Matt Saunders
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Quotes for
Matt Saunders (Character)
from My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)

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My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)
[after revealing her secret to Matt]
Jenny Johnson: Say "I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell."
Matt Saunders: Is that a possibility?
Jenny Johnson: Say it!
Matt Saunders: Ok. I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell.

Jenny Johnson: [after breaking the bed while having sex] I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one.
Matt Saunders: A bed or a penis?
Jenny Johnson: Both.

Jenny Johnson: [seductively, walking toward him slowly] Matt Saunders, I'm afraid you've been a very evil boy. I think you need to be brought to justice.
Matt Saunders: [with a big grin on his face] Oh, yeah, I have been known to break a few rules here and there.
Jenny Johnson: [still seductive] Total, unequivocal justice.

Carla Dunkirk: You are headed for some serious trouble.
Matt Saunders: I hear you, Homegirl. I got it.

Matt Saunders: Go and hide out somewhere. San Diego, Tahiti, Utah. No! Not Utah. Utah sucks.

Matt Saunders: I'm not going to help you kill her!
Professor Bedlam: Kill? I didn't say "kill"! I said "neutralize"! It's a neutral word... like Switzerland!

Matt Saunders: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
Vaughn Haige: The ability to gratify myself orally.
Matt Saunders: Interesting. But wouldn't that be a little...
Matt Saunders, Vaughn Haige: Gay.
Vaughn Haige: No.
Matt Saunders: Yeah.
Vaughn Haige: Not at all. Think about it.
Matt Saunders: Really? It seems that way.

[last lines]
Matt Saunders: Wanna get a beer?
Professor Bedlam: Sure, let's do it.

[the purse-snatcher runs away, having dropped Jenny's handbag]
Matt Saunders: That's right, you better run, asshole! Keep running, my man. You don't want any of this! Keep running! Yeah!
[purse snatcher comes back around the corner with a lead pipe in his hands]
Scary Dude: What'd you call me?
Matt Saunders: Holy shit!

[over the phone]
Matt Saunders: What's going on there?
Vaughn Haige: Some big fire on 73rd and Broadway. Everything's burning.
Matt Saunders: Is anyone hurt?
Vaughn Haige: I don't know, probably. It's blocking my way to the gym.
Matt Saunders: All my thoughts are with you in this time of crisis.

[over the phone, as Vaughn watches G-Girl put out a fire by spinning up a whirlwind]
Vaughn Haige: It's G-Girl! She's doing her thing!
Matt Saunders: Are you serious? You lucky S.O.B., I've never seen her in person. How does she look?
Vaughn Haige: She looks...
Matt Saunders: What?
Vaughn Haige: ...blurry! But still pretty hot!

Jenny Johnson: I gotta go to the bathroom.
Matt Saunders: You didn't just go to the bathroom?
Jenny Johnson: Are you keeping track? That's kind of creepy.

Hannah Lewis: [referring to Jenny] She sounds like a nutcase.
Matt Saunders: So you're saying she's perfect for me.

Matt Saunders: Hannah!
Vaughn Haige: Oh, man, I think she's dead. Time to start the grieving process.

Carla Dunkirk: You were staring at her butt.
Hannah Lewis: [smiling; flattered] He was?
Matt Saunders: No I wasn't...
Carla Dunkirk: Yes he was!

Matt Saunders: You're that Bedlam guy.
Professor Bedlam: Professor Bedlam.
Matt Saunders: The super villain.
Professor Bedlam: Please, I am not super. I am not a villain. I'm just a regular man like yourself with a thousand times more money, intelligence and taste.

[as they're floating up in the sky]
Jenny Johnson: I've always wanted to try this.
Matt Saunders: Try what?
[Jenny unzips his pants]
Matt Saunders: That. Wow. I'm not sure that's gonna work up here. It's drafty, too.

Jenny Johnson: I'm ready.
Matt Saunders: That's what I call structural integrity.

Matt Saunders: I find your argument both repugnant and intriguing.
Vaughn Haige: That's kind of my thing.