Sgt. T.J. Hooker
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Quotes for
Sgt. T.J. Hooker (Character)
from "T.J. Hooker" (1982)

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"T.J. Hooker: Psychic Terror (#3.20)" (1984)
Waylon Gilbert: What are you doing, Hooker? I got no beef with the law.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Then what are you shaking for, what are you afraid of?
Waylon Gilbert: Well, it's you, Hooker, you make me nervous.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Oh, really?
Officer Vince Romano: He has that effect on people.

Waylon Gilbert: And, and I never wanna hear about that Sal DeNiro again, he's twenty miles of bad road.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: It's twenty years of hard labor for you if you helped set op the Ryan kidnapping.
Waylon Gilbert: Kidnapping? Come on, Hooker, I,I,I wash cars!

Julia Hudson: Sergeant Hooker, have you recently been involved in a case where you worked in a cemetary or a mausoleum?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I think I'd remember that, why?
Julia Hudson: [a moment] Nothing... just tired, I guess.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: The kid's nine. She'll never make it to ten without that money.

Carla Bendix: Romano... are you looking for a fourth for a double date?
Officer Vince Romano: We're looking for Sal Genero, Carla.
Carla Bendix: That creep I was married to? I think he's dead.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Doubt we could be that lucky.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Now listen here, hardnose. I can get a warrent, but that takes time and time is money. Tax payer's money. I don't wanna waste tax payer's money.
Julia Hudson: The sergeant is really being very pleasant right now, I don't think you'd like to see him mad...

Officer Jim Corrigan: But this hospital life's gotta be getting you down, Hooker...
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Oh, I can't complain and Wanda here is gonna come back later and do her dance with the doves.
[kisses Nurse Wanda's hand]
Officer Jim Corrigan: Oh yeah? Well shove over, you're gonna have some company: me!

"T.J. Hooker: Blood Sport (#5.16)" (1986)
Sergeant T.J. Hooker: The feds couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat!

Officer Jim Corrigan: Hawaii? On the house? Heh! No objections from me!
Officer Stacy Sheridan: [to Hooker] He's your friend... he needs protection.
Sergeant T.J. Hooker: And you need to tan, right?
Officer Stacy Sheridan: Exactly. Was there something you wanted to say?
Sergeant T.J. Hooker: Pack your bikini, blue eyes.

Sergeant T.J. Hooker: Do you have to be so young and so eager all the time?
Officer Howie Kalanuma: I can tone the eager down, but the young I'm stuck with.
Sergeant T.J. Hooker: [smiles] Like we are with you.

Officer Stacy Sheridan: Hooker, what happened when you talked to the captain about Kalioki? Are we gonna get any more cooperation fr...
Sergeant T.J. Hooker: [interrupting] Not unless Kalioke divorces the captain's sister.
Officer Jim Corrigan: He's not...
Sergeant T.J. Hooker: The captain's brother in law...

Sergeant T.J. Hooker: Why don't you cut out the polite routine? I know a piece of Yakuza scum when I step in it.

Sergeant T.J. Hooker: I'm gonna take you down, right into the sewer where you belong. And I'm gonna do it in a way that's gonna hurt you the most.

"T.J. Hooker: Hot Property (#3.17)" (1984)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Looks like their mailman just delivered. Lets give them time to unwrap the package.

Officer Stacy Sheridan: All this for two bags of white powder.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: That may not look like much, but that white powder you're holding is pure China White. You cut it, put it on the streets, you got six million dollars to line your pockets.

Joe Deems: You guys stink!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Coming from you, that's a compliment.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: What was that all about?
Officer Jim Corrigan: Harrison Mackenzie. She started seeing him again.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I'm sorry to hear that, I thought she made right move when she broke with 'em.
Officer Vince Romano: Will you guys lighten up? Like she said, it's none of our business.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Did you hear a voice just now?
Officer Jim Corrigan: Yeah... but it wasn't the voice of experience.

Warren Avery: I hope you're have cause to stop us, Hooker. I'd hate to think that you were harrasing me.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Mr. Avery. Just admiring your limo.
Warren Avery: Somehow, I get the feeling you've got something else on your mind...
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: As a matter of fact, I was thinking about a will.
Warren Avery: It'll be a pleasure to draw yours.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: At 500 dollars an hour? That is your fee, isn't it?

Val: A search warrent and a, and a dog? What is going on?
Officer Vince Romano: Searching and sniffing.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Go Sam, do your stuff.

"T.J. Hooker: The Shadow of Truth (#3.5)" (1983)
Lisa Jericho: You remember what happened to the last gentleman who sent me champagne?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: He took a bath in Dom Perignon, vintage '64, I believe.
Armando: And the restaurant made the second front page.

Lisa Jericho: But right now what I need is a bodyguard for lunch. Any offers?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Yeah. I'll sent up a sandwich.
Lisa Jericho: And champagne...
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: No, I gotta talk to Armando about the champagne. Goodbye.

Officer Vince Romano: You said Como's girlfriend was a fashion model?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Hm-hm. Her name is Linda Wagner. She's doing a bikini layout today.
Officer Vince Romano: Sounds like something I should handle alone...
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Well, that's very kind of you, junior, but I never lay the tough jobs off on my partner.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: See, I think she's lighting candles in the dark so the... the dirt can be cleaned up. And that's an important service.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I'm here to talk to you about Lisa Jericho.
Kevin Mundy: Well, you want the Sun Telegraph building, you missed the sign. This is the New Children's Hospital.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: That's funny.

