Julian Noble
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Quotes for
Julian Noble (Character)
from The Matador (2005)

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The Matador (2005)
Julian Noble: The margaritas always taste better in Mexico.
Danny Wright: They certainly do.
Julian Noble: Margaritas and cock.

Julian Noble: I'm as serious as an erection problem.

Julian Noble: Sorry about the cock thing, it's kind of a conversation stopper.

[trying to convince Danny to help him on a hit]
Julian Noble: Come on! It'll be a good time!
Danny Wright: Oh, so now killing people is a good time?
Julian Noble: ...Can be.

Julian Noble: [after flirting with some Mexican schoolgirls] I hate these Catholic countries. It's all blushy-blushy and no sucky-fucky.

Julian Noble: I'm a big fan of 'the gotta pee' theory of assassination.

Julian Noble: I look like a Bangkok hooker on a Sunday morning, after the navy's left town.

Julian Noble: I wouldn't do that for all the teenage twat in Thailand.

Julian Noble: Just consider me the best cocktail party story you ever met.

Julian Noble: I need a break. There's no retirement home for assassins is there? Archery at four. Riflery at five.

Julian Noble: Yeah, whatever, goodbye, scoodoodle!
Ten Year Old Boy: See you, would'nt wanna be you.
Julian Noble: Smell ya, shouldn't have to tell ya.

Julian Noble: Danny, Danny! Danny with the large white fanny!

Genevive: Mr. Noble, how are you today?
Julian Noble: More importantly, how are you...
[looks at nametag]
Julian Noble: ...Genevive?

Julian Noble: An assassin without confidence is a horrible thing to behold. It's like a relief pitcher who fumbles the ball.
Danny Wright: Please tell me you know you mixed two sports in a metaphor.
Julian Noble: Huh? Yeah, I can't do that.

Julian Noble: I