Rebecca Howe
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Quotes for
Rebecca Howe (Character)
from "Cheers" (1982)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Cheers: Executive Sweet (#7.3)" (1988)
Rebecca Howe: ...I'm not going out with you.
Sam Malone: Ah, come on... But why?
Rebecca Howe: Because I'm concentrating on my career.
Sam Malone: That's fine. But before you make the final decision on this, let's try this. Have sex with me twenty-five times, and if at the end of the night you're still not sure, I won't say another thing.
Rebecca Howe: No, Sam. Look, I have wasted too much time. I'm not getting any younger, and I've made a decision to only date men who can help my career.
Sam Malone: You know, they have a name for women like that.
Rebecca Howe: Yeah: Vice-President.

Sam Malone: So, how did your meeting go?
Rebecca Howe: It was very nice. I met the new boss, Mr. Teal. We exchanged pleasantries. You're no longer the co-manager and have been demoted to just bartender.
Sam Malone: Demoted? Just like that? What, the company didn't have the courtesy to give me a phone call?
Carla LeBec: By the way, Sammy, you had a phone call this afternoon. You've been demoted.
Sam Malone: Why didn't you tell me?
Carla LeBec: What do I look like, an answering service for bartenders?

Rebecca Howe: You know, Martin could pick up the phone and get a reservation at any top restaurant in Boston at a moment's notice.
Sam Malone: Oh, and I can't?
Rebecca Howe: Well, pick up the phone and get me a reservation at ah... , Chez Maurice.
Sam Malone: I already said I can't. But I do have an in at Shea Stadium though.

Rebecca Howe: ...it wouldn't be in my best interest to say no.
Sam Malone: Oh, please. You don't have the guts to say no to this guy.
Rebecca Howe: That is absolutely not true. I choose to not have the guts to say no to this guy.


"Cheers: The Sam in the Grey Flannel Suit (#6.20)" (1988)
Rebecca Howe: [about Evan Drake and Sam having lunch] What does this mean? When did Evan start taking Sam to lunch? When did the two of them become good friends? When did I start talking to myself?

[Sam has just returned from lunch with Evan Drake]
Rebecca Howe: You scum sucking, power hungry, back biting creep. You stole my job.
Sam Malone: Naw, come on, that's not true. But I will bite your back for you if you want.
Rebecca Howe: Oh, well, then what were you talking to Evan about?
Sam Malone: He just offered me an executive position down at corporate.
Rebecca Howe: You scum sucking, power hungry, back biting creep.
Rebecca Howe: [to Evan Drake as he walks by] Hi Mr. Drake, I was just congratulating Sam.

[Rebecca has just heard that Evan Drake has promoted Sam to an executive position at corporate]
Rebecca Howe: Something funny is going on here. Why did he hire Sam? Why is he making him an executive? What's the matter with me?
Woody Boyd: For one thing, Miss Howe, you talk to yourself an awful lot.

Rebecca Howe: I finally figured it out. Life makes sense and I am not crazy.
Dr. Frasier Crane: That's only a layman's opinion.


"Cheers: Adventures in Housesitting (#7.11)" (1989)
Rebecca Howe: [about having a non-sexual relationship] Have you ever heard of conversation?
Sam Malone: Yeah, I've heard of conversation. You know, contrary to what a lot of people think, I'm not that dumb. Here, come on, try me. Sit down. Let's conversate.

[the prize-winning dog Rebecca is taking care of is missing. The doorbell of the house rings, and Rebecca opens the door. It's Woody with a dog]
Rebecca Howe: Woody! You found him. Oh God, I don't know who to kiss first.
Woody Boyd: Well, I just had a breath mint.

Mr. Sheridan: [points at Woody] Miss Howe, who is this man?
Rebecca Howe: [not wanting to tell the truth, she needs to devise a lie] This man? He's Woody. He's my boyfriend.
Woody Boyd: [pleased] Wow, Miss Howe.
Mr. Sheridan: Your boyfriend calls you 'Miss Howe'?
Rebecca Howe: [flustered] I was his teacher.

[while Mr. Sheridan is in the kitchen with Satan who he thinks is his own dog Buster, Sam enters with the real Buster]
Rebecca Howe: Sam, get that mutt out of here.
Sam Malone: What?
Rebecca Howe: Sheridan's in the kitchen with Satan.
Sam Malone: This is no time for folk singing.


"Cheers: Where Nobody Knows Your Name (#9.4)" (1990)
Rebecca Howe: [about Robin's old girlfriend Jeanne-Marie] The nerve of that cheap slut, pretending like Robin turned himself in for her.
Norm Peterson: Don't worry, Rebecca. Your friends know who the real cheap slut is.

Rebecca Howe: I mean the only thing that really does matter is that I am Robin's true love. It actually makes it more romantic because we're the only ones who know.
Norm Peterson: Except for us.
Woody Boyd: And I kind of told my Mom in Hanover.
Rebecca Howe: You know what I mean. It's sort of like a secret Valentine between me and Robin.
Norm Peterson: ...and us.
Woody Boyd: ...and my Mom.
Rebecca Howe: Woody, who cares if your Mother knows? I mean, who is she going to tell?
Woody Boyd: Are you serious? She has choir practice tonight. Once she gets a cup of coffee in her, those old biddies will bleed it out of her. For a moist crumb cake, she'll tell anybody why you never see Uncle Willie and Aunt May in the same room at the same time.
Norm Peterson: Why, why would that be, Wood?
Woody Boyd: I don't see any crumb cake.

Rebecca Howe: [about Robin] I cannot just ask him if he loves Jeanne-Marie, because then he will think I don't trust him.
Sam Malone: You don't.
Rebecca Howe: I know, but I should. But if I ask him 'Do you love Jeanne-Marie?' and he says yes, I don't think that I could handle that. And if I ask him if he loved me and he said yes, then he would know that I did not trust him, and trusting him is the one thing that I really should do since he gave up his fortune for me... if he really did give it up for me... which I can never know because I can't ask.
Sam Malone: Let me see if I can put this in a nutshell. What?


"Cheers: Do Not Forsake Me, O' My Postman (#11.5)" (1992)
[Andy Schroeder, the murderer who once dated Diane, comes into the bar with dynamite strapped to his body]
Rebecca Howe: [gasps in fright as she sees Andy] Oh my God.
Norm Peterson: Hey, it's Andy Andy.
Rebecca Howe: What, you know this person?
Cliff Clavin: [matter of factly] Yeah. Former major felon. Once killed a waitress.
Andy Schroeder: [yells] Where's Diane? I demand to see Diane!
Woody Boyd: Well, Miss Chambers hasn't worked here in five or six years.
Andy Schroeder: [surprised] Oh, really? Well... okay.
[Andy walks out of the bar as plainly as he came in]

Rebecca Howe: Guess what I kept on seeing when I was driving into work just now?
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: The middle finger of every driver in Boston?