Lisa Jericho: Is there any reason why you wanted to have dinner here?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: They say when you fall off a horse...
Lisa Jericho: Yeah, but a horse doesn't try and blow you up and shoot you and bury you in ten feet of cement.

"T.J. Hooker: The Empty Gun (#2.3)" (1982)
Officer Vince Romano: [after Minetti is released] I don't understand. Something's wrong, Hooker. I did my job. He killed a man! I brought him to trial. He's guilty. And he's strutting out of here like a peacock, putting dirt on everything that's good and decent. Where's the incentive to do it right the next time if this lousy system doesn't work?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: The incentive is in knowing how much worse it would be if we didn't do it right. You don't like what happened in there, I don't like it, the people don't like it. It's up to the people to change it.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: What's music to your ears?
Officer Vince Romano: How about Pat Benatar? We could agree there.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Who's he?
Officer Vince Romano: He is a she. A singer.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Of your kind of music.
Officer Vince Romano: But cute!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Cute?
Officer Vince Romano: Yeah. We could agree on cute girls, couldn't we?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Women. For example, Peggy Lee.
Officer Vince Romano: Peggy who?

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [reading computer simulation print-out] Dempsy, your score has dropped since the last time. You're way below average on judgment and accuracy. You shot an innocent bystander, you wounded a fellow officer. You let an armed felon get off two shots before you returned fire and then you hit him in the foot.

Officer Vince Romano: Did you ever notice how much better food tastes when you don't pay for it yourself? No, I guess you wouldn't.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Keep it up, Romano. Next go around on the shooting simulator, it won't be a routine of the best scorers in the class. I'm gonna program the computer so you flunk.

Officer Vince Romano: [about Terry Minetti] He's gotta fall, Hooker, sometime he's got to fall. Or there isn't any justice.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: He's a punk, a thief and a killer and he'll fall. And when he does, it will be hard.

Sgt. Benteen: [to Romano] Look Lilly blossom, you're never gonna make it through probation and you better hope you never find yourself in a spot where you're gonna need the help of a real cop.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Hey!
[grabs Benteen by the shoulder and spins him around]
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: That's the wrong kind of talk around here, Benteen. I suggest you shut your loud mouth and cool off, 'cause if I hear it again, I'll put you through the wall.
Sgt. Benteen: I owe you Hooker... not him.
[pointing a thumb at Romano]
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You owe me nothing. I did my job out there, Romano did his. Right now you're on the edge of not doing yours. Don't you ever threaten not to back a fellow officer!

"T.J. Hooker: The Cheerleader Murder (#3.4)" (1983)
Officer Vince Romano: Look at this scene, Hooker. All these kids at this hour of the night.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You'd think they were homeless. But the truth is, almost all of 'em have parents and homes.
Officer Vince Romano: W-Well, what's with the parents? Don't they care?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You tell me.

Officer Stacy Sheridan: There's no proof yet, but I can give you a name. I think you know him, Hooker: Tommy Carmel.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Yeah, a senior. 18 going on 50, slick and nasty.
Officer Vince Romano: I can't wait to meet him.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I'll put it on your schedule.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [to Tommy Carmel] Hate to ruin your day, but we want you to sing us a song.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [to Dr. Garwood] When the D.A.'s Office is through talking to the girls you've 'treated', there'll be an army of witnesses waiting to bury you. I'll be the one with the shovel.

Officer Jim Corrigan: Hooker, Garwood's dead.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Bad news. Good news for a lot of young girls, whether they know it or not.

Officer Vince Romano: [a man tries to pick up Romano at the Black Star club] Look buddy, if anyone is gonna pick me up, it's gonna be somebody in high heels and a mini-skirt.
Paul: [gets up] Don't leave, I'll be back.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [Hooker has witnessed the whole thing] I keep telling Romano he ought to have his hair cut.

"T.J. Hooker: Carnal Express (#3.2)" (1983)
Lt. Drummer: I don't know whether you find trouble or it finds you, Hooker.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Well, as it says in the manual, Lieutenant, we're always on duty.
Lt. Drummer: Yeah. They said you had a make on the body.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Earl Hannaman. I busted him a few years ago. He works with a carbon copy loser, name of Carl Malek. He and Malek have been a team since they went to reform school. I'd bet my pension it was Malek who got away!

Officer Stacy Sheridan: [testing out her hidden mike] And about the plants, make sure they all get enough water. And don't forget to talk to them at least once a day. They like that.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [answers through walkie talkie] I always get tongue tied when I talk to a philodendron.

Virgil Dobbs: I'm hurt.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You better hope we get five young women back, or you're just beginning to hurt.

Officer Jim Corrigan: Hooker, look what you did. You were supposed to talk to Stacy's plants!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I did, honest. Philodendrons don't like cop stories.

Carl Malek: Are you calling me a killer?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I'm calling you a white slaver! You shipped Bonnie out of the country.
Carl Malek: Why, you've been smokin' swamp weed, Hooker.

"T.J. Hooker: Payday Pirates (#2.21)" (1983)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Now you listen to me good. Those three slugs that destroyed your radiator and cut your engine in half were .357 Magnums. What they did to this pile of junk they can do to you.

