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: What's a four-letter word for snatch? Bob
: Grab. Walt
: Oh... right. Whoopsie.
: She's got mace.
[Walt and Bob are considering separation
: Think about it. You'll be able to read a book alone, play golf by yourself,
: masturbate in private like the good Lord intended. Bob
: What are you talking about? Walt
: Oh, please, last night it was like trying to sleep next to a paint-shaker.
: Can I ask you a personal question? Walt
: Nine inches.
: [after surgery to separate the twins
] Bob, you look good. Walt
: He looks good. What am I chopped liver? April
: Actually, yeah.
: Are you kidding? You could win an humanitarian award for how nice you were to us. Cher
: Aww... no. Well, really, is there talk of me getting one? Walt
: No, no, it's just a figure of speech.
: What's a three-letter word for man's best friend? April
: Tit? Walt
: No, I've tried that already.
: If you do this, you're committing career suicide. Walt
: That's what they said when Erik Estrada quit "CHiPS". Morty O'Reilly
: You're shitting me. He quit?
: All right. Burgers on the house!
[everyone shouts "Yeah!"
: He's just kiddin', you cheap bastards.
: Hey, Dave. How about another tall one? Dave
: Got it. How about you there, Bob? Bob
: No, no. No, I'm cool. I'm the designated walker tonight.
: Christ Bob, you haven't been laid in five years. Bob
: Hey, how would you know?
[Walt gives him a serious look
: Boozing with Cher... boozing with Cher...
: She'll be back. Where else is she gonna find a guy like you? Bob
: I don't know. Chernobyl?
: Times up Casanever. Can I join you for a drink? Bar Hottie
: Sure. Walt
: Okay, what's your name? Bar Hottie
[they shake hands
: Hi I'm Walt Tenor. Bar Hottie
: Nice to meet you. Walt
: Nice to meet you!