Sheriff Buford T. Justice
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Quotes for
Sheriff Buford T. Justice (Character)
from Smokey and the Bandit (1977)

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Smokey and the Bandit (1977)
Buford T. Justice: Hey boy, where's Sheriff Branford?
Sheriff Branford: I AM Sheriff Branford.
Buford T. Justice: Ooo, Hee-Hee. For some reason or another, you sounded a little taller on radio, hee-hee.

Buford T. Justice: Give me a diablo sandwich, a Dr. Pepper, and make it quick, I'm in a god-damn hurry.

Buford T. Justice: [to his son] There's no way, *no* way that you came from *my* loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!

Buford T. Justice: [shouting at a trucker that has sheered a door off of Justice's patrol car] I saw that, you sombitch! You did that on purpose! You're going away till you're gray! I got the evidence!
Buford T. Justice: [speaks to Junior] Put the evidence in the car.
Junior: But Daddy...
Buford T. Justice: Put the *evidence* in the *car*!
[shouting to trucker again]
Buford T. Justice: I'm gonna barbeque yo' ass in molasses!

Buford T. Justice: If you're gonna hang out in places like this, wear a badge on your didey

Junior: [waiting for the "funeral procession] Damn, he had a lot of friends, didn't he?
Buford T. Justice: If they'd a cremated the sum-bitch. I could be kickin' that Mr. Bandit's ass around the moon by now.

Buford T. Justice: This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin' around with those show folk fags.

Buford T. Justice: What the hell is the world coming to?

Buford T. Justice: What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.

Sheriff Branford: The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.
Buford T. Justice: The god damn Germans got nothin' to do with it.
Junior: What did he say?
Buford T. Justice: SHUT UP! ONE SHIT AT A TIME!
Junior: All right.

Buford T. Justice: And don't go home, and don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on my highway.
[begins to turn away, then returns]
Buford T. Justice: Oh, you can THINK about it... but don't do it!

[after kicking one of the car thieves in the rear]
Buford T. Justice: That's an attention-getter.

Junior: My hat blew off, daddy.
Buford T. Justice: I hope your goddamn head was in it.

Buford T. Justice: Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum's pecker.
Junior: Except for that...
Buford T. Justice: Shut your ass.

Buford T. Justice: Duck, or you're gonna be talkin' out yo ass!

Buford T. Justice: You sum bitch. You did that on purpose. You're going away 'till you're gray. I got the evidence.

Buford T. Justice: Just keep your eye out for that Mr. Bandit bastard!

Buford T. Justice: [shouting out of a restaurant to Junior waiting in the car] You want something?
Junior: Hushpuppies, Daddy!
Buford T. Justice: We got no time for that crap!
[mutters under his breath]
Buford T. Justice: Dumb sumbitch...

Bandit: You must be in a hell of a hurry, huh, Sheriff?
Buford T. Justice: You bet your ass on that, boy.

[Communicating through the C.B. radio]
Bandit: Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please.
Buford T. Justice: Who there?
Bandit: This is Bandit Darville talkin'.
Buford T. Justice: Where are you, you sombitch?
Bandit: Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there's just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog, 'cause I've been chased by the best of them, and son, you make 'em look like they're all runnin' in slow motion. I just wanna say that.
Buford T. Justice: Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you're the goddamnedest pursuee I've ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullshit is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SOMBITCH?

Bandit: Sheriff... do the letters F.O mean anything to you?
Buford T. Justice: [putting C.B down] Sma't Alec!

Bandit: You chasin' somebody Sheriff? Somebody chasin' you?
Buford T. Justice: Nobody's chasin' me, boy!

Buford T. Justice: One shit at a time!

Buford T. Justice: Apprehend that horse ass for reckless driving!
Junior: But Daddy...
Buford T. Justice: Do what I tell you! You pile of monkey nuts!

Buford T. Justice: Breaker, breaker for the Bandit.
Bandit: Come on back, breaker.
Buford T. Justice: Bandit I got a smokey report for you. Come on!
Bandit: Well, talk to me good buddy.
Buford T. Justice: You got trouble comin...
Bandit: Well what's your handle son, and what's your twenty?
Buford T. Justice: My handle's Smokey Bear and I'm tail-grabbin yo ass right now!

Junior: Daddy, the top came off!
Buford T. Justice: No shit!

Buford T. Justice: [while stuck in traffic] What the hell is this, a drive-in movie?
Buford T. Justice: [Sheriff Justice honks the horn, which malfunctions, and Junior reaches for the wheel] Get off of there, you Moose twit!

Junior: Daddy, the top came off.
Buford T. Justice: No shit.

Buford T. Justice: Hey, boy, where is Sheriff Bradford? I AM Sheriff BRANford Hee hee For some reason, you sound a little taller on radio.
[Turns to his son]
Buford T. Justice: What in the hell is the world coming to?