Officer Vince Romano: Hooker, I'll stay on top of it here. You go cheer up Fran.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: When we get that ring back, and the scum who took it, that'll be cheer-up time.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: We're gonna get the man who did this.
Mrs. Wilson: And when you do, will he pay the mortgage and feed my children?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: No.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: But he'll pay in other ways.

Officer Vince Romano: [Hooker and Romano meet Sheridan and Corrigan at Streetside Foods] How you doing, guys?
Officer Stacy Sheridan: I think I need a flak jacket for the inside of my stomach to handle this coffee.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: It's part of your field conditioning. It'll grow on you.
Officer Stacy Sheridan: If it doesn't kill me first.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [slamming Lou the tattooist against the wall and grabbing his face] Now listen, you. I got a friend in the hospital because of this guy. Now you tell me his name right now or I'm gonna play tic-tac-toe all over your face. You understand?

"T.J. Hooker: A Child Is Missing (#3.7)" (1983)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: How many units can you spring for this?
Officer Jim Corrigan: Half dozen uniforms out with the flu, I'll have to check the duty roster. I'm clockin' off the desk, eh, Stace and I can hit the streets with 'em.
Officer Jim Corrigan: You can count me in.
Officer Jim Corrigan: You mean you'd break your date with Arlene?
Officer Vince Romano: Yeah, I'll just tell her not to start without me.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: What's it take to get through to you people? Newspapers, TV, community circulars, they all tell you, if you have an old refrigerator that's not being used, take the door off, or wire it closed.
Woman: [sighs] I know you're right, I've been after my husband Harry to get a piece of wire and...
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [interrupting] We're not gonna wait for your husband, ok?
[uses a crowbar to take the door of the frige]
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Now you tell your husband Harry when he comes home tonight that he's lucky that little Brian Randall isn't in there. Or I'd wire him closed.

Miguel Gomez: My brother Pete says you're one hell of a hot shot cop, huh?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Your brother tends to exaggerate.
Miguel Gomez: Oh, you think so? Hm. What'd he say about me?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: That you're one of the best...
Miguel Gomez: Pete does not exaggerate.
[laughs out loud]

David Burke: Who are you?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I'm the guy that's gonna bury you.

"T.J. Hooker: Matter of Passion (#3.9)" (1983)
Lew Jensen: Look, Hooker, even if we had the manpower and 48 hour days, we'd still end up with unidentified bodies.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Maybe so. But the girl I found is not gonna be one of them.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Funny thing about these little black books: nobody ever puts their own name in them.

Alice Danner: When I paint a picture from a photo, that photo goes in a file. I could put my hands right on it.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Would you, please?
Alice Danner: Right now? What about lunch?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: What about dinner, instead? How 'bout tonight?

Alice Danner: [handing over a picture] Here it is, Hooker, but he can't make out the faces.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [takes a look at the photograph] Can you blow this up?
Alice Danner: Dancing after dinner tonight?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: That's blackmail... but I'm easy!
Alice Danner: Good. I can blow it up, then.

"T.J. Hooker: Deadlock (#3.22)" (1984)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You ask any watch commander, they'll tell you the action goes off the charts when the moon is full.
Officer Vince Romano: Yeah?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Yeah.
Officer Vince Romano: I'm glad to hear that. I had a little action planned for later tonight.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Hm?
Officer Vince Romano: Stephanie Mansfield...
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Ah, little Stephanie. The ski bunny you met last week.
Officer Vince Romano: You got the bunny part right.

Officer Stacy Sheridan: Just wanted to let you know we're taking our Code Seven at Benny's. One A.M.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Benny's, One A.M. gotcha. How's it going?
Officer Jim Corrigan: [takes dispatch from Stacy] Quiet, but you never know on a night like tonight...

Officer Vince Romano: Our, eh... car is gone.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [a beat] Say that again?
Officer Vince Romano: Gone. We've been ripped off.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Are you putting me on?

Rollins: [Hooker and Rollins are stuck in an elevator, pointing guns at each other] How long do you think you can hold that gun? Without getting careless?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: For the rest of your live, maggot. That's how long.

"T.J. Hooker: The Lipstick Killer (#3.13)" (1984)
Officer Jim Corrigan: You guys ok?
Officer Vince Romano: Yeah.
Officer Jim Corrigan: Your back hurting, Hooker?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Only when I breathe.

Officer Vince Romano: [about Maurice Winston Morgan] Sounds like a banker.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: The only banking this Morgan's ever done is a cueball, off the rail, while waiting for his connection to show. Now it's our turn to pick up some garbage.

Betty Macrae: How long have you had that bullet in your back?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: About five years, it has a way of acting up every now and then to remind me it's there.

Officer Jim Corrigan: [about Jamison] You mean they're still together, and she doesn't know he's...
Officer Stacy Sheridan: You've got it, the creep. And I'm supposed to meet him for dinner tonight.
[thinks for a moment]
Officer Stacy Sheridan: Maybe one of you would like to keep my date for me?
Officer Vince Romano: I'd love it. Let me at 'em.
Officer Jim Corrigan: [all riled up] Wait a second, hold on, Romano!
Officer Vince Romano: Wait a second, I...
Officer Jim Corrigan: [pulls a coin out of his pocket] Call it, call it! He's not all yours.
Officer Vince Romano: Ok, heads.
[Corrigan flips the coin]
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [Hooker grabs the coin in mid air] He's mine!

