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Quotes for
Turtle (Character)
from "Entourage" (2004)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Entourage: Vegas Baby, Vegas! (#3.9)" (2006)
Vincent Chase: So, what you're saying is that we should go.
Eric Murphy: Have I ever said "no" to Vegas?
Turtle: Be like saying "no" to a blowjob.

Eric Murphy: Tradition... when we were kids, we'd hit A.C., we put 5 bucks on red. We win, we knew it'd be a good weekend.
Ari Gold: What if you lose?
Turtle: Vince never loses.
Vincent Chase: Five on red.
Turtle: Come on!
Roulette Dealer: Red 16.
Vincent Chase: It's gonna be a good weekend.

Eric Murphy: Hey, jerkoff. You signed him up to judge a stripper contest.
Turtle: Really? Titties?
Eric Murphy: It's a stripper contest.
Turtle: Nice.

Turtle: Should have partnered with me, Ari. I'm up twelve hundred. I get up to two grand, I'm keeping it stashed to buy me a high class ho.
Vincent Chase: But Turtle, I already gave you ten.
Turtle: I only pay for pussy with profits.

Vincent Chase: Look, E. I don't want to rile you up, but I've done the list thing.
Turtle: What, did you hand over a hard drive, Vin?

Turtle: First the commission, now this? This is like Christmas.

Turtle: Wait 'til you see dinner. I got ten of the best strippers in town joining us tonight.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Strippers, why?
Turtle: Now shouldn't it be "Strippers, how?" and "Thank you?"
Vincent Chase: Thank you.

Turtle: Yeah, you're really entering your latter years gracefully.
[Johnny Drama walks in wearing a robe]
Eric Murphy: Speaking of latter years...

"Entourage: Date Night (#1.4)" (2004)
Eric Murphy: Did you even get a date yet, Turtle?
Turtle: Course I got a date. We have to pick her up from the Burbank Airport in one hour.
Eric Murphy: What is she? A Russian mail order bride?

Eric Murphy: Name one girl you ever pulled off the internet.
Turtle: There's all sorts of confidentiality agreements with these sites. I ain't telling you shit!

Johnny 'Drama' Chase: She gave me the ride of my life. I just hung on to those lats, simmered all control.
Turtle: You know, if I was holdin' onto those lats, I'd think I was fuckin' Evander Holyfield!

Vincent Chase: [about Drama, after he is late to cook breakfast] He got a girl.
Eric Murphy: Really, who?
Turtle: I don't know, he must have ordered in late night. Woke me up at like 4:30. Sounded like a couple of baboons fuckin'.

Turtle: It'll be like Prom.
Eric Murphy: So I guess you won't have a date then?
Turtle: I told you ten thousand fucking times, she had food poisoning.

Turtle: [about Drama's muscular girlfriend] Where'd you meet her, Drama? The Barry Bonds hearing?

Turtle: [about Drama] He's fucking a guy,
[about Eric]
Turtle: your getting asked out like a little bitch, I'd say its a very big deal.

Turtle: [opening up an envelope of fanmail] Aww, picture request. Nice enough to send the money for the stamp.
[He pockets the money]
Turtle: [Both Vince and Eric look up] Relax, I'll send the picture.

"Entourage: The Sundance Kids (#2.7)" (2005)
Johnny "Drama" Chase: On the way here, I was dreaming of hooking up with a nice Mormon girl.
Turtle: So why don't you go after a Mormon, Drama? I mean they're all over the place here. Besides, everyone knows they know how to treat their man right. They're like Catholic girls times one hundred.
Eric Murphy: You think the night before a Mormon wedding a guy says, "How am I gonna sleep with the same eight women for the rest of my life?"

Turtle: We accidentally crossed swords.
Eric Murphy: Ew.
Vincent Chase: Really? Where there any women there at least?
Turtle: Yeah, dick, it was a threesome, okay? It's no biggie... crossing is an occupational hazard.

