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: So, what you're saying is that we should go. Eric Murphy
: Have I ever said "no" to Vegas? Turtle
: Be like saying "no" to a blowjob.
: Tradition... when we were kids, we'd hit A.C., we put 5 bucks on red. We win, we knew it'd be a good weekend. Ari Gold
: What if you lose? Turtle
: Vince never loses. Vincent Chase
: Five on red. Turtle
: Come on! Roulette Dealer
: Red 16. Vincent Chase
: It's gonna be a good weekend.
: Should have partnered with me, Ari. I'm up twelve hundred. I get up to two grand, I'm keeping it stashed to buy me a high class ho. Vincent Chase
: But Turtle, I already gave you ten. Turtle
: I only pay for pussy with profits.
: Look, E. I don't want to rile you up, but I've done the list thing. Turtle
: What, did you hand over a hard drive, Vin?
: Wait 'til you see dinner. I got ten of the best strippers in town joining us tonight. Johnny "Drama" Chase
: Strippers, why? Turtle
: Now shouldn't it be "Strippers, how?" and "Thank you?" Vincent Chase
: Thank you.
: I gave you 100 million dollars. You agreed to not go over! Vincent Chase
: Because you said I couldn't direct unless we agreed. Johnny Chase
: It's like when a girl asks if you want to bang her hot sister. Of course you say 'no' but neither of you really believes you mean it, though. Ari Gold
: What is he doing here?
: Seriously bro, fuck Ari. E
: Yeah, fuck him. Turtle
: Fuck Ari. Vincent Chase
: Thanks guys.
[E receives a text
: It's Ari. Johnny Chase
: ...Think he heard us?
: [about Travis
] He doesn't like Drama. He wants to cut him out. Vincent Chase
: Johnny? Ari Gold
: Yeah. Mark Wahlberg
: That's fucked up, Vince. I'm gonna do my reality show the Wahlbergers right now at A&E - if they tried to cut out my mother, I'd kill somebody, even if she sucked as bad as Drama probably sucks.
: I know we met before but what is your involvement in this again? Eric Murphy
: I'm the producer of the movie. Vincent Chase
: And he's my manager. Travis McCredle
: OH! Yeah, uh, you were the guy on Piers Morgan spinning pizza dough, right? Vince, you take care of more people than the Red Cross, huh?
: We accidentally crossed swords. Eric Murphy
: Ew. Vincent Chase
: Really? Where there any women there at least? Turtle
: Yeah, dick, it was a threesome, okay? It's no biggie... crossing is an occupational hazard.
: What about when you divorce all your wives? They get an eighth of all your property. Eric
: No, Turtle, it's a ninth. Otherwise, Vince wouldn't get shit. Vince
: Good lookin' out, E!
: I hear the slopes out here are insane. Johnny "Drama" Chase
: Give me a break! Anywhere where you can ski in short sleeves is for pussies. I mean, they got no ice out here. Eric Murphy
: Who wants to ski on ice? Johnny "Drama" Chase
: Men, E, men who like speed. Turtle
: I'm with Drama, there's nothing like the possibility of a good head on collision. Johnny "Drama" Chase
: I mean, if you can ski Hunter Mountain, you can ski anywhere!
: [about Drama, after he is late to cook breakfast
] He got a girl. Eric Murphy
: Really, who? Turtle
: I don't know, he must have ordered in late night. Woke me up at like 4:30. Sounded like a couple of baboons fuckin'.
: You fucking my assistant? Vincent Chase
: Nooooo! Ari Gold
: Last thing I want to do is fire one of your fuck-buddies. You know that. You know that right?
: [Talking about his new movie
] I can't watch myself again. Johnny 'Drama' Chase
: I love watching myself. Eric Murphy
: Too bad the audience doesn't.
: Oh really? If we're talking about someone who's never been up front, we should be talking about you. Vincent Chase
: Well, I'm going to be up front now. I'm not over you. And I haven't gotten over you. How's that for up front?
[seeing E all dressed up to woo Sloan
] Vincent Chase
: Looks like we're headed for another E romance novel. Get your tissues ready, guys. Turtle
: Seriously E, if this one breaks your heart, just kill yourself so we don't have to hear about it. Johnny Drama
: I'll have the Barry Manilow CD ready for you. Eric Murphy
: Fuck you guys.
