Mike Dexter
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Quotes for
Mike Dexter (Character)
from Can't Hardly Wait (1998)

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Can't Hardly Wait (1998)
Mike Dexter: I'll kick everyone's ass in this room!

Mike Dexter: Guys, we're gonna be in college soon. You know what there's gonna be in college, right?
Jake, Jock #1: [beat] Girls that used to be in high school.
Mike Dexter: No, women. College women. Women with no curfew, women on the pill, women... women, bro. We are staring into the future here. And the future is women.

William: You... have to come with me. There's this chick... there's these two chicks... they're triplets, man. You're not going to believe what they're doing. Not because I made it up or anything but because it is so... unbelievable. Come on out to the pool house, 'cause they told me to tell you... they want you to watch. So, come out... the pool house, come on...
Mike Dexter: [interrupting him] I'm a loser. I broke up with the hottest girl in school, my friends all sold me out... and somebody in there just called me a fag!

Mike Dexter: Who's gonna want you now?
Amanda Becket: [Looking at her letter] Somebody.
Mike Dexter: Somebody? More like... nobody!
Amanda Becket: Gosh, Mike. You really got me.

Trip McNeely: [as he approaches a sulking Mike with a six-pack in hand] Hey man, you want a beer?
Mike Dexter: Trip McNeely!
Trip McNeely: Trip McNeely.
Mike Dexter: No way, man!
Trip McNeely: Trip McNeely.
Mike Dexter: Trip McNeely! Geez. You were a sexual icon! You know girls at Huntington still talk about you?
Trip McNeely: Really? Which ones?
Mike Dexter: You must be racking up at college. College!
Trip McNeely: I wish, bro. I can't even get digits as a freshman.
Mike Dexter: Shut up! Come on, you can tell me.
Trip McNeely: Seriously, man. I thought college was gonna be a 24-7 orgy. Hell, that's even why I broke up with Janeen before I left.
Mike Dexter: [after an uneasy pause] S-so, what happened?
Trip McNeely: [sighs] College chicks are totally different, bro. They're all serious and shit. They all talk about world issues and "ecolomological" crap. They all wanna date older guys.
[Tosses an empty beer can aside]
Mike Dexter: Yeah, but... not all of 'em, right?
Trip McNeely: Way it goes. Hell, I even tried crawling back to Janeen. She was all cozy with some senior. He's a pre-med. They ALL are. Guys like us... we are a dime a dozen.
[Belches and then chuckles]
Trip McNeely: Speaking of which, you still with that Amanda chick? She was a prize piece if I ever saw one.
Mike Dexter: [Lying to Trip] Yeah,
Mike Dexter: me and Amanda. Definitely. Yep.
Trip McNeely: You're lucky, bro.
Mike Dexter: I sure am.
Trip McNeely: Stay with her. It's the best advice I can give you.
Trip McNeely: Oh, that, and bring rubber flip-flops in the shower. I got warts all over my feet.
Mike Dexter: [With a discouraged tone] Take it easy, Trip! Trip McNeely! All right...

Mike Dexter: [sits himself between two girls on a chair swing] Have I got some news for you.
Girl Mike Hits On #1: Really? What's that?
Mike Dexter: That I, recently, became single.
Girl Mike Hits On #2: And?
Mike Dexter: Well, I just remember Jeff Garner saying a little something about you girls thinking I was the hottest senior in school.
Girl Mike Hits On #2: Yeah, heh, heh. And, I remember Jeff Garner saying that, uh, you told him we were skanky.
Mike Dexter: [nervously, realizing he's been caught] He told you that?
[Girl #2 nods her head]
Mike Dexter: [shows him now sitting alone on the chair swing] Okay! See you later!