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: I take it you know that D.H. is your father? Igby
: No. Mimi
: Then I'm really glad I told you.
[Igby returns from military school
: Turtle. He was my best buddy. Then his rifle backfired and blew his face off. We all learned a valuable lesson about weapon maintenance that day. Mimi
: Why didn't the school inform me? Igby
: It wasn't the school's fault. They were great about it, paid for the dry cleaning and everything. Not because they had to, but because it was the right thing to do.
: Well, I guess DH told you. Mimi
: What? Igby
: Well, we've decided to bump all those incredibly prominent and terribly chic persons that you were expecting to speak at your memorial and, well, have me speak for two hours or so. Mimi
: What a clever idea. You do understand though, don't you, that it is customary in a eulogy to at least make reference to the deceased? Igby
: I intend to, Mother... time permitting.
: [to Oliver, about Igby
] His conception was an act of animosity, why shouldn't his life be one as well?
: Jason, tell me dearest, are you planning on bathing this week? Jason Slocumb
: I beg your pardon? Mimi
: It seems to have slipped your mind last week. Jason Slocumb
: But, I'm not dirty.
: Why do you want me to be here, mother? Mimi
: Comic relief.