: Door number two is a list. Vincent Chase
: What list? Ari Gold
: James Cameron's list for Aquagirl. Five of the hottest actresses on the planet, one of which, you will be stuck with in a water tank for nine months. Even if you looked like our skim milk-colored friend E here, you still have a good chance of swimming in-between her legs.
: Sorry Drama. Got a scuba lesson. Take Turtle. Turtle
: Come on, Vince! I want to learn to scuba. You know how buoyant I am.
: Sorry I'm late. You know how hard it is to break away from a good spooning.
: I've never been like this in my life, guys. And the truth of the matter is, I don't even give a fuck about the movie anymore. I could live with Mandy in a one-bedroom in Chatsworth and I'd be happy.
: He says he doesn't wanna do a commercial... that's it. Ari Gold
: For half a million dollars. Vincent Chase
: What was the director's name again? Ari Gold
: Cha-ching! I'm sorry... Chaing Chung, boom!
: Chang Chung is the hottest director in Hong Kong. Tarantino has already decided he's the next guy he wants to steal from. Vince
: Cool. Guy must be good. Tarantino only steals from the best. Ari Gold
: That's right, baby.
Johnny 'Drama' Chase
: What a view. Vincent Chase
: We're at a party with some of the hottest girls in the world, and we're staring at a bunch of fuckin lights.
: E, I decided - we're going with the Benz. Eric
: You sure? I mean you changed your mind ten time already. Vincent Chase
: No I'm set. I had a dream about it last night. Johnny 'Drama' Chase
: I dreamt about it last night too, Vince. We're cruising down Rodeo, suddenly two jerkoffs pull up and say "hey Chase brothers, fuck your mother!" and then open fire. Eric
: That had to be a dream - somebody recognized you?
: Listen, Vince. It hurts. I know, I've been there, alright? You will get over Mandy. This'll pass. Vincent Chase
: Good. Eric Murphy
: So that's it? Game over? Vincent Chase
: Yeah. Eric Murphy
: I thought we make these decisions together. Vincent Chase
: No, not this one. Please don't try to make me feel guilty about it. Eric Murphy
: I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, alright? I'm just seriously concerned about our future. Vincent Chase
: You don't understand. I feel like I got shot. Eric Murphy
: No, Vince, you don't understand. We may never get an opportunity like this again. Vincent Chase
: Whose future are you really concerned about, E? Ours or yours? Eric Murphy
: Are you fucking serious? Vincent Chase
: Yeah, I am cause I'm not doing this movie, and if you can't understand why, you better think about whether you want to be part of my future.
: Did you take a job without talking to me? Eric Murphy
: Who told you that? Vincent Chase
: You know, of all people to not get what I'm going through, the heartbreak kid himself. I mean, how many times have I heard you cry like a little pussy over a girl? Eric Murphy
: Not over a girl I barely know. Vincent Chase
: Oh, so it's not real? Eric Murphy
: No, personally Vince, I think it's your ego. Your big fucking movie star ego. You could've had Mandy thrown off this movie, but you had to prove that you could get her back. You can't stand the fact that she left you cause no one ever has, but you know what? I will leave you before you fuck me up. Vincent Chase
: Yeah, leave and do what? Live off your girlfriend instead of me? You ever think that Terrance offered you the job to get to me? Eric Murphy
: Yeah, I did think that, and that's why I told him if I took the job, it meant I'd never work with you again and he still offered it. Vincent Chase
: Don't be here when I get back. Eric Murphy
: Oh, like I fucking would be.
: I'm just saying be discreet... No hand-holding at the Grove. No canoodling on Melrose. Vincent Chase
: Canoodling? Shauna
: No finger-banging her courtside at the Lakers game...
: We look at it like we've been dating for five years, with a four-and-a-half year break.
: Besides the fact the L.A. Times compared me to Terrell Owens, I'm doing great. Eric Murphy
: You hear that, Ari? Ari Gold
: The Eagles got rid of T.O. and look where they landed. Aquaman 2 is going to make Speed 2 look like Citizen Fucking Kane.
