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Lisa
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Quotes for
Lisa (Character)
from Weird Science (1985)

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Weird Science (1985)
[the woman that Gary and Wyatt created is looking for a name]
Gary Wallace: How about Lisa?
Lisa: Why Lisa?
Gary Wallace: Why not?
Wyatt: He used to like a girl named Lisa.
Lisa: [smiles] Oh yeah? Old girlfriend?
Wyatt: She kicked him in the nuts.
Gary Wallace: [annoyed] Will you shut the hell up?
Wyatt: [sympathetically] Look Gary, it wasn't your fault. All you said was hello to her.
Gary Wallace: [annoyed] Look Wyatt, shut up!
[Wyatt puts up his hands defensively, indicating that he will shut up. He looks slightly hurt by Gary's treatment of him as he was only trying to help]

[Wyatt and Lisa are going downstairs. He looks very nervous and tense]
Lisa: Wyatt, you're going to have a heart attack by the time you're forty if you don't learn to relax. Have you tried inversion boots?

Lisa: [to Wyatt's grandfather] Stop hitting people with your Rex Harrison hat!

Lisa: [smiles] That's my boys.

Lisa: Just for that I ought to give you a set of elephant balls!

Lisa: So, what would you little maniacs like to do first?

Lisa: You okay?
Gary Wallace: Well, my nuts are halfway up my ass, but other than that, I'm perfect!

Lisa: If you ever get the chance, shower with them. I did. Mmm, it's a mindscrambler. Hurts so good.

Lisa: What are you so nervous about? Everything's cool.
Gary Wallace: EVERYTHING'S COOL! Yeah yeah. My dad's gonna castrate me. And my mother almost had like cardiac arrest. My parents are not gonna let me in the house again and if they do I'm gonna be grounded till I'm about 45. But other than that everything's great. Everything's cool. In fact things can't get any better.

Lisa: Don't threaten me Al! You're out of shape, I'll kick your arse.

Lisa: You had to be big shots didn't you. You had to show off. When are you gonna learn that people will like you for who you are, not for what you can give them. Well, in your race for power and glory, you forgot one small detail.
Wyatt: We forgot to hook up the doll.
Lisa: You forgot to hook up the doll.

Chet: Lady, I wanna get to the bottom of this. ASAFP.
Lisa: Oh, so do I.
Chet: But first I'd like to... butter your muffin.
Lisa: Why do you have to be such a wanker?
Chet: Because I get off on it!

Lisa: I can be a real serious bitch if I don't get what I want.

Lisa: If you want be a party animal, you have to learn to live in the jungle.

Lisa: If you don't cheer up, I'll blow your face off.

Lisa: You guys created me, I didn't come from anywhere. Before you started messing around with your computer, I didn't even exist. By the way, you did an excellent job. Thank you.

Lisa: If we're going to have any fun together, you guys have better learn to loosen up.

Lisa: You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candlewax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals.

[Lisa kisses Wyatt]
Lisa: Are you sure you're only fifteen?
Wyatt: [smiles] I'll be sixteen in June.

Lisa: This is a nuclear missile!
Chet: I didn't think it was a whale's dick, honey!

Dino: Tell me something. What's a beautiful broad like you doing with a malaka like this? Huh?
Lisa: It's purely sexual.
Dino: No shit.
Gary Wallace: She's into malakas, Dino!
Dino: "She's into malakas"! Do you believe that?

Chet: [opens a pantry door, his grandparents are in there, frozen] Hi Nanny, hi Grampy.
Chet: [closes door and turns to everyone else] I'm not a moron, you know. I...
Chet: [suddenly realizes] Was that my grandparents?
Chet: [Lisa nods, Chet opens the door again] Are they dead?
Lisa: Oh, no, they're just resting.
Chet: What are they doing in here?
Lisa: I put them in there. I didn't want to Garry and Wyatt to get into trouble. Quite frankly, they weren't having a very good time at the party.
Chet: Not having a good time? Do you think they're having a good time being catatonic in a closet?

Lisa: Have you ever wondered how sad it is, that your son's only sexual outlet is tossing off to magazines in the bathroom?
Lucy Wallace: Oh Garry! Oh my God!
Gary Wallace: Ma, I never tossed off to anything!
Lucy Wallace: You told me you were combing your hair!
Gary Wallace: I was! I was!


"Weird Science: Teen Lisa (#3.15)" (1995)
Lisa: [looking at Gary's head] Are those antlers? Did you screw up another wish?
Gary Wallace: No! I think they make my face look thinner. And they're great for laundry day.

Lyle: Look, Lisa, what I'm trying to say is that you don't belong here with this shallow and mean and heartless crowd of incredibly popular, cosmetically enhanced kids. They'll eat you alive. That's why we have to break up.
Lisa: But...
Lyle: Don't you get it? It's too late for me. I'll never escape them, but you've got a chance. Get out. Get out while you still have your personality.


"Weird Science: She's Alive (#1.1)" (1994)
Lisa: So this is what you boys consider a dream babe. This body is a scathing indictment of a sexist brain-dead MTV generation. But then again, what am I complaining about? I am leggy, buffed and brainy.

Wyatt Donnelly: What are you? Some kind of witch?
Lisa: Get real. Use your fuzzy logic. Think of me as more of a P.C. genie.


"Weird Science: Grumpy Old Genie (#4.6)" (1996)
Old Man Lisa: What happened to my bongos?


"Weird Science: Nightmare on Chett Street (#2.6)" (1994)
Lisa: If I told you every time I put your lives in danger, we'd never leave the house.


"Weird Science: Demon Lisa (#4.13)" (1996)
Lisa: I had a really weird dream. I dreamt I was on the internet. Out of the shadows came this hideous black thing, a cyber-demon. I could feel its hot, stale breath on the back of my neck, but I couldn't make myself turn around. Then it grabbed my arms and hissed in my ear that it was going to use me to take over the world. And then it laughed, and laughed, and laughed! And I really couldn't see the humor in taking over the whole world.