Preston Meyers
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Quotes for
Preston Meyers (Character)
from Can't Hardly Wait (1998)

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Can't Hardly Wait (1998)
Denise: Besides, I heard that song was about his dog.
Preston: It's not about a dog. It's about a woman named Amanda. Who the hell names their dog Amanda?
Denise: My cousin had a dog name Samantha.
Preston: Shut up about the dog, OK?

[sees Kenny Fisher posing in a mirror]
Denise: Looks like someone's auditioning for "Soul Train."
Preston: Do you have to rat out on everybody?
Denise: Oh, come on! His wardrobe alone leaves him open for public mockery.

Preston: [narrating] It was October, freshman year. First time in history that I'd ever missed the bus. If I had arrived on time, I never would've seen her. But as it was, I was the first person at Huntington Hills High to set eyes on Amanda Beckett. It was her first day at school. Then, I'm sitting in class enjoying a late breakfast when out of all the classrooms in the entire school, she walks into mine. And where does the teacher sit her? Right next to me! Now, up until now, one could write this off to coincidence. But then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a strawberry Pop-Tart - the very same breakfast pastry I was consuming at that moment! What was I to do? How was I to proceed?

Denise: Just so you know, judging from my little experience, I kind of believe in fate. It just works in really fucked up ways sometimes.
Preston: Especially in your case. I'm sorry. You gave that to me, I just had to take it. Take care. Peace out, G!

Preston: I don't know about you, but I really believe that there's one person out there, and for me it's gotta be Amanda.

Preston: I can't believe you pointed at her!
Denise: Look, she didn't see me! What are you, hyperventilating?
Preston: No, I'm hiransing my chi.
Denise: What?
Preston: I'm harnessing my chi.
[Denise laughs]
Preston: Don't laugh at me!
Denise: Were you this weird when we went out?
Preston: Were you this bitchy when we went out?
Denise: Yes, I was a bitchy eighth grader for that whole week, actually!

Preston: This is officially the worst night of my entire life. Thank you very much.
Angel: Try having forty drunk men grabbing your ass, one groom to be throwing up all over you and then have your car break down at 2am and then you can talk to me about having a bad night, OK?

Preston: Hey, I've got one for ya. Remember that time when I was about to talk to that beautiful girl, and you came up to me and started telling me all these asinine stories? Remember that, huh?
Reminiscing Guy: No.
Preston: Gee, that's funny. Because it *just happened*!
Reminiscing Guy: [saddened] Hey, I ain't gonna forget this, man! You just wait, I ain't inviting you to any 10-year reunion!

[the crying drunk girl walks up to Preston and Denise up on their arrival at the party]
Mary, Crying Drunk Girl: Thush bezt tea weveram sisu gizem chext ear!
[subtitle translation: This is the best party ever! I'm so gonna miss you guys next year!]
Preston: [watching the drunk girl stumble away] There's one at every party.
Denise: Kind of makes you never want to drink, huh?

Reminiscing Guy: Yo, Preston? Preston Meyers? Dude, what's going on? I'm so glad I got a chance to see you! I know you're leaving tomorrow. I'm gonna miss you man, you know?
Preston: It's okay, man. Don't worry about it.
Reminiscing Guy: I was totally remembering that time when we were in 7th grade, and we like mashed up all our food on our lunch trays and you payed me a dollar to eat it, and I did? What was the best!
Preston: [walking away] Yeah, good times.
Reminiscing Guy: Hey, what about that time during softball practice when Ricky Feldman hit that line drive and it hit you right in your nuts? That was the funniest!

Angel Stripper: You know what? This is just like that Scott Baio thing. When I was 16, I had the biggest thing for Scott Baio.
Preston: Listen, you don't have to sit here and go through... Scott Baio?
Angel Stripper: I said I was 16. I mean, this was back in the 'Happy Days' years, you know? Not to mention 'Joanie Loves Chachi'. God... I hated her. Joanie. You see, I always knew that somehow I'd meet him. You know? Like I wanted it bad enough, I could make it happen. And it did. Right after his first season of 'Charles in Charge', he was doing this mall tour, and he came here to our mall in this town. It was like everything was finally falling into place for me, you know? It was like...
Preston: Fate?
Angel Stripper: Yeah. So, I went... you know. And I had this red bandanna. 'Cause you know how Chachi always wore that red bandanna? And I waited there outside. And I was the first person there when he pulled up in his limo to the entrance to the mall. He got out of that car... he was so beautiful. And he looked right at me. But... I didn't know what to do. I mean... I couldn't say anything. I couldn't even move. I never talked to him, and he was right there. I think I still have that red bandanna. But the thing is, you never know. Like, had I had least maybe said something... you never know. But anyway, the point is I totally realized that, you know? Fate. There is fate. But it only takes you so far, because once you're there, it's up to you to make it happen.
Preston: You are so definitely right.
Angel Stripper: Yeah. So look, don't make the same mistake I did, okay? Because if you really want to be with him, then you get back on that phone and you call Barry Manilow, and you tell him how you feel.
Preston: No... no. I don't want him. I just...
Angel Stripper: [walks off] It's okay. Look at me... Scott Baio. We all have our things.