David Stephens
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Quotes for
David Stephens (Character)
from Shallow Grave (1994)

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Shallow Grave (1994)
David Stephens: I've never seen a dead body before. I saw my grandmother of course, but I don't think that counts. I mean, she was alive at the time.

David Stephens: Well, Brian McKinley, if you want to talk to my girlfriend you talk to me first. If you want to dance with her, then you apply in writing three weeks in advance or you're going to end up inside a fucking bin-bag. You didn't apply so you don't dance.
Juliet Miller: Do you think you could try to be a little more forceful next time?

David Stephens: Victory is the same as defeat. It's giving in to destructive competitive urges.

David Stephens: Normally I don't usually meet people, unless I already know them.

Lumsden: Chartered accounting. It's often sneered at. Were you aware of that?
David Stephens: Not any real sneering as such, no.
Lumsden: There's a whole wide world out there, and it all needs to be accounted for, does it not?
David Stephens: Well, I...
Lumsden: But they sneer, do they not?
David Stephens: I'm not sure.
Lumsden: Oh, it's unfashionable, I know, but yes, we're methodical, yes, we're diligent, yes, we're serious, and where's the crime in that? Why not shout it from the rooftops? Yes, maybe sometimes we're a wee bit boring, but by God we get the job done.
David Stephens: Yes, sir.
Lumsden: And that's why I think you fit in here.
David Stephens: I'm boring?
Lumsden: You get the job done.
David Stephens: Oh, I see. I thought you meant...

David Stephens: You paid 500 pounds for this?
Juliet Miller: That's what it cost, David.
David Stephens: No, no, that's what you paid for it. 500 pounds is what you paid for it. We don't know how much it cost us yet. For you two to have a good time, we don't know the cost of that yet.

Detective-Inspector McCall: Only three people here? You're sure?
David Stephens: Yes, absolutely. Who said there were four?
Detective-Inspector McCall: Make a note of that, Mitchell. Only three, rather than four. Write it down. You can use numbers or words. I have no preference. Which are you using?
Detective-Constable Mitchell: Both, sir.
Detective-Inspector McCall: Excellent.

David Stephens: I am not ashamed. I have known love. I have known rejection. I am not ashamed to declare my feelings; take trust for instance, or friendship. These are the important things in life. These are the things that matter, that help you on your way. If you can't trust your friends, well, what then... What then?... Oh, yes. I believe in friends. I believe we need them. But if one day you can't trust them any more, well, what then... What then?

David Stephens: And how would you react, then, if I told you I was the Antichrist?

Juliet Miller: Why do you want a room here?
David Stephens: Do you smoke?

David Stephens: It's a sick idea Alex. It's sick.
Alex Law: Go ahead then, telephone. Telephone the police. Tell them it's a suitcase full of money and you don't want it.

David Stephens: I can't do it.

Detective-Inspector McCall: And the other three people living in the flat?
David Stephens: There are only two other people living in the flat.

David Stephens: They know.
Alex Law: So they know.
Juliet Miller: He's right Alex, they know.

David Stephens: Are you looking for me?

Alex Law: Good, let's talk about disposal. Now we have to make that body unidentifiable and burning, dumping at sea and straight forward burial are all flawed, either by fingerprints or more commonly by dental records, this I have learned. Now what I suggest is we bury him out in the forest, but first or all we remove his hands and his feet, which we incinerate, and his teeth... which we just remove. It's as simple as that. David -
[sticks tool at Davids neck, laughs]
Alex Law: . I've always wondered what these were for. Now... oh...
[picks up saw]
Alex Law: This is what we need. And, em...
[picks up hammer]
Alex Law: this. Now, what else?
David Stephens: I don't know.
Alex Law: A spade, we need a spade - David, I wish you'd concentrate, we need a spade if we're gonna dig a pit.
David Stephens: So who's gonna do it?
Alex Law: Dig the pit? I don't know...
David Stephens: No, not that.
Alex Law: The what? Who's gonna do what?
David Stephens: You know what I'm talking about - who's gonna do it?
Alex Law: Do I? What? What are you talking about?
David Stephens: You know what. Who's gonna do it?
Alex Law: We all are David. We are all gonna do it. Each of us, you, me and Juliet will do his or her bit, okay? Fair enough?
David Stephens: I can't do it.
Alex Law: I don't hear this...
David Stephens: I won't be able to do it.
Alex Law: Are you telling me you want out already? Are you telling me you don't want the money? Hugo is going off, he smells-
[David hushes him]
Alex Law: The flat smells. We can't wait any longer.
David Stephens: I'm just telling you I won't be able to cut him up.