Daryl Van Horne
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Quotes for
Daryl Van Horne (Character)
from The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

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The Witches of Eastwick (1987)
Daryl Van Horne: I see men, sixty, seventy years old breaking their balls to stay fit! What for? When I die, I want to be sick, not healthy.

Daryl Van Horne: I always like a little pussy after lunch.

Daryl Van Horne: I see men running around trying to put their dicks into everything, trying to make something happen... but it's WOMEN who are the source... the only power. Nature, birth, rebirth. Cliche? Cliche... sure... but true.

Daryl Van Horne: Men are such cocksuckers aren't they? You don't have to answer that. It's true. They're scared. Their dicks get limp when confronted by a woman of obvious power and what do they do about it? Call them witches, burn them, torture them, until every woman is afraid. Afraid of herself... afraid of men... and all for what? Fear of losing their hard-on.

Daryl Van Horne: Do you think God knew what He was doing when He created woman? Huh? No shit. I really wanna know. Or do you think it was another one of His minor mistakes like tidal waves, earthquakes, FLOODS? You think women are like that? S'matter? You don't think God makes mistakes? Of course He does. We ALL make mistakes. Of course, when WE make mistakes they call it evil. When GOD makes mistakes, they call it... nature. So whaddya think? Women... a mistake... or DID HE DO IT TO US ON PURPOSE?

Daryl Van Horne: You may think me crazy, but I know music. It's the one thing that makes me humble.

Daryl Van Horne: Have another cherry.

Alexandra Medford: Who are you?
Daryl Van Horne: Just your average, horny little devil.

Daryl Van Horne: You haven't seen any snowy egrets around here, have you?
Alexandra Medford: No.
Daryl Van Horne: Me either. Not that I'd know a snowy egret if I were pissing on one. You want some lunch?
Alexandra Medford: I think it's a little late in the season.
Daryl Van Horne: For lunch?
Alexandra Medford: No, pissing on birds.

Daryl Van Horne: Well, if that's how you feel about it, then that's how you feel about it. Is that how you feel about it?

Daryl Van Horne: I like women. I admire them. But, if you want me to treat you like a dumb twit I will. What's the point? You have brains Alex, more than brains, and you don't even know it do you? Well most women do not.
Alexandra Medford: Are you married?
Daryl Van Horne: Good question! You see, brains! The answer is no, I don't believe in it. Good for the man, lousy for the woman. She dies, she suffocates. I've see it! And then the husband runs around complaining that he's fucking a dead person, and he's the one who killed her!
[bursts into laughter]

Daryl Van Horne: Girls... What are you doing?

[last lines]
Daryl Van Horne: [on video] Take it easy. We don't want the whole household in here, do we, boys? That's it. Good boys, we're gonna do just fine. Now come on, come on to daddy and gimme a big kiss. Come on, good boys, come on. Come on, come to daddy, cootchie, cootchie, cootchie, coo.
[sounds of babies overlapping]
Daryl Van Horne: That's it, come on, come on. come on.
[laughs, pause]
Daryl Van Horne: Aw ladies, come on.

Daryl Van Horne: Daryl Van Horne.
Alexandra Medford: [shaking hands] Alexandra Medford.
Daryl Van Horne: The local sculptress. The one who makes the little booby dolls.
Alexandra Medford: Well, you know, they're little, and...
Daryl Van Horne: Little, yes, but... potent. Full of juice. Potent, you can feel it when you pick them up.


"Eastwick: Mooning and Crooning (#1.5)" (2009)
Darryl Van Horne: What feels good comes with a cost. At the end of the day, I suppose it's just a matter of figuring out how much you are willing to pay.

Darryl Van Horne: [to a lady looking with a disapproving expression on her face when Darryl feeds Roxie a piece of duck meat on a fork] Oh, would you like some of my duck in your mouth?


"Eastwick: Reaping and Sewing (#1.2)" (2009)
Darryl Van Horne: [Darryl has bought the trio gifts. Kat received a sexy silk negligee and Joanna, cheap perfume] Now... Roxie. For those blessed with the gift of second sight, these are Spirit Dice.
[He hands her a black bag]
Darryl Van Horne: Now legend has it that if you roll one, you can see the past. If you roll two, you can tell the future. And if you roll three, you can affect the very course of fate itself. The only problem is the change will always bend toward chaos.
Roxanne Torcoletti: You got these at the mall.
Darryl Van Horne: Yes I did. And the kid that sold them to me assured me that they were based on actual ancient Spirit Dice, and he had black fingernails! And he wore some kind of a cape, so, I think he probably knew what he was talking about.