Darwin Mayflower
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Quotes for
Darwin Mayflower (Character)
from Hudson Hawk (1991)

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Hudson Hawk (1991)
Darwin Mayflower: History, tradition, culture... are not concepts! These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights! The chaos we will cause with this machine will be our final masterpiece!

Darwin Mayflower: I'll kill your friends, your family, and the bitch you took to the prom!
Hudson Hawk: Betty Jo Bialowski? I can get you an address on that, if you want.

Darwin Mayflower: So, Hawkmeister. We've got you clothes, a great hotel and a 250,000 lira per diem.
Minerva Mayflower: That's 200 dollars a day. So he can get a hooker and some tequila? Veto, Darwin!
Hudson Hawk: I guess we see who wears the penis in this family.

Darwin Mayflower: The last ingredient in the recipe is Da Vinci's model of a helicopter...
Minerva Mayflower: ...on display for three days only at the Louvre in Paris.
Hudson Hawk: As opposed to the Louvre in Wisconsin?
Darwin Mayflower: Shut up, you're going to make me lose my train of thought!

Darwin Mayflower: If Da Vinci was alive today, he'd be eating microwave sushi, naked, in the back of a Cadillac with the both of us.

Darwin Mayflower: I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career.

Darwin Mayflower: You New York Italian, father-made-twenty-bucks-a-week son of a bitch.

Darwin Mayflower: Money isn't everything - gold is. Fuck T-bills! Fuck blue chip stocks! Fuck junk bonds! We've got the real deal! Money will always be paper, but gold will always be GOLD!

Anna: [drugged] I'm not a very good damsel in a dress, am I?
[manly voice]
Anna: Pay the rent!
[girly voice]
Anna: But I can't pay the rent!
[makes more dolphin noises]
Darwin Mayflower: Yo, Flipper! "Damsel in distress" implies that there is some well-hung Dudley Do-Right galloping up to save you. It ain't gonna happen, see? Hudson Hawk go boom-boom.

Darwin Mayflower: What can I tell you? I'm the villain.

Darwin Mayflower: Waldo, 100 million clams! Yes!
Auctioneer: That's 100 millon dollars to Mr. Darwin Mayflower.
Minerva Mayflower: 100 million and one, Waldo!
Auctioneer: Fantastic! 100 million dollars and one.
Darwin Mayflower: Outbid by mine own wench! Quelle bummere!
Minerva Mayflower: Don't hate me baby!

Darwin Mayflower: [about his disappointing henchmen] I suppose we're just going to have to kill them.
[Before Igg and Ook can object, Minerva raises a pistol and shoots each of them in the head]
Igg: Igg!
Ook: Ook!
[They fall down dead]
Darwin Mayflower: God, Minerva! I was just joking!
[They laugh hysterically]

Darwin Mayflower: Listen, Hawk, this might be hard to believe, but I'm just a regular Joe. I just want to be happy. And happiness comes from the achievement of goals. It's just that when you've made your first billion by the age of nineteen, it's hard to keep coming up with new ones. But now, finally, I've got myself a new goal... World domination!

Minerva Mayflower: Why is the world jam packed with such idiots? Every Schmo has a fantasy that the planet revolves around them. It rains, a car crash happens, they say 'How can this happen to me?' But for us, this isn't a fantasy, it is a reality.
Darwin Mayflower: Oh yes! If De Vinci were alive today, he'd be eating microwaved sushi, naked in the back of a Cadillac with the both of us. The project of his life is now toy of mine. History... Tradition... Culture... are not concepts. These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights! The chaos we will cause with this machine will be our final masterpiece!