Calvin Palmer
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Quotes for
Calvin Palmer (Character)
from Barbershop (2002)

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Barbershop: The Next Cut (2016)
Calvin: [after receiving tragic news] These kids like killing each other! They like that shit! Man, this is the fuckin' Southside. This "cease fire" shit is over!

Calvin: [to Jay] Jay look at me come back in an hour, come back in an hour I'll take care of your Bill.

Calvin: Welcome to Calvin's. If you like it, you pay. If you don't like it, your ass pay anyway.

Calvin: [voice over] This is the town I love, a neighborhood of family and friends. And right here at the heart of it all is where everyone comes together: the barbershop.

Calvin: [voice over] In every neighborhood there's a place folks gets together to talk about their dreams, to share their frustrations, and maybe even tell a joke or two. It's a home away from home, and these aren't just friends, they're family.

Calvin: Yo man, we closed come back tomorrow.
Jalen: Man,that's too bad I was really hoping you could fit me in.
Calvin: I think I got room for one more, have a seat. Glad you came man
Jalen: Just wanted to do something about this so-called "Abomination" you say.
Calvin: I'll hook you up man don't worry about nothing, I'll edge you up real quick.
Jalen: Uhh... I was thinking start off fresh.
Calvin: You sure?
Jalen: Positive.
Calvin: All right, start you off fresh.
Jalen: You know I didn't mean what I said earlier, you've always be there for me for everything and I appreciate it, love you dad.
Calvin: Love you too. Always gonna be my guy, I swear. All right let's see how we can hook you up here, yeah, ok. Now listen I hear about anything I'm snatching you right up out of there you hear me.
Jalen: Yeah I hear you
Calvin: I'm not playing, be up there quick fast in a hurry, I escort you to the bathroom and everything if i have too.
Jalen: Crazy dad.but I'm fine with that.I'm just happy to stay here happy to be home.
Calvin: I'm happy you back.
Jalen: Let's see me hooping this year, right.
Calvin: You got to penetrate more too manyjumpers.
Jalen: But they go in through.
Calvin: [Chuckles] Not all the time they don't go in
Jalen: Ohh man...
Calvin: You don't wanna rock your dread's like that man, now if you end up on the Bull's, your daddy got to go everywhere with you I'm gonna be the team barber.
Jalen: Damn man. Slow down.
Calvin: Alright. H93, you ain't comb your hair in six month's it's a little nappy down there. All kind of cucabuds back there, Beebees you gonna be all right. Yeah that's it.
Jalen: Oh, looks fresh. I'm getting all the shorties at school now.
Calvin: Now you look like my son again, now you can sweep up the hair.


Barbershop (2002)
Calvin: Ray! I told you to stop coming in here soliciting. Are you retarded or something?
Ray-Ray: No.
Calvin: Are you stupid, simple, or slow; which one?

Terri: Who drank my goddamn apple juice?
Calvin: Whoa! Terri, stop cussing. This ain't Def Comedy Jam!

Calvin: You see that? That right there is Oprah's house.

Ray-Ray: [Hustling his goods] DVDs! CDs!
Calvin: Not today, man...
Ray-Ray: Got Cristal, MoÎt! Whatever you want, man!
[DMX impersonation]
Ray-Ray: Got dat new DMX, baby!

Jimmy: Let me tell you somethin'... you will *never* own a Black barbershop!
Isaac: I will if I want to.
Terri: If Tony Roma can make ribs better than Black people, Isaac can own a Black barbershop...
Calvin: Wait a minute..."ribs better than Black people?"
Jimmy: Tony Roma boils his ribs! That is *not* authentic!
Dinka: Tony Roma is delicious! I don't see White or Black... I just see red sauce on everyt'ing!