"T.J. Hooker: The Streets (#1.2)" (1982)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Cops and robbers is a game I'm attuned to. I've seen too much life and death. Too many alcoholic cops because they're shaking inside. Too many divorces and suicides because of stress. Too many good men given a cop's funeral because some unthinking, unfeeling scum pulls a trigger on 'em.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [Looking at the police sketch] Yep, no question, that's the man I chased.
Police Detective: And lost.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Excuse me. I was off duty at the time. Couldn't find a telephone booth to change in.

Tracy Hill: Y'know, I never did ask you why you wanted to be a cop.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: It's just something I do. I don't try and analyze it.
Tracy Hill: Maybe you should.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Hey, lady, I'm a garbage collector. I collect it and I dump it. I file my report and I never look back.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Most perpetrators do what they do because they hate. They want. They do things to other people because it's easier to rob them than it is to work.

"T.J. Hooker: Vengeance Is Mine (#2.16)" (1983)
Lt. Paul McGuire: Sucker almost had me. I owe you one, Hooker.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I recall saying the same thing to you 17 years ago. And with your retirement coming up, I didn't think I'd get a chance to get even.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Excuse me, Mr. Foster?
Larry Foster: Yes, what is it?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I'm Sergeant Hooker. You're client's gonna need a new attorney. You're going to jail.
[Hooker and Romano fasten handcuffs around Foster's wrists]
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: For the rape of Valerie McGuire.
Larry Foster: Sergeant, you're taking a dangerous step towards a very serious litigation here. I think you better ask yourself, do I look like a rapist?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You tell me what a rapist looks like... and I'll show you what a cop's daughter looks like... after she's been raped.

Lt. Paul McGuire: Hooker, I'm a father trying to protect daughters, like yours.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: And I'm a friend, trying to protect you from yourself. You're up to your armpits in emotion. You're about to put everything you've worked for on the line.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [after unpacking the gift that comes with opening a new bank account] This is a teddy bear. I'm a tough policeman.

"T.J. Hooker: Deadly Ambition (#2.8)" (1982)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: There she is.
Officer Vince Romano: Ben Edward's daughter? Hooker, she's beautiful!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: And she's my goddaughter, don't you forget that, Romano!

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: So you wanted to be a hero...
Ben Edwards: There's all kinds of reasons for ambition. I remember the day you took of that gold badge to climb back in that blue suit. I...
Ben Edwards: I thought you were crazy.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I climbed to the top of the detective ladder. I found it empty. So I climbed back down, got back in touch.

Officer Vince Romano: 206 Elm Drive is the address Stacy ran down on him. Do we give it to Holland, or what?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: We're five blocks from Elm Drive...
Officer Vince Romano: The 'what' has it.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You tried to hard, Holland. To hard and too fast.
Detective Holland: It all fell apart because you felt sorry for some crummy security guard.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: That's the way it goes, Holland. You had informants, connections, a hot record of arrests and the wrong kind of ambition.
[a beat]
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I've got friends.

"T.J. Hooker: Gang War (#3.21)" (1984)
Julia Mendez: You know, I still wonder if you had anything to do with me getting that scholarship?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Well, I didn't get the marks, you did.

Manuel Rivera: Come on, man, we're just here to see Chuy, you know.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Well, then go see him! Before I bust you for contaminating the hospital.

Angel Uriarte: You're crazy man! You're sick!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Sick? You think this is sick? Wait 'till I get through with you, you'll feel like a walking plague!

Julia Mendez: I guess I have to admit it: I used to have a crush on it.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: What do you mean, 'used to'?
Julia Mendez: Oh, who knows, maybe the sparks could be rekindled, if they were fanned...
Officer Vince Romano: Hey partner, end o' watch! What do you say we go to that new pizza joint on Market?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Sorry, I'm busy... I got some heavy fanning to do.

"T.J. Hooker: Walk a Straight Line (#3.6)" (1983)
Officer Jim Corrigan: What's Dietrich's problem, is it the job, or is it something personal?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Think it's a lotta both. Mostly it's his wife.
Officer Jim Corrigan: Does she play around?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Oh, not with other guys, with Sam's money. She likes to live big...
Officer Jim Corrigan: Then she shouldn't have married a cop.

Officer Vince Romano: So what's this guy's name?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Milo Pie.
Officer Vince Romano: You're kidding?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: No, but I think his mother was.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [to Dietrich] You look like yesterday's leftovers. I guess I don't have to ask why, do I?

Detective Sam Dietrich: Thanks... you bought me an extra pass...
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You know what you almost bought me? A ticket to the graveyard. You're dangerous man, you're lethal. To yourself and everybody around you.
Detective Sam Dietrich: I'm sorry... I really am.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Sorry doesn't cut it any more!

"T.J. Hooker: The Decoy (#2.14)" (1983)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Stacy, the day you were born, your father was somewhere on a narcotics stakeout and couldn't be reached. On the first day of your life, I was the first one to hold you. In addition to your experience, I gotta tell ya, I can't let you go out on the street and be the target for some deranged animal.

