Shelly Kaplow
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Quotes for
Shelly Kaplow (Character)
from The Cooler (2003)

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The Cooler (2003)
Shelly Kaplow: Jesus, Bernie, is that what you think? That I would fuck with your happiness? That hurts me.

[beating up Larry in the bathroom]
Shelly Kaplow: Now listen to me, you little Harvard turd. Lootz is all right, so he's walking out of here with everything he's got coming to him. If you so much as touch one fucking hair on his fucking head, I'm gonna fucking wallpaper this fucking bathroom with your fucking ass, do you understand me? Muted tones, isn't that what you said, huh? Huh? I can't hear you. Wait, wait a minute. There it is. Blended in, at a subsonic level, like some kind of mantra: "Pain, pain, pain."
[breaks Larry's wrist]

Shelly: I can make you disappear like *that*! And not one fucking person would miss you! Not one fucking person!
Natalie: Bernie would! He loves me. He loves me, and that kills you, doesn't it, Shelly?

Shelly: Lootz is kryptonite on a stick.

Shelly Kaplow: [about the Vegas strip] What? You mean that Disneyland mookfest out there? Huh? Come on, you know what that is? Huh? That's a fucking violation is what that is. Something that used to be beautiful, used to have class, like a gorgeous high-priced hooker with an exclusive clientele. Then along comes that Steve Wynn cocksucker and knocks her up and puts her in a fucking family way. Now she's nothing but a cheap, fat whore hiding behind too much fucking make-up. I look at her and see all her fucking stretch marks, it makes me want to cry - because I remember the way she used to be.

Shelly Kaplow: Jesus Christ, that's such a fucking touching speech, Bernie! All that Jimmy Stewart bullshit? I've got such a lump in my throat I can't tell you.