Howard Brackett
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Quotes for
Howard Brackett (Character)
from In & Out (1997)

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In & Out (1997)
Peter: What was Barbra Streisand's eighth album?
Howard: Color Me Barbra.
Peter: Stud!
Howard: Everybody knows that!
Peter: Everybody where? The little gay bar on the prairie?

Emily: Does anybody here know how many times I had to watch Funny Lady?
Howard: It was a sequel. She was under contract.
Emily: Fuck Barbra Streisand, and you!

[while listening to the "How to be a man" tape]
Voice on tape: Now, repeat after me: "Yo!"
Howard Brackett: Yo!
Voice on tape: Hot damn!
Howard Brackett: Hot damn!
Voice on tape: What a fabulous window treatment!
Howard Brackett: What a fabu...
Voice on tape: That was a trick!

Howard Brackett: I may sue!
Howard's dad: Get Johnny Cochrane, not that woman!

Howard Brackett: This is my Peter - uh, my *friend* Peter. We just met at the, uh, intersexual... homosection... INTERSECTION!

Howard: [at confession, about "a friend"] He's just never had a physical relationship with her.
Father Tim: Never? In three years?
Howard: He respects her.
Father Tim: He's gay!

Emily: Are you really gay?
Howard: Hmm Hmm
Emily: Was there oh, ANY OTHER TIME YOU MIGHT'VE TOLD ME THIS? I'm wearing a wedding dress, WHICH YOU PICKED OUT!

Howard: [entering his classroom, flustered] Class: so, uh, where were we? Romantic poetry. Shakespeare. Talented. English. Dead.

Howard: He may be under the influence of something. He may have joined a cult!
Howard's dad: That little zombie.

Peter Malloy: Look, everyone wants to talk to Diane Sawyer or Joan London, and my network's killing me. They want me blond!
Howard: With your coloring?

Peter Malloy: One day I just clicked. I said: "Mom, dad, Sparky, I'm gay."
Howard Brackett: So what happened?
Peter Malloy: My mom cried, for exactly 10 seconds, my boss said: "Who cares?", and my dad said: "But you're so tall...!".

Howard Brackett: I just came out! At my wedding!

[at confession]
Father Tim: Are you Catholic?
Howard: I have a friend who is... and he's very busy.

Howard: I'm a horrible person. You have every right to hate me. You should hate me. I want you to hate me! I insist that you hate me! I'm scum, I'm garbage, I'm vermin, an-an-and I'm sorry.

Howard Brackett: Tom, do I look like a homosexual?
Tom Halliwell: Would you walk for me?

Peter: I'm gay, I came out.
Howard Brackett: To whom?
Peter: Who? To everyone. My folks, my boss... my dog.

Howard Brackett: Here, I'll give you your headline! Howard Brackett is a big homo-queer-merry-sissy man. He just came out at his big church wedding. Martha Stewart is fourious!