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Quotes for
Pvt. Cooper (Character)
from Dog Soldiers (2002)

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Dog Soldiers (2002)
[Wells trapped in the toilet by attacking werewolves]
Cooper: Sarge. Sarge?
Sergeant Harry Wells: I'M IN THE KHAZI.

[a la Aliens]
Cooper: Remember - short, controlled bursts.

[Cooper tries to push Wells' intestines back into his stomach]
Sergeant Harry Wells: My guts are out Coop!
Cooper: We'll just put 'em back in then!
Sergeant Harry Wells: They're not gonna fucking fit!
Cooper: Of course they'll fit, man!

Cooper: [quote is a reference to The Matrix] Where's Spoon?
Sergeant Harry Wells: There is no Spoon.

Cooper: Sweeping patrols between each of these bunkers - they'll have the whole sector wrapped tighter than an Eskimo's nad-sac.

Cooper: Go on then Bruce, what scares you?
Bruce: The self-destructive nature of the human condition.
Spoon: You're just taking the piss now.
Cooper: What about you, Spoon?
Spoon: Castration.
Cooper: There's no argument there. Joe?
Joe: Only one thing guaranteed to put the shits up me: a penalty shoot-out.
Cooper: Figures. Terry?
Terry: Watching a penalty shoot-out... with Joe.
Bruce: What about you, Coop?
Cooper: Spiders. And women. And... spider-women.

Cooper: I'm still not convinced these things didn't just escape from the local nut-house and forget to shave or trim their nails.

[faced by a werewolf]
Cooper: Don't... stare... back.
Spoon: I can't... help... it.

Cooper: We need a decoy. Something fast and loud.
[all turn to Spoon, who wasn't listening]
Spoon: What? You what?

Cooper: Werewolves spend most of their time in human form, right? And the only people for miles around live right here.
Spoon: So these things aren't about to give up the fight and go home...
Cooper: They ARE home.
Sgt. Harry Wells: Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I mean, think about it. We bust into their house, we eat all their porridge, we sleep in their fucking beds. No wonder they're pissed.

[Cooper is grinning and face-to-face with werewolf Ryan]
Cooper: Ryan. Have ya tried lickin' ya own balls yet?
[Ryan pulls Cooper up to him]
Cooper: I forgot. You don't fuckin' have any.

[Cooper has just stabbed Ryan with the PURE silver dagger and is pointing his HP Browning at Ryan's forehead]
Cooper: Do you think it's all over? It is now.

Cooper: Well, Ryan, you heard the score. Maybe one or two of us'll make it through this, but I don't care much for our chances. D'you like football?
Ryan: What? "They think it's all over", and all that crap? No I don't.
Cooper: Yeah, well Joe, you remember Joe? He liked football. He fuckin' lived for it.
Ryan: Is this relevant?
Cooper: He missed the most important match of his life for this bullshit exercise, and now he's dead along with two other mates I'd have rightfully given my right arm for. Too fuckin' right it's relevant.

Ryan: ...you live and learn.
Cooper: Yeah. But you don't.

Cooper: We go together or we don't fuckin' go!

[to Ryan who has just unveiled that he had used Wells' unit as bait to capture a werewolf]
Sergeant Harry Wells: [Hits him] They were MY men!
Cooper: Get up you shit. You know what we can do. Give us a fightin' chance!

[after discussing how low they are on ammo]
Megan: Tell me. Honestly, what are our chances?
Cooper: Morale seems good, considering. But that will only last as long as the ammunition holds out. Although high spirits are just no substitute for eight hundred rounds a minute, but I don't think that's what you wanted to hear.

Spoon: So this bloke walks into a pub right, with a little dog under his arm. Puts it down on the bar, goes and sits down. The bar-tender's lookin' at him thinking "what the fuckin' hell's goin' on here?". Then he looks back at the dog, and to his surprise the dog turns around and...
[Dead cow drops into camp]
Cooper: Fuckin' cow.
Spoon: Fuckin' hell.
[Terry fires at it]
Wells: Cease fire, Terry. Cease fire.
Joe: Terry, what the hell are you doin'? You're firing blanks man.
Wells: Is everyone all right? Is everyone OK?
Spoon: Nah, man, I think I've shit meself.

Cooper: Just fuckin' leg it.