Officer Vince Romano: Hooker, the decoy situation. Sometimes it can't be ideal, but I think they're doing the right thing.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: That's the problem around here, Junior. Too many people who don't know are doing the thinking.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Bartender, I'm looking for Carl Leland. I heard he hangs out here.
Bartender: We serve drinks here, not information. You want a drink?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I want Carl Leland.
Bartender: Buzz off, cop.

Officer Vince Romano: Sleeping like a pretzel is one thing, but sleeping like a pretzel when a Circus Burger does flip-flops in your belly is beyond the call of duty.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Who said police work was easy?

"T.J. Hooker: Blue Murder (#3.10)" (1983)
Garber: Anybody we know? Oh, Sweet Willie Brown.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I gave him a traffic sitation a block from here, not ten minutes ago.
Garber: Yeah? Well, he won't be paying it.

Officer Vince Romano: The guy said on the register 'John Smith'. You think that's his real name?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Yeah, and the girl's name was Pocahontas.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You want some coffee?
Officer Vince Romano: I'lll pass, thanks. I want to make it through the day without a hole in my stomach.

Capt. Frank Medavoy: Roper and Kelly have chalked up four murders.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Murder isn't murder when you're fighting a war.

"T.J. Hooker: The Protectors (#1.1)" (1982)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You Catholic, Romano?
Officer Vince Romano: Yes, sir.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Y'know what I missed at the Mass that they had for the kid? Latin. I'd like to hear Latin again instead of everything in English.
Officer Vince Romano: [Wistfully] Yeah.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: What about doctors who make house calls? Repairmen who know how to fix things? And ballplayers who hustle? And boxers who get carried out of the ring, instead of quitting because of stomach cramps? And what about the death penalty for scum who take a human life and snuff it out like it's so much garbage? I've seen the past, gentlemen, and it works.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: He'll get a cop's funeral because he made a mistake. A dumb, stupid mistake!
Parker English: Yeah, well, some of us aren't as smart as you, Sarge!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: That's right, English! Not all of you are! If you were I wouldn't have to work my tail off to drum elementary procedure into your thick skulls! I wouldn't have to spell it out by the numbers that that badge is a target. And I wouldn't have to feel that a potentially good cop is lieing there on a slab because I didn't teach him well enough.

[first lines]
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: T.J. Hooker is the name. But you don't have to lose any sleep wondering what the T.J. stands for, as far as you're concerned, my first name is 'Sergeant'.

Officer Vince Romano: Look, I busted my back in pre-training. I thought I did better than any rooky in every class, every test, every drill! So why didn't I get a partner?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Romano, you got a partner! You lucked out: you got me!

"T.J. Hooker: The Hostages (#2.20)" (1983)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: How old are you, seventeen?
Carol Ann Baker: [angrily] Bingo! Give the man a prize.

Capt. Dennis Sheridan: Hooker, uh, can't you ever take 'no' for an answer?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Not when 'yes' makes more sense.

Lt. Decker: Let me put a couple of my men through the windows now.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Just because the D.A. is willing to play Russian Roulette with their lives, doesn't mean we should.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [quietly] I'll get you both out of here.
Officer Stacy Sheridan: We know you will.
Fran Hooker: This may be the only time in my life I'll ever be glad you're a cop.

"T.J. Hooker: The Snow Game (#3.14)" (1984)
J.D. Laws: Ah! Ah! You're hurtin' me, man, my arm is broke!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: So sue me!

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: The bullet Romano that took... had my name on it.

Officer Jim Corrigan: [about a newspaper item reporing their case] Sounds like we just stood around with our hands, eh... in our pockets while Super Agent Twill did all the work.
Carla Alvarez: At least he mentioned Tony...
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Yeah, well, for a guy like Twill that amounts to an epitaph.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You just let me know any time you wanna get back in the harness, Junior.
Officer Vince Romano: Hey, I'm ready, Hooker. I'm ready. Only... on account of my wound and all, the... doc says that I can't stand any aggravation.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Aggravation, huh?
Officer Vince Romano: Yeah, so... you won't mind keeping your voice down, and not calling me 'Junior' and stuff like that.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: No problem, Ju-
[Romano puts on a finger]
Officer Vince Romano: Romano, I know that you're a mature, responsible adult, who shouldn't be hanging around with frivolous people, which is why I told asked the DeFalco sisters never to call you again.
Officer Vince Romano: Hooker, you didn't!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Gotcha, Junior!

"T.J. Hooker: Raw Deal (#2.18)" (1983)
Capt. Dennis Sheridan: [Reading a business card found in Connors' effects] Gamblers Anonymous. Sam Miller.
Capt. Dennis Sheridan: Looks like Connors has other problems in addition to dealing dope.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Well, at least this one he was trying to shake. Shall we check it out?
Capt. Dennis Sheridan: I guess so. It's a long shot, but it's all we got.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: What better place to check on a long shot? Gamblers Anonymous is the last refuge of the longshot bettor. Let's roll, Junior!

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [Pressing down on the bar as Manny tries to benchpress up, pinning him] Getting heavy, Manny?
Manny: I can't hold this much forever!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: There's a flood of cocaine pouring into my beat, destroying the people I'm supposed to protect. Hopheads with their brains fried by Peruvian snow. They're mugging and robbing decent citizens so maggots like you can stay in business.
Manny: [Straining under the weight] I mean it, man, I'm losin' it!
Officer Vince Romano: Willy Stack was making the buy for you, wasn't he?
Manny: I don't deal no more!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I think you do. Willy Stack doesn't have the contacts in this town to sell dope in the streets. But you, scum, you got a load of lost souls waiting to sop up the poison you peddle.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [Romano sticks out his hand to Nancy Winters, but she doesn't shake it] Don't take it personally, junior, it's me she doesn't like.
Nancy Winters: Your partner has a way with words. 'Doesn't like' is his way of saying 'used to love'.

