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] Sid Waterman
: I love you, really. With all due respect, you're a beautiful person. You're a credit to your race.
: 16 blue ponies, 21 jetplanes, and 12 spinning midgets.
: I was born into the Hebrew persuasion, but when I got older I converted to narcissism
] Sid Waterman
: I'll show you a little trick now, and - and - and - I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, I mean this sincerely, I say this with all due respect, you're a wonderful group, and a fantastic group of people, I love you, I - and I feel I'm coming back from you, you know, and - and you may be deceased but you should not be discouraged. Because, you know, uh, d-d-don't think of b-being dead as a handicap, you know what - when as I child I stuttered, but with stick-to-it-tiveness and perseverence, you know, you can never tell what can happen. Now I want you to take a card out, Alma, right, take any card you want, just pick... Sid's Co-Passenger
: Okay. Sid Waterman
: Pick it, fine, sweetheart, I love you sweetheart, it's fantastic.
: Look, I can't just go up to him and say, "Hi, how are you?" I mean, it would make him suspicious. So, you know - anything - he gets... put off or... Sid Waterman
: Drown! Sondra Pransky
: What? Sid Waterman
: Drown! Drown! I'll go get co-, I'll go get co... Sondra Pransky
: [shakes her head
] Ach... Sid Waterman
: Listen to me! I'll go get coffee, you get a cramp. Go into the water, flounder around, you know... Sondra Pransky
] Ahh... Sid Waterman
: Yes! Go ahead, sweetheart. That's, that's a great idea. He'll oblige to save you that way and if he doesn't, you know, then I'll notify your parents.
: I don't need to work out. My anxiety acts as aerobics.
: You are a cynical crapehanger who always see the glass half-empty! Sid Waterman
: No, you're wrong. I see the glass half full, but of poison.
] Sid Waterman
: The man is a liar and a murderer, and I say that with all due respect.
] Sondra Pransky
: This guy is a serial killer! He could just kill at any moment! Sid Waterman
: Yeah, I heard that part. That's when I knew I was gonna make other plans.
: We need to put our heads together. Sondra Pransky
: If you put OUR heads together, you'll hear a hollow noise.
: You're a pretty girl. You know, I think you could probably get this guy to get interested in you. Sondra Pransky
: Oh, you're silly... Sid Waterman
: Yeah, particularly if he's got a twisted mind.
: How can we meet him? Sid Waterman
: You know, I don't know... They have a class system. He's an aristocrat and, you know, we're... we're commoners. In fact according to his system, we're... I think we're probably classified as scum.
: This guy is a serial-killer like I play for the New York Jets.
: I was in the lounge, I heard you drowning, I finished my tea and scones and came immediately!
: You know not everything in the world is sinister... just practically everything.
: Not everything in this world is sinister... just practically everything. Sondra Pransky
: Ugh... the Indian food made me sick. Sid Waterman
: What? You barely touched your cobra salad, how can you be sick?
: Oh yes, she can't swim. She sinks like a stone! It's a family trait, actually, lack of buoyancy. Her siblings suffer from it too.
: So what do you do, Mr. Spence? Sid Waterman
: Real estate.
[stutters, double take
] Sid Waterman
: Uh, I mean, oil. I WAS in real estate, but now I'm in oil. I mean, now land is getting hard to come by... especially... outdoors.
: Actually, I bought my first Reubens with my poker winnings. Garden Party Guest
] You bought a Rubens painting? Sid Waterman
: Oh, oh, no. Not a painting. A sandwich.
: This guy must be some lover if you're ready to drop the whole investigation! I must find out what breakfast cereal he eats...
: Did you accomplish anything besides a possible pregnancy? Sondra Pransky
: I'll tell you what I did see: his mother, Lady Eleanor, has short-cut, brunette hair. Sid Waterman
] Yeah, but not a hooker? Sondra Pransky
: [shocked pause
] No, Sidney, she's not a hooker! I hardly think so. She's practically royalty. Christ, you amaze me sometimes. Your brain!
: Dad, I need to talk to you. Right now.
] Sid Waterman
: Right now, sweetie? I was just about to pull some quarters out of Mrs. Quincy's nose!
: [Peter told them he'd be out of town but then they spotted him across the street
] I just can't believe he lied to me! Sid Waterman
: Maybe he's just doing something he's ashamed of, like maybe he belongs to these clubs where he dresses up as a crossdresser, or maybe he does folk dancing!
: You're alone up there with a very, very dangerous man! That's two "very's"!
: I wouldn't be surprised if he asked me to marry him someday. Sid Waterman
: You come from an orthodox family, would they accept a serial killer?
: Why would Peter kill a prostitute? Sid Waterman
: Because it looks bad on his resume!
: I don't know what you've been smoking, but don't try to bring it through customs.
: Why don't you think about this as adding some excitement to your life? Sid Waterman
: Sweeheart, excitement in my life is dinner without heartburn after it.
: They'll take us to the Tower of London and behead us!
: What about Indian food, do you like spicy food? Sondra Pransky
: No, no, it's OK, I don't have that much of an appetite. Sid Waterman
: But you will, when they bring out the prawns in hydrochloric acid...
: Do you have a family? Sid Waterman
: I had a wife but sh... she dumped me if you can believe that. Sondra Pransky
: Somehow... Sid Waterman
: She thought I was immature and that I never grew up... I had a great rebuttal for her, I coulda nailed her, you know, but uh... I raised my hand, she would *not* call on me.
: You're the daughter I never had. Sondra Pransky
] Oh, Sidney... Sid Waterman
: No, no, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Cause I never wanted to have kids. I didn't because you have kids... what is it? You know you're nice to them... you bring them up... you suffer... y-you take care of them... and then they grow up and... and... and they accuse... uh... you of having Alzheimer's.
: I think it's time that we show my story to a real journalist. Sid Waterman
: What do you mean, a real journalist? Sondra Pransky
: One that's living.
: Geez, if I ever catch that Joe Strombel, I'll kill him.
: He asked me to go dancing with him. Sid Waterman
: That's perfect strategy. You worm your way in like a rodent or a roach, and as the crumbs fall off the table, you collect them and we analyze them.
: [Speaking of Strombel
] Look, the spirit appeared next to me. at first I thought he was one of your stooges. Sid Waterman
: I don't work with stooges. You know, because you gotta pay them health benefits.
: You may be deceased, but you should not be discouraged.
: Do we have time for a card trick? Sid's Co-Passenger
: Yes! Sid's Co-Passenger
] I believe we have eternity.
: I'm gonna start agitating your molecules.
: It's a red sweater. It's kind of a red, tomato red, like a fire engine. A red, a rouge... Housekeeper
: I understand, sir. Red.
: Peter Lyman. Yes, came in a few minutes ago. Sid Waterman
: What color bathing suit does he have on? Sondra Pransky
: Hey, what...? Sid Waterman
: I - do you want me clash with him?
: [at Peter Lyman's garden party
] Should we hit the buffet table first, though? Because the stuff looks great. Sondra Pransky
: No, Dad! Remember, we wanted to look around. Sid Waterman
: Yes, of course, of course, blessed offspring.