Sy Flembeck: Alright. The Cheers theme by Sy Flembeck. Beer and pretzels that's our game, C-H-E-R-S. If you don't come here that's a shame, C-H-E-R-S. With a C-C here and a C-C there...
Rebecca Howe: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait! What are you doing that's all wrong! First of all, "Cheers" is spelled with 2 Es. Second, I paid you a lot of money to come up with an original tune.
Sy Flembeck: You don't need an original tune, you want something that will bore a hole through the public's little pea-brains.
Rebecca Howe: You are all hype and no substance. I was mesmerized by your show-business savvy. You couldn't write a jingle to save your life.
Sy Flembeck: Hey babe, come on, wait, wait a minute, wait a minute, what is it? Huh, what, what, what? The "Old MacDonald" melody? Hey I can change that! Sy Flembeck is nothing if he's not versatile. Alright just a second. OK, OK, OK, I got it. Beer and pretzels, that's our game, that's our game, that's our game, beer and pretzels, that's our game, C-H-E-R-S. E-E, E-E!
Rebecca Howe: Out.
Sy Flembeck: What's the matter, babe? Can't work with a man you're attracted to?
Rebecca Howe: Oh God, out!
Sy Flembeck: I'll be home all night, the payphone's just down the hall from my room.


"Cheers: One Happy Chappy in a Snappy Serape (#7.4)" (1988)
[Rebecca is trying to telephone Sam in Cancun]
Rebecca Howe: [talking on the telephone] Hello, operator. Operator. Yes, I was just talking to my fiance, and...
[pauses to listen]
Rebecca Howe: Oh. Mi talk-o to mi boy-o amigo in Cancun, and we were cut-off-o.
Woody Boyd: [overhearing Rebecca's telephone call] It's a beautiful language, isn't it?

Martin Teal: [about Sam in Cancun] Rebecca, you're not losing anything in Sam. I hear he hasn't stopped fooling around since he got down there.
Rebecca Howe: You had him watched?
Martin Teal: I didn't have to. The man's escapades have become legendary. The Indians in the mountains sing a folk song about him.

[Sam gets Rebecca to hand him the gun with which she's been threatening him]
Rebecca Howe: [Blurts out, still uptight and emotional] I'm sorry it's not loaded.
[Sam shoots her an incredulous glance]
Rebecca Howe: [Snaps out of it] I mean, "I'm sorry." Period. "It's not loaded." Period.


"Cheers: Sammy and the Professor (#8.13)" (1990)
Rebecca Howe: You slept with Sam Malone?
Alice Anne Volkman: Oh, is that his last name?

[Alice, Rebecca's mentor, and Rebecca are discussing thh fact that Alice slept with Sam]
Alice Anne Volkman: Rebecca, slow down. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes, and get a handle on your feelings.
Rebecca Howe: All right. On one hand, I'm a little bit disappointed with you from what you've done. But on the other hand, I mean, I think, well, hell, it's your life, I mean you know what you want, what you don't want...
Alice Anne Volkman: Rebecca, choose.
Rebecca Howe: [immediately yells] You're a slut.
Alice Anne Volkman: Very good. That's the first time I've ever heard you take a stand without worrying about offending someone.
Rebecca Howe: [defiantly] You're a soleless pig of rotten slut. Slut!
Alice Anne Volkman: Now I'm offended.
Rebecca Howe: Oh, sorry. I take it all back.
Alice Anne Volkman: Oh, don't, don't do that. I was just beginning to respect you.
Rebecca Howe: Oh. Slut.
Alice Anne Volkman: Now you're just trying to kiss up.

Sam Malone: [about business advice from Alice Ann Volkman] Actually I never did get any advice from her. She kept saying she was going to give it to me, but then we ended up in bed. And afterward she said she was going to give it to me the next day, but we ended up in bed again. You know, she never really told me anything. Now she's gone.
Rebecca Howe: Well. It's still been a hell of a couple of days.
Sam Malone: That slut.


"Cheers: Finally!: Part 1 (#8.15)" (1990)
Rebecca Howe: Robin is back in town and tonight he is mine. So, would you like to know where we are going and you are not?
Norm Peterson: My house?

Rebecca Howe: [about Robin] I told him the biggest secret of my life.
Carla LeBec: What?
Rebecca Howe: I told him about You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling by The Righteous Brothers and what that song does to me. Right? Do you know what he did?
Carla LeBec: What?
Rebecca Howe: He called this radio station he owns and he had them play it all night.
Woody Boyd: I heard that. I thought that was the long version.

Rebecca Howe: I guess I kind of thought you wanted me.
Sam Malone: What would give you that idea?
Rebecca Howe: Oh, a guy hits on you every day for three or four years. You kind of start to trust him.


"Cheers: Sisterly Love (#7.21)" (1989)
Rebecca Howe: Sam, why are you so desperate to see my sister and I make up? I mean, what is it to you? Is this another stupid ploy to get me into bed?
Sam Malone: Rebecca, don't be ridiculous, I'm thinking of both of you.

Rebecca Howe: [having caught her sister attempting to seduce Sam] Oh no, sister. I don't hurt anymore. I am way beyond hurt.
Sam Malone: Don't be silly now, girls, please.
Rebecca Howe: [pulling out a gun] And now it is Susan Howe's turn to hurt!
Sam Malone: [shocked] Hey, that's a gun!
Rebecca Howe: It ain't licorice!
Sam Malone: [attempting to mediate] Now, come on, let's talk about this. This is silly.
Susan Howe: No, please! I'm too young to die!
Sam Malone: Rebecca...
[Susan screams just before Rebecca fires the gun at her, causing Susan to crumple to the floor]
Sam Malone: [shocked] Holy cow!
Rebecca Howe: That was for Dan Buttinger! And this is for Jeff Carnahan...
[Rebecca fires at Susan again]
Rebecca Howe: ...and Mike Deets...
[Rebecca fires at Susan again]
Rebecca Howe: ...and Sam Malone.
[Rebecca fires 3 shots at Susan again]
Sam Malone: [reeling around in shock at what he just witnessed] Oh boy, oh boy!

Sam Malone: I'm never gonna speak to either one of you again.
Rebecca Howe: Oh Sam, that's really too bad. Because you know, in a way, fending off your stupid advances brought Susan and I back together. We haven't been this close since we were kids. We're grateful.
Sam Malone: [interest piqued] How grateful?


"Cheers: The Crane Mutiny (#6.5)" (1987)
Rebecca Howe: I know you have trouble dealing with a woman in a position of authority.
Sam Malone: Whoa, wait a minute, I resent that. I've never had trouble with a woman in any position.

Rebecca Howe: Mr. Malone, are you developing a tic?
Sam Malone: That was a wink.
Rebecca Howe: Then you're developing into a tick.