"T.J. Hooker: Exercise in Murder (#3.15)" (1984)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I ordered him to drop out his weapon. Then he jumped out...
I.A. Investigator: But you couldn't... see that it was a kid?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: The, eh... shadows... m-magnified his size. And, eh, when he jumped out, I, eh, I thought what he had in his hand was a... gun.
I.A. Investigator: But you weren't sure?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: We were in hot pursuit.
I.A. Investigator: So you just blew the little sucker away?

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [to Mrs. Mendez] I'm the officer who shot your son.
Carlos Mendez: Stinking pig! You like shooting kids, huh? Maybe 'cause they don't shoot back?

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I'm gonna be on you like white on rice. You sneeze, I'll be there with a handkerchief. And if your nose isn't clean, I'll whipe it in the dirt.

"T.J. Hooker: Undercover Affair (#3.11)" (1983)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I take it the agency owns the building?
Paige Miller: Yes, it's one of our safehouses.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: It's safe until Rossi finds out you invited me here!
[they laugh]

Officer Stacy Sheridan: What's going on, Hooker?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Direct orders. We can't make any drug busts at the Royal Roost.
Officer Vince Romano: I thought we were supposed to enforce the law, not stand here and watch it be broken.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: There's more than one way to skin a bad cat like Colson.

Officer Jim Corrigan: You already bougth yourself a suspension. Keep it up and you'll end up with an early retirement.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I'm gonna drop in on Amy's pusher.
[walks to elevator]
Officer Vince Romano: [follows Hooker] You got company.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Hey, the Royal Roost is officially off limits.
Officer Vince Romano: And I'm officially off duty.

"T.J. Hooker: Requiem for a Cop (#2.19)" (1983)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Were those people squatting or were they paying rent to live in that rat invested fire trap?

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [Romano hands Hong a beat up and burned cassette tape] This was in Max Silver's telephone answering machine at the time of the fire.
Officer Vince Romano: I was gonna toss it out. Hooker said that if anybody could get anything off of it, you could. But I guess Hooker was exaggerating.
Dr. Hong: Hooker does not exaggerate. If there are any words in here, I will get 'em out.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [driving a police black and white] Junior, I got a hunch we're carrying a bomb.
Officer Vince Romano: We can't dump it here.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Hit the reds.
[Romano turns on the siren]

"T.J. Hooker: Death Strip (#3.19)" (1984)
Officer Vince Romano: I see you're into designer colored tanks.
Sid Beamer: Yeah, they match my eyes.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: That's cute, real cute.

Officer Vince Romano: What about Toby Clark?
Sid Beamer: Who?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: We ask the questions.

Lt. Craig Arkin: Millions in cocaine. Ten kilos of evidence up in flames!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Better than having it up hundreds of noses. We came close, damn close.
Lt. Craig Arkin: Close only counts with handgrenades!

"T.J. Hooker: Blind Justice (#2.4)" (1982)
Officer Vince Romano: What I'm gonna do, Hooker, is take the plunge.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: The plunge?
Officer Vince Romano: Hooker, the streets of Southy Philly are behind me. I'm gonna become a total Californian. I think I'll even buy a surfboard.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You've been watching those late night beach blanket movies again?
Officer Vince Romano: Yeah, well, they are classics, you know.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Right up there with Casablanca and Citizen Kane.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Please, try to remember.
Anne Perry: I don't have anything to remember, I didn't see anything.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [grabs her arm and pulls her up] You must have seen something.
Anne Perry: I didn't see anything sergeant, I'm blind.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [bartender Megan is not cooperating] Now listen, Megan, without even looking I know that girl in the corner there is under age. And I'll just bet there are a couple of whiskey bottles in the trash that haven't been broken so you could do some whiskey watering. I'd just guess the alcoholic beverage control boys could at that to assorted other offences and come up with a three month closure.

"T.J. Hooker: Chinatown (#3.3)" (1983)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I wanna get those guns off the street.
Lt. Drummer: Nobody wants that more than I do, Hooker, and I'm gonna make it happen. It's gonna buy me a set of captain's bars.

Officer Vince Romano: I'd sure rather have you as a father-in-law than that Chow Duc character, I think...
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Thanks... I think.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: The D.A. gave me an O.K. to offer him a deal...

"T.J. Hooker: A Cry for Help (#2.9)" (1982)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You got it?
Danny Perez: Yeah man.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Yeah man what?
Danny Perez: Yeah man... Sir.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Now you got it.

Mr. Perez: It's easy to blame the powder, but the truth is: it's the man who's weak.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Anybody who can figure that out, can kick the monkey.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [to Vega] You just got knocked off your horse, cowboy. For good.

"T.J. Hooker: Hooker's Run (#3.16)" (1984)
Frank Dio: I'm clean, Hooker. Squeaky clean.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You're dirt, Dio. And you're headed for the garbage heap.
Frank Dio: You know what you got, cop? You've got baloney on a stick!

