Turtle
Quicklinks
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
Filmographies
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Biographical
biography
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Turtle (Character)
from "Entourage" (2004)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Entourage: Vegas Baby, Vegas! (#3.9)" (2006)
Vincent Chase: So, what you're saying is that we should go.
Eric Murphy: Have I ever said "no" to Vegas?
Turtle: Be like saying "no" to a blowjob.

Eric Murphy: Tradition... when we were kids, we'd hit A.C., we put 5 bucks on red. We win, we knew it'd be a good weekend.
Ari Gold: What if you lose?
Turtle: Vince never loses.
Vincent Chase: Five on red.
Turtle: Come on!
Roulette Dealer: Red 16.
Vincent Chase: It's gonna be a good weekend.

Eric Murphy: Hey, jerkoff. You signed him up to judge a stripper contest.
Turtle: Really? Titties?
Eric Murphy: It's a stripper contest.
Turtle: Nice.

Turtle: Should have partnered with me, Ari. I'm up twelve hundred. I get up to two grand, I'm keeping it stashed to buy me a high class ho.
Vincent Chase: But Turtle, I already gave you ten.
Turtle: I only pay for pussy with profits.

Vincent Chase: Look, E. I don't want to rile you up, but I've done the list thing.
Turtle: What, did you hand over a hard drive, Vin?

Turtle: First the commission, now this? This is like Christmas.

Turtle: Wait 'til you see dinner. I got ten of the best strippers in town joining us tonight.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Strippers, why?
Turtle: Now shouldn't it be "Strippers, how?" and "Thank you?"
Vincent Chase: Thank you.

Turtle: Yeah, you're really entering your latter years gracefully.
[Johnny Drama walks in wearing a robe]
Eric Murphy: Speaking of latter years...


"Entourage: Date Night (#1.4)" (2004)
Eric Murphy: Did you even get a date yet, Turtle?
Turtle: Course I got a date. We have to pick her up from the Burbank Airport in one hour.
Eric Murphy: What is she? A Russian mail order bride?

Eric Murphy: Name one girl you ever pulled off the internet.
Turtle: There's all sorts of confidentiality agreements with these sites. I ain't telling you shit!

Johnny 'Drama' Chase: She gave me the ride of my life. I just hung on to those lats, simmered all control.
Turtle: You know, if I was holdin' onto those lats, I'd think I was fuckin' Evander Holyfield!

Vincent Chase: [about Drama, after he is late to cook breakfast] He got a girl.
Eric Murphy: Really, who?
Turtle: I don't know, he must have ordered in late night. Woke me up at like 4:30. Sounded like a couple of baboons fuckin'.

Turtle: It'll be like Prom.
Eric Murphy: So I guess you won't have a date then?
Turtle: I told you ten thousand fucking times, she had food poisoning.

Turtle: [about Drama's muscular girlfriend] Where'd you meet her, Drama? The Barry Bonds hearing?

Turtle: [about Drama] He's fucking a guy,
[about Eric]
Turtle: your getting asked out like a little bitch, I'd say its a very big deal.

Turtle: [opening up an envelope of fanmail] Aww, picture request. Nice enough to send the money for the stamp.
[He pockets the money]
Turtle: [Both Vince and Eric look up] Relax, I'll send the picture.


"Entourage: The Sundance Kids (#2.7)" (2005)
Johnny "Drama" Chase: On the way here, I was dreaming of hooking up with a nice Mormon girl.
Turtle: So why don't you go after a Mormon, Drama? I mean they're all over the place here. Besides, everyone knows they know how to treat their man right. They're like Catholic girls times one hundred.
Eric Murphy: You think the night before a Mormon wedding a guy says, "How am I gonna sleep with the same eight women for the rest of my life?"

Turtle: We accidentally crossed swords.
Eric Murphy: Ew.
Vincent Chase: Really? Where there any women there at least?
Turtle: Yeah, dick, it was a threesome, okay? It's no biggie... crossing is an occupational hazard.