: It could be fun, Vince. Like that time you got auctioned off at the Feed the World event. Vincent Chase
: Jesus, remember that Cuban guy who bought me and wanted me to come live with him in Havana? Johnny "Drama" Chase
: The guy never sent me those Cuban cigars he promised. I should call. Turtle
: Yeah, ask him if he knows any good lefties for the Yanks' bullpen while you're at it.
: Get off your arse, Vince. Matt Damon
: That's Bono, Vince. Vincent Chase
: Oh, uh, hey Bono. Bono
: You know, it doesn't take much to have a big effect here, Vince. Vincent Chase
: Yeah. Matt Damon
: I'll tell you what - when you finish your Frank Darabont movie, I'm gonna take you on a trip, okay? Vincent Chase
: Yeah, for sure. Matt Damon
: In the near term, I would like a check. Vincent Chase
: Oh... kay, for how much? Matt Damon
: Do what's right, Vince! Bono
: Don't be a cheapskate, man! Matt Damon
: Do it today, okay? Don't make me wait; I will be waiting. Bono
: We'll both be waiting.
[Ari is dodging Vince's calls
: I am so sorry, Vince, he is not here. Vincent Chase
: Oh, well then when he gets in tell him I'd like to have lunch. Lloyd
: [to Ari
] He wants to have lunch.
[Ari mouths to Lloyd to make an excuse
: Vince, I've got his schedule, there's no way he can make lunch. He has a ginormously important lunch already planned.
[Ari angrily gestures
] Vincent Chase
: Okay, then tell him to call me back. Lloyd
: Okay, I will.
] Ari Gold
: Why the fuck did you just tell him I have a more important lunch? Do you think that's going to put a smile on his face? Lloyd
: What did you want me to say? Ari Gold
: That I have a huge wart on my cock that needs removal would've been better. Wake the fuck up, Lloyd!
: I think I'll take the ribeye to go. Scott Wick
: Do I look like good will to you? What are you high? Vincent Chase
: Actually Scott, I am.
Johnny 'Drama' Chase
: [tripping on shrooms
] Ow! Vincent Chase
: Johnny! What's up? Johnny 'Drama' Chase
: I thought I pulled my cock off. Turtle
: Oh, Jesus! Johnny 'Drama' Chase
: It's okay, I didn't!
Johnny 'Drama' Chase
: Vince, you ever go three months without pussy? Turtle
: Vince ain't ever gone three days. Vincent Chase
: No, wait, that's not true. Sophomore year. Turtle
: Really? Eric
: Yeah, but you had mono.
: Cut! Take it from the top, and more passion! Vincent Chase
: Where? Verner Vollstedt
: In this movie I'd like you to play what I call a human being. You see, together I want to humanize one of the greatest monsters of all time. What I want is that even after the audience sees you ruthlessly slaughter, like, a thousand people, I still want them to care. I want them to care so much, that when you die they fuckin' weep. They won't want to, they'll hate themselves for it, but they will fucking weep. Vincent Chase
: I have to do this movie. Eric
: Paul, he's got a contract. Paul Haggis
: A contract? Oh, if I let contracts run my life I'd still be doing The Facts of Life rather then hangin' with my boys.
[Indicates his trophy case
: Joe, think about it. Pablo Escobar was an outlaw who terrorized a whole country while remaining the biggest philanthropist his people had ever known. Now ask yourself this: in 2007, in this country, what can possibly evoke more of a stir than exploring the humanity of that kind of evil.
: Aw E, these guys are just better cause you're on a hot streak. Johnny 'Drama' Chase
: The guy's got more pussy the last month than the previous 29 years. I wouldn't call it a hot streak, I would call it entering the Twilight Zone.
: [to Eminem
] What, are you too mainstream to fight your own fights, Marshall?
[Em punches him in the face
: One bad movie can be overcome. Look at Colin Ferrell - he's overcome dozens of them cause the perception of him is he's a movie star. Vincent Chase
: What's the perception of me? Ari Gold
: That you don't give a fuck.
: That's what good actors do, they listen. Right, Johnny? Johnny "Drama" Chase
: [not listening
: It's sad to watch the kids leave the nest.
