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: Don't you think it's time you told me who you are. I mean, don't get me wrong, doing the Duke thing with you 24/7 is a blast, but really. Who are you? Leopold
: [after a pause, simply
] I'm the man that loves your sister.
: We have a saying in the McKay house: "You shake and shake the ketchup bottle, none will come, and then a lot'll."
[Leopold and Charlie leave the club. Charlie is fuming because Leopold has enthralled Patrice, Charlie's love interest
: And I would have gotten her number if you hadn't turned the evening into a guided tour of the Louvre! Leopold
: My apologies. Charlie
: Let's get one thing straight. Patrice, she thought you were cute - probably gay, and cute - and cute, Leo, that's just the kiss of death. Leopold
: Perhaps. Charlie
: Perhaps? Certainly! Leopold
: [produces a napkin
] I believe this is her number.
[Charlie takes it from him in disbelief
: As I see it, Patrice has not an inkling of your affections, and it's no wonder. You, Charles, are a merry-andrew. Charlie
: A what? Leopold
: Everything plays a farce to you. Women respond to sincerity. No-one wants to be romanced by a buffoon. Now, that number rings her. Charlie
: Yes? Leopold
: So ring her tomorrow. Charlie
: I can't. She gave the number to you. Leopold
: Only because I told her of your affections. Charlie
: [taken aback
] Wha - what did you say? Leopold
: Merely that you admired her, but you were hesitant to make an overture, as you'd been told she was courting another. Charlie
: Shit... that's good! Well, what did she say? Leopold
: She handed me the napkin.
[Charlie rushes under a lit store window to read the napkin, and starts dialing his cell phone
: Charles, it's quite late. Charlie
: No, no, she won't be home yet. I get her machine and leave a message, ball's in her court. Leopold
: You're ladling calculation upon comedy. The point is, to keep the ball in *your* court. Charlie
: [slaps his phone shut
] You're right! You're right!
: You want to vex my sister!
: Victorian dude, who has never seen a Met's game, watching TV. Scene: "I say, are those little people in that box of phosphors. Crikey, I believe it is. This game is more beguiling than cricket"
: [about the dishwasher
] And you push this button. Word to the wise: don't press that till she wakes up, so she sees you doing it. Leopold
: How clever. The proverbial tree in the woods. Charlie
: If a man washes a dish, and no one sees it... Charlie
: - did it happen? Charlie
: [Charlie, obviously drunk, is entertaining his friends with stories from acting camp
] He started squirting everybody with this turkey baster and screaming "Un-sex me! Un-sex me!" Dennis
: Wasn't Willem Dafoe in that group? Charlie
: Yeah, and he went on to talk about how a lot of secrets are hidden in people's basements... Leopold
: Like the Louvre?
[everybody pauses and looks at Leo
: I'm sorry, Charles, you were saying? Patrice
: What about the Louvre? Monica
: Yeah, tell us what you were going to say. Leopold
: Well, not all of the artwork in the Louvre is on the walls. Some is in the basement. Patrice
: You've been in the basement of the Louvre? Leopold
: Why, yes! Patrice
: I was a art history major at Vassar! Leopold