Jack MacReady
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Quotes for
Jack MacReady (Character)
from Slither (2006)

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Slither (2006)
Jack MacReady: If I weren't about to shit in my pants right now, I'd be fuckin' fascinated.

Jack MacReady: Move the fuck out of the way, cock sucker!
Uptight Mom: Howdy, Mayor.

Jack MacReady: [referring to Grant] He's a goddamn Martian?
Bill Pardy: Martians is from Mars, Jack.
Jack MacReady: [through gritted teeth] Or it's a general term meaning 'outer-space fucker'.
Bill Pardy: No it isn't!
Jack MacReady: Look it up, cocksucker!
Starla Grant: Enough!

Jack MacReady: [referring to Starla] Bitch is hardcore.

Jack MacReady: [to Margaret] Praise Jesus? That's fucking pushing it! This shit's about as far from god as shit can get! Either of you ever seen anything like that? You even heard of anything like that? Huh? Me neither... and I watch Animal Planet all the fucking time!

Bill Pardy: [to fellow cops] Alright folks, let's go.
[Mocking Jack]
Bill Pardy: Don't forget your guns; We don't want any lyme disease popping out at us.
Jack MacReady: [Sarcastic] Oh, ho ho ho. Ha ha, fuckin' ha!

Jack MacReady: [Jack staggers towards Bill, with alien growths on his face] Bill! Shoot me!
[Bill shoots Jack in the head, without hesitation]

Jack MacReady: [Jack & Bill are discussing what caused Grant's transformation] It's obvious the bastard's got Lyme disease!
Bill Pardy: What?
Jack MacReady: Lyme disease. You touch some deer feces, and then you... eat a sandwich without washin' your hands. You got your Lyme disease!
Bill Pardy: And that makes you look like a squid?

Jack MacReady: [panicked] We need to find this Grant, and I mean yesterday. Town council's lit a Roman Candle, stuck it up my ass.
Bill Pardy: Jack, your leisure activities ain't my business.

Jack MacReady: [referring to the worms] If this shit is contagious and I turn into a fucking mollusk or something, I'm gonna sue those bastards!
[to Margaret]
Jack MacReady: And you can sue right along side of me. I don't care if you're a lesbo, you don't deserve this shit!

Jack MacReady: Where is the Mr. Pibb? I told your secretary to pack Mr. Pibb. It's the only Coke I like. Goddamn Brenda exploding like a water balloon, worms driving my friends around like they're goddamn skin-cars, people are spitting acid at me, turning you into cottage cheese, and now there's no fucking goddamn Mr. Pibb?
Bill Pardy: [sarcastic] *Jesus Christ*, Jack, let me get right on it!

Jack MacReady: [seeing all the firearms in the room] I didn't know the Ruskies were invadin'.
Margaret: You'd seen this guy, you'da wished they was.

Jack MacReady: [wiping off his mouth] Tried to get in my mouth. What kinda thing want you to eat it?

Jack MacReady: [after seeing the zombies walking towards him and Starla] Christ on a cross!

Jack MacReady: [Mayor Jack, Starla, and Kylie, are moving the bodies of the two deputies, out of the barn - thinking since they're still breathing, they'll be okay] You know what this is? It's god damn biological weapons, That's what it is! Government's testing 'em on Wheelsy You know why? Cause I don't take no shit form nobody at those state hearings! They want to bukkake Jack McCreedy.? They can kiss my ass! if this shit's contagious and I turn into a fucking mollusk, l'm gonna sew those bastards, I swear to god., and you can sue right along side of me - I don't care if you're a lesbo.