From My Girl
I was born jaundiced. Once I sat on a toilet seat at a truck stop and caught hemorrhoids. And I've learned to live with this chicken bone that's been lodged in my throat for the past three years. So I knew Dad would be devastated when he learned of my latest affliction.
Dad, I don't want to upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate than my right. It can only mean one thing: cancer. I'm dying.
[making a sandwich
] Okay, sweetie, hand me the mayonnaise out of the fridge.