Fez, I just want to thank you for last night. I know I wasn't my super-cute self, and I'm sorry. But you're a really good friend.
Fez: But Jackie, I was hoping that perhaps we could be more than friends?
Jackie Burkhardt: Well, hope springs eternal, Fez. How 'bout you just keep worshipping me from afar and stay available... just in case.
Fez: You would do that for me? That's a sweet deal!

"That '70s Show: Eric's Drunken Tattoo (#3.22)" (2001)

[Kelso is talking in his sleep and talks about marrying Jackie]
Jackie Burkhart: I love you, Michael Kelso.
Michael Kelso: I love you too, Jackie Onassis.

"That '70s Show: I'm a Boy (#6.8)" (2004)

Jackie Burkhart: So, hey, maybe a good way to break the ice would be for everyone to tell a few things about themself. I'll go first. I like make-up and diets, and Steven here likes black things and throwing stuff at glass.
Brooke: Okay, well, I was valedictorian in my class, I run marathons, and I tutor kids in Latin.
Michael Kelso: Well, I egged a valedictorian of my class. And a marathon runner Oh, and some kids that took Latin!
Steven Hyde: This is fun.

"That '70s Show: The Trials of M. Kelso (#3.18)" (2001)

Jackie Burkhart: Michael, I have some bad news... I just found out I have BHD.
Michael Kelso: ...BHD?
Jackie Burkhart: Yeah, Brutal Hair Disease. I have to go to the hospital tomorrow and get all my hair shaved off.
Michael Kelso: So... you'll be...
Jackie Burkhart: Bald, Michael, B-A-L-D, no hair, shiny head, BALD... And my hair... won't EVER grow back either. Will you still love me when I'm bald?
Michael Kelso: ...you can wear a wig...?
Jackie Burkhart: So Michael, are you saying you would NOT love me if I didn't have a luscious full-bodied head of hair?
Michael Kelso: [sees Donna laughing of him and realizes he's being tested] OH! No, Jackie, no, I would love you even MORE. I would shave off my hair and paste it to your head.
Jackie Burkhart: Michael, that's beautiful!
[leaves]
Michael Kelso: [to Donna] That was a test, right? 'Cause bald chicks are gross.

"That '70s Show: The First Time (#2.16)" (2000)

Michael Kelso: Rrrr, could you BE any more annoying?
Jackie Burkhardt: YES!

"That '70s Show: A New Hope (#1.20)" (1999)

Donna Pinciotti: David Milbank? Aw, barf! Eric, remember when you beat him up on the playground?
Eric Forman: Yep!
[grinning]
Eric Forman: I kicked his ass.
Jackie Burkhart: Wait, wasn't he the kid with scoliosis and asthma?
Eric Forman: Yep.
[excitedly]
Eric Forman: And I kicked his *ass*!

"That '70s Show: The Kids Are Alright (#6.1)" (2003)

Michael Kelso: Now, I'm going to drink my raw eggs.
Jackie Burkhart: Oh, Michael, no.
Michael Kelso: No, Jackie, wait until I finish my eggs.
Jackie Burkhart: But Michael...
Michael Kelso: Jackie, whatever it is it can wait until I finish my eggs!
Jackie Burkhart: Fine!
[Kelso drinks the raw eggs]
Michael Kelso: There. Now, what is this that's so important that you had to tell me?
Jackie Burkhart: You're allergic to eggs.
[Kelso thinks and then laughs]
Michael Kelso: Oh, yeah, I am.
Michael Kelso: [still laughing] I have to go to the hospital now.

"That '70s Show: Holy Craps (#3.20)" (2001)

[Fez breaks up with Caroline and doesn't dare to say it's because she's crazy]
Fez: Umm... because... Donna and I are in love!
Caroline: What?
Donna Pinciotti: Oh my god!
Jackie Burkhart: Eeewwww!

"That '70s Show: Donna's Panties (#3.15)" (2001)

Michael Kelso: Hey guys, check out this article in "Boy's Life."
Eric: "The Square Knot Not Just For Squares"?
Michael Kelso: No the one about being an astronaut. I think I'm gonna do that.
Jackie Burkhardt: Michael, I think in order for them to let you be an astronaut, you have to be not dumb.
Michael Kelso: No, 'cause if they can send a monkey into space, they can send me.
Steven Hyde: I don't know. Monkeys are pretty smart.
Michael Kelso: All right, fine, make fun of me. But when you see my shoe prints on the moon, what are you gonna say then?
Eric: Probably "Hey some monkey is wearing Kelso's shoes!"

"That '70s Show: Nobody's Fault But Mine (#5.23)" (2003)

Steven Hyde: Jackie... I love you.
Jackie Burkhart: [long silence] Yeah, well I don't love you.

"That '70s Show: Baby Fever (#3.7)" (2000)

[Kelso finds out Jackie smashed his van]
Michael Kelso: How did this happen, Jackie, how?
Jackie Burkhart: Michael, like I said...
Michael Kelso: How?
Jackie Burkhart: Coming out of the drive...
Michael Kelso: How?
Steven Hyde: Kelso. Come on man, relax. Let those of us who aren't you enjoy this moment.