Miss Scarlet
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Quotes for
Miss Scarlet (Character)
from Clue (1985)

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Clue (1985)
Wadsworth: Mrs. White, you've been paying our friend, the blackmailer, ever since your husband died under, shall we say, mysterious circumstances?
Miss Scarlet: Ah!
[laughs]
Mrs. White: Why is that funny?
Miss Scarlet: I see! That's why he was lying on his back, in his coffin.
Mrs. White: I didn't kill him.
Colonel Mustard: Then why are you paying the blackmailer?
Mrs. White: I dont want a scandal, do I? We had had a very humiliating public confrontation. He was deranged. He was
[points to head]
Mrs. White: a lunatic! He didn't actually seem to like me very much; he had threatened to kill me in public.
Miss Scarlet: Why would he wanna kill you in public?
Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.
[rolls eyes]
Miss Scarlet: Oh. Was that his final word on the matter?
Mrs. White: Being killed is pretty final, wouldn't you say?
Wadsworth: And yet, he was the one who died, not you, Mrs. White, not you!
Miss Scarlet: What did he do for a living?
Mrs. White: He was a scientist, nuclear physics.
Miss Scarlet: What was he like?
Mrs. White: He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to hime when he died, but, he was found dead at home. His head had been cut off, and so had his, uh... you *know*.
[Colonel Mustard, Professor Plum, and Mr. Green cross legs]
Mrs. White: I had been out all evening at the movies.
Miss Scarlet: Do you miss him?
Mrs. White: Well, it's a matter of life after death. Now that he's dead, I have a life.
Wadsworth: But, he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.
Mrs. White: But that was his job. He was an illusionist.
Wadsworth: But he never reappeared!
Mrs. White: [admittedly] He wasn't a very good illusionist.

Mrs. White: [after Mrs. Peacock swears that the reason she's being blackmailed is a vicious lie] Well, I am willing to believe you. I, too, am being blackmailed for something I didn't do.
Mr. Green: Me too.
Colonel Mustard: And me.
Miss Scarlet: Not me.
Wadsworth: [surprised] You're *not* being blackmailed?
Miss Scarlet: Oh, I'm being blackmailed all right, but I did what I'm being blackmailed for.
Mr. Green: What did you do?
Miss Scarlet: Well, to be perfectly frank, I run a specialized hotel and a telephone service which provides gentlemen with the company of a young lady, for a short while.
Professor Plum: Oh yeah?
[pulls out pen and a pad of paper]
Professor Plum: What's the phone number?

Mrs. Peacock: So, what do you do in Washington D.C., Mr. Green? Come on! What do you do? I mean, how are we to get acquainted if we don't say anything about ourselves.
Miss Scarlet: Perhaps he doesn't wanna get acquainted with you.
Mrs. Peacock: Well, I'm sure I don't know. But if I wasn't trying to keep the conversation going, then we would just be sitting here in an embarrassed silence.
Professor Plum: Are you afraid of silence, Mrs. Peacock?
Mrs. Peacock: Yes-What? No! Why?
Professor Plum: Well, it just seems to me that you are. You seem to suffer from what we call "Pressure of Speech".
Miss Scarlet: "We"? Who's we? Are you a shrink?
Professor Plum: I do know a little bit about psychological medicine, yes.

Wadsworth: "Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do and die."
Professor Plum: Die?
Wadsworth: Merely quoting, sir, from Alfred, Lord Tennyson.
Colonel Mustard: Hm, I prefer Kipling, myself. "The female of the species is more deadly than the male." You like Kipling, Miss Scarlet?
[offers her a tray]
Miss Scarlet: [takes food off the tray] Sure, I'll eat anything.

Miss Scarlet: Maybe there is life after death.
Mrs. White: Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage!

Miss Scarlet: [after Mr. Boddy hands out his party gifts] I enjoy getting presents from strange men.