Ticket Taker: Ticket?
Turtle: Sidekick?

Johnny Drama: On the way here, I was dreaming of hooking up with a nice Mormon girl.
Turtle: So why don't you go after a Mormon, Drama? I mean, they're all over the place here. Besides, everyone knows they know how to treat their man right. They're like Catholic girls times one hundred.
Eric: You think the night before a Mormon wedding a guy says "How am I gonna sleep with the same eight women for the rest of my life?"

Turtle: What about when you divorce all your wives? They get an eighth of all your property.
Eric: No, Turtle, it's a ninth. Otherwise, Vince wouldn't get shit.
Vince: Good lookin' out, E!

Vincent Chase: I hear the slopes out here are insane.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Give me a break! Anywhere where you can ski in short sleeves is for pussies. I mean, they got no ice out here.
Eric Murphy: Who wants to ski on ice?
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Men, E, men who like speed.
Turtle: I'm with Drama, there's nothing like the possibility of a good head on collision.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: I mean, if you can ski Hunter Mountain, you can ski anywhere!

"Entourage: Oh, Mandy (#2.8)" (2005)
Turtle: You're telling me we're going to live by the beach. This is sick. This is like Far Rockaway minus the crack whores.

Eric Murphy: Where is Vince, anyway?
Johnny "Drama" Chase: I left him in aisle nine with that MILF.
Turtle: He's probably banging her in the produce section by now.

Vincent Chase: Sorry Drama. Got a scuba lesson. Take Turtle.
Turtle: Come on, Vince! I want to learn to scuba. You know how buoyant I am.

Turtle: Yo, Rufus. Thanks for doing this so quick.
Rufus: It was nothing. I just repo'd all this shit out of Don Johnson's house anyway. The motherfucker tried to pay me with signed "Nash Bridges" DVDs.

Johnny Drama: [a car is driving closely behind Drama's car] What's this guy doing up my ass?
Turtle: You know the expression: never drive angry?
Johnny Drama: And this beady-eyed little jerk-off just sitting on his sidekick again, just goading me.
Johnny Drama: He probably wasn't even talking to anyone.
Johnny Drama: [the car behind Drama's honks] Get off my ass! Go around me!
Turtle: Would you pull over and let me drive?
Johnny Drama: [the car pulls up next to Drama's] Do you really find it necessary to drive up my ass?
driver: Fuck you dude.
Johnny Drama: Dude? Do you believe this guy? Fuck locals. Fuck you townie!

Entourage (2015)
Ronda Rousey: You couldn't last 30 seconds with me if your life depended on it. I could really hurt you, Turtle.
Turtle: So I last 30 seconds, you let me take you out on a proper date.
Ronda Rousey: Last 60 seconds and I'll let you fuck me.
[bell rings]
Turtle: How much time?
Johnny Chase: 3 seconds!
[Ronda kicks Turtle to the ground]

Johnny Chase: Seriously bro, fuck Ari.
E: Yeah, fuck him.
Turtle: Fuck Ari.
Vincent Chase: Thanks guys.
[E receives a text]
E: It's Ari.
Johnny Chase: ...Think he heard us?

Turtle: Jesus Christ, this guy snuck into another relationship.
Eric Murphy: It's not a relationship. I'm just having fun.
Johnny Chase: Fun is when you forget a girl's name while you're fucking her.

Ari Gold: What did you spend the money on? I know it was not on Turtle and craft services.
Turtle: You like the new smelt frame?
Ari Gold: You look like Karen fucking Carpenter.

Ronda Rousey: So, how long have you lived here?
Turtle: A couple of months. It came with all the furniture, so it feels lived in.
Ronda Rousey: So what's the deal Turtle, you selling coke these days?
Turtle: [taken aback] No. Why would you say that.
Ronda Rousey: I say that, because the last time I saw you, you were a fat pothead living off of Vince. Now, you live next to Spielberg.