Ticket Taker: Ticket?
Turtle: Sidekick?

Johnny Drama: On the way here, I was dreaming of hooking up with a nice Mormon girl.
Turtle: So why don't you go after a Mormon, Drama? I mean, they're all over the place here. Besides, everyone knows they know how to treat their man right. They're like Catholic girls times one hundred.
Eric: You think the night before a Mormon wedding a guy says "How am I gonna sleep with the same eight women for the rest of my life?"

Turtle: What about when you divorce all your wives? They get an eighth of all your property.
Eric: No, Turtle, it's a ninth. Otherwise, Vince wouldn't get shit.
Vince: Good lookin' out, E!

Vincent Chase: I hear the slopes out here are insane.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Give me a break! Anywhere where you can ski in short sleeves is for pussies. I mean, they got no ice out here.
Eric Murphy: Who wants to ski on ice?
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Men, E, men who like speed.
Turtle: I'm with Drama, there's nothing like the possibility of a good head on collision.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: I mean, if you can ski Hunter Mountain, you can ski anywhere!


"Entourage: Oh, Mandy (#2.8)" (2005)
Turtle: You're telling me we're going to live by the beach. This is sick. This is like Far Rockaway minus the crack whores.

Eric Murphy: Where is Vince, anyway?
Johnny "Drama" Chase: I left him in aisle nine with that MILF.
Turtle: He's probably banging her in the produce section by now.

Vincent Chase: Sorry Drama. Got a scuba lesson. Take Turtle.
Turtle: Come on, Vince! I want to learn to scuba. You know how buoyant I am.

Turtle: Yo, Rufus. Thanks for doing this so quick.
Rufus: It was nothing. I just repo'd all this shit out of Don Johnson's house anyway. The motherfucker tried to pay me with signed "Nash Bridges" DVDs.

Johnny Drama: [a car is driving closely behind Drama's car] What's this guy doing up my ass?
Turtle: You know the expression: never drive angry?
Johnny Drama: And this beady-eyed little jerk-off just sitting on his sidekick again, just goading me.
Johnny Drama: He probably wasn't even talking to anyone.
Johnny Drama: [the car behind Drama's honks] Get off my ass! Go around me!
Turtle: Would you pull over and let me drive?
Johnny Drama: [the car pulls up next to Drama's] Do you really find it necessary to drive up my ass?
driver: Fuck you dude.
Johnny Drama: Dude? Do you believe this guy? Fuck locals. Fuck you townie!


Entourage (2015)
Ronda Rousey: You couldn't last 30 seconds with me if your life depended on it. I could really hurt you, Turtle.
Turtle: So I last 30 seconds, you let me take you out on a proper date.
Ronda Rousey: Last 60 seconds and I'll let you fuck me.
[bell rings]
Turtle: How much time?
Johnny Chase: 3 seconds!
[Ronda kicks Turtle to the ground]

Johnny Chase: Seriously bro, fuck Ari.
E: Yeah, fuck him.
Turtle: Fuck Ari.
Vincent Chase: Thanks guys.
[E receives a text]
E: It's Ari.
Johnny Chase: ...Think he heard us?

Turtle: Jesus Christ, this guy snuck into another relationship.
Eric Murphy: It's not a relationship. I'm just having fun.
Johnny Chase: Fun is when you forget a girl's name while you're fucking her.

Ari Gold: What did you spend the money on? I know it was not on Turtle and craft services.
Turtle: You like the new smelt frame?
Ari Gold: You look like Karen fucking Carpenter.

Ronda Rousey: So, how long have you lived here?
Turtle: A couple of months. It came with all the furniture, so it feels lived in.
Ronda Rousey: So what's the deal Turtle, you selling coke these days?
Turtle: [taken aback] No. Why would you say that.
Ronda Rousey: I say that, because the last time I saw you, you were a fat pothead living off of Vince. Now, you live next to Spielberg.