Mrs. White: Oh, you're a doctor?
Professor Plum: I am, but I don't practice.
Miss Scarlet: Practice makes perfect. Ha! I think most men need a little practice, don't you Mrs. Peacock?

Miss Scarlet: It should be just off there.
Professor Plum: That must be it!
Miss Scarlet: [they see their destination as lightning splits the sky over Hill House, giving it an ominous cast. The car engine stops] Why has the car stopped?
Professor Plum: It's frightened.

Mrs. White: You say you are used to being a hostess as part of your husband's work?
Mrs. Peacock: Yes, it's an integral part of your life when you are the wife of a... Oh, but then I forgot, we're not supposed to say who we really are, though, heavens to Betsy, I don't know why.
Colonel Mustard: Don't you?
Mr. Green: I know who you are.
Miss Scarlet: Aren't you gonna tell us?
Mrs. Peacock: How do you know who I am?
Mr. Green: I work in Washington, too.
Professor Plum: Washington? So you're a politician's wife?
Mrs. Peacock: Yes, I-I am.
Colonel Mustard: Well, come on then, who's your husband?

Mr. Green: [dropped a spoon, spilling soup onto Miss Scarlet] I'm sorry. I'm afraid I'm a little bit accident-prone.
[starts to wipe soup off Miss Scarlet]
Miss Scarlet: [raises her hands, making him stop] Ah, watch it!

Professor Plum: [next to Miss Scarlet in the rain, with backs to the door] What a godforsaken place!
[gropes her backside; she tries to brush his hand off]
Wadsworth: [opens door suddenly and sees this] Professor Plum, and Miss Scarlet, I didn't realize you were acquainted.
Miss Scarlet: We weren't.

Wadsworth: The key is gone!
Professor Plum: Never mind about the key, unlock the door!
[smacks Mr.Green on the shoulder]
Mr. Green: [grabs Professor Plum by the collar, throttling him] I CAN'T UNLOCK THE DOOR WITHOUT THE KEY!
[releasing Plum, Mr. Green rattles doorknob]
Mr. Green: LET US IN! LET US IN!
Colonel Mustard, Miss Scarlet: [on other side of locked door] LET US OUT! LET US OUT!

Mr. Green: Who would wanna kill the cook?
Miss Scarlet: Dinner wasn't that bad.
Colonel Mustard: How can you make jokes at a time like this?
Miss Scarlet: It's my defense mechanism.
Colonel Mustard: Some defense. If I was the killer, I would kill you next.
Miss Scarlet: Oh?
[Everyone looks at Colonel Mustard]
Colonel Mustard: I said, "if". *If*!

Mrs. White: [after Mr. Green shoots Wadsworth] Are you a cop?
Mr. Green: No, I'm a plant.
Miss Scarlet: A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a fruit.
Mr. Green: Very funny. FBI. That phone call from J. Edgar Hoover was for me.
[opens the door]
Mr. Green: Told you I didn't do it!

[Mr. Boddy has disappeared after being killed]
Mr. Green: He couldn't have been dead.
Professor Plum: He was. At least I thought he was, but what difference does it make now?
Miss Scarlet: Makes quite a difference to him.

Wadsworth: The game's up, Scarlet. There are no more bullets left in that gun.
Miss Scarlet: Oh, come on, you don't think I'm gonna fall for that old trick?
Wadsworth: It's not a trick. There was one shot at Mr. Boddy in the Study; two for the chandelier; two at the Lounge door and one for the singing telegram.
Miss Scarlet: That's not six.
Wadsworth: One plus two plus two plus one.
Miss Scarlet: Uh-uh, there was only one shot that got the chandelier. That's one plus two plus *one* plus one.
Wadsworth: Even if you were right, that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not one plus *two* plus one plus one.
Miss Scarlet: Okay, fine. One plus two plus one... Shut up! The point is, there is one bullet left in this gun and guess who's gonna get it!