Sam Malone: I want to sleep with you 25 times, but you don't want to sleep with me at all. Am I right?
Rebecca Howe: Right.
Sam Malone: OK, so what's half of 25?
Rebecca Howe: Your I.Q.?


"Cheers: The Days of Wine and Neuroses (#9.15)" (1991)
Rebecca Howe: [Rebecca is making a toast to hers and Robin's engagement] To my sweet baby, Robin. We may not have much, but we have each other.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Then you don't have much.

[Rebecca is hiding out in her apartment]
Sam Malone: Is this about getting married tomorrow? Are you getting cold feet?
Rebecca Howe: Certainly not. I am perfectly prepared to marry Robin and spend the rest of my life with him. I'm just not particularly looking forward to it.


"Cheers: Little Carla, Happy at Last: Part 2 (#6.4)" (1987)
[Rebecca is polishing a trophy]
Sam Malone: What's that ugly looking thing?
Rebecca Howe: It's not an ugly thing, it's a WOBBY.
Sam Malone: What's a WOBBY Webecca?

Rebecca Howe: Can anybody else please take me home?
Anthony Tortelli: Hey, there's room in our car. You can sit on my lap.
Annie Tortelli: Darling, you're married now. You don't have a lap.


"Cheers: Home Is the Sailor (#6.1)" (1987)
Sam Malone: [notices all the changes in his old office] Where's Dave?
Rebecca Howe: Dave?
Sam Malone: My moose head.
Rebecca Howe: I set him free. If he really loves you, he'll come back.

Rebecca Howe: [Warning Sam about who's boss] It's the bottom of the ninth, you have two outs, two strikes... and no balls.


"Cheers: Don't Shoot... I'm Only the Psychiatrist (#10.13)" (1992)
Rebecca Howe: You know, when I was a kid, I was the first one in my class to... you know, develop breasts. They teased me the whole year.
Norm Peterson: Oh, yeah. Me too.

Rebecca Howe: [Woody leaves the office with a grim look on his face; buzzing sound is audible through the open door] Woody, what was that buzzing?
Woody Boyd: Sam - the razor.
Rebecca Howe: But your hair looks the same.
Woody Boyd: It's the only hair I have left.


"Cheers: Rat Girl (#9.24)" (1991)
Rebecca: If I eat these, I will live longer.
Woody: I have a question. You know how you're always talking about how you hate your life. How come you want to make it longer?

[Lilith received an emergency telephone call]
Rebecca: Is everything all right?
Lilith: Yes, it was a false alarm.
Rebecca: So nothing was wrong?
Lilith: No, one of my patients set off a false alarm. But he's a pyromaniac, so for him, this is progress.


"Cheers: A Diminished Rebecca with a Suspended Cliff (#10.17)" (1992)
Rebecca Howe: [to Sam] What do you say when you break up with a woman?
Sam Malone: I usually say, 'I'll call you tomorrow'.

[Rebecca is rushing out of the bar]
Rebecca Howe: Somebody cover for me.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Cover for what? You don't do anything around here?
Rebecca Howe: [sarcastically] Ha-ha.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: [to Sam] Seriously, what does she do around here, anyway?
[Sam shrugs]


"Cheers: The Little Match Girl (#11.1)" (1992)
Sam: Rebecca, wait, wait a minute.
Rebecca: Look, Sam, you and I don't have anything to say to each other. You said some things today that you cannot take back, and you really hurt me, and I know that what I did was terrible, but what you did was worse because you did it on purpose. I don't want to ever see you or this bar again. Bye.
Sam: Do you want your job back?
Rebecca: [in tears] I really do!

Rebecca: Sam, the fire wasn't your fault. I was smoking a cigarette and I burned down your bar.
Sam: You did this? You did this to me? Yes, yes, of course. Why didn't I figure this out earlier? My bar burns down, you're within 50 miles. It all fits.
Rebecca: Sam, I'm so sorry.
Sam: What were you thinking? Huh? You're tired of screwing up your own life so you start to pick on mine? You know, of all the stupid, stupid things you've done in your useless life, this is your masterpiece. I'll tell you what; Get out. Get out of my bar.
[Rebecca does as she's told and leaves the bar]


"Cheers: 'I' on Sports (#6.2)" (1987)
Rebecca Howe: [to Sam about giving him time off to do his sportscasts] I figure one of two things will happen. Either you'll do well, they'll offer you a job and I'll never see you again. Or, you'll screw up, humiliate yourself, come back here a crushed and broken man. Either way, I win.

Dave Richards: [to Rebecca after first laying eyes on her] I make an unGodly amount of money and I know exactly how to use it.
Rebecca Howe: You must be a friend of Mr. Malone's.
Dave Richards: Well, you know what they say, the good looking ones travel in pairs. And, uh, that certainly is true in your case.
Rebecca Howe: Do you have the time?
Dave Richards: 4:30.
Rebecca Howe: Good, because I just wanted to remember the exact moment I met the biggest jerk on Earth.
[Sam laughs at Dave]
Dave Richards: [to Sam] Tough woman, tough woman.
Sam Malone: You got that right. I wear a cup to work.


"Cheers: Those Lips, Those Ice (#7.5)" (1988)
Cliff Clavin: Say, Rebecca. Was it a big hassle getting those company tickets for Woody?
Rebecca Howe: No.
Cliff Clavin: Can you get some for me?
Rebecca Howe: No.
Cliff Clavin: Ah, I get it, employees only, huh?
Rebecca Howe: No.
Cliff Clavin: Gotcha. Can't go to the well too often.
Rebecca Howe: No.
Cliff Clavin: Then you just don't want to get 'em for me?
Rebecca Howe: Yes.
Cliff Clavin: Well, no harm in asking.

[Sam tries to convince Carla to be nicer to Eddie when she suspects that Eddie may be cheating on her, attacks him when he enters the bar and vows to kill "the horny little frog"]
Sam Malone: Murder is not the answer to every one of life's little problems, you know that? First of all, you don't even know if he did anything wrong. And second, if he was a little tempted, maybe you pushed him into it.
Carla LeBec: Oh, what are you talking about?
Sam Malone: Did you ever think that maybe you aren't exactly nice to the guy?
Carla LeBec: Sammy, you know me! This is as nice as it gets!
Sam Malone: But this is the way you handle everything in your life, and it never works.
Carla LeBec: OK, o god of good relationships, what do *you* suggest I do?
Alan: Carla... Carla, you've got to let Eddie know how you feel inside. You must embrace him, not... not just with your heart, but with your very soul! Give unto him, and he will give unto you!
Norm Peterson: [Points at Alan] OK, no more for this clown!
Sam Malone: Listen, I'm talking about the occasional back rub. The general all-around pampering. You know, maybe buy one of those low-cut, frilly dresses...
Rebecca Howe: Oh, you mean that "total woman" BS? I find that completely repulsive.
Sam Malone: [to Rebecca] Well, that explains all the men beating down your door, doesn't it?
Sam Malone: Sweetheart, listen. You've got to become the ideal woman. You know, treat him like a god. Cater to his every whim.
Carla LeBec: Ew, yuck! I can't do that! I can't do frilly!
Sam Malone: You know what they say: You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Woody Boyd: Maybe I shouldn't be butting in here, but you can catch the most with dead squirrels.