Phil Parker: Forget it, she's a clam. We've been trying to get her to cooperate for months!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Yeah, but this is the first time Dio's had a date with the Grand Jury.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Hey, Angie, one thing you gotta know about me: I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.

"T.J. Hooker: Sweet Sixteen and Dead (#2.17)" (1983)
Gordie Hobbs: You said that this was an accident. Now, if this was an accident, how come the police are involved?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: 'Cause it was a man-made accident and I wanna nail that man.

Gordie Hobbs: I just hate leaving Eddie Pearl here alive.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Hey Gordie, give in to that feeling, and the Boulevard poison that took Kelly will make a victim out of you, too, if you don't end up back in jail first.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Father, I've never met Star, but I know her. I've seen the places she's been and the kinda human being she's trying to become. And believe me, there's nothing I want more than to protect her. But she's gotta help me do that.

"T.J. Hooker: Terror at the Academy (#2.6)" (1982)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [leading recruits in a run across Acadamy campus] Look at my mouth. Read my lips.
Officer Vince Romano: I see.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You focused very clearly? You got your beady eyes on my little mouth, huh?
Officer Vince Romano: No problem, right there.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: No way!

Mayor: [conversing via speakerphone] What do you propose, Sergeant?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Romano and I go in, alone, Mr. Major.
Officer Vince Romano: We've crawled through the same rice paddies as Wyman.

Officer Vince Romano: Here's praying we do it, partner.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Have to. There's a frog costume we gotta get out of there.

"T.J. Hooker: Death on the Line (#3.18)" (1984)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: There he is, partner: Morey the Hawkmeister. Bring him your cherished dreams and he'll chissle them down to a dime and a dollar.
Morey: Hooker, you wanna hock the badge and gun? Hoho, we could do some business!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: No, what I want is to look in your safe.
Morey: You... got some kind og paper?
Officer Vince Romano: Don't send my partner for a warrent, Morey, you wouldnt like what happens when he comes back.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Morey, if the man who brought you this comes back or you spot any of the other items on this list, you're gonna call me faster than I can say 'two to five for receiving stolen goods'.
Morey: [quietly] Yes sir.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Let me hear it again.
Morey: [louder] Yes sir.

Officer Vince Romano: We got 'em, Hooker.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: We got someone, Junior. Someone who isn't wearing tennis shoes.

"T.J. Hooker: The Connection (#2.11)" (1982)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: There's a young police officer down there. Walking a hair between life and death. The message has to be sent out loud and clear:
[raises his voice]
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: nobody puts their hands on one of ours!
Capt. Dennis Sheridan: Sounds like you're buying in, Hooker.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I've already paid.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Police work isn't black and white, Romano. It's a million shades of grey.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: What about the other students? Any witnesses as to how she got the stuff?
Officer Vince Romano: They couldn't or wouldn't tell me anything. Could be they're just afraid. Don't wanna get involved.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: And while they're not getting involved, another kid like Cindy is buying a ticket to hell. Becoming antother scrambled mind with a question mark for a future. Every chance I get, I'm gonna come down on the scum that deal this poison. Hit 'em hard. Make it hurt.

"T.J. Hooker: Lady in Blue (#2.22)" (1983)
Officer Vince Romano: Hooker, I know how how you feel.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Do ya? I don't think so, Junior. I don't think you know what's in my gut. That scum who pulled the trigger is gonna wish he never saw a cop. I'm gonna find him... and I'm gonna bury him!

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Where are your guts, Karen?
[raises voice]
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I know your leg is gone, but did they cut out your guts, too?

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You got a permit for this cannon, punk?
Dino Morales: [shouting] It's not mine, I found it!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Where'd you find it? And skip the cha-cha 'cause I'm not in the mood for fairytales.

"T.J. Hooker: The Survival Syndrome (#2.7)" (1982)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [to the discouraged Romano] If guys like you and me aren't out there cleaning the sleaze and slime off the streets, everybody would have to stay locked up in their homes. Those vermin multiply; they feed on decent people. Cops, good cops, keep them in their holes. And you're a good cop, Romano.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [to Romano] I'm not gonna rub fruit oil all over my body!

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You have it all figured out, haven't you? Joyriding, bust, easy hit, stick it to the cop who shot your friend. Walk out of here with a smile on your face.
David Harmon: You got it, Big Daddy.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: No, you got it, Sunshine.

"T.J. Hooker: Slay Ride (#3.12)" (1983)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [dressed as Santa Claus] Hey, give me a break, would ya? I'm a cop, undercover.
Santa Claus: And I'm Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I've been working this same corner for six years and you're train jumpin', bub!

Officer Vince Romano: How's vice doing with Carlita Frasier?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: They heard she's sworn off turning tricks for Christmas and strictly legit.
Officer Vince Romano: Yeah?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: She's working in a small joint on 52nd as a topless dancer.
Officer Vince Romano: Aha... sounds, eh... educational. I'm into dance, you know.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I figured. We'll cruise by there tonight.
Officer Vince Romano: You think she can give us George Marino?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: It's the one Christmas present I want, junior.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You talked to your ex?
Officer Jim Corrigan: Yeah.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: And?
Officer Jim Corrigan: She said 'Merry Christman, the divorce is final'.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Welcome to the club.

