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: You cannot give old leopards new stripes.
: What's the matter, Norm? Norm Peterson
: Uh, oh, nothing. Just that my shorts are binding up on me. Cliff Clavin
: Just stand up and straighten them out. Norm Peterson
: Nah. I'll give 'em five minutes. Sometimes they self-correct. Diane Chambers
: The level of conversation in this bar could not sink any lower.
[Dave Richards walks into the bar
] Dave Richards
: [to Diane
] Hiya wonderbuns. Diane Chambers
: "Going down"!
: Hey Dave, Dave. What was that you said at the end of your sports report last night? Dave Richards
: Oh, I said uh, "Good night and remember: the world is full of winners and loser. Here's hoping you're one of them." Norm Peterson
: Well, I guess I did hear it right.
: [trying to convince Sam to fill in as sportscaster
] Come on Sam, you'd be great. You talk good like me and you're handsome.
: [to Rebecca after first laying eyes on her
] I make an unGodly amount of money and I know exactly how to use it. Rebecca Howe
: You must be a friend of Mr. Malone's. Dave Richards
: Well, you know what they say, the good looking ones travel in pairs. And, uh, that certainly is true in your case. Rebecca Howe
: Do you have the time? Dave Richards
: 4:30. Rebecca Howe
: Good, because I just wanted to remember the exact moment I met the biggest jerk on Earth.
[Sam laughs at Dave
] Dave Richards
: [to Sam
] Tough woman, tough woman. Sam Malone
: You got that right. I wear a cup to work.
: Well, well, what do we have here? Hi! Dave Richards. I'm an old team-mate of Sam's.
[Dave shakes Diane's hand
] Diane Chambers
: Oh. Diane Chambers. I'm Sam's new waitress. Dave Richards
: Sam have his brand on you yet? Diane Chambers
: Hardly. Dave Richards
: Oh, well, good, then you're in for a lucky day. Not only am I incredibly good looking, I'm also incredibly rich and incredibly nice. Sam Malone
: And incredibly married. Diane Chambers
: Well, I am sorry to hear that. Dave Richards
: You are? Diane Chambers
: Yes. I was hoping to reject you based solely on your personality.