Tommy Cotter
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Quotes for
Tommy Cotter (Character)
from Death to Smoochy (2002)

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Death to Smoochy (2002)
[Tommy Kotter is at a funeral after Spinner Dunn was murdered]
Tommy: Don't forget, this hit was meant for you, Shel. So from now on, wherever you go, we go.
Sheldon: I'll be fine.
Tommy: Fine nothing! As Christ is my witness, no one is touching a hair on your fucking head! Spinner would have wanted it that way. Okay boys, let's all pray and get shit-faced.

Tommy: Sometimes in this life, a man's gotta answer for his indiscretions!
[the scene transitions to when the mob had Merv Green tied to a chair]
Merv Green: It was a mistake! An honest mistake! I was just trying to help the children!
Tommy: Oh, so you like kids, eh?
Merv Green: Oh, sure!
Tommy: Oh, then I bet you know some fairy tales then.
Merv Green: Yeah!
Tommy: Hey, Danny, tell him the one about the worthless prick that gets his head chopped off with an axe!
Merv Green: [Danny pulls out an axe and approaches him] No! No! NOOOOOOOOO!
[You see a shadow of Danny lowering the axe at Merv Green and transitions back to now where Sheldon looks horrified]
Sheldon: I don't think I feel so good about this all of a sudden, Tommy.
Danny: Then we took his head and played a little...
Sheldon: Okay, that's... way more information than I'd like to have at this point, thanks.

Tommy: [Breaks open the door] Well, if it isn't Mr. Rainbow, how lovely to see you in the flesh... c'mere!
[Lifts Randolph up off the couch by his sweater and grabs him by the front of his neck]
Tommy: Now, you want to tell me about The Rhino?
Randolph: [strangulated] This is private property, you're fucking trespassing...
[Tommy throws him headfirst into the piano, with the ceramic pot falling off of it and breaking and he lands back first on the floor]
Tommy: Danny, go give Mr. Smiley a little back rub.
[Danny picks him up and holds him up by the back of his sweater]
Tommy: Start yakkin', friend!
Randolph: I don't know what you're talking about! I'm minding my own business here, you're violating my private sp...
[Danny throws him towards the opposite wall]
Randolph: AAAAAAACE!
[Hits the wall with his whole body and slides down, then Danny lifts him up over his head with both hands and smashes him through a table]
Randolph: All right, you spud sucking fucks! I'm suing your riverdance ass!
[with a mocking Irish Accent]
Randolph: I'm gonna send you all the way back hooome, huh?
Tommy: Roy, have you got the hammer?
Roy: Always got the hammer, Tommy.
[pulls out a chisel hammer]
Randolph: [Danny grabs holds him up by the collar] I did it! It was me! It was all me! Thank god we cleared up everything without further violence.
[brief pause, then cuts to Randolph's perspective as Danny punches him hard in the face and everything goes black]

Tommy: This I guarantee: That fuckin' Randolph has seen his last rainbow. We're going to find him, cut off his balls, and shove 'em up his ass.
Sheldon: Well, maybe we should leave that for the cops, Tommy.
Roy: Cops won't do the ball thing, it's against procedure.