Mrs. White: [Smashes glass on fireplace] PLEASE! Don't you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what's been going on here!
[Drops thre rest of the glass with a crash]
Miss Scarlet: Yeah!
Professor Plum: How can we throw him outside in this weather?
Miss Scarlet: If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious!
Professor Plum: If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious!
Colonel Mustard: If I were him, I'd be suspicious already!
Mrs. Peacock: [hysterical] Oh, who cares? That guy doesn't matter! Let him stay locked up for another half an hour. The police will be here by then... and there are two dead bodies in the study!
All: Shhhhhhhhhhh!

Wadsworth: Miss Scarlet seized the opportunity, and under cover of darkness, got to the library, where she hit the cop whom she'd been bribing on the head with the lead pipe. True or false?
Miss Scarlet: [impressed] True! Who are you, Perry Mason?

The Chief: Good evening. Have you ever given any thought to the kingdom of heaven?
Mrs. Peacock: What?
The Chief: Repent. The kingdom of heaven *is* at hand.
Miss Scarlet: You ain't just whistlin' Dixie.
The Chief: Armageddon is almost upon us.
Professor Plum: I got news for you - it's already here.
Mrs. Peacock: Go away.
The Chief: But your souls are in danger.
Mrs. Peacock: Our lives our in danger, you beatnik.

Wadsworth: [referring to Mr. Boddy] Well, he's certainly dead now. Why would anyone want to kill him twice?
Miss Scarlet: It seems so unnecessary.
Colonel Mustard: Well, it's what we call "overkill."
Professor Plum: It's what we call "psychotic."

Mrs. Peacock: So, what does your husband do?
Mrs. White: [quickly] Nothing!
Mrs. Peacock: Nothing?
Mrs. White: Well, he just lies around on his back all day.
Miss Scarlet: Sounds like hard work to me.

Colonel Mustard: What room's this?
Miss Scarlet: Search me.
Colonel Mustard: All right.
[he starts to frisk her]
Miss Scarlet: Get your mitts off me.

[Cop sniffs the motorist, who is dead]
Cop: This man's drunk. Dead drunk.
Miss Scarlet: Dead right!
Cop: [to the motorist] You're not gonna drive home, are you?
Professor Plum: He won't be driving home, officer, I promise you that!
Miss Scarlet: No.
Cop: Somebody will give him a lift, huh?
Miss Scarlet: Oh, we'll- we'll- we'll get him a car!
Professor Plum: A long black car!
Miss Scarlet: [lightly jabbing him in the stomach] A limousine!

Professor Plum: [after everyone introduces themselves] Well, that just leaves Mr. Boddy.
Miss Scarlet: What's your little secret?
Wadsworth: His secret? Oh, haven't you guessed? He's the one who's blackmailing you.

Miss Scarlet: I hardly think it will enhance your reputation at the U.N. Professor Plum, if it's revealed that you have been implicated not only in adultery with one of your patients, but in her death and the deaths of five other people.
Professor Plum: You don't know what kind of people they have at the U.N., I might go up in their estimation.

Mr. Green: [to Miss Scarlet] So, how did you know Colonel Mustard works in Washington? Is he one of your clients?
Colonel Mustard: Certainly not!
Mr. Green: I was asking Miss Scarlet.
Colonel Mustard: [to Miss Scarlet] Well, you tell him it's not true.
Miss Scarlet: It's not true.
Professor Plum: [to Miss Scarlet] Is that true?
Miss Scarlet: No, it's not true.
Mr. Green: Ah ha! So it is true!
Wadsworth: A double negative!
Colonel Mustard: A double negative?
[whispering]
Colonel Mustard: You mean you have photographs?
Wadsworth: That sounds like a confession to me. In fact the double negative has led to proof positive. I'm afraid you gave yourself away.
Colonel Mustard: [angry, to Wadsworth] Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?
Wadsworth: You don't need any help from me, sir.
Colonel Mustard: That's right!

