Samantha Baker
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Quotes for
Samantha Baker (Character)
from Sixteen Candles (1984)

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Sixteen Candles (1984)
Samantha: Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I'm like a disease.

Brenda Baker: Can you remember to turn off the stove in twenty minutes?
Samantha: I can remember lots of things.

Grandma Helen: Oh Sam, let me look at you. Fred, she's gotten her boobies.
Grandpa Fred: [chuckles] I better go get my magnifying glass.
Grandma Helen: Oh, and they are so Perky.
Grandma Helen: [reaches to cup them]
Samantha: [cut to Sam's bedroom] I can't believe my Grandmother actually felt me up.

The Geek: This information cannot leave this room. Okay? It would devastate my reputation as a dude.
Samantha: No problem.
The Geek: I've never bagged a babe. I'm not a stud.

[last lines]
Jake: Happy birthday, Samantha. Make a wish.
Samantha: It already came true.

Samantha: It's really human of you to listen to all my bullshit.

The Geek: You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile. I mean, it's...
Samantha: Go to hell.
The Geek: VERY hostile!

Samantha: I loathe the bus. There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation.

The Geek: How's it goin'?
Samantha: How's what going?
The Geek: You know - things, life, whatnot.
Samantha: Life is not whatnot, and it's none of your business.

The Geek: So, I mean, what's your story? I mean, you got a guy, or...?
Samantha: Yes, three big ones, and they lust wimp blood, so quit bugging me or I'll sic them all over your weenie ass.

Samantha: When you don't have anything, you don't have anything to lose. Right?
Randy: That's a cheerful thought.

Samantha: This is Farmer Fred.
The Geek: Ted.
Samantha: Oh, I'm sorry, Farmer Ted.
The Geek: I'm not really a farmer. I'm a freshman.

Jim Baker: Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork.
Samantha: Mike thinks I'm a dork.
Jim Baker: Mike *is* a dork.

Samantha: I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek.

The Geek: Just answer me one question.
Samantha: Yes, you're a total fag.
The Geek: [laughs] That's not the question.

Samantha: Thanks for getting my undies back.
Jake: Thanks for coming over.
Samantha: Thanks for coming to get me.
Jake: Happy Birthday, Samantha. Make a wish.
Samantha: It already came true.

Samantha: I can't believe this. They fucking forgot my birthday.

Samantha: You know everyone in this family has gone total outer limits.

Ginny: No, Sam, I think you're just being a little selfish... and immature.
Samantha: Oh, yes, that's it. That's *exactly* it.
[storms out]
Ginny: [to herself] Unbelievable. You make someone a bridesmaid and they shit all over you.

Randy: Last night at the dance, my little brother paid a buck to see your underwear.
Samantha: [screams]

Samantha: Then where am I sleeping?
Mike Baker: Sofa City, Sweetheart.

Samantha: May I be excused?
Grandma Helen: Where are you going?
Samantha: I have a dance to go to - at school. It's a very important dance... uh we're being graded on it, for Gym.

Randy: [Samantha has filled out an "anonymous" sex quiz naming her crush, which has fallen into unknown hands] Jake Ryan? He doesn't even know you exist.
Samantha: Thank you, that's a very nice thing to say.
Randy: I'm sorry, but Jake Ryan? He's a Senior, and he's taken. I mean, really taken.
Samantha: I know. He's supposed to be my ideal.
Randy: He's ideal for sure, but, forget it.
Samantha: God, I hope whoever got the note doesn't know it was me who wrote it. I'd shit twice and die.

Samantha: Oh my God! What should I do? Should I go up to him and and should I say, "Hi Jake, I'm Samantha", or no, maybe I should let him come to me?
The Geek: This is not my department.

The Geek: I know I came on kinda like a poozer on the bus tonight and everything. But... that's just so my friends won't think, you know, I'm a jerk.
Samantha: But they're all pretty much jerks, though, aren't they?
The Geek: Yeah, but, the thing is, I'm kinda like the leader, you know? Kinda like the king of the dipshits.
Samantha: Well, that's pretty cool. Hey, but a lot can happen over a year. I mean, you could come back next Fall as a completely normal person.

Samantha: [to Randy] Ever since my twelfth, I've been looking forward to my sweet sixteen.

Samantha: Do I look any older?
Jim Baker: No, I wouldn't say so.

Samantha: I swear to God this has got be a joke.

Samantha: [mouths from across the street] Me?
Jake: Yeah, you.
[smiles and jogs across the street]
Samantha, Jake: [both in unison] Hi.
Jake: Hi.
Samantha: Hi. What are you doing here?
Jake: I heard you were here.
Samantha: You came here for me?
Jake: Is that okay?
Samantha: [flattered] Yeah, it's okay.
Jake: Do you have to go to reception now?
Samantha: I'm supposed to.
Jake: Can I call you later?
Samantha: Sure... I mean no.
Jake: No, I can't call you later?
Samantha: Yeah... No, I mean, I'm not going to the reception.
Jake: Oh. Great.
[walks Samantha to his Porsche]

Samantha: [Samantha and Randy are watching Caroline taking a shower in the locker room] It's unbelieveable. I swear to God Caroline Mumford had to flunk about nine grades.
Randy: Brother's deaf, and everybody in the world worships her. Practically impossible to cut up. She's supposedly real sweet.
Samantha: And she's going with Jake. Oh, I'm gonna kill myself.