"Cheers: Tale of Two Cuties (#6.15)" (1988)
Rebecca Howe: So, did you get a chance to see Carla's babies?
Sam Malone: Oh, we sure did. They are two of the cutest little guys you've ever seen.
Rebecca Howe: Ahh, who do they look like: Carla or Eddie?
Woody Boyd: Well, they're twins. They kind of look like each other.

Rebecca Howe: I am going to pop her. I'm going to pop her. I'm going to pop her right in the kisser. I'm going to pop her, p-pop, p-pop, p-pop, p-pop...
Sam Malone: That's good. Now do bacon frying.


"Cheers: The Big Kiss-Off (#6.24)" (1988)
Sam Malone: [puckering] Do these lips remind you of anything?
Rebecca Howe: Yeah. I think the liver in my freezer's gone bad.

Carla LeBec: [about Sam and Woody] They got a bet. They want to see who can kiss you by the end of the shift tonight.
Rebecca Howe: Why would they do such an asinine, juvenile thing?
Carla LeBec: Look at the contestants.


"Cheers: Finally!: Part 2 (#8.16)" (1990)
Rebecca Howe: How can someone as beautiful as I am be such a loser?

Rebecca Howe: You need help! Real help, not Frasier!


"Cheers: Loathe and Marriage (#11.15)" (1993)
Serafina Tortelli: [to Carla] I need to talk to you.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: You're pregnant.
Rebecca Howe: Carla, that is a rude and unfair thing to say. There's a million reasons why your daughter would want to talk to you.
Serafina Tortelli: I am pregnant.
Rebecca Howe: Then again, you raised a slut.

Rebecca Howe: I did not appreciate the nude photos of yourself that you sent.
Gino Tortelli: You know, that's the best I could do with the machine at the mall.


"Cheers: Daddy's Little Middle-Aged Girl (#11.10)" (1992)
Rebecca Howe: Everybody, I want you to meet my father. You can just call him Brig - that's his nickname. They call him Brig because he put so many sailors in jail.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Then why don't they call me Brig?

Sam Malone: You can't, you're not just going to pack up and go live in San Diego?
Rebecca Howe: [about her father] Why not? Who am I kidding. You heard him. I'm just a failure here in Boston.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Oh sure, I say it five years ago and get yelled at.


"Cheers: Wedding Bell Blues (#9.16)" (1991)
Rebecca Howe: Guys. I have my new wedding dress. Now all I need is something old, something borrowed and something blue.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: How about Norm's liver?
Norm Peterson: I am almost finished with it.

[Robin and Rebecca are reciting vows at their wedding]
Robin Colcord: "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer's lease hath all too short a stay: Sometime too hot the eye of heaven doth shines, And often is his gold complexion dimm'd; And every fair from fair sometime declines, By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd; But thy eternal summer shall not fade Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest; Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade, When in eternal lines to time thou owest: As long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this and this gives life to thee." Rebecca.
Rebecca Howe: I only loved you for your money.


"Cheers: Rich Man, Wood Man (#10.19)" (1992)
Rebecca Howe: Norm, you don't have to get upset with Woody, he's just been on the trip of a lifetime, and it rubbed off a little bit. That's not such a surprise.
Woody Boyd: [noticing that Rebecca spit a bit when she was talking] Say it don't spray it, this is cashmere, Ms Howe.
Rebecca Howe: [grabbing him by the shirt] You little snot! I knew you back when you were just an ignorant farm boy! That was about a week-and-a-half ago!
Woody Boyd: You're right. That was about a fortnight, wasn't it?

Kelly Gaines: Hi everybody! Where's Woody?
Rebecca Howe: Well he's out looking for you. What happened, Kelly? Did you get lost?
Kelly Gaines: No, I was having such a great time I didn't want it to end! I love the subway!
Rebecca Howe: Wait a minute. You like the subway?
Kelly Gaines: Not at first. I got real angry because a lot of other people tried to get on 'my subway car.' And then I met some young people who apparently work for the city, because they were spray painting the walls, and they let me write 'Kelly loves Woody' in a big red heart! And then 'the pigs' came and we ran.


"Cheers: Crash of the Titans (#9.19)" (1991)
Sam Malone: [about $25,000 Rebecca says she has] Where are you going to get that kind of money?
Rebecca Howe: I have a degree, I'm a businesswoman, I just spent the last ten years in a major corporation my daddy is giving it to me.

Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: [to Rebecca] Why do you want Cheers? I would think, for you, this bar would only have negative associations connected with it. Well, think of all the heartbreak you've had here, the forgotten goals, the missed opportunities...
Norm Peterson: Hey, it's called atmosphere, babe.
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: I would would think, for you, this place would have the stench of failure.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: No, that's Clavin. And FYI, it's not just failure.
Rebecca Howe: You know, actually Lilith, I had more productive, successful times at Cheers than I've had any other place in my life.
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: [in shock] Oh, Dear God!


"Cheers: The Beer Is Always Greener (#11.2)" (1992)
Bernard: [entering the bar] I'm looking for a Rebecca Howe?
Rebecca Howe: That's me.
Bernard: Well, hello. The name's Bernard. If I had known you were such a foxy lady, I would have worn my clean pants.
Rebecca Howe: Bernard, we need you get the phones working - the one here in the bar, and one back in the office, and the pay phone over there. We haven't had phone service in two weeks.
Bernard: Relax, pretty lady. I'll give you service. Get it? So much for foreplay.

Woody Boyd: [entering the bar] Hi guys.
Rebecca Howe: Woody, what are you doing back here?
Sam Malone: How come you're not on your honeymoon?
Woody Boyd: Honeymoon? Is that what you call it when two people lock themselves in a room and refuse to speak or even look at each other?
Norm Peterson: No, Wood. That's marriage.


"Cheers: What is... Cliff Clavin? (#8.14)" (1990)
Rebecca Howe: Why am I in the list of women you gone to bed with?
Sam Malone: They're not all the women that I've gone to bed with. Just the important women in my life, you know. I mean, the women I gone to bed with, my cleaninglady, ahh... my mother and you. 'course now that I've gone to bed with my cleaninglady that just leaves them, mom and... you.