"T.J. Hooker: God Bless the Child (#1.3)" (1982)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I was never what you'd call political, but when I was a rookie like you the vets used to call me the "flaming liberal." Now I'm not sure what I am.
Officer Vince Romano: Conservative?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Close enough. You know the definition of a conservative? A liberal who got mugged.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [In response to Romano saying he can't get a pizza with Hooker] Dance card's full?
Officer Vince Romano: Charlene Anne.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Charlene Anne?
Officer Vince Romano: Southern girl. Some kinda law down there they all gotta have two first names.

"T.J. Hooker: King of the Hill (#2.2)" (1982)
Officer Vince Romano: Another car trashed. We're really going to be in trouble with Sheridan on this one.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: What's this 'we' business? You were driving, I wasn't driving, you were driving.
Officer Vince Romano: It's always 'we' when you're the driver.

Axel Shiff: Ah, my good friends the police. I take care of all their cars. Excuse me, lady.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [Hooker exits his car, swinging his baton] Hello Axel, nice to see you.
Axel Shiff: What do you want, Hooker? Get lost, you're bad for business.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Good business requires referrals. Get many?
Axel Shiff: Oh come on, fade away, will you, Hooker? I'm gonna sic my lawyers on you fast.
Officer Vince Romano: This man has a bad attitude problem, Sgt. Hooker.
Axel Shiff: Hey, you take a flying leap too, son!

"T.J. Hooker: The Trial (#3.8)" (1983)
Police Lt. Peter Ellis: Exactly what is your interest in this matter, Hooker?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: All the officers involved are on my watch, I'd say that puts me personally and squarely right in the middle of it.

Officer Gina Canelli: When did you come up with that?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: At three o'clock this morning.

"T.J. Hooker: The Return (#3.1)" (1983)
Officer Vince Romano: And you're living here, in a motel?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Just temporary. Till I find time to get an apartment.
Officer Vince Romano: You gotta get out of here, Hooker. It's the bad guys who belong in the cells, not the cops.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You sure you don't want a quick cup of coffee?
Officer Vince Romano: Thanks, I already cleaned my gun.

"T.J. Hooker: Too Late for Love (#2.13)" (1983)
Officer Vince Romano: [looking at two young women crossing the street] You know, Hooker, I love this part of our beat.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Hey, when are you gonna learn, junior? Cops and fashion models mix like oil and water.

Officer Vince Romano: [when Hooker accuses Romano's girlfriend, Vince becomes agitated] Shut up, damn it!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: There's something wrong, kid. I feel it kicking in my gut. And I think your friend Amy is doing the kicking.
[Romano balls his fists and punches Hooker in the jaw]

"T.J. Hooker: Second Chance (#2.1)" (1982)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You want a hand, scum?

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Now let's talk about something else that's important, Gino. I mean your scungilli and your calamari and you're zuppa di pesche.
Officer Vince Romano: [lights up] Hey hey, now you are talking, Hooker!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I want an order of each and anything else that you think might make a really special lunch for two.
Officer Vince Romano: All right!
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: And eh, you better order what you're having for lunch, Romano, because you're not the one I'm eating with.

"T.J. Hooker: Hooker's War (#1.4)" (1982)
Officer Vince Romano: [Hooker walks towards the car with a cup of coffee] You know what that poison is doing to your system? It's gonna kill you.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Romano, Grandpa Hooker downed a gallon of coffee a day and made it to 94.
Officer Vince Romano: [Pouring a concoction into a cup] Try this. All I'm asking is try it. It's delicious! Just a little raw eggs, Romanian yogurt, crushed papaya, lecithin, mango juice. Secret of my success... and my virility.
[wiggles eyebrows rakishly]
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Romano, when Grandpa did go, at 94, twelve women wept at his grave, not including Grandma.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [to the scared, young crook pointing a gun at him] You're not in real trouble yet. Not if you drop the gun. Try shooting it out, and you'll be dead. And being dead is as much trouble as there is.

"T.J. Hooker: Big Foot (#2.5)" (1982)
Officer Vince Romano: [Hooker has just arrived at the academy in a damaged police car] So what is it now, Hooker? Three black and whites you've trashed since they let you back out on the street?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Four. The high price of fighting crime.
[comedic music plays as they walk away]

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [scratching his head] I wonder if I locked my car this morning?
Officer Vince Romano: Believe me, Hooker, it wouldn't matter. I've seen your car.

"T.J. Hooker: The Mumbler (#2.15)" (1983)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I'll bet you're a mumbler. That what they call you when if you have more to say to your pigeons than to people.
Katie Coats: How do you know that?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Sometimes, mumblers grow up and become cops.

"T.J. Hooker: The Fast Lane (#2.12)" (1983)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Come on, Romano. Sometimes they hide it so well even their parents aren't aware. I'm sure that Matt's mother doesn't know.
Officer Vince Romano: But you knew, Hooker. Your antenna is always up.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: My antenna was up my first week on the job.

"T.J. Hooker: Thieves' Highway (#2.10)" (1982)
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [about Venus the Orangutan] Romano finally ghot himself a girlfriend I approve of.

"T.J. Hooker: The Witness (#1.5)" (1982)
Officer Vince Romano: Did I tell you detective is where it's at? We could've been burned to a crisp with those clowns.
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You haven't even worn out your first pair of blue socks yet. Would you stop with the Dick Tracy dialogue already?