Policeman: Did you see that? They went right through our roadblock.
Buford T. Justice: You sombitches couldn't close an umbrella.

Smokey and the Bandit II (1980)
Junior: You know, Daddy, I like this place. All the 'gators and snakes and stuff. Why don't we move down here?
Buford T. Justice: Why don't YOU move down here?
Junior: Oh no, Daddy, I ain't NEVER leavin' home, that's a promise.
Buford T. Justice: Don't you ever, EVER threaten yo' daddy like that again!

Buford T. Justice: Junior! Why didn't you have your gun loaded?
Junior: When I put bullets in it, Daddy, it gets too heavy.

Junior: Daddy, I got to pee-pee.
Buford T. Justice: Swallow it. I'm busy!

Junior: Daddy, look at that big ugly alligator
Buford T. Justice: That reminds me; I gotta call yo' mama tonight.

Buford T. Justice: Let me tell ya somethin', Junior. If you ever embarrass me like that again, I'm gonna get an ax, and you're never gonna have to open your fly again.

Junior: You know, Daddy, I don't think the Bandit's really bad. I think the trouble is he just got in with real bad company.
Buford T. Justice: Bad company? Let me tell ya somethin', Junior. When you raid a cathouse, you take the piano player too.

Buford T. Justice: Now I'm gonna go home and kick yo' momma in the butt.

'Bandit': Hi, Buford!
Buford T. Justice: Hello, you handsome sombitch!

Buford T. Justice: Ya know if Junior is able to get up in the morning, tie his shoelaces and take a pee, I'm not proud. I'm amazed.

[Justice has just caused a rollercoaster to collapse]
Fairground Owner: Sir! I'm the owner of this, of, of... of this mess.
Buford T. Justice: What are you tryin' to tell me? I'm in hot pursuit.
Fairground Owner: I would like to say just... one thing... We're closed!
Buford T. Justice: Get in the car, Junior. We're surrounded by a mental case.

Buford T. Justice: Well, I've said it before and I'm going to say it again... There ain't no way, no way, that you could come from my loins.

[last lines]
Buford T. Justice: [still pursuing, in a Bus] You're not getting away from me Bandit! I'll chase you in hot-pursuit to the ends of the earth! You Sumbitch!

Buford T. Justice: I got 'em boxed in like a turtle's pecker.

Buford T. Justice: [Sheriff Justice's car got hit by Cledus' truck] Are you alright, Junior?
Junior: Yeah.
Buford T. Justice: You would be, you shit!

Buford T. Justice: [Leaning against his car with his gun pointed at Bandit] Well as you can see Bandit, I've got my piece in my hand.
'Bandit': You've got your WHAT in your hand?

Buford T. Justice: [Bandit takes off from between two semi trucks] It's the Bandit!
Buford T. Justice: [Repeatedly honks the car horn at the semi in front of him] Hey you big piece o' turkey dump! Get that mess the hell outta there!
Joe Klecko: [Peers out of the semi cab] Talking to me?
Buford T. Justice: Yes, I'm talkin' to you!
Joe Klecko: Alright, I'll see if I can get it in gear.
[Put's the truck in reverse and proceeds to push Sheriff Justice's car backwards]

Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983)
Buford T. Justice: Follow that sum bitch.

Buford T. Justice: I've said it before and I'll say it again. There is no way, no way that you could come from my loins. Soon as we get home, I'm gonna put a lump on your mama's head.

Little Enos: I'd like to kick your ass.
Buford T. Justice: You can't kick that high, cricket crotch.

[yelling at Junior]
Buford T. Justice: Will you get away from me you shit?

Buford T. Justice: Junior, retirement is cat shit.

Junior: Daddy, my face is all white.
Buford T. Justice: Well, put a little lipstick on, I'll drop you off at a gay bar.

Buford T. Justice: That is why you gotta have a sixth sense.
Junior: I'd rather have a dime.

[talking about Junior]
Buford T. Justice: He's dumb... but a loveable shit.

Buford T. Justice: Gimme the good old days when a pair of boobs were a couple of dumb guys.

Buford T. Justice: I gotcha!
The Real Bandit: Hello, Buford. Well, you caught me with my pants down.
Buford T. Justice: I did?
The Real Bandit: That's a... figure of speech.

Junior: Does this mean I won't be your little tick turd anymore?
Buford T. Justice: Son, you'll always be my tick turd.

Buford T. Justice: [sees the girl's breasts] Oof!
Girl at Picnic: What's wrong, Sheriff?
Buford T. Justice: I haven't seen anything like that since I was a little baby.

Nudist Female: If you want to stay, Sheriff, you've got to take your clothes off.
Buford T. Justice: I don't even take my clothes off in front of my good wife, Wilhelmina.
Nudists: Awwwww.