John Allen Hill
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Quotes for
John Allen Hill (Character)
from "Cheers" (1982)

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"Cheers: Head Over Hill (#10.9)" (1991)
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Hey Hill, you can't order us around like that. Sammy can do anything he wants with his trash.
John Allen Hill: Yes, I see today he's dressed it up in an apron.


"Cheers: Bad Neighbor Sam (#9.9)" (1990)
John Allen Hill: [about Woody] He's cute. Does he come with his own duelling banjo?


"Cheers: Loathe and Marriage (#11.15)" (1993)
John Allen Hill: All right, Miss Tortelli, just what is it?
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: My daughter, Serafina, just announced that she's getting married.
John Allen Hill: [to Serafina] Congratulations. When's the baby due?


"Cheers: License to Hill (#10.18)" (1992)
John Allen Hill: Right now, I'm entertaining two hundred elderly women from the Daughters of the American Revolution.
Sam Malone: Giving them a first hand account, John?


"Cheers: Honor Thy Mother (#9.13)" (1991)
John Allen Hill: I'd like to buy a round of drinks for everyone here.
[Cheers customers cheer and clap their hands]
John Allen Hill: Here you are, Sam. I think this should cover it.
[pulls stacks of free drink coupons out of his pockets]
John Allen Hill: Oh, and I'd like one of your special martinis I've heard so much about.
[looks in his pocket]
John Allen Hill: I'm out of coupons. Well, then, never mind.


"Cheers: It's a Wonderful Wife (#9.20)" (1991)
Norm Peterson: Hey, do you want to tell me why you fired Vera.
John Allen Hill: Who are you?
Norm Peterson: I'm her husband, Norm.
John Allen Hill: Oh, yes, I didn't recognize you without a bar growing out of your chest.


"Cheers: Crash of the Titans (#9.19)" (1991)
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Buy yourself a melon in case you misplace your head.
John Allen Hill: Thank you. Tell me Carla, clinically speaking, are you considered a dwarf or a midget?
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Say, is that your head, or is your neck blowing a bubble?
John Allen Hill: Somebody phone the authorities in Paris. A gargoyle has just fallen off Notre Dame and is now taking drink orders.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: You know, two heads like that would make a perfectly good butt.
John Allen Hill: Shrike.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Bullet-head.
John Allen Hill: Slattern.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Hatchet-face.
John Allen Hill: [in a friendly tone after he looks at his watch] Well, must be off. Till next Monday.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: [to Norm and Cliff, admiringly about Hill] He's good people.


"Cheers: Feelings... Whoa, Whoa, Whoa (#11.9)" (1992)
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: [looking at Hill] Oh, good. My package from Amityville has arrived.
John Allen Hill: Ah, Miss Tortelli. Tell me, is that a new hairdo, or did someone toss a toaster in your bathtub? What am I saying - what would you be doing in a bathtub?
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Cleaning you out of the drain.