"Entourage: Entourage (#1.1)" (2004)
Johnny "Drama" Chase: We don't wanna tell you she's a bitch, then two weeks later you get back together and you're mad at us for saying that.
Eric Murphy: It's over.
Johnny "Drama" Chase, Turtle: She's a bitch!

Eric: Could you get laid without Vince? That's the question.
Turtle: Do I give a fuck? That's the answer!

Turtle: Check out the tits on the girl from "Extra".

Turtle: [about Kristen] She was in the middle of 40 Deuce with her hand down Vince Vaughn's pants.
Eric: She had her hand down his pants?
Johnny Drama: Both of 'em.
Eric: Vince Vaughn? That puffy motherfucker?
Johnny Drama: No bro, he didn't look puffy at all... He was lookin' real good.
Turtle: Yeah, it was kinda like "Swingers" Vince Vaughn, not "Old School" Vince Vaughn. It's kinda like New School Vince Vaughn.

Jane: Look, it's not like I don't think you're cute, but I'm just still hoping I'm going to be the one that fucks Vince.
Turtle: Sweetheart, look around. Vince is gone. So's your sister and your best friend. Come on, just make out with me, I'll show you where Vince eats breakfast.

"Entourage: The Bat Mitzvah (#2.10)" (2005)
Johnny Drama: Do you know how much food is gonna be at this thing? You eating now would be like jerking off an hour before fucking a supermodel.
Turtle: If I was fucking a supermodel, I would jerk off. That way I can go all night.

Turtle: It's like getting mad at the bull for giving you the horns, when you shouldn't have been in the ring in the first place.

[seeing E all dressed up to woo Sloan]
Vincent Chase: Looks like we're headed for another E romance novel. Get your tissues ready, guys.
Turtle: Seriously E, if this one breaks your heart, just kill yourself so we don't have to hear about it.
Johnny Drama: I'll have the Barry Manilow CD ready for you.
Eric Murphy: Fuck you guys.

"Entourage: Exodus (#2.13)" (2005)
Turtle: I'm two cars back. What do you want from me?
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Always keep two-fifths of a block between you and your subject.
Turtle: Oh, what, have you done this before, Drama?
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Too many times, Turtle. Too many times.

Turtle: Nobody ever wants to believe you're being two-timed, Turtle.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: How many times have you been cheated on, Drama?
Turtle: Too many, Turtle. Too many.

Johnny "Drama" Chase: [Brian's Song] The ultimate guy-cry movie.
Turtle: Uh-huh. He cries in front of her, shows her he's sensitive... bang! He moves right in.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Yeah, his tears will basically act as a lubricant.

"Entourage: Three's Company (#3.6)" (2006)
Johnny "Drama" Chase: No woman should ever joke about that.
Turtle: No, they should not. But either way, I am so whacking off to your girlfriend tonight.

Turtle: [after E announces that Sloan wants to have a threesome with him and Tori] I am so whacking off to your girlfriend tonight.

Turtle: I know you're not a big porn guy, but the innovations since the DVD are pretty amazing. Remember back in the day, you'd be tugging it and they'd cut to a close-up of the guy's face and you'd want to kill yourself. Never again... multi-angles.

"Entourage: I Love You Too (#2.9)" (2005)
Turtle: Jesus Christ. Ari Gold... you just got demoted to Silver.

Turtle: How the fuck you know Jesse Jane? You know how much Lubriderm I burned through on that broad?

Turtle: Aquaman's in trouble, all right. The fate of Atlantis and all of mankind lies in your hands. It's time to unleash the power of the pussy.

"Entourage: The Script and the Sherpa (#1.5)" (2004)
The Sherpa: The Earth is moving. Did you feel that? Everything. All the time. Dimensions we can't even see. Everything is evolving. Turtle, you're a dove.
Turtle: That's cool. Can I hit that, Sherp? Thanks.
Eric: You afraid of getting busted?
The Sherpa: Busted? I'm entrusted, man. I don't steal. I heal. We're not getting stoned. We're getting honed. My probation officer's one of my best customers. I'm a prisoner. I'm a prisoner of, uh, war. War on drugs. It's all so negative, man. I mean, the Man's most positive positive-tive is a nega-tive. It's a mega-nega-tive. Right?
The Sherpa: Viking Quest! Let them be low. We are getting *high*. We're not getting fucked down. We're getting fuck up.