"Entourage: Entourage (#1.1)" (2004)
Johnny "Drama" Chase: We don't wanna tell you she's a bitch, then two weeks later you get back together and you're mad at us for saying that.
Eric Murphy: It's over.
Johnny "Drama" Chase, Turtle: She's a bitch!

Eric: Could you get laid without Vince? That's the question.
Turtle: Do I give a fuck? That's the answer!

Turtle: Check out the tits on the girl from "Extra".

Turtle: [about Kristen] She was in the middle of 40 Deuce with her hand down Vince Vaughn's pants.
Eric: She had her hand down his pants?
Johnny Drama: Both of 'em.
Eric: Vince Vaughn? That puffy motherfucker?
Johnny Drama: No bro, he didn't look puffy at all... He was lookin' real good.
Turtle: Yeah, it was kinda like "Swingers" Vince Vaughn, not "Old School" Vince Vaughn. It's kinda like New School Vince Vaughn.

Jane: Look, it's not like I don't think you're cute, but I'm just still hoping I'm going to be the one that fucks Vince.
Turtle: Sweetheart, look around. Vince is gone. So's your sister and your best friend. Come on, just make out with me, I'll show you where Vince eats breakfast.


"Entourage: The Bat Mitzvah (#2.10)" (2005)
Johnny Drama: Do you know how much food is gonna be at this thing? You eating now would be like jerking off an hour before fucking a supermodel.
Turtle: If I was fucking a supermodel, I would jerk off. That way I can go all night.

Turtle: It's like getting mad at the bull for giving you the horns, when you shouldn't have been in the ring in the first place.

[seeing E all dressed up to woo Sloan]
Vincent Chase: Looks like we're headed for another E romance novel. Get your tissues ready, guys.
Turtle: Seriously E, if this one breaks your heart, just kill yourself so we don't have to hear about it.
Johnny Drama: I'll have the Barry Manilow CD ready for you.
Eric Murphy: Fuck you guys.


"Entourage: Exodus (#2.13)" (2005)
Turtle: I'm two cars back. What do you want from me?
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Always keep two-fifths of a block between you and your subject.
Turtle: Oh, what, have you done this before, Drama?
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Too many times, Turtle. Too many times.

Turtle: Nobody ever wants to believe you're being two-timed, Turtle.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: How many times have you been cheated on, Drama?
Turtle: Too many, Turtle. Too many.

Johnny "Drama" Chase: [Brian's Song] The ultimate guy-cry movie.
Turtle: Uh-huh. He cries in front of her, shows her he's sensitive... bang! He moves right in.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Yeah, his tears will basically act as a lubricant.


"Entourage: Three's Company (#3.6)" (2006)
Johnny "Drama" Chase: No woman should ever joke about that.
Turtle: No, they should not. But either way, I am so whacking off to your girlfriend tonight.

Turtle: [after E announces that Sloan wants to have a threesome with him and Tori] I am so whacking off to your girlfriend tonight.

Turtle: I know you're not a big porn guy, but the innovations since the DVD are pretty amazing. Remember back in the day, you'd be tugging it and they'd cut to a close-up of the guy's face and you'd want to kill yourself. Never again... multi-angles.


"Entourage: I Love You Too (#2.9)" (2005)
Turtle: Jesus Christ. Ari Gold... you just got demoted to Silver.

Turtle: How the fuck you know Jesse Jane? You know how much Lubriderm I burned through on that broad?

Turtle: Aquaman's in trouble, all right. The fate of Atlantis and all of mankind lies in your hands. It's time to unleash the power of the pussy.


"Entourage: The Script and the Sherpa (#1.5)" (2004)
The Sherpa: The Earth is moving. Did you feel that? Everything. All the time. Dimensions we can't even see. Everything is evolving. Turtle, you're a dove.
Turtle: That's cool. Can I hit that, Sherp? Thanks.
Eric: You afraid of getting busted?
The Sherpa: Busted? I'm entrusted, man. I don't steal. I heal. We're not getting stoned. We're getting honed. My probation officer's one of my best customers. I'm a prisoner. I'm a prisoner of, uh, war. War on drugs. It's all so negative, man. I mean, the Man's most positive positive-tive is a nega-tive. It's a mega-nega-tive. Right?
[shouts]
The Sherpa: Viking Quest! Let them be low. We are getting *high*. We're not getting fucked down. We're getting fuck up.