Norm Peterson: Could I have another beer?
Rebecca Howe: I dont see any money Norm.
Norm Peterson: Yeah... yup. I really should go hit that bank machine I guess. But I hope on the way out I don't happen to just inadvertently mention that one thin Carla and I happen to know about you.
Rebecca Howe: Shut up Norm and drink your free beer.
Norm Peterson: This bluffing thing is a goldmine.
Carla LeBec: Yes, I've given you a wonderful gift my son. You must use it for good only, never for evil.
Norm Peterson: Free beer is good, right?
Carla LeBec: You learn fast, young Norm.


"Cheers: The Cranemakers (#7.16)" (1989)
Rebecca Howe: Woody.
Woody Boyd: Yes, Miss Howe.
Rebecca Howe: I just got my butt chewed out on your account.
Sam Malone: Must have been a real light eater.

Woody Boyd: [looking in his passport] What's this, Miss Howe?
Rebecca Howe: Oh, they just want to know who to notify in case of death or accident.
Woody Boyd: What do they think is going to happen to me over there?
Rebecca Howe: They don't think anything's going to happen, Woody. Just calm down.
Woody Boyd: What's this about not smuggling foreign meats into the country? What's wrong with foreign meat? And if there somthing wrong with it, what's going to happen to me after I've been eating it for a week? And look, it says here that if I mutilate this passport, it renders it invalid. Suppose I'm just about to go through U.S. Customs, some crazy person breaks into my luggage, mutilates my passport and fills my suitcase full of meat?
Rebecca Howe: That's a chance all travellers take.


"Cheers: Cry Hard (#8.25)" (1990)
Rebecca: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute you guys. Let's not jump to any wild conclusions here. Let's just look at the facts. Now, all we really know is that Robin is using my secret password to break into my corporation's confidential files, and from the date on these, well it looks like he's been doing it since, well since the day after we first slept together. So all I think we can conclude by this is...
Rebecca: [cries out] ... I am too stupid to live.

Rebecca: [about Robin] Would it be so terrible if I didn't turn him in? What would happen?
Sam: I'll tell you, he would go to jail and you would go to jail too.
Rebecca: I know, I know. Any chance we'd go to the same jail?
Sam: Honey, how much you going to take before you realize this guy is no good for you.
Rebecca: I don't know, I don't know Sam. How much does it take when you're in love with someone. You know, I heard stories about you and that Diane girl. You put up with her for five years - five years - what about that?
Sam: Sweetheart, if I could have sent her to prison, don't you think I would have?


"Cheers: Love Is a Really, Really Perfectly Okay Thing (#9.1)" (1990)
Rebecca Howe: Sam.
Sam Malone: Oh, hi.
Rebecca Howe: I wanted to thank you for your discretion.
Sam Malone: What do you mean?
Rebecca Howe: Well, not telling Robin about us was one thing, but not telling all those goons out there, I know that was a real sacrifice.
Sam Malone: Nah, no big deal.
Rebecca Howe: Yes it is. I know how much you love to crow to all your friends about your great romantic encounters.
Sam Malone: Rebecca, believe me, it was nothing.

Rebecca Howe: You have been after me for three years. And you finally got me. I mean, if I was even adequate, I know that you would have run out there and told every bozo in the bar.
Sam Malone: You don't think I wasn't dying to do that. It was making me crazy. It's just that I thought I'd be betraying our friendship. I never really had a friend before.
Rebecca Howe: You have lots of friends.
Sam Malone: No, no, I've never *had* a friend before.


"Cheers: Paint Your Office (#6.6)" (1987)
Rebecca Howe: Norm?
Norm Peterson: Yeah?
Rebecca Howe: Do you find me cold?
Norm Peterson: You? Cold? Uh. I wouldn't say cold. Coolish, all right. In the brisk area, but uh... Why, who says you're cold?
Rebecca Howe: Everyone.
Norm Peterson: I don't think you're cold.
Rebecca Howe: Really?
Norm Peterson: Yeah. I always meant to tell you that, but I didn't feel as though I could approach you.

Sam Malone: [angrily] You know, I'll tell you something lady. There was a time when I was considering making love to you, but now it's out of the question. As a matter of fact, you know, I wouldn't make love to you if asked me - if you begged me - to make love to you, I wouldn't. Go ahead, just ask me. Just try. See what happens.
Rebecca Howe: Would you make love to me?
Sam Malone: Well OK, but just once.


"Cheers: The Norm Who Came to Dinner (#10.4)" (1991)
Rebecca Howe: Carla, do you think I'm going to make a good mother?
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Nope?
Rebecca Howe: What do you mean?
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: You asked me a question, I gave you an answer.
Rebecca Howe: But, I'm serious.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Well, sorry, I'm just being honest.
Rebecca Howe: No, you're not being honest. You're being mean.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Sometimes you get a twofer.


"Cheers: The King of Beers (#11.3)" (1992)
Norm Peterson: Rebecca, has it ever occurred to you that maybe the reason you always lose is because you think you're going to lose?
Rebecca Howe: Oh, don't give me that crap. I tried that positive thinking stuff, and I knew it wouldn't work, and sure enough, it didn't.


"Cheers: Cry Harder (#8.26)" (1990)
Rebecca: Have you ever thought about what it would be like to be without Vera for twenty years?
Norm: Oh my God.
Rebecca: You see. You'd miss Vera.
Norm: Oh, I thought you said beer.


"Cheers: One Hugs, the Other Doesn't (#10.16)" (1992)
[Carla is talking on the telephone]
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: [yelling] This is sick. Just stop harrassing me. You'll get your money when I'm good and ready. And if you try to contact me at the workplace one more time, I'm going to turn you over to the authorities.
[Carla slams down the telephone]
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: [to Norm] Jerk!
Norm Peterson: Which one of your kids was that?
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: That was not one of my kids. I don't talk to my kids that way.
Cliff Clavin: Bill collector then, huh?
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: No, it was my mother. Her social security check is late. Like it's my fault that she's getting old.
[Carla walks away]
Rebecca Howe: [to Norm and Cliff] Did you hear the way she talked to her mother. I could never talk to my mother like that.
Rebecca Howe: [running after Carla] Hey Carla, could you give my mom a call?


"Cheers: Sam Ahoy (#8.12)" (1989)
Woody Boyd: Miss Howe? Can I have tomorrow off?
Rebecca Howe: Woody, I pay you for a forty hours a week. I expect forty hours work. Besides, I need you to take me to go get my car once it's finished being detailed.
Woody Boyd: What time will that be?
Rebecca Howe: Right after my beauty shop appointment. I'm getting cellophane highlights put in my hair, then I'm going to have a manicure then a pedicure.
Woody Boyd: Pedicure?
Rebecca Howe: Yeah. I have a date with Robin tonight and I may want to play footsie.
Woody Boyd: All right, I can drive you Miss Howe.
Rebecca Howe: Good.
Woody Boyd: But after that, if there's time, can I take off?
Rebecca Howe: God, Woody. What is so all fired important about your stupid life?
Woody Boyd: Well, I cook and deliver meals to elderly shut-ins.
Rebecca Howe: [sheepishly] Oh.
Woody Boyd: You know, I normally do it on my day off, but this week on my day off I'm doing a walkathon for illiteracy. We're against it.
Rebecca Howe: Well, OK, then that would be all right Woody.
[as Rebecca is about to walk into her office, Woody grabs the glass bottle out of her hand]
Woody Boyd: Oh, oh, Miss Howe. Wait. I'm recycling glass bottles. I want this world to be clean for our children. I mean, my children... or your children... or our children. But seeing as how you got a date with someone else tonight, it seems like a long shot.
Rebecca Howe: Woody, you're so good and I'm so bad. I feel guilty and ashamed. I, I feel like killing myself.
Woody Boyd: [hands her a business card] I also volunteer for a suicide hotline. We do good things.


