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: A strange man... defecated on my sister. Wendy Stern
] ... why?
: After all, he is an American phenomenon. Clifford Stern
: Yeah, but so is acid rain.
: While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like.
: [on Lester's films
] I can't watch his stuff. It's sub-mental.
: [after being handed a box of Milk Duds
] Great. Now I can get rid of my few remaining teeth.
: [on the philosopher Lewis Levy
] He was very eloquent on the subject of love, didn't you think? Clifford Stern
: I wish I had met him before I got married. It would've saved me a gall bladder operation.
] Halley Reed
: He wants to produce something of mine. Clifford Stern
: Yeah. Your first child.
: [on Lester
] When he tells you he wants to exchange ideas, what he wants is to exchange fluids.
: [to his wife
] Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, ok. It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday.
: Show business is, is dog-eat-dog. It's worse than dog-eat-dog. It's dog-doesn't-return-other-dog's-phone-calls, which reminds me. I should check my answering service.
: [on Professor Levy's demise
] He left a note. He left a simple little note that said "I've gone out the window." This is a major intellectual and he leaves a note that says "I've gone out the window." He's a role-model. You'd think he'd leave a decent note.
: Listen, I don't know from suicides. Y'know, where I grew up, in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Y'know, everyone was too unhappy.
: What is the guy so upset about? You'd think nobody was ever compared to Mussolini before.
: [on receiving his love letter back
] It's probably just as well. I plagiarized most of it from James Joyce. You probably wondered why all the references to Dublin.
: Last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
: I think I see a cab. If we run quickly we can kick the crutch from that old lady and get it.
: [of Lester
] I love him like a brother... David Greenglass.
[You could look him up