The Sherpa: [takes a very long drag from a hooka] The earth is moving, did you feel that? Everything all the time. The dimensions we can't even see. Everything is evolving-Turtle, you're a dove.
Turtle: That's cool can I hit that, Sherp? Thanks.
Eric: Aren't you afraid of getting busted?
The Sherpa: Busted? I'm entrusted. I don't steal, I heal. We're not getting stoned, we're getting honed. My probation officer's one of my best customers. I'm a prisoner, I'm a prisoner of war, war on drugs. It's all so negative, man. I mean the man's most positive, positive, -tive is a negative; It's a mega-negative. Right? Viking Quest! Let them be low. We are getting high. We're not getting fucked down, we're getting fucked up.


"Entourage: The Boys Are Back in Town (#2.1)" (2005)
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Vince, you ever go three months without pussy?
Turtle: Vince ain't ever gone three days.
Vincent Chase: No, wait, that's not true. Sophomore year.
Turtle: Really?
Eric: Yeah, but you had mono.

Turtle: All right, you know what? Fuck you and fuck you, all right? That's it, I'm done, I quit.
[walks off]
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: What's he quitting? He gets paid?


"Entourage: Crash and Burn (#3.5)" (2006)
Turtle: Good to see you finally embracing your inner mooch, E.

Turtle: Vince said that you were going to come here and listen to me...
Ari Gold: "Vince said he'd throw me a piece of pussy because he's famous..." Whatever you want, Turtle, okay? I will rep you, all right?


"Entourage: Good Morning Saigon (#2.12)" (2005)
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Nobody takes cabs in L.A., Turtle.
Turtle: That's 'cause no one can figure out what color they are... I mean they got blue ones, green ones, red ones, white ones.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Fuck a city where the cabs aren't monochromatic yellow.

Turtle: Stop being so white, Drama.


"Entourage: Talk Show (#1.3)" (2004)
Emily: You smoke?
Eric: Cigerettes? Um... yeah. I mean I've been trying to quit... uhm recently.
Emily: How hard are you trying?
Eric: Uhm... not that much.
[laughs]
Emily: Good.
[nods head towards door]
Emily: [they both go out]
Turtle: I thought he quit.
Johnny Drama: Cigerettes, not pussy.

Turtle: You should get me on a talk show. I'd kill.
Shauna: Maybe I'll get you on Springer. Fat, little horny fucks and the women that despise him.
Johnny Drama: *snickers*
Shauna: What are you laughing at? Maybe I'll get you on Montel with Don Swayze, Joey Travolta and the other retarded star siblings.


"Entourage: The Review (#1.2)" (2004)
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Do you remember, The Orange County Register said I was a functioning retard. Now that was a bad review.
Turtle: I thought that was a compliment.

[talking about their "first times"]
Turtle: Look who's talking, Mr begged-for-pussy-on-prom-night.
Eric: I begged my girlfriend, Turtle. Not a 40 dollar hooker who declined your mother's credit card.


"Entourage: Return to Queens Blvd (#5.12)" (2008)
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: [to Vince] I can give you plenty of advice on how to audition, bro.
Turtle: He needs advice on how to successfully audition.

Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Ah, the life of an actor - waitin' around for the phone to ring. There's something kinda exciting about it, no?
Eric Murphy, Turtle: No.
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Pussies.


"Entourage: The Release (#3.8)" (2006)
Johnny "Drama" Chase: You know Eddie burns offered me "Brothers McMullen." True story. But I took a TV show instead.
Turtle: Was that when you did your full-frontal "Red Shoe Diary?"
Johnny "Drama" Chase: No that's when I did my three episode arc on 90210, sexually harassing Tori Spelling.
Turtle: Nice choice.