"Cheers: Is There a Doctor in the Howe? (#11.16)" (1993)
[Sam is outside the bar's front door, cleaning graffiti off the wall, namely the initials N.R.P. Cliff is watching him through the door's window]
Rebecca Howe: Not again.
Sam Malone: It's the fifth time this week. If I find out who this N.R.P. creep is, I'm going to really let him have it.
[inside the bar, Norm is pilfering beer out of the beer taps]
Cliff Clavin: Hurry up Norm, Sam is getting a lot faster at this.
Norm Peterson: Got it.
Cliff Clavin: Hey Norm. I know that the N.P. stands for Norm Peterson. What does the R stand for?
Norm Peterson: Resourceful.


"Cheers: Jumping Jerks (#7.8)" (1988)
Rebecca Howe: Don't you guys ever watch anything but The Magnificent Seven?
Cliff Clavin: Ah, as a matter of fact, we rented The Magnificent Ambersons, but watched it for a couple of minutes, realized it wasn't a sequel, so we went back to watching The Magnificent Seven.


"Cheers: For Real Men Only (#8.8)" (1989)
Rebecca Howe: Corporate wants me to throw some idiotic stupid retirement party for some insignificant middle management nobody.
Sam Malone: You're retiring? Congratulations!


"Cheers: Head Over Hill (#10.9)" (1991)
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: [referring to John Allen Hill] I marched into his office, and I started calling him bald and wrinkled, and he started calling me short and ugly, and before I knew it, our clothes were off and we were insulting each other against the filing cabinet!
Rebecca Howe: But, Carla, I mean, he is, he is...
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: You know what I call him? The Bullet.
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: Carla, I believe I understand what happened. You two have a classic attraction-repulsion relationship. It's really a fairly common phenomenon. People who are constantly at odds with one another very often have rivers of passion raging between them, until, one day, the banks overflow in a torrent of unthinking, unreasonable emotion.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Plus, the guy's practically a contortionist.


"Cheers: The Art of the Steal (#8.10)" (1989)
Rebecca Howe: You've got a reputation of being uninhibited: lowdown, dirty, perverted.
Carla LeBec: You should have known me when I was a real slut.
Rebecca Howe: Let me ask you a question here. What is the wildest thing you ever did to really get a guy's attention?
Carla LeBec: Let me see. There was the time I was making love to a guy on a carousel.
Rebecca Howe: Where? At an amusement park?
Carla LeBec: No. LaGuardia Airport.


"Cheers: Where Have All the Floorboards Gone? (#10.8)" (1991)
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: [Lilith walks in from the ladies' room and gets her coat from one of the chairs] Frasier, I've got to run. I'm having my photograph taken for a new ID badge at the lab.
Rebecca Howe: Aren't you going to get your hair done for that?
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: Why on earth should I?
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Well, at least get the tension on that bun checked. I mean if that baby goes, we're all dead.
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: That hardly seems just coming from a woman whose hair hasn't seen a greasy pot it couldn't scrub clean.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Watch it, babe!
[Lilith and Carla Face off]


"Cheers: Get Your Kicks on Route 666 (#10.2)" (1991)
Rebecca Howe: Look guys. Postcards from Woody.
Sam Malone: [excitedly] Hey, all right.
[Rebecca hands a postcard to each of Sam, Norm and Cliff]
Rebecca Howe: Listen to mine. "Dear Miss Howe. I'm having a great time on vacation. I miss everyone there, but I miss you most of all. Love, Woody." What does yours say, Sam?
Sam Malone: "Dear Sam. I'm having a great time on vacation. I miss everyone there, but I miss you most of all. Love, Woody."
Norm Peterson: [reading his postcard under his breath but audibly] "...having a great time on vacation. I miss everyone there, but I miss you most of all. Love, Woody." Cliffy?
Cliff Clavin: "Dear Mr. Clavin. I'm having a great time on vacation. Love, Woody."


"Cheers: Hot Rocks (#7.17)" (1989)
Sam Malone: Wait a minute. You spent all day getting dressed up. Are you trying to tell me you'd rather stay in this bar than go out with me?
Rebecca Howe: No Sam. I'm trying to tell you I would rather remove my own gall bladder with an oyster fork than go out with you.
Sam Malone: Why do you say these things to me? I mean, why do I turn you off so much?
Rebecca Howe: I don't know, it's one of those things you have to take on faith. It's kind of like I don't know the refrigerator light goes off for sure when I close the door.
Woody Boyd: Well obviously you've never tried closing it from the inside.


"Cheers: Bar Wars II: The Woodman Strikes Back (#7.10)" (1989)
Rebecca Howe: Sam, guess what I've got under my coat.
Sam Malone: If I guess right, can I keep 'em?


"Cheers: How to Recede in Business (#7.1)" (1988)
Sam Malone: So what have you got there?
Rebecca Howe: A Mercedes catalogue. I'm thinking of getting one.
Sam Malone: Yeah, I hear good things about those catalogues.


"Cheers: Backseat Becky, Up Front (#6.25)" (1988)
[Rebecca, who is driving unrequited love Evan Drake to the airport for his flight to Japan, finds out that he will be accompanied by his new lover]
Evan Drake: Anyway, you wanted to ask me something?
Rebecca Howe: [holding back the tears] Yes sir, I just wanted to tell you that... this is a lot of car to handle. I can't believe I have the strength to keep from swerving into the oncoming traffic and killing us both.


"Cheers: Call Me, Irresponsible (#7.20)" (1989)
[Carla has received a bouquet of roses, supposedly from Eddie]
Rebecca Howe: Oh, why can't more men send flowers?
Sam Malone: I didn't know Mormons couldn't send flowers.
Rebecca Howe: I said "more men", not "Mormons".
Sam Malone: I know they can't dance.
Norm Peterson: No Sammy, that's the, ah, that's the Amish.
Sam Malone: Why can't Mormon's send flowers?
Rebecca Howe: They can.
Sam Malone: What are you talking about?
Rebecca Howe: I just wish some one would send me some damn roses.
Sam Malone: Why does it have to be a Mormon?
Rebecca Howe: [exasperated] Oh!
Sam Malone: Some people you just can't discuss religion.