Miss Scarlet: [looks in an envelope] What's this, Wadsworth?
Wadsworth: I'm afraid those are the negatives to which Colonel Mustard earlier referred.
Colonel Mustard: Oh my God!
Miss Scarlet: Were you planning to blackmail him, Wadsworth?
Wadsworth: Certainly not! I detained them for the colonel and I was going to give them back as soon as Mr. Boddy was unmasked.
Miss Scarlet: Mm, very pretty! Would you like to see these, Yvette, they might shock you.
Yvette: No, merci. I am a lady.
Miss Scarlet: Oh, how do you know what kind of pictures they are if you're such a lay-dee?
Professor Plum: What sort of pictures are they?
Colonel Mustard: They are *my* pictures and I'd like them back, please!
Miss Scarlet: No, I'm afraid there's something in them that concerns me, too.
Professor Plum: Let me see.
Mrs. White: [gasps] Oh no, nobody can get into that position.
Professor Plum: Sure they can. Let me show you.
[tries to do the position]
Mrs. White: Get off me!

Professor Plum: Well, I'm gonna start while it's still hot.
Mrs. Peacock: Oh, now, shouldn't we wait for the other guest?
Yvette: I will keep something warm for him.
Miss Scarlet: What did you have in mind, dear?

Miss Scarlet: Why?
Wadsworth: To create confusion.
Mrs. Peacock: It worked!

Miss Scarlet: What about that motorist? What kind of information did he have?
Colonel Mustard: He was my driver during the war.
Wadsworth: And what was he holding over you?
Colonel Mustard: He knew that I was a war profiteer. I stole essential Air Force radio parts, and I sold them on the black market. That is how I made all my money. But that does not make me a murderer!
Mrs. Peacock: Well, a lot of our airmen died, because their radios didn't work.

Wadsworth: Well, one of us did. We all had the opportunity, we all had a motive.
Miss Scarlet: Great. We'll all go to the chair.

Wadsworth: Ladies and gentlemen, the police will be here in about forty-five minutes. Tell them the truth and Mr. Boddy will be behind bars.
[Mr. Boddy starts out of the room]
Wadsworth: Where are you going this time?
Mr. Boddy: I think I can help them make up their minds. Can I just get my little bag from the hall?
[Mr. Boddy walks into the hall, grabs the bag, returns and places the bag on the table, opening it]
Mr. Boddy: Who can guess what's in here? Huh?
Miss Scarlet: The evidence against us, no doubt.
Mrs. White: We didn't know we were meeting you tonight. Did you know you were meeting us?
Mr. Boddy: Oh, yes.
Mrs. White: What were you told, precisely?
Mr. Boddy: Merely that you were all meeting to discuss our little financial arrangements, and if I did not appear, Wadsworth would be informing the police about it all. Naturally, I could hardly resist putting in an appearance.
[Mr. Boddy walks away from the group, towards the drink table]
Mr. Boddy: Excuse me. Open them.
Miss Scarlet: Why not? I enjoy getting presents from strange men.

Wadsworth: [Walking about the room, collecting all of the weapons] Look, we still have all of these weapons. The gun, the rope, the wrench, the lead pipe. Let's put them all in this cupboard and lock it.
[Picking up the weapons and locking them in the cupboard]
Wadsworth: There's a homicidal maniac about.
[Everyone agrees. Wadsworth puts the key in his pocket]
Mr. Green: What are you doing with the key?
Wadsworth: Putting it in my pocket.
Mr. Green: Why?
Wadsworth: Well, to keep it safe, obviously.
Mrs. Peacock: That means you can open it whenever you want.
Wadsworth: But it also means that you can't.
Mrs. Peacock: Well, what if you're the murderer?
Wadsworth: I'm not.
Colonel Mustard: But what if you are?
Wadsworth: Well, it's got to be put somewhere. If I've got it, I know I'm safe.
Mrs. Peacock: [Expressively; Mrs. Peacock is waving her hand rapidly back and forth, lightly hitting Mrs. White's chest accidentally. Mrs. White reacts with a startled look] We don't know that we are!
[Mrs. Peacock's leaf hat falls off as she gets frustrated with it]
Wadsworth: I've an idea. We'll throw it away.
Colonel Mustard: Good idea!
Mr. Green: Good idea!
Yvette: Wonderful!
Miss Scarlet: Brilliant!
Professor Plum: That'll do it!