Johnny "Drama" Chase: I'm officially a loser.
Turtle: I don't know about officially...


"Entourage: Aquamom (#3.1)" (2006)
Turtle: Please?
Vince: What's so special about these two?
Turtle: If you get us tickets, these two will fuck us, guaranteed!
Vince: How do you know?
Turtle: Because they said if you get them tickets, they'll fuck us.

Johnny Drama: It's like chummin' for sharks, Vince. You throw enough blood and guts in the water, you're bound to catch a great white.
Eric: Yeah, except there's gonna be fifty girls at the party who all show up thinkin' they're your dates.
Turtle: And what happens when fifty sharks show up lookin' for their goodies, E?
Johnny Drama, Turtle: Feeding frenzy!


"Entourage: Blue Balls Lagoon (#2.11)" (2005)
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Yeah, Vince. Let's do a Tarantino movie. He could revive me like he did for Travolta.
Turtle: Be more like reviving Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington.

Johnny "Drama" Chase: You know Brooke Shields was the first girl I ever seriously jerked off to.
Turtle: That's romantic, Drama. You should tell her.


"Entourage: Redomption (#5.6)" (2008)
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: [about Turtle being his assistant] No way.
Turtle: Why not?
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Cause what I want in an assistant, you don't have.
Turtle: And what's that?
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: An ass I'd wanna fuck.


"Entourage: Security Briefs (#6.9)" (2009)
Turtle: [to Drama] Now you got two bad sides.


"Entourage: Give a Little Bit (#6.12)" (2009)
Turtle: [Turtle just landed in Auckland after breaking up with Jamie] You have any idea how quickly I can get to Rome?
Flight Attendant: Sir, we just landed from Los Angeles.
Turtle: Oh yeah I'm trying to break the Guinness World Record for most miles traveled in a 24 hour period!


"Entourage: The End (#8.8)" (2011)
[after lying to Sloan]
Turtle: Wow Drama, you swore on your career?
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: I had my balls crossed.


"Entourage: Tree Trippers (#5.5)" (2008)
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: [tripping on shrooms] Ow!
Vincent Chase: Johnny! What's up?
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: I thought I pulled my cock off.
Turtle: Oh, Jesus!
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: It's okay, I didn't!


"Entourage: Neighbors (#2.5)" (2005)
Turtle: Did you just get cock blocked by Bob Saget?


"Entourage: Hair (#7.6)" (2010)
Turtle: I don't groom my dick.
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Are you kidding? It's 2010, you better!


"Entourage: Chinatown (#2.6)" (2005)
Turtle: All right. Let's get this over with. Where do I take the piss test?
X-Box Girl: The what?
Turtle: The drug test. I drank three bottles of water in the car for this, so could we just get this over with, please?
X-Box Girl: This is X-box, loser... not the Olympics. We don't give drug tests. If we did, we'd be out of business, idiot.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Sucker!


"Entourage: One Car, Two Car, Red Car, Blue Car (#6.3)" (2009)
Turtle: Sup, Lloyd.
Lloyd: Hello, Mr... uh... Turtle.


"Entourage: The Sorkin Notes (#6.8)" (2009)
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: [laying in bed] Turtle.
Turtle: Yeah, Drama.
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Tell me a story.


"Entourage: New York (#1.8)" (2004)
Turtle: Vince ain't got no weaknesses!
Johnny Drama: That's a double negative. You just said he's got weaknesses.


"Entourage: Strange Days (#3.7)" (2006)
Turtle: It could be fun, Vince. Like that time you got auctioned off at the Feed the World event.
Vincent Chase: Jesus, remember that Cuban guy who bought me and wanted me to come live with him in Havana?
Johnny "Drama" Chase: The guy never sent me those Cuban cigars he promised. I should call.
Turtle: Yeah, ask him if he knows any good lefties for the Yanks' bullpen while you're at it.