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Quotes for
Ben Jabituya (Character)
from Short Circuit (1986)

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Short Circuit (1986)
Ben Jabituya: I am thinking she is a virgin. Or at least she used to be.

Ben Jabituya: With excitement like this, who is needing enemas?

Newton Crosby: Where are you from, anyway?
Ben Jabituya: Bakersfield, originally.
Newton Crosby: No, I mean your ancestors.
Ben Jabituya: Oh, them. Pittsburgh.

Ben Jabituya: Newton, we are wasting valueless time here.

Ben Jabituya: I don't know about you, but I am planning to scream and run.

Ben Jabituya: I am standing here beside myself.

Ben Jabituya: Ooh. Her pants are blazing for you, Newton Crosby.
Newton Crosby: Will you grow up?

Ben Jabituya: I am sporting a tremendous woody.

Duke: Will he kill me if I stop?
Ben Jabituya: Who is to say?
Duke: Will he kill me if I don't stop?
Ben Jabituya: Again I am shrugging.
Duke: I'm stopping.
Ben Jabituya: Good choice.

Howard Marner: What if it goes out and melts down a bus load of nuns? How would you like to write the headline on that one?
Benjamin Jabituya: Nun soup?

Benjamin Jabituya: Who is knowing how to read the mind of a robot?

Ben Jabituya: Did she stick her tongue down your throat?

Howard Marner: Hey! Who told you you could take Number One?
Newton Crosby: Howard, logically, if we need protection from Number Five - this is the best weapon we could have.
Howard Marner: Great. Great. So, instead of 11 million dollars on the loose - we're gonna have twenty-two.
Ben Jabituya: And plus, we are needing gas money.

Ben Jabituya: I have seen some strange, bizarre drivers, but you. You will be awarded a cake.

Howard Marner: Don't tell me its laser is still armed.
Ben Jabituya: Bimbo.

Ben Jabituya: Bye-bye, goofy woman. I enjoyed repeatedly throwing you to the ground.

Newton Crosby: Can you believe it's been five years since I've driven?
Ben Jabituya: I would say ten.

Howard Marner: Where is he? I need him! Stat!
Ben Jabituya: Excuse me, sir? Crosby? He is hiding in the toilet, sir.
Howard Marner: Public relations is everybody's job.
Ben Jabituya: He's saying that the crowds, they are making him dog sick, sir...
Howard Marner: Look, he's supposed to be here, I want him here, I *pay* him to be here.
Ben Jabituya: Well, the last time I'm seeing him, he is busy womiting, sir.
Howard Marner: Well, clean him up and send him out, to hobnob. Stat!

Newton Crosby: [makes a computer hand show its middle finger to Ben and chuckles very smugly]
Ben Jabituya: Is that a 'yes' or the number of your intelligence quotient, uh?

Ben Jabituya: "Unable. Malfunction."
Howard Marner: How can it refuse to turn itself off?
Skroeder: Maybe it's pissed off.
Newton Crosby: It's a machine, Schroeder. It doesn't get pissed off. It doesn't get happy, it doesn't get sad, it doesn't laugh at your jokes.
Newton Crosby, Ben Jabituya: [in unison] It just runs programs.
Howard Marner: It usually runs programs.

Ben Jabituya: Newton, you know what is out there in the great outdoors? Girls. Mmmmm! With brassieres and legs - mmm. You have a working knowledge of girls?
Newton Crosby: No, but I read about 'em.
Ben Jabituya: Oh, then... maybe I can furnish you with some schematic drawings?

Ben Jabituya: Oh, bull dyke! You cannot hold your water with that story, girl.

Stephanie Speck: [about the SAINT robots] So - what are these guys used for, anyway?
Ben Jabituya: It's top-secret crap.
Stephanie Speck: That's what I figured.

Stephanie Speck: ...Where're you taking him?
Ben Jabituya: This is not being a HIM. It's only being wires and several mechanisms and other such machine-type apparatus, for the Pete of sake - the sate of Peeckle...

Ben Jabituya: So now I am having no job to speak about. I will have to smack the sidewalk.

Ben Jabituya: [noticing that Newton is having a hard time driving through the semi-dark streets of town] Do you know what most people are liking at night?
Newton Crosby: No, what?
Ben Jabituya: Headlights.
[reaches across the dashboard and switches the lights on]
Newton Crosby: Oh, yeah... that's a lot better! Thanks!

Number 5: Benjamin Jabituya, delete.
Benjamin Jabituya: No, wait! Rethink yourself!
Number 5: Exit. Depart. Leave.
Benjamin Jabituya: Eat my dust, Newton Crosby. Let us break wind.
Number 5: Newton Crosby, no run, no talk, drive.
[Crosby stalls]
Number 5: Today, Crosby! Today!

Ben Jabituya: [just before he and Crosby go to meet with the public] Please wait for me. I need to go and use the jack.
Newton Crosby: It's the "john."

