Gertrude Moon
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Quotes for
Gertrude Moon (Character)
from "Frasier" (1993)

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"Frasier: Mother Load: Part 1 (#9.12)" (2002)
Gertrude Moon: Daphne, dear, I finally figured out what's wrong with your outfit: It's made for a smaller woman.

Gertrude Moon: Niles, be a dear and get me a pillow for my head. Oh, and I wouldn't get too settled in; you'll need to take me home soon so I can take my medicine.
Niles: I thought I suggested you bring that with you.
Gertrude Moon: Daphne, dear, aren't you lucky to be dating a man who's always right?

[Mrs. Moon just announced that her husband left her]
Daphne: Oh, Mum, it can't be. I'm sure he just got sidetracked on his way home from the pub.
Gertrude Moon: Well, I thought that myself for the first week! But, no, he's gone for good.


"Frasier: Tales from the Crypt (#10.5)" (2002)
[Gertrude is locked in a battle of pranks with the son of Niles and Daphne's neighbors; while pacing the apartment, she opens the door to a courier]
Gertrude Moon: Where have you been?
Courier: Sorry, I had a tough time finding this place. I checked the directory for "Crane" but it had "Old Bat" next to this apartment number.
[Gertrude turns to a parcel she has waiting]
Gertrude Moon: [to herself] A little obvious, but not bad.

Gertrude Moon: That is precisely what's wrong with this country, everyone's afraid to stand up to the children.

Dr. Niles Crane: Only last night, Mrs. Moon challenged a trick-or-treater, and he responded by pelting our door with eggs.
Gertrude Moon: Yeah, but I got the little monster back, by putting a big, greasy glob of Vaseline on his doorknob!
Dr. Niles Crane: You said you'd put an end to it!
Gertrude Moon: Hence the Vaseline.
Daphne Crane: Mum, he's a child!
Gertrude Moon: Well, it's time he learned you don't mess with Gertrude Moon without incurring my wrath. Now, excuse me, I require cocoa.


"Frasier: Mother Load: Part 2 (#9.13)" (2002)
Gertrude Moon: How could your father do this to me? You sleep down the hall from someone for forty years, you think you know them.

Dr. Niles Crane: Well, that's, uh, that's the last of my mad money; I guess I'll have to win it back some other night.
Gertrude Moon: You better make it soon; I won't be around much longer.
Dr. Niles Crane: Not if you keep biting those filters off, you won't.

Gertrude Moon: [from the living room] I'm still waiting out here!
[Irritably, Daphne pokes her head out of the kitchen]
Daphne Moon: It's coming! Pipe down!
Gertrude Moon: Why? Am I interrupting your dirty sex?


"Frasier: The Guilt Trippers (#9.23)" (2002)
Martin: [smugly] How come you can fly to Hawaii, but you can't fly to England?
Gertrude Moon: How come you can drive your car, but you can't do your own laundry?
Martin: [biting his tongue] Have a good trip.
[Later, when Frasier, Niles, and Martin are driving home]
Martin: "I can't do my own laundry because I can't carry the laundry basket AND my cane at the same time." That's what I should have said!


"Frasier: The Ring Cycle (#10.1)" (2002)
[Roz, Alice, and Mrs. Moon arrive at the courthouse]
Mrs. Gertrude Moon: Well, in my day, people didn't drive so recklessly. Do you know why?
Alice May Doyle: Is it because you rode dinosaurs?
[Roz struggles to keep a straight face]
Mrs. Gertrude Moon: [in a huff] You should talk to your daughter.
[Mrs. Moon exits. Roz kneels down to face Alice]
Roz Doyle: When we get home... you're getting ice cream.