"Cheers: To All the Girls I've Loved Before (#6.17)" (1988)
Dr. Lilith Sternin: I only wish there was some way I could repay you, Rebecca.
Rebecca Howe: Oh, don't mention it.
Dr. Lilith Sternin: If you ever need to admit a family member into a mental institution, I could certainly speed up the paperwork.


"Cheers: The Gift of the Woodi (#7.19)" (1989)
Rebecca Howe: Do you think that you could help me develop a more business-like appearance?
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: I'd love to, Rebecca. And may I say, it's about time you asked. There are two approaches a woman can take in turning her look to her advantage. The first is to play upon the male's sexual drive and turn yourself into an object of desire. I have opted for the second.
Rebecca Howe: What's that?
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: Scaring them stupid.


"Cheers: And God Created Woodman (#6.14)" (1988)
Rebecca Howe: [Rebecca walks out of her office] Announcement! Announcement! I just got a phone call and if things work out, it might be my ticket out of here.
[everybody cheers and applauds]
Rebecca Howe: Don't you even wanna know what it's about?
Sam Malone: There's more?


"Cheers: The Stork Brings a Crane (#8.6)" (1989)
Rebecca Howe: Oh my God, it's him, it's the Mayor.
Sam Malone: Hey, it really is the Mayor.
[yells over to the Mayor]
Sam Malone: Hi.
Rebecca Howe: [noticing what he's got in his hands] And look, he's got a little plaque.
Woody Boyd: He's probably too busy to brush between meals.


"Cheers: Norm and Cliff's Excellent Adventure (#9.11)" (1990)
[Woody is giving Rebecca gifts of items he bought off the Home Shopping Channel]
Rebecca Howe: Woody, I cannot accept these. People are going to get the wrong idea.
Woody Boyd: What, that I have a crush on you?
Rebecca Howe: No, that I like crap.
Woody Boyd: You calling this stuff crap?
Rebecca Howe: I'm sorry Woody.
Woody Boyd: No, no, I was looking for the right word.
Rebecca Howe: If you don't like it either, why do you keep buying this stuff?
Woody Boyd: Not stuff, Miss Howe - crap. I buy it because it looks good on TV. And the second they flash that eight hundred number, I'm dialling.
Rebecca Howe: Woody, this has got to stop.
Woody Boyd: Well, it has stopped Miss Howe. I went over my credit limit with this crap, unless of course you care to advance me six months on my paycheck - could be another necklace in it for you! And if you decide not to give me the advance, just keep the necklace as your free gift.
Rebecca Howe: Woody, you are hooked. Listen to me. You need help.
Woody Boyd: [angrily] I don't need help. I just need more credit.
Woody Boyd: [breaks down in tears] You're right, Miss Howe. I do need help. I'm scared. Help me. Hurry. Act now.


"Cheers: Love Me, Love My Car (#11.11)" (1992)
Rebecca Howe: [about Woody's pig, which she has in her arms] Oh, he's shivering. Should we cover him with something?
Woody Boyd: Well, not really. Maybe some honey glaze and a little pineapple.


"Cheers: Slumber Party Massacred (#6.22)" (1988)
Sam Malone: [talking about Carla] She was complaining she's missed out on all that teenage stuff. You know - homecoming, proms. What if we do something to take her back to her teen years?
Rebecca Howe: Like get her pregnant?
Cliff Clavin: Nah. That's been done to death.


"Cheers: Uncle Sam Wants You (#9.26)" (1991)
Rebecca: [to Sam, about them having a baby together] Why not! I mean, we could.
Sam: Yeah!
Rebecca: Your mom did it. My mom did it. Carla does it all the time.


"Cheers: One for the Road (#11.25)" (1993)
Rebecca Howe: Can you believe that? I shoot for Donald Trump, and I end up with Ed Norton.
Dr. Frasier Crane: But you did good, Rebecca.
Rebecca Howe: I did, didn't I? Bye!
Sam Malone: See ya, Trixie!


"Cheers: The Improbable Dream: Part 1 (#8.1)" (1989)
[Rebecca has been having erotic dreams about Sam]
Rebecca Howe: [ranting, while pointing at Sam] Look at what I'm dreaming about. A bartender in an off the rack shirt with a button missing.
Sam Malone: It's not missing. I always keep it unbuttoned so that I can scratch my stomach.


"Cheers: Bidding on the Boys (#6.8)" (1987)
Rebecca Howe: This is great! We're just $2,000 away from breaking the record. How many guys do we have left?
Carla LeBec: Just Sammy.
Rebecca Howe: Oh well, there's always next year.
Sam Malone: Two thousand dollars? Oh, gee, I might actually have to comb my hair.
[he walks away]
Rebecca Howe: Come on you guys, there's no way he can get that by himself. God, if we just had one more hunk.
Cliff Clavin: All right, all right, all right.
[he gets up]
Rebecca Howe: Mr. Clavin, that is a really sweet gesture, but isn't there some regulation against government employees in uniform participating in this kind of a thing?
Cliff Clavin: Oh, that is a very salient point, and one which I came within a hair of overlooking. I thank you.
[he shakes her hand]
Cliff Clavin: Boy, I shudder to think what might of happened.
Norm Peterson: We all do.


"Cheers: Ill-Gotten Gaines (#11.8)" (1992)
Rebecca Howe: I really think I can put together a great Thanksgiving dinner. This will be the second one that I've cooked, and believe me the first one was not the disaster that my family said it was. Those kids had a pretty good time in that ambulance. It's kind of exciting for them, I mean it wasn't the same-old, same-old.


"Cheers: The Last Angry Mailman (#6.7)" (1987)
Dr. Frasier Crane: All right, stop everything. I've got a major news flash. I just had lunch with Miss Howe's former college classmate, and it seems that she had a nickname at UConn.
Sam Malone: Give, give.
Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, he wasn't sure how she came by this appellation, but it seems that at some point during her little sojourn there, she became known as... Backseat Becky.
[general laughter among the crowd]
Woody Boyd: Boy, what do you suppose that means?
Cliff Clavin: Woody, what that means is...
Carla LeBec: Cliff, Cliff, why don't you let someone who's been there tell it. Woods, she likes to do her cushion pushin' on four wheels.
Woody Boyd: Miss Howe? Really? You know, back where I come from, we used to say something about girls like that.
Carla LeBec: What?
Woody Boyd: Let's date 'em.
[Rebecca enters the room]
Sam Malone: [looking in Rebecca's direction] Oh, looky here. Something tells me I'm going to be completely obnoxious about this.
[everyone laughs as Rebecca approaches]
Rebecca Howe: What's so funny?
Sam Malone: Oh, we were just talking about nicknames, you know, different funny nicknames that people have. Did you ever have a nickname?
Rebecca Howe: As a matter of fact, no.
Sam Malone: Really? Nothing, huh? Not a Sparky, or Lefty, or Bubba?
Rebecca Howe: Sorry.
Sam Malone: Guys, we oughta give Rebecca here a nickname. Ah, you know, something that kind of fits her personality: kind of dignified, kind of businesslike, kind of reserved. Let me think a minute.
[pauses]
Sam Malone: Anybody?
Dr. Frasier Crane, Carla LeBec, Cliff Clavin, Tim, Hugh, Norm Peterson: [loudly] Backseat Becky.
[Rebecca slinks down behind the bar in embarrassment]
Sam Malone: Gee, that works for me.
Woody Boyd: I kind of like Bubba.