The Sherpa: [takes a very long drag from a hooka] The earth is moving, did you feel that? Everything all the time. The dimensions we can't even see. Everything is evolving-Turtle, you're a dove.
Turtle: That's cool can I hit that, Sherp? Thanks.
Eric: Aren't you afraid of getting busted?
The Sherpa: Busted? I'm entrusted. I don't steal, I heal. We're not getting stoned, we're getting honed. My probation officer's one of my best customers. I'm a prisoner, I'm a prisoner of war, war on drugs. It's all so negative, man. I mean the man's most positive, positive, -tive is a negative; It's a mega-negative. Right? Viking Quest! Let them be low. We are getting high. We're not getting fucked down, we're getting fucked up.

"Entourage: The Boys Are Back in Town (#2.1)" (2005)
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Vince, you ever go three months without pussy?
Turtle: Vince ain't ever gone three days.
Vincent Chase: No, wait, that's not true. Sophomore year.
Turtle: Really?
Eric: Yeah, but you had mono.

Turtle: All right, you know what? Fuck you and fuck you, all right? That's it, I'm done, I quit.
[walks off]
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: What's he quitting? He gets paid?

"Entourage: Crash and Burn (#3.5)" (2006)
Turtle: Good to see you finally embracing your inner mooch, E.

Turtle: Vince said that you were going to come here and listen to me...
Ari Gold: "Vince said he'd throw me a piece of pussy because he's famous..." Whatever you want, Turtle, okay? I will rep you, all right?

"Entourage: Good Morning Saigon (#2.12)" (2005)
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Nobody takes cabs in L.A., Turtle.
Turtle: That's 'cause no one can figure out what color they are... I mean they got blue ones, green ones, red ones, white ones.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Fuck a city where the cabs aren't monochromatic yellow.

Turtle: Stop being so white, Drama.

"Entourage: Talk Show (#1.3)" (2004)
Emily: You smoke?
Eric: Cigerettes? Um... yeah. I mean I've been trying to quit... uhm recently.
Emily: How hard are you trying?
Eric: Uhm... not that much.
Emily: Good.
[nods head towards door]
Emily: [they both go out]
Turtle: I thought he quit.
Johnny Drama: Cigerettes, not pussy.

Turtle: You should get me on a talk show. I'd kill.
Shauna: Maybe I'll get you on Springer. Fat, little horny fucks and the women that despise him.
Johnny Drama: *snickers*
Shauna: What are you laughing at? Maybe I'll get you on Montel with Don Swayze, Joey Travolta and the other retarded star siblings.

"Entourage: The Review (#1.2)" (2004)
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Do you remember, The Orange County Register said I was a functioning retard. Now that was a bad review.
Turtle: I thought that was a compliment.

[talking about their "first times"]
Turtle: Look who's talking, Mr begged-for-pussy-on-prom-night.
Eric: I begged my girlfriend, Turtle. Not a 40 dollar hooker who declined your mother's credit card.

"Entourage: Return to Queens Blvd (#5.12)" (2008)
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: [to Vince] I can give you plenty of advice on how to audition, bro.
Turtle: He needs advice on how to successfully audition.

Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Ah, the life of an actor - waitin' around for the phone to ring. There's something kinda exciting about it, no?
Eric Murphy, Turtle: No.
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Pussies.

"Entourage: The Release (#3.8)" (2006)
Johnny "Drama" Chase: You know Eddie burns offered me "Brothers McMullen." True story. But I took a TV show instead.
Turtle: Was that when you did your full-frontal "Red Shoe Diary?"
Johnny "Drama" Chase: No that's when I did my three episode arc on 90210, sexually harassing Tori Spelling.
Turtle: Nice choice.