Joe: This is bone. This is so fucking bone.
Cooper: Anything else?
Megan: Yeah. What does 'bone' mean?
Spoon: Bone; Bollocks, naff.
Joe: Not. Very. Good.
Megan: Right. Anything else I should know?
Cooper: Call signs. You need to be specific. Upstairs you've got Sergeant Wells who you seem to know inside and out by now. Over there you've got Spoon, the vomiting cavalier is Terry, and the big guy with the axe is Joe.

Cooper: New woman, same old shite.

[Joe's complaining about the quality of the food]
Joe: I'm sick of this pre-packed dog shite.
Bruce: If it's not one thing, it's another, eh Joe?
Spoon: I know, you're like a bear with a sore head.
Terry: Thanks to Cooper's fancy footwork.
Cooper: Yeah, sorry about that Joe. How's your head doing?
Joe: Still in one piece. Knock on wood.

Cooper: Any questions?
Joe: Just the one, Coop. Exactly what is it we're fighting against?
Cooper: Megan, do you wanna run it past the boys?
Megan: Lycanthrope.
Joe: You what?
Cooper: That's werewolves to you and me.
Joe: You're taking the piss.
Spoon: What? It makes perfect sense to me.

Megan: What's the glue for?
Cooper: Ever wondered why the best thing that superglue sticks together is your fingers? Forget your grandma's china cups - this stuff was developed for the Vietnam war to patch up broken soldiers.

Megan: But they're good people, they're kind people.
Cooper: More's the pity.
Megan: Why?
Cooper: Cause we're gonna have to kill them all.

Cooper: So either we all make a break for it and fight our way clear, or the rest of us keep them occupied while one of us goes for help.
Joe: And by the time the cavalry get here, they'll have to pick what's left of us from between their teeth.

Cooper: We are gonna make it through this. You know why? I don't scare that easy.

Cooper: [Upon learning about the werewolves] I may be nuts but I'm no fruitcake.
Megan: Fine. Stay here and... drink tea!

Cooper: [after Wells has had his intestines exposed] How are you feeling?
Wells: A touch of gas. And the fact that various body parts are trying to vacate the premises, fucking awful.

Cooper: Everyone tooled up?
Spoon: To the nines.

Joe: [as the soldiers prepare for the werewolf attack] This is a pile of rancid shit!
Megan: [to Cooper] Now what do you believe?
Cooper: I'm beginning to believe you, but I think Joe might have worded it better.

Megan: Are you sure he should be chasing painkillers with whisky?
Cooper: Yeah, well, he's earned it.

Sergeant Harry Wells: [drunk] Is it your birthday, Coop?
Cooper: No, mate.
Sergeant Harry Wells: Is it my birthday? Hey, hey!

Spoon: You're gonna have to move like shit off a shovel on this one, mate.
Cooper: You worry about your own shit, all right?

Cooper: When we blow that fuse that place is gonna go up like Zabriskie Point.

Spoon: [about the plan to blow up the shed] Yeah its easy-peasy.
Cooper: Yeah, lemon-squeezy.

Wells: What if shes wrong? What if they're not all in there?
Cooper: Then we get some of them. Its a shit load better than none of them and a marked improvement on all of us.

Cooper: I'm not about to second guess these things. They're the enemy, simple as that.
Megan: This is no ordinary enemy.

Cooper: [to Ryan] Yeah, I failed, and I'm bloody glad of it. Because given the choice of taking orders from a toffee-nosed twat like you and sluggin' it out with these guys, I'll take the underdogs any time.

Cooper: Roast their bollocks off.

[Using the flash of a camera to hold back attacking werewolf]
Cooper: Cheese, ya fucker!

Cooper: [in reference to Ryan] If he moves, pan him.

Sergeant Harry Wells: [referring to the possibility that he is now a werewolf] With Ryan it onlt took a couple of hours mate. It's a full moon. I don't know, maybe it's like when you need to take a piss or something, I don't know. When you gotta go, you gotta fucking go.
Cooper: Yea, well maybe it's more like needing a shite. Just cos you need one doesn't mean you drop your kegs and pinch one off. Anyway, fuck Ryan. Shifty bastard could've been one of those things from the start.

Cooper: You all right?
Sergeant Harry Wells: Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm peachy, mate.

Cooper: I will not kill THAT dog for no reason.