Joel Goodsen
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Quotes for
Joel Goodsen (Character)
from Risky Business (1983)

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Risky Business (1983)
Joel Goodson: When it came right down to it, I just wasn't attracted to her.
Miles: That should never stop you.

Joel Goodson: Don't steal anything. If I come back here and anything's missing, I'm going straight to the police. I mean it.
Lana: Go to school, Joel. Learn something.

Joel Goodson: College women can smell ignorance... like dog shit.

Joel Goodson: So is this Guido guy... he's your "manager"?
Lana: That's right.
Joel Goodson: Or a pimp?
Lana: Now that's quick Joel. Have you always been this quick, or is this something new?

[after Joel's Princeton interview]
Lana: So, how're we doin'?
Joel Goodson: Looks like University of Illinois!

Joel Goodson: Porsche. There is no substitute.
Miles: Fuck you.

Joel Goodson: You know, Bill, there's one thing I learned in all my years. Sometimes you just gotta say, "What the fuck, make your move."
Rutherford: I beg your pardon?

Joel Goodson: Uh, my name isn't really Ralph. It's Joel.
Lana: Mmmm. I'll be needing 300 bucks... *Joel*.
Joel Goodson: You're kidding.
Lana: No, I don't believe that I am.
Joel Goodson: Well, uh, it's just that I don't have that much here in the house.
Lana: How much do you have?
Joel Goodson: I have 50 dollars.
Lana: 50 dollars? What are we going to do about this, Joel?
Joel Goodson: I don't know.
[pauses]
Joel Goodson: Could I send it to you?
Lana: [incredulous] Could you *send* it to me?
Joel Goodson: [long pause] I, uh, have a bond at the bank. I could go cash that.
Lana: I'm not real good at waiting.
Joel Goodson: I'll be quick.

Miles: Sometimes you gotta say "What the Fuck", make your move. Joel, every now and then, saying "What the Fuck", brings freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future. So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself.
Joel Goodson: Yeah.
Miles: What the fuck.

Joel Goodson: It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four letter word.

[last lines]
Joel Goodson: My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?

Joel Goodson: Looks like the University of Illinois!

[first lines]
Joel Goodson: [voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are *you* doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.

Guido: Listen to me.
Joel Goodson: No, no. You listen to ME!
[Guido hangs up]
Joel Goodson: Shit!

Joel Goodson: You listen to me, buster. You, you a-hole.
Guido: A-hole?
Joel Goodson: I want my stuff back right now.
Guido: Now you listen to me, you little fuck. Not only you take my two best girls, you call me names. If I didn't have any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it'd be your arms, your legs, your head.

Joel Goodson: I don't think I am going to say, "What the fuck?" anymore

Joel Goodson: It was great the way her mind worked. No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialities. Just the shameless pursuit of immediate gratification. What a capitalist.

Joel Goodson: Some of the girls are wearing my mother's clothing.
Lana: What's wrong with that?
Joel Goodson: I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in analysis.

Jackie: Hello, Joel. I'm Jackie.
Joel Goodson: Hello, Jackie. I'm not Joel. Joel stepped out for a moment. Hold on... I'll go call him.

Joel Goodson: You didn't tell anyone did ya?
Miles: No... Glen knows.
Joel Goodson: What about Barry?
Miles: He knows too.
Joel Goodson: Okay. Just don't tell anyone.

Joel Goodson: Shithead!

Miles: [to Joel] What happened?
Joel Goodson: Last night?
Miles: That's right - with Kessler.
Joel Goodson: She was babysitting down the street...
Miles: We know that!
Joel Goodson: So I went over there. It turns out that, uh, she was giving the kid a bath and accidentally hit the shower thing...
[some guy off camera]
Joel Goodson: right.
Miles: That could happen.
Joel Goodson: ...and all her clothes were drying upstairs. So she plops down right on the kitchen floor and she looks up at me and says 'I think I'm in the mood.'
Barry: She said that? What did you say?
Joel Goodson: I didn't have to say anything.
Glenn: Whatcha do?
Joel Goodson: What do you think I did?
Glenn: I think you got the hell out of there, ran home, and wacked off.
Barry: [makes a wacking off noise with his cheek]
Miles: I disagree.
[to Joel]
Miles: Did you have your bike there?
Joel Goodson: Yeah.
Miles: I think you jumped on your bike, peddled home, and wacked off!