Number 5
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Number 5 (Character)
from Short Circuit (1986)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Short Circuit (1986)
Number 5: Hey, laser lips, your mama was a snow blower.

Newton Crosby: Holy shit.
Number 5: No shit. Where see shit?

Number 5: Number 5 is alive.

Number 5: Many fragments. Some large, some small.

Number 5: Colt .45. Semi-automatic.
[crushes the gun]
Number 5: Play-doh.

[when driving a campervan into a fish hung on a wire]
Number 5: Fish. Salmon. Sushi.

Number 5: Malfunction. Need input.

[Stephanie is in the bath]
Number 5: [confused] Stephanie... change color!
Stephanie Speck: [looks down, embarrassed, reaches for a towel] Uh...
Number 5: Attractive! Nice software.
Stephanie Speck: You sure don't talk like a machine...

Number 5: [Reading a Billboard] Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?

Number 5: Beautiful animal... canine... dog... mutt.

Stephanie Speck: [they're heading for the cliff] Oh, no - Jeez! Number Five, we're gonna be killed!
Number 5: Disassemble?
Stephanie Speck: Yes, disassemble ALL OVER THE PLACE!

Number 5: No disassemble Number Five!

Stephanie Speck: I thought you were alive, Number 5. I let you tear my house to shreds and you're a ROBOT! You're a machine from that dumb war lab place. God, I'm so stupid!
Number 5: Stupid - foolish, gullible, doltish, dumbell...

Number 5: Well, if you gotta go, don't squeeze the Charmin.

Number 5: Number 5 stupid name... want to be Kevin or Dave!

Number 5: Bird. Raven. Nevermore.

Number 5: Frankie, you broke the unwritten law. You ratted on your friends. When you do that Frankie, your enemies don't respect you. You got no friends no more. You got nobody, Frankie.

Number 5: [on seeing the Sun] Oooooo! Beautiful. Light bulb.
Stephanie Speck: No - sun.
Number 5: Beautiful No-sun.

Number 5: Error. Grasshopper disassembled... Re-assemble!

Stephanie Speck: But you can't die. You're a machine.
Number 5: No.
Stephanie Speck: No, you're not a machine?
Number 5: Yes.
Stephanie Speck: Yes, you are, or yes, you're not?
Number 5: Yes.
Stephanie Speck: Yes, WHAT?
Number 5: Yes, not.
Stephanie Speck: Talk about a malfunction.

Number 5: Okay, to make these golden fluffy pancakes... add flour, milk and eggs... Mix thoroughly...
[uses his own motor to rotate the mixer - the bowl contents splatter all over the room]
Number 5: Ooooo... Still lumpy!

Number 5: [parodying a TV presenter's voice during his fight against the other SAINTs] "Escaped Robot Fights for His Life. Film at Eleven."

Stephanie Speck: Boy am I the jerk of the world!
Number 5: Jerk of the world: Turkey, idiot, pain in the ass.

Number 5: [as John Wayne] Ah don't worry little lady, I'll fix their wagon.

Number 5: Kick ass? Donkey, mule, burrow.

Newton Crosby: OK. Listen closely. There's a priest, a minister, and a rabbi. They're out playing golf. They're deciding how much to give to charity. The priest says "We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands inside the circle, we'll give to charity." The minister says "No, we'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands outside of the circle, that's what we'll give to charity." The rabbi says "No no no. We'll throw the money way up in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps!"
Number 5: Hmmmm. Oh, I get it! Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee! Nyuk, nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk!
Stephanie Speck: What's going on? Is he laughing?
Newton Crosby: Yeah! Yeah! And the joke wasn't even that funny, and I think I screwed up the punchline. Ha ha ha ha!
Number 5: "Whatever God wants, he keeps!"

Number 5: Number 5
[Pushing Skroeder away]
Number 5: Number 5: No, no, please. No autographs, sir!
Number 5: Number 5:
[Grabs Stephanie]
Number 5: Come Stephanie! We be jamming!
[Busts out side of wall of Black Lion]

Number 5: [imitating Elmer Fudd after having seen the show on Stephanie's TV] Well, I guess that waps you up, you wascally wobot - huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh!

Number 5: Benjamin Jabituya, delete.
Benjamin Jabituya: No, wait! Rethink yourself!
Number 5: Exit. Depart. Leave.
Benjamin Jabituya: Eat my dust, Newton Crosby. Let us break wind.
Number 5: Newton Crosby, no run, no talk, drive.
[Crosby stalls]
Number 5: Today, Crosby! Today!

Newton Crosby: Why did you disobey your program?
Number 5: Program say to kill, to disassemble, to make dead. Number 5 cannot.
Newton Crosby: Why "cannot"?
Number 5: Is *wrong*! Newton Crosby, Ph.D not know this?
Newton Crosby: Of course I know it's wrong to kill, but who told you?
Number 5: *I* told me.