"Cheers: Norm, Is That You? (#7.6)" (1988)
Woody Boyd: Miss Howe, I don't mean to insult you, but you're looking kind of puny. Have you lost weight?
Rebecca Howe: Is this a set up? Did Sam tell you to say that?
Woody Boyd: No, ma'am. I told myself to say it. I'm worried about you, you know, if you're not careful, you're going to start wasting away and pretty soon your ribs are going to show like this guy back in Hanover, Kyle Leffers. Course he'd been dead a while when they found him.
Rebecca Howe: Thank you, Woody. That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all week.
[Rebeca gives Woody a thankful quick peck on the cheek]
Woody Boyd: Your hair's been looking kind of ratty too.
Rebecca Howe: Unfortunately that's the second nicest thing.
[Rebecca starts to walk away]
Woody Boyd: What, no kiss?


"Cheers: Little Carla, Happy at Last: Part 1 (#6.3)" (1987)
Rebecca Howe: Carla. Here's your final paycheque. I might say that you have been a unique employee, and it's going to be very difficult to fill your uniform.
Carla Tortelli: Thanks.
Rebecca Howe: You don't happen to know any other short, pregnant cocktail waitresses, do you?


"Cheers: Let Sleeping Drakes Lie (#6.18)" (1988)
[Rebecca is trapped in Evan Drake's closet]
Rebecca Howe: [to Norm, about Evan Drake] If he finds me here in the morning, he will fire me, hate me and he is never ever going to want to be my boyfriend.


"Cheers: It's a Wonderful Wife (#9.20)" (1991)
Norm Peterson: Oh, Rebecca, there you are. I've been looking everywhere for you.
Rebecca Howe: What are you talking about? You're just sitting there on your bar stool.
Norm Peterson: I know. This is where I look from.


"Cheers: Ma Always Liked You Better (#9.5)" (1990)
Rebecca Howe: I think we'll just make an entrance through the alley.
Sam Malone: Oh, you got to be kidding. What are you going to do? Bust a hole in my wall?
Norm Peterson: Oh, actually Sam, you know that window - the leaded stain glass window - is in a single wooden frame, so I think you could pop it out fairly easily with a crowbar. I think the opening is like four by eight which is perfectly good for a standard entrance. You build a little staircase and you've got a nice little doorway.
Sam Malone: Boy you've put a lot of thought into this.
Norm Peterson: It's always been a dream of mine to someday retire and build a little apartment back there.


"Cheers: An Old-Fashioned Wedding (#10.25)" (1992)
Rebecca Howe: Dead. He can't be dead. He just sat down to take a little nap.
Sam Malone: Frasier, are you sure?
Dr. Frasier Crane: I'm trained as a physician. Believe me, he's dead. You don't make that mistake twice.


"Cheers: Indoor Fun with Sammy and Robby (#8.19)" (1990)
Rebecca Howe: [Norm is using the computer in Rebecca's office; Rebecca walks in] Norm, how many times have I told you I don't want you in here trying to erase your bar tab?
Norm Peterson: Come on. Do you think I would do something as deceitful as that? I'm only trying to help Sammy cheat at chess.
Rebecca Howe: That's terrible!... will you step on it? Robin and I can still make that late supper.
Norm Peterson: I'm trying, I'm trying. But I tell you, my bar tab's eaten up most of the memory on this computer.


"Cheers: Loverboyd (#8.22)" (1990)
Carla LeBec: Yoh, Becs. What's this thing you have against rich people? I mean, you're dating a rich guy. You want to be rich yourself, right?
Rebecca Howe: Yes. And when I am rich, I will stop hating rich people, and start hating poor people. It's the American way.


"Cheers: Woody for Hire, Meets Norman of the Apes (#6.13)" (1988)
Sam Malone: [about using the pool room on Sundays] Sunday is the night that we have our weekly pool tournament.
[general agreement from the guys]
Rebecca Howe: Well just have your pool tournament another night.
Sam Malone: [laughs] Yeah right. Like we can rearrange our schedule here, right.
Rebecca Howe: What about Monday night?
Sam Malone: Yoh, guys, we got a lady right off the boat here, doesn't speak any English. Tell her what happens Monday night, will you please.
Hugh, Cliff Clavin, Dr. Frasier Crane, Norm Peterson, Tim: Football.
Rebecca Howe: How about Tuesday?
Hugh: Darts night.
Rebecca Howe: Wednesday.
Cliff Clavin: Recovery from darts night.
Tim: Thursday's poker night.
Sam Malone: Friday's the night to howl.
Cliff Clavin: Yeah, and Saturday night is date night, so where does that leave us?
Norm Peterson: Horny on Sundays.
Sam Malone: Yoh!


"Cheers: Fifty-Fifty Carla (#8.20)" (1990)
Rebecca Howe: Woody. Are you really doing Hair?
Woody Boyd: Yeah.
Rebecca Howe: How do you feel about doing that nude scene?
Woody Boyd: What are you talking about Miss Howe?
Rebecca Howe: The nude scene. I was in a production of Hair when I was in college. There is this very famous scene where everybody takes off their clothes.
Woody Boyd: Come on, Miss Howe. It's not like I just fell off the turnip truck. That happened years ago. Back then, I might have believed this nude scene business. Actually, I guess I would have believed anything after being dragged three hundred yards down a gravel road into the rose bushes.
Dr. Frasier Crane: Woody, do you have any fond memories of childhood that you can cling to?
Woody Boyd: The roses smelled nice.


"Cheers: Achilles Hill (#9.14)" (1991)
Rebecca Howe: Sam, give me a break. The only reason you're interested in that girl is that you can't have her. It's the same thing with me.
Woody Boyd: You wanted her too, Miss Howe? Boy, I've been in this city one month too long.


"Cheers: A Kiss Is Still a Kiss (#6.10)" (1987)
[Rebecca and Woody are across the customer-filled bar from each other]
Rebecca Howe: [yells across the room with a piece of paper in her hands] Woody. What's this message: "Urgent, see Woody".
Woody Boyd: Oh, right. Ryan from the escort service called. Said there was a mistake in the booking and couldn't make it tonight. Said to be discreet about it. That's why I wrote the note that way.