Wadsworth: [Wadsworth has just returned inside after throwing the key to the cupboard away] Well, what now?
Mrs. White: Wadsworth, let me out.
Wadsworth: No.
Mrs. White: Why not?
Wadsworth: We've gotta know who did it. We're all in this together now.
Mrs. Peacock: If you leave, I'll say that you killed them both.
Miss Scarlet: Me too.
Mr. Green: Me too.
Colonel Mustard: Me too.
Mrs. White: [Suddenly becoming mysteriously flirtatious] Oh, Wadsworth, I'll make you sorry you ever started this.
[She grabs hold of Wadsworth's tie, rubbing his chest]
Mrs. White: One day, when we're alone together...
Wadsworth: Mrs. White, no man in his right mind would be alone together with you.
Mrs. White: [Letting go of Wadsworth] Oh.

Colonel Mustard: [Pouring a glass of whiskey for himself] Anyone else want a whiskey?
Miss Scarlet: Yeah.
Colonel Mustard: [Mumbling] Alright, I'll just...
[Unsteadily pours whiskey between three glasses, heavily spilling it on the table in the process]


"Cluedo: The Bolivian Connection (#2.6)" (1991)
Jack Peacock: It's a pitty you'd miss out in all this, isn't it?
Miss Scarlett: [seductively] Maybe I don't have to... We've always got on well, you and I- common enemy and all that... Maybe we could come to some kindt of compromise?
Jack Peacock: And give your stepmother ammunition in divorce court? Don't be silly.
Miss Scarlett: Talking of ammunition, do you always carry a gun?
Jack Peacock: Old habits die hard.
Miss Scarlett: May I see?
[takes the gun out of Jack's jacket pocket]
Jack Peacock: What's mine's me own.

Miss Scarlett: [unemotionally calm] I don't know how to tell you this mother, but he appears to be dead. Stone dead.


Clue (1994) (VG)
["Blackmail"]
Mrs. Elizabeth Peacock: There is, ah... certain information that is not available to you, Miss Scarlet...
Miss Vivienne Scarlet: About me and Michael? You know nothing! Do you hear me? Nothing!
[throws a candlestick at a plate, smashing it, as she leaves]


"Cluedo: Deadly Disco (#1.2)" (1990)
Miss Scarlett: I had an affair with Mr. Hall...
[the others make noises of disgust]
Mrs. Peacock: Oh, not another one.
Proffessor Plum: Is there anyone that you haven't had an affair with?
Miss Scarlett: You! And I wouldn't dream of it, either!


"Cluedo: And Then There Were Nuns (#3.5)" (1992)
Miss Scarlett: Hi, I'm Vivienne, nice to meet you.
Sister Concepta: [interrupting] Young lady, this kind of attire will not be welcome around here in the future!
Miss Scarlett: Well if you don't mind me saying so, it really isn't your house to decide.
Sister Concepta: Actually... it is.
[Mrs. White drops a cake and it's stand, in shock]


"Cluedo: Deadly Dowry (#3.6)" (1992)
[about killing the victim]
Miss Scarlett: I don't regret it. As far as I'm concerned, I've done the world a favor.


"Cluedo: Fatal Distraction (#2.3)" (1991)
Miss Scarlett: That bitch had me written out of the script!
Col. Mustard: What a shame, Vivienne. So the sessions on Tobey's casting couch were a waste of time.


"Cluedo: Murder in Merrie England (#3.4)" (1992)
Miss Scarlett: [playing croquet] That's cheating Reverend Green!
Rev. Green: Oh, I'm so sorry, Miss Scarlett!
Max Gold: A man after my own heart.