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: Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I'm like a disease.
: Can you remember to turn off the stove in twenty minutes? Samantha
: I can remember lots of things.
: Oh Sam, let me look at you. Fred, she's gotten her boobies. Grandpa Fred
] I better go get my magnifying glass. Grandma Helen
: Oh, and they are so Perky. Grandma Helen
: [reaches to cup them
: [cut to Sam's bedroom
] I can't believe my Grandmother actually felt me up.
: This information cannot leave this room. Okay? It would devastate my reputation as a dude. Samantha
: No problem. The Geek
: I've never bagged a babe. I'm not a stud.
: Happy birthday, Samantha. Make a wish. Samantha
: It already came true.
: It's really human of you to listen to all my bullshit.
: You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile. I mean, it's... Samantha
: Go to hell. The Geek
: VERY hostile!
: I loathe the bus. There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation.
: How's it goin'? Samantha
: How's what going? The Geek
: You know - things, life, whatnot. Samantha
: Life is not whatnot, and it's none of your business.
: So, I mean, what's your story? I mean, you got a guy, or...? Samantha
: Yes, three big ones, and they lust wimp blood, so quit bugging me or I'll sic them all over your weenie ass.
: When you don't have anything, you don't have anything to lose. Right? Randy
: That's a cheerful thought.
: This is Farmer Fred. The Geek
: Ted. Samantha
: Oh, I'm sorry, Farmer Ted. The Geek
: I'm not really a farmer. I'm a freshman.
: Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork. Samantha
: Mike thinks I'm a dork. Jim Baker
: Mike *is* a dork.
: I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek.
: Just answer me one question. Samantha
: Yes, you're a total fag. The Geek
] That's not the question.
: Thanks for getting my undies back. Jake
: Thanks for coming over. Samantha
: Thanks for coming to get me. Jake
: Happy Birthday, Samantha. Make a wish. Samantha
: It already came true.
: I can't believe this. They fucking forgot my birthday.
: You know everyone in this family has gone total outer limits.
: No, Sam, I think you're just being a little selfish... and immature. Samantha
: Oh, yes, that's it. That's *exactly* it.
: [to herself
] Unbelievable. You make someone a bridesmaid and they shit all over you.
: Last night at the dance, my little brother paid a buck to see your underwear. Samantha
: Then where am I sleeping? Mike Baker
: Sofa City, Sweetheart.
: May I be excused? Grandma Helen
: Where are you going? Samantha
: I have a dance to go to - at school. It's a very important dance... uh we're being graded on it, for Gym.
: [Samantha has filled out an "anonymous" sex quiz naming her crush, which has fallen into unknown hands
] Jake Ryan? He doesn't even know you exist. Samantha
: Thank you, that's a very nice thing to say. Randy
: I'm sorry, but Jake Ryan? He's a Senior, and he's taken. I mean, really taken. Samantha
: I know. He's supposed to be my ideal. Randy
: He's ideal for sure, but, forget it. Samantha
: God, I hope whoever got the note doesn't know it was me who wrote it. I'd shit twice and die.
: Oh my God! What should I do? Should I go up to him and and should I say, "Hi Jake, I'm Samantha", or no, maybe I should let him come to me? The Geek
: This is not my department.
: I know I came on kinda like a poozer on the bus tonight and everything. But... that's just so my friends won't think, you know, I'm a jerk. Samantha
: But they're all pretty much jerks, though, aren't they? The Geek
: Yeah, but, the thing is, I'm kinda like the leader, you know? Kinda like the king of the dipshits. Samantha
: Well, that's pretty cool. Hey, but a lot can happen over a year. I mean, you could come back next Fall as a completely normal person.
: [to Randy
] Ever since my twelfth, I've been looking forward to my sweet sixteen.
: Do I look any older? Jim Baker
: No, I wouldn't say so.
: I swear to God this has got be a joke.
: [mouths from across the street
] Me? Jake
: Yeah, you.
[smiles and jogs across the street
: [both in unison
] Hi. Jake
: Hi. Samantha
: Hi. What are you doing here? Jake
: I heard you were here. Samantha
: You came here for me? Jake
: Is that okay? Samantha
] Yeah, it's okay. Jake
: Do you have to go to reception now? Samantha
: I'm supposed to. Jake
: Can I call you later? Samantha
: Sure... I mean no. Jake
: No, I can't call you later? Samantha
: Yeah... No, I mean, I'm not going to the reception. Jake
: Oh. Great.
[walks Samantha to his Porsche
: [Samantha and Randy are watching Caroline taking a shower in the locker room
] It's unbelieveable. I swear to God Caroline Mumford had to flunk about nine grades. Randy
: Brother's deaf, and everybody in the world worships her. Practically impossible to cut up. She's supposedly real sweet. Samantha
: And she's going with Jake. Oh, I'm gonna kill myself.