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: [looking for a parking space
] You'd think they'd have the parking lot of America to go with the Mall of America.
[Gladys parks in a handicapped parking space
] Iris Clark
: That's a $200 fine! Gladys Leeman
: I told ya I would move the car if a cripple came. Now just run in the store and pick out some outfits.
: Amber, I'm sorry, I really am, but you know the rules. All talent costumes have to be OK'd by Gladys before the pageant. Amber Atkins
: But doesn't someone taking your costume so you can't complete overrule that rule? Iris Clark
: Amber, I'm sorry, I don't make up the rules. Amber Atkins
: Oh! This... This is bullshit! Iris Clark
: Amber Atkins, that is not American Teen Princess language! Amber Atkins
: Good, cos this isn't an American Teen Princess Pageant! This is... This is... This is Nazi Germany!
[she storms off
] Iris Clark
: [to the camera
] Where do they get this stuff?
: [nearly runs over a priest
] Gosh darn it! Hello, Father Donegan - Sidewalks? Sidewalks?
[Iris mimes drinking - "glug, glug"
] Gladys Leeman
: Iris, stop it. It's not his fault, the communal wine just proves too tempting for some of them. Iris Clark
: And that's why we Lutherans use grape Kool-Aid for the blood of Christ.
Voice of Documentarian
: Do you think that most people would say that teenage beauty pageants are a good idea? Gladys Leeman
: Oh yeah, sure. I know what some of your big city, no-bra-wearing, hairy-legged women libbers might say. They might say that a pageant is old-fashioned and demeaning to the girls. Iris Clark
: What's sick is women dressing like men. Gladys Leeman
: You betcha, Iris. No, I think you boys are gonna find something a litle bit different here in Mount Rose. For one thing, we're all God-fearing folk, every last one of us. And you will not find a "back room" in our video store. No, no, that filth is better left to the sin cities. Iris Clark
: AKA Minneapolis Saint Paul.