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: The reality is that we do not wash our own laundry - it just gets dirtier.
: How long have you been with the BCI now, Serpico? Frank Serpico
: All my life. Barto
: That's long enough to know how we do things. Frank Serpico
: Barto, it's not just that.
[in a sarcastic tone
] Frank Serpico
: You don't like me! Barto
: BCI never had a weirdo cop before. Frank Serpico
: Barto, stop buggin' me!
: [feeling his gun as she's riding on the back of his motorcycle
] What'ya need a gun for? Frank Serpico
: Didya ever hear of Barnum and Bailey? Leslie Lane
: Yeah. Frank Serpico
: Well, I'm their lion tamer.
: How come all your friends are on their way to bein' someone else?
: You know what they say, don't you? If you love a man's garden, you gotta love the man!
: [being arrested by Serpico, who's having trouble finding his badge
] Where have they been hidin' you, kid? Frank Serpico
: Wouldn't you like to know?
: I'm a marked man in this department. For what? District Attorney Tauber
: I've already arranged a transfer for ya'. Frank Serpico
: To where? China?
: Now I ain't sayin' who. They just said ya'... ya' couldn't be trusted, you know? Frank Serpico
: 'Cause I don't take money, right? Tom Keough
: Frank, let's face it. Who can trust a cop who don't take money?
[Given a detective's gold badge
] Frank Serpico
: What's this for? For bein' an honest cop? Hmm? Or for being stupid enough to get shot in the face? You tell them that they can shove it.
Gun shop owner
: That gun takes a 14 shot clip. You expecting an army? Frank Serpico
: No. Just a division.
: You stupid fuck! You didn't know me? You fired without a warning, without a fucking brain in your head? Oh, shit. If I buy one, motherfucker, I ain't buying it from you.
: [Lombardo has fallen
] You okay? Insp. Lombardo
: Yeah... makes me feel like a cop again.
: I own a sheep dog. Girl
: Uh-huh. Frank Serpico
: Sheep dogs have been in my family... for sixteen generations! Dating back to the Borgias... Girl
] Oh, shit! Frank Serpico
: The family crest... is the image of a sheep dog, pissing into a gondola. Girl
: [looking suspiciously at Frank's mouse
] What's with the fucking mouse? Frank Serpico
: He's my partner. He sniffs out drugs. You know, I just send him through his little hole, he's gone for a while, and then he comes back with the heroin. Don Rubello
: Oh, yeah, I heard of that. Frank Serpico
: You heard of that? Yeah.
: When I come home, I want to come home to a clean house. Laurie
: Paco, don't take it out on me. Frank Serpico
: I'm not taking it out on you; I just don't wanna have to pick up *shit*! Laurie
: [starts crying
: You know, you're pretty fuckin' weird for a cop. Bob Blair
: Me? What about *you*? You're a fucking hippie!
: [Screaming repeatedly
] It's my life you fuck!
Capt. Insp. McClain
: Frank, has anyone ever told you that you have a tendency toward self-pity? Frank Serpico
: No, you're the first.
: Leslie is a mindfucker. Frank Serpico
: You gotta be kidding. I didn't know that. What's a mindfucker? Larry
: Well, it's a chick who digs intellectual types and super bright guys. Frank Serpico
: Oh, she's very perceptive.
: [Serpico and another cop have just been watching a naked girl out the bathroom window
] Hold it, Serpico. What were you two doing? Frank Serpico
: What? Lt. Steiger
: In the shithouse, in the dark! Were you going down on him? Frank Serpico
: What are you talking about? Lt. Steiger
: You gonna tell me you were just doing a little Peeping Tom? You were suckin' his cock, weren't you! Frank Serpico
: Are you crazy? Lt. Steiger
: I'll show you fuckin' crazy. Last week I found a pair of shorts with semen on 'em.
[He pushes open a stall and points
] Lt. Steiger
: There! Frank Serpico
: Are you actually accusing me of this?
: You know that I'm totally isolated in the department. I don't have a friend. Chief Sidney Green
: Oh, don't give me that bullshit about friends. I've been putting cops away for thirty years. My name's an obscenity to every shithouse wall in every precinct in the city. Frank Serpico
: I've observed that, sir. Chief Sidney Green
: Friends! And I fought my way up as a Jew in the department in the days you were supposed to have an uncircumcised shamrock between your legs. I have this nightmare. I'm on 5th Avenue watching the St. Patrick's Day parade and I have a coronary and nine thousand cops march happily over my body.
: I'm "being disciplined", your Honour, for what...?
: Captain, I think it's only fair to tell you, I've been to outside agencies, and I'm gonna go to more if I have to. Capt. Insp. McClain
: What outside agencies? Holy mother of God! Frank, we wash our own laundry around here! You're going to be brought up on charges for this. Frank Serpico
: [they start to shout on top of each other
] Oh yeah? Yeah, I always thought so, but the reality is, sir, that *we do not wash our own laundry*! It just gets dirtier. Capt. Insp. McClain
: Oh, you are in trouble, Serpico. You are in trouble! Frank Serpico
: I don't care if I'm in trouble, I don't care who gets it anymore, including myself. Because if I have to go to outside agencies to get somebody to hear my story... Capt. Insp. McClain
: You stay away from outside agencies! Do you hear me, Serpico? Stay away from them! Frank Serpico
] Well, where am I gonna go? Where am I gonna go? Capt. Insp. McClain
: Just wait until you hear from me! I don't want to talk to you, Frank.
[turns and walks off
] Frank Serpico
: I've been waiting a year and a half for you. Where am I going to go? Frank Serpico
: [shouting after the Captain
] It's *my life*, you fuck!
: Hey, Pasquale, let me tell you something. See, all day long I work with cops, right? When I go out, I see Mary Ann. Her father is a cop, her brother is a cop, her uncle is a cop and I got a feeling she's a cop too.