Ben Jabituya: Looks like you have created another Frankfurter's monster.

Short Circuit 2 (1988)
Ben Jarhvi: Oh, my, how time is fun when you're having flies, huh?

Johnny Five: Los locos kick your ass. Los locos kick your face. Los locos kick your balls INTO OUTER SPACE!
Ben Jarhvi: [angrily] Number Johnny Five!
Johnny Five: Uh-oh!
Ben Jarhvi: Come on! I will clean you up. If you had a mouth, I would wash it out with soap!

Ben Jahrvi: My name is B.E.N; I spell it Ben!

Fred: Benny? You're leaving me with my back to the wall here. I mean, we gotta come up with something!
Ben Jarhvi: It is not possible. We are the type of people who have everything in our favor going against us.

Ben Jahrvi: Are you troubled by irregularity?

Ben Jarhvi: Well, the real Number 5, he malfunctioned and, well, let us just say that... we were separated from our jobs.

Ben Jarhvi: Oh, now, now we are un-employers.
Fred: Oh, look, we still got all of the robot parts in the van; I can get a new staff together...
Ben Jarhvi: But we are having no more money and now we are having no equipment. To assemble the robots with our naked hands, it would be slower than - than moles' asses in January.

Fred: I thought you said this thing mis-functioned on you.
Ben Jarhvi: Oh, that is a falsity. What actually happened was we were working on him one day and suddenly he is struck by lightning. And, from this moment on, he's having a mind of his own. So, the government tried to destroy him so he ran away. So, now he's living with my friend in Montana, in a cabin, in the woods, in... cognito.

Ben Jarhvi: [mumbling in his sleep, with the DAR Manual for Citizenship open on his chest] The government is divided into three trees... branches.

Ben Jarhvi: You have made many modifications upon your person, huh? You have come a long way from the Defense Department prototype.
Johnny Five: You betcha!
[parodying an electronics store's late-night TV ad]
Johnny Five: It's the all-new Johnny Five! Just look at these items! Increased memory: five hundred megabytes on-line! I come with a utility pack and dozens of gadgets for outdoor living, lots of Greenpeace stickers, and even my own Nike swoosh! And, if you act now, I'll throw in, absolutely free, my all-new, multi-frequency remote control!
[his antenna extends and a radio in the room activates]

Fred: You just fall off the banana boat, or what?
Ben Jarhvi: I do not travel with bananas, sir!

Fred: You like McNuggets?
Ben Jarhvi: Who is he?
Fred: Trust me.

Sandy Banatoni: Now listen, Ben. What's going on with those robots? I mean, we're getting really close to the deadline.
Ben Jarhvi: Well, we are manufacturing them like gang-bangers.
Sandy Banatoni: Busters. Gang-busters.

[Johnny Five is chained up in police station]
Ben Jarhvi: What is this? He is delicate equipment! A completely unique, self-mobile, micro-computer robotics system!
Officer O'Malley: Yeah, we, uh... thought it was that.
Ben Jarhvi: O.K., Johnny Five, you are free to go.
Johnny Five: O.K.
[Johnny Five rips the heavy chains like paper]

Ben Jarhvi: [to Sandy] If it is O.K. with your Mom and Pop, would you like to go to a malt shop for a cheeseburger?

[Johnny Five is prompting Ben on his date with Sandy]
Ben Jarhvi: [reading sign] "Tu mama hace el amor con mi perro."
Sandy Banatoni: Wait. I know a little Spanish.
Johnny Five: [waving his arms] Oh, no no no. No no!
Sandy Banatoni: My mother... sleeps... with your dog?
Johnny Five: [covering his eyes] Oh, no!
Ben Jarhvi: Uh, well, that's an expression in-in my country, where, uh, sometimes we are speaking... Spanish. It does not mean that your mother is sleeping with my dog. Oh, no no. It means that, uh, the people that she is sleeping with, they are, they are like dogs!

Fred: I'm SORRY I tried to sell your god damned robot. Okay? It was a dirty trick. I'm a jerk. I'm a sleaze-ball.
Ben Jarhvi: You are getting warmer.
Fred: It's just that when you OWE as much money as I do, it kind of puts you under pressure. You know?
Ben Jarhvi: And who would be foolish enough to loan money to you?
Fred: [groans] Don't rub it in. I had to go to a shark.
Ben Jarhvi: Oh, dearie! Now you're expecting me to believe that you borrowed money from a fish!
Fred: No, no. A Loan Shark. It's somebody, if you don't pay them back right away, they start removing popular parts of your anatomy.

Ben Jarhvi: [is locked in a freezer with Fred and reading fortune cookies] "The warmth in your heart makes others ha-ha-happy".
Fred: I still like this one
[reads the one in his hand]
Fred: "Opportunity is waiting, you need but to open the door".

Ben Jarhvi: Johnny, are you operational? Please say something?
Johnny Five: Hubcaps, corn dogs, soul.