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Quotes for
Irv (Character)
from Cool Runnings (1993)

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Cool Runnings (1993)
Irv: Our Father, who art in Calgary, Bobsled be thy name. Thy kingdom come, gold medals won, on Earth as it is in Turn Seven. With Liberty and Justice for Jamaica and Haile Selassie. Amen.

Irv: All right, Derice. Let me lay out some difficulties for you. Snow: you don't have any. It's nine hundred degrees out there. Time: you don't have any. The Olympics are in three months. And me: you don't have me. As far as I'm concerned, the sport of bobsledding no longer exists. I don't want to do it, I don't want to coach it, and most of all, and I mean most of all, I don't want to be within two thousand miles of anybody who does. Now did you follow all that?

Irv: Oh, yeah, just one little drawback to this delightful winter sport. The high-speed crash. Ooh! That hurt. Always remember, your bones will not break in a bobsled. No, no, no. They shatter.

Sanka Coffie: I'm the driver.
Irv: You're not. You're the brakeman.
Sanka Coffie: You don't understand, I am Sanka Coffie, I am the best pushcart driver in all of Jamaica! I must drive! Do you dig where I'm coming from?
Irv: Yeah, I dig where you're coming from.
Sanka Coffie: Good.
Irv: Now dig where I'm coming from. I'm coming from two gold medals. I'm coming from nine world records in both the two- and four-man events. I'm coming from ten years of intense competition with the best athletes in the world.
Sanka Coffie: That's a hell of a place to be coming from!

Irv: This is what it's all about, this is whether you win or lose the race, right here in the push start! This is where you're gonna practice, right here, right here in a Volkswagon!

Josef Grul: Hey, Jamaica! Watch out for Number Twelve turn. Scary, ja?
Derice Bannock: What's his problem?
Irv: He's Josef Grul. He's one of the best drivers in the world.
Yul Brenner: Yeah, he's one of the biggest ASSHOLES in the world, too.

British Official: We must also be concerned about the potential for embarrassment.
Irv: Oh, pardon me. I didn't realize that four black guys in a bobsled could make you blush.

Irv: Derice, a gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without one, you'll never be enough with one.
[Turns to leave]
Derice Bannock: Hey coach, how will I know if I'm enough?
Irv: When you cross that finish line tomorrow, you'll know.

Sanka Coffie: Coach! Coach! I can't get my helmet on!
[Irv smashes helmet with fist]
Sanka Coffie: Thanks coach!
Irv: That's what I'm here for.

[the team emerges from the airport into a blizzard]
Irv: It's not so much the heat, it's the humidity that'll kill you.

Irv: You see Sanka, the driver has to work harder than anyone. He's the first to show up, and the last to leave. When his buddies are all out drinking beer, he's up in his room studying pictures of turns. You see, a driver must remain focused one hundred percent at all times. Not only is he responsible for knowing every inch of every course he races, he's also responsible for the lives of the other men in the sled. Now do you want that responsibility?
Sanka Coffie: I say we make Derice the driver.
Irv: So do I, Sanka. So do I.

Irv: I told the owner of the bar that these guys were mentally disturbed, so he's not going to press any charges.
Sanka Coffie: Yeah! Sled god does it again!
Irv: Just shut up, Sanka.

[about to be pushed off start]
Sanka Coffie: Oh, wait. Coach, I gotta go. You know?
Irv: Hold it.
Sanka Coffie: Hold it?
Irv: Hold it.
Sanka Coffie: Hold it?
Irv: Yeah, hold it!
Sanka Coffie: But, Coach, I can't hold it. We're not bobsledding yet.
Irv: Oh, yes we are.
[pushes them off]
Sanka Coffie: Coach... Coach!
[the bobsled picks up speed and careens down the track]
Sanka Coffie: Coach! COACH! Aaahh! Slow it down! Slow it- slow it down! Oh, my God! Oh, Derice, oh, Derice I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

[repeated line after someone has said something degrading]
Irv: [sarcastic] That's very funny.

Irv: Winning a bobsled race is about one thing: the push-start. Now I know you dainty, little track-stars think you're fast. Well, heh, let's see how fast you are when you push a six-hundred pound sled. Now a respectable start-time is five-point-seven seconds. If you speed demons can't whip off an even six flat, you have a better chance of becoming a barbershop quartet.

Irv: [telling Derice why he cheated] It's a fair question. It's quite simple, really. I had to win. You see, Derice, I had made winning my whole life, and when you make winning your whole life, you have to keep on winning, no matter what. Understand?
Derice Bannock: No, I don't understand. You won two gold medals. You had it all.
Irv: Derice, a gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it.

Irv: Go, go, go! Now, now, now, now!