Johnny "Drama" Chase: I'm officially a loser.
Turtle: I don't know about officially...

"Entourage: Aquamom (#3.1)" (2006)
Turtle: Please?
Vince: What's so special about these two?
Turtle: If you get us tickets, these two will fuck us, guaranteed!
Vince: How do you know?
Turtle: Because they said if you get them tickets, they'll fuck us.

Johnny Drama: It's like chummin' for sharks, Vince. You throw enough blood and guts in the water, you're bound to catch a great white.
Eric: Yeah, except there's gonna be fifty girls at the party who all show up thinkin' they're your dates.
Turtle: And what happens when fifty sharks show up lookin' for their goodies, E?
Johnny Drama, Turtle: Feeding frenzy!

"Entourage: Blue Balls Lagoon (#2.11)" (2005)
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Yeah, Vince. Let's do a Tarantino movie. He could revive me like he did for Travolta.
Turtle: Be more like reviving Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington.

Johnny "Drama" Chase: You know Brooke Shields was the first girl I ever seriously jerked off to.
Turtle: That's romantic, Drama. You should tell her.

"Entourage: Redomption (#5.6)" (2008)
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: [about Turtle being his assistant] No way.
Turtle: Why not?
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Cause what I want in an assistant, you don't have.
Turtle: And what's that?
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: An ass I'd wanna fuck.

"Entourage: Security Briefs (#6.9)" (2009)
Turtle: [to Drama] Now you got two bad sides.

"Entourage: Give a Little Bit (#6.12)" (2009)
Turtle: [Turtle just landed in Auckland after breaking up with Jamie] You have any idea how quickly I can get to Rome?
Flight Attendant: Sir, we just landed from Los Angeles.
Turtle: Oh yeah I'm trying to break the Guinness World Record for most miles traveled in a 24 hour period!

"Entourage: The End (#8.8)" (2011)
[after lying to Sloan]
Turtle: Wow Drama, you swore on your career?
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: I had my balls crossed.

"Entourage: Tree Trippers (#5.5)" (2008)
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: [tripping on shrooms] Ow!
Vincent Chase: Johnny! What's up?
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: I thought I pulled my cock off.
Turtle: Oh, Jesus!
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: It's okay, I didn't!

"Entourage: Neighbors (#2.5)" (2005)
Turtle: Did you just get cock blocked by Bob Saget?

"Entourage: Hair (#7.6)" (2010)
Turtle: I don't groom my dick.
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Are you kidding? It's 2010, you better!

"Entourage: Chinatown (#2.6)" (2005)
Turtle: All right. Let's get this over with. Where do I take the piss test?
X-Box Girl: The what?
Turtle: The drug test. I drank three bottles of water in the car for this, so could we just get this over with, please?
X-Box Girl: This is X-box, loser... not the Olympics. We don't give drug tests. If we did, we'd be out of business, idiot.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Sucker!

"Entourage: One Car, Two Car, Red Car, Blue Car (#6.3)" (2009)
Turtle: Sup, Lloyd.
Lloyd: Hello, Mr... uh... Turtle.

"Entourage: The Sorkin Notes (#6.8)" (2009)
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: [laying in bed] Turtle.
Turtle: Yeah, Drama.
Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Tell me a story.

"Entourage: New York (#1.8)" (2004)
Turtle: Vince ain't got no weaknesses!
Johnny Drama: That's a double negative. You just said he's got weaknesses.

"Entourage: Strange Days (#3.7)" (2006)
Turtle: It could be fun, Vince. Like that time you got auctioned off at the Feed the World event.
Vincent Chase: Jesus, remember that Cuban guy who bought me and wanted me to come live with him in Havana?
Johnny "Drama" Chase: The guy never sent me those Cuban cigars he promised. I should call.
Turtle: Yeah, ask him if he knows any good lefties for the Yanks' bullpen while you're at it.