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Quotes for
Mark Rumsfield (Character)
from The 'Burbs (1989)

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The 'Burbs (1989)
Mark Rumsfield: Ricky, get this lame-o out of your yard.
Ricky Butler: [puts his arm around his friend] Get out of my yard, Lame-o!

Ricky Butler: Hey, Mrs. Rumsfield, no tan lines. Looks nice.
Mark Rumsfield: That kid next door's a meatball.

Mark Rumsfield: In Southeast Asia we'd call this kind of thing bad karma.

Mark Rumsfield: I know you're in there, old man! Listen up, mister! That piece of scum barking rat of yours has just taken his last dump on my lawn! I find one more- just one- I'm gonna catch him and staple his ass shut!

Mark Rumsfield: Are you totally pussy-whipped, or what? Why don't you just take your balls out of your wifes purse... make a stand for one time in your life.

Mark Rumsfield: Klopek... what is that, Slavic?
Reuben: NO.
Mark Rumsfield: 'Bout a nine on the tension scale, Reub.

Mark Rumsfield: Smells like they're cooking a goddamn cat over there.

Mark Rumsfield: Art!
Bonnie Rumsfield: Your wife is home!
Mark Rumsfield: And your house is on fire!
Art: My wife is home?

Mark Rumsfield: What'd you say we all sit down for a little of the old face-to-face, hey What-Rube?

Mark Rumsfield: Here you go, sonny - a little something for the old sweet tooth.

Mark Rumsfield: [Pounds] Good solid walls...
Mark Rumsfield: Good solid floors.
[Someone in the basement pounds in response. Rumsfield grins]
Mark Rumsfield: Oh-ho. Got somebody tied up in the ol' cellar, have yah, Rube?

Ray Peterson: Is that a transformer or something...?
Mark Rumsfield: It's the goddamn power company.

Steve Kuntz: Hey man, when's the big unveiling, huh? Look, i gotta go to work in a couple of hours, you know.
Mark Rumsfield: Hey man, piss off.

Mark Rumsfield: That really burns my ass.
Bonnie Rumsfield: What?
Mark Rumsfield: That old fart. He's got the best lawn on the block. And you know why? Because he trains his dog to crap in my yard.

Ricky Butler: Mr. Rumsfield. You guys managed to knock out the power on the entire block. Probably the whole south end of town.
Mark Rumsfield: Ricky, SHUT UP.

Ray Peterson: Infra-red night vision scopes? What are we going to do next, tap their phones line?
Mark Rumsfield: That can be arranged.

Mr. Rumsfield: Affirmative. That garbage is going nowhere. I say we wait till first light. Scope me.

Vic, Garbageman #1: The question here is garbage. Who picks up this mess?
Mr. Rumsfield: Who picks up this mess? Well you're going to pick up the mess, because YOU are a garbage man.
Vic, Garbageman #1: I pick up garbage from cans, not from the street!

Ray Peterson: It's Walter's Toupée.
Art Wiengartner: Oh jeez, beautiful place to keep a toupée, on the stove. I'm starving.
[walks off to the fridge]
Mr. Rumsfield: One thing about these old guys - they don't ever leave the house without their hair. No sir. Walter left this house in a big hurry.

Mark Rumsfield: Rumsfield's the name. Don't think I caught yours, sonny?
Hans Klopek: H-H-Hans.
Mark Rumsfield: Hans! Oh-ho! A fine Christian name. Hans Christian Andersen! What are you, Catholic?

[looking at photo]
Mark Rumsfield: Oh, pretty girl! Friend of yours?
Hans Klopek: No, it came with the frame.
Mark Rumsfield: [mocking] It came wit de frame?

Mark Rumsfield: What have you got in the cellar, HERR Klopek!

Mark Rumsfield: Hey... Pinocchio! Where are you going?
Hans Klopek: [runs away and slips on dog poop]
Mark Rumsfield: [runs, slips and falls on poop too; then grabs him] Don't you make a move sonny. I was eighteen months in the bush and I could snap your neck in a heartbeat.

Mark Rumsfield: We caught ya, Reub. You think you've been playing us for saps but you were wrong.

Mark Rumsfield: There go the Goddamn brownies!

Mark Rumsfield: [Ray takes Walter's toupee out of his shorts] Are you implying that you've been carrying that around in your shorts all day?
Ray Peterson: After you left Walter's house yesterday, I slipped this back in, through the mail slot.
Art Wiengartner: Well, where'd you get this then?
[Ray gestures to the Klopeck's house]
Ray Peterson: After the dog came up out of the basement, I found it wedged in between a bunch of magazines all of which I might add, were addressed to Walter!
Art Wiengartner: Then that means that...
Mark Rumsfield: Klopeck went back into the house and got the hair. What do we do now, soldier?
Ray Peterson: Well you heard them say they're leaving tomorrow morning? As soon as they're gone, I'm going over that fence, and I'm not coming back until I find a dead body.

Ricky Butler: Oh, Mr. Rumsfield, be careful! Queenie...
Mark Rumsfield: [steps in poop] Goddamn it!
Bonnie Rumsfield: Uh-oh.
Mark Rumsfield: Walter. Walter! Walter!
Ricky Butler: I love that dude.

Mark Rumsfield: Shut up and paint your GODDAMN HOUSE!

Mark Rumsfield: Let's cut this "nice" crap. We know what's goin' on here. What's the weird Goddamn noise comin' from the basement?