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: He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers.
: Do you ever wish you were a lesbian? Don't you think it would be so much easier? Lelaina
: Sometimes, but I don't know. I could never go through with it. I'd start laughing or something. Vickie
: That is such a shame because I have had it with men.
: I'm not going to work at the Gap for Chrissake!
: I'd like to somehow make a difference in people's lives. Troy Dyer
: And I... I would like to buy them all a Coke. Lelaina Pierce
: And you wonder why we never got involved?
: I have to work around here, and, unfortunately, Troy, you are a master at the art of time suckage.
: Oh, oh is this like a, is this like a pirate operation? Rock
: Do I look like a pirate to you?
: You guys better not be inhaling.
: You've been waiting for this since the day we met. Vickie
: Oh, who told you that, Your psychic partner?
: Are you religious? Michael Grates
: Um, uh, I guess, uh, I guess I'm, uh, a non-practicing Jew. Lelaina Pierce
: Hey, I'm a non-practicing virgin.
: I was really going to be somebody by the time I was 23. Troy Dyer
: Honey, all you have to be by the time you're 23 is yourself. Lelaina Pierce
: I don't know who that is anymore. Troy Dyer
: I do. And we all love her. I love her. She breaks my heart again and again, but I love her.
: Hey, Sammy, what's your goal? Sammy
: My goal is... I'd like a career or something.
: All right, fine. You wanna be in a band? Fine. Go ahead. Play every night. Play three times a night! Don't just dick around the same coffee house for five years. Don't dick around with her or with me. I mean, try at something for once in your life. Do something about it, but you know what? You better do it now, and you better do it fast, because the world doesn't owe you any favors.
[assuming the question had no answer at all
: Can you define "irony"? Troy Dyer
: It's when the actual meaning is the complete opposite from the literal meaning.
: Why don't you get a job at the Burgerrama? They'll hire you! My Lord, I saw on the TV - they had this little retarded boy working the register. Lelaina
: Because I'm not retarded, Mom. I was the valedictorian of my University! Wes McGregor
: Well you dont have to put that on your application.
: You don't understand. Every day, all day, it's all that I think about, OK? Every time I sneeze, it's like I'm four sneezes away from the hospice, and it's like it's not even happening to me. It's like I'm watching it on some crappy show like "Melrose Place" or some shit, right? And I'm the new character, I'm the HIV-AIDS character, and I live in the building and I teach everybody that it's OK to be near me, it's OK to talk to me, and then I die. And there's everybody at my funeral wearing halter tops or chokers or some shit like that. Lelaina
: Vickie stop, OK? Just stop. You're freaking out. And you know what? You're gonna have to deal with the results. Whatever they are, we're gonna have to deal with them just like we've dealt with everything else. Vickie Miner
: This isn't like everything else. Lelaina
: I know that, all right? But it's gonna be OK, you know? I know it's gonna be OK. "Melrose Place" is a really good show.
: Welcome to the world of the emtionally mature. Maybe you've seen Michael. He lives here.
: I just don't understand why things just can't go back to normal at the end of the half hour like on the Brady Bunch or something. Troy Dyer
: Well, 'cause Mr. Brady died of AIDS. Things don't turn out like that.