: So lets talk about the movie. Umm, it comes out this weekend right? Vincent Chase
: Yaa, I don't want to talk about the movie. It's a mystery I wouldn't want to give anything away. Besides I'm not here to plug anything, I'm here to see you Jimmy. Sara Foster
: What about me? Vincent Chase
: Oh, and you of course. Sara Foster
: He's so full of it. It's unbelieveable. Jimmy Kimmel
: So we have a clip of the film and you need to set the clip up. Vincent Chase
: Ah, forget about the clip. Jimmy Kimmel
: Alright, well we'll forget about the clip. Vincent Chase
: The movie's called 'Head On', its a cool movie. See it this weekend. You're guaranteed to love it or your money back.
[waits a few seconds
] Vincent Chase
: From the studio, not from me.
] Yair Marx
: You need to apologize. Not to me, but to her. Vincent Chase
: Yeah, no problem. Yair Marx
: Good. She is upstairs waiting for you. In the bedroom. Vincent Chase
: Are you... are you serious? Yair Marx
: Vincent, I never joke about my wife's happiness. What she wants, I get for her. Now, if you want this check to clear, you will go upstairs and you will fuck my wife like the superstar you are while I stay down here and play billiards with your friends.
: Well, I'm very happy to be here with Candace on this very special occasion. Candace Levine
: I know a way you can make it more special, Vincent. Mrs. Levine
: Candace, don't be a whore.
: We said when we started this it was going to be about the business, not the friendship. It's time for a change, E. Eric Murphy
: Are you firing me? Vincent Chase
: The business isn't working, is it? Eric Murphy
: Well whatever, I'm not gonna grovel; go find someone better, cause I can live with myself knowing I busted my ass and I gave everything I had to you. Vincent Chase
: No, I know you did, E. But it wasn't enough. Eric Murphy
: Yeah, fuck you.
: [answers phone
] Dana Gordon! Dana Gordon
: Ari, I love you and I swear I will rub your cock like it's 1990. Ari Gold
: Whoa whoa whoa, Dana you're on speaker. I got Vince and E here. Dana Gordon
: Jesus Christ. Vincent Chase
, Eric Murphy
: Hi, Dana. Ari Gold
: We all wanted to be in the room to celebrate together. Vincent Chase
: Celebrate what? Ari Gold
: Boys, you are talking to the new head of the studio. Madam President, what's your first order of business? Dana Gordon
: 'Smokejumpers', Vince. You're in. Vincent Chase
: You're kidding me. Ari Gold
: And she's gonna pay you your quote. Dana Gordon
: It's the second lead. Ari Gold
: You're gonna pay him his quote or Vincent Chase is going to announce on TMZ that the new head of the studio calls agencies and offers up handjobs. Dana Gordon
: Alright, enough, Ari. Vince, I will take good care of you. Vincent Chase
: Thank you! Eric Murphy
: Thank you, Dana! Ari Gold
: I love you, Dana. Dana Gordon
: I love you too, and for real this time. Ari Gold
: I'll call you later about that tug.
: Vincent... The guy blowing you... I'm gonna play that part, that way you're in really good hands. Now don't worry, I've got a pretty solid acting background.
[Billy gazes into Vince's eyes awkwardly. After a few seconds, Vincent smirks
] Vincent Chase
: You're fucking with me, aren't you? Billy Walsh
: I fucking had you, motherfucker! Vincent Chase
: I'm gonna have a party at my house at the beach tonight if you guys wanna come by... Vince
: Yeah, of course! Jaime Pressly
] Jaime Pressly
: And you're kind of invited, too. Ari Gold
: Thank you, you know I'd love to show up but it's actually anal sex night at the Gold house, so... But thank you for the invite, I'm gonna go home and punish my wife.
: [speaking at QB press conference
] People in this town don't give a shit about art. They only care about one thing: MONEY. Billy Walsh
: [from the crowd, yelling
] FUCK COMMERCE!
[Yuri's man gives out boxes containing gold watches
] Vincent Chase
: What's this? Yair Marx
: Party favors. Ari Gold
: Where's mine? Yair Marx
: You take ten percent of Vince's.
: You want to take me to the Nuart for a Godard double feature? Sasha Grey
: You could use some culture. Vincent Chase
: Who the fuck are you? Sasha Grey
: Just a cool chick who likes art and sex.
: Please? Vince
: What's so special about these two? Turtle
: If you get us tickets, these two will fuck us, guaranteed! Vince
: How do you know? Turtle
: Because they said if you get them tickets, they'll fuck us.