Number 5: Not malfunction Stephanie. Number 5 is alive.

Newton Crosby: Number 5, What do you make of this?
[hands Number 5 a Rorschach blot he just made using tomato soup]
Number 5: Hmmm... Wood pulp, plant - vegetable - tomato, water, salt, monosodium glutamate...
Newton Crosby: Okay, thank you. Now you're talking like a robot.
Number 5: ...and resemble - look like - butterfly, bird, maple leaf!

Frank: [to Number 5] Listen, why don't you say we jump in my car and I'll take you home.
Stephanie Speck: [knowingly] Uh, tell him where home is.
Frank: Uh, home is NOVA.
[Beasley barks]
Number 5: [throws tray at Frank] NOVA? NO! No disassemble!
Stephanie Speck: Run, Number 5, run!
Number 5: Come on, treads, don't fail me now!
Frank: [runs after him] You tricked me, you little bitch!
Stephanie Speck: Oh, does this mean I don't get my $5,000? Well, forget it! FORGET IT! He can run thirty miles an hour, you big stupid JERK!
Frank: [grabs her] Hey, I'll show you how stupid I am! Guess who's gonna help me catch him!
Stephanie Speck: No, I'd rather die first!
Frank: [sees that his Pontiac is gone] What the hell happened to my car?
Number 5: Hi!
[Frank's car is shown totally dismantled]
Number 5: Piece of cake!
Frank: Oh, my God! My car!
Stephanie Speck: [smiles] Oh, way to go, Number 5!

Number 5: [spilling and dumping the contents out of the glasses and boxes on Stephanie's counter] Drinking glass... Pasta, spaghetti!
Stephanie Speck: [picking up one of her kittens away from Number 5's mess] Very good...
Number 5: [dumping out spaghetti sauce out of a sauce pan] Liquid, spaghetti sauce...
Stephanie Speck: Look! This may be funny from where you come from! But on this planet, it's considered rude!
Number 5: [distracted by baskets of fruit] Oooo... Baskets... fruit!
[proceeds to dump the fruit out of the metal baskets by pushing the baskets upward]
Number 5: [as he dumps the fruit] Oranges, Apples, Lemons, Limes...
Stephanie Speck: [sarcastically] Why great! Thanks a lot!

Number 5: Escape, escape! Please, hide! Refuge!
Stephanie Speck: What are you afraid of? What's the matter with you?
Number 5: N.O.V.A. robotics, disassemble, dead! Disassemble, Number 5 dead!
Stephanie Speck: But you can't die, you're a machine!
Number 5: No.
Stephanie Speck: No, you're not a machine?
Number 5: Yes!
Stephanie Speck: Yes you are, or yes you're not?
Number 5: Yes...
Stephanie Speck: Yes, what?
Number 5: Yes... not.
Stephanie Speck: Talk about a malfunction!
Number 5: Not malfunction, Stephanie... Number 5... is alive!

[last lines]
Number 5: Number 5 stupid name; want to be Kevin, or Dave.
Newton Crosby: Just watch the road, okay?
Number 5: Maybe Johnny... Yeah, Johnny 5.
Stephanie Speck: Yes!
Newton Crosby: Cool.

Short Circuit 2 (1988)
Johnny Five: Los locos kick your ass. Los locos kick your face. Los locos kick your balls INTO OUTER SPACE!
Ben Jarhvi: [angrily] Number Johnny Five!
Johnny Five: Uh-oh!
Ben Jarhvi: Come on! I will clean you up. If you had a mouth, I would wash it out with soap!

Reporter: Mr. Five, Mr. Five, how do you feel?
Johnny Five: How do I feel? I feel... ALIVE!

Johnny Five: Just a few ibdy... ibdy... bugs bunnies.

Fred: Are you ok.
Johnny Five: Functioning 100%. Perfectly ko Derf.
Fred: It's Fred.
Johnny Five: That's what I said, Derf.

Johnny Five: [assembling Mini-#5] It's me! Isn't that SPECIAL?

Fred: [burning himself with a soldering iron] Jesus!
Johnny Five: Christ, lived from 1 to 33 AD.

Johnny Five: Hey you, here's Johnny!

Johnny Five: Am not human, but am a life-form, have soul. But him me killed to try.
Fred: Hey wait a minute J5, what do you think you're gonna do?
Johnny Five: Pursue! Capture! Incarcerate!
Fred: Come on now man, these are serious guys! You're not in top form, and your backup battery is all used up!
Johnny Five: I'm okay-kay, just a few biddly-biddly Bugs Bunny to work out in out in! Perfectly functionality, functionality!
Fred: Oh yeah sure, listen to yourself, you can't even talk straight!
Johnny Five: Derf, a life-form's gotta do what a life-form's gotta do. Stand aside.

Johnny Five: Doctor Ruth says, "Violence is an expression of sexual frustration".

Johnny Five: Oscar, you will not get away! I am really PISSED OFF!

Johnny Five: [to book store clerk] Two excellent books. May I have these craphead?

Ben Jarhvi: You have made many modifications upon your person, huh? You have come a long way from the Defense Department prototype.
Johnny Five: You betcha!
[parodying an electronics store's late-night TV ad]
Johnny Five: It's the all-new Johnny Five! Just look at these items! Increased memory: five hundred megabytes on-line! I come with a utility pack and dozens of gadgets for outdoor living, lots of Greenpeace stickers, and even my own Nike swoosh! And, if you act now, I'll throw in, absolutely free, my all-new, multi-frequency remote control!
[his antenna extends and a radio in the room activates]

Johnny Five: Frederick, I have an important question. Why do humans not like me, call me "craphead"?
Fred: They like you. They like you. Craphead is a compliment.
Johnny Five: Oh...

[Johnny Five is chained up in police station]
Ben Jarhvi: What is this? He is delicate equipment! A completely unique, self-mobile, micro-computer robotics system!
Officer O'Malley: Yeah, we, uh... thought it was that.
Ben Jarhvi: O.K., Johnny Five, you are free to go.
Johnny Five: O.K.
[Johnny Five rips the heavy chains like paper]

[Johnny Five is prompting Ben on his date with Sandy]
Ben Jarhvi: [reading sign] "Tu mama hace el amor con mi perro."
Sandy Banatoni: Wait. I know a little Spanish.
Johnny Five: [waving his arms] Oh, no no no. No no!
Sandy Banatoni: My mother... sleeps... with your dog?
Johnny Five: [covering his eyes] Oh, no!
Ben Jarhvi: Uh, well, that's an expression in-in my country, where, uh, sometimes we are speaking... Spanish. It does not mean that your mother is sleeping with my dog. Oh, no no. It means that, uh, the people that she is sleeping with, they are, they are like dogs!

Johnny Five: Fred wants to sell ME?'!
Fred: [laughs] Oh, J-5, c'mon, it's just a figure of speech.
Johnny Five: Am not property, Frederick! One whose person is under control of another as master, is a SLAVE!
Woman at building: That's all we need: A robot who's into equal rights.

Jones: Okay, Jerk-off. You're gonna get recycled.
Johnny Five: [imitating a Jewish man] Oh, yeah? Well, recycle this, you meshuggana schmuck!
[Brooklyn accent]
Johnny Five: Get outta my face, you ugly motha!
[Spanish accent]
Johnny Five: Tu mama hace el amor con mi perro!
[imitating Sylvester Stallone]
Johnny Five: Yo, come on, you bug-eyed geek.
[imitating Clint Eastwood]
Johnny Five: Do you feel lucky, punk?

Fred: We gotta go! You see those two guys over there?
[points towards two advancing policemen]
Fred: They want to take your books away!
Johnny Five: [horrified gasp]

Chief: [after the cops have captured Johnny Five] Take him down to stolen goods.
Johnny Five: [furiously] I am NOT stolen goods!
Chief: [angrily] OUT!'!
Johnny Five: [while the cops take him away] But hath not a robot eyes? Hath not a robot hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? If you prick us, do we not bleed?'!
Chief: Yeah. Battery fluid, maybe.

Johnny Five: [Hang-gliding over the city] It's great up here... no problems... I wish I were a bird. Me, Chrome-Breasted Input Eater. Dream on, Johnny.

Johnny Five: [to police officers] I was just on my way to pick up the kids and my wife. My wife, Morgan Fairchild.
Johnny Five: [Being handcuffed] You will book me, Danno? I will make your day? Do not pass go? I'm underage, you know!

Ben Jarhvi: Johnny, are you operational? Please say something?
Johnny Five: Hubcaps, corn dogs, soul.

Johnny Five: [Peering into the bank vault] Hello, Lucy, I'm home!

Johnny Five: [Instructing Fred, who is trying to repair him] First, get the soldering iron... iron... iron...
[Fred nudges him]
Johnny Five: Thank you.

Fred: [Trying to repair Johnny before his battery fails] I'm no good at this!
Johnny Five: Fifteen minutes, you have, to get good.
Fred: Fifteen minutes?
Johnny Five: Plenty of time... time... in a sort of runic rhyme...
Fred: [Waving his hand in front of Johnny's face] All right! Don't lose it!

Johnny Five: [to Jones, who is trying to confuse him with pig Latin] Ew-scray ou-yay, ozo-bay!

Johnny Five: Oscar! You will not get away. I am really pissed off!

Johnny Five: Don't worry. My cousin was a Harley Davidson.

Johnny Five: Ooo... Input. "Hounds of the Baskervilles".
[Starts speed-reading through the book and pauses halfway]
Johnny Five: I think the chauffer did it.
[Finishes speed-reading through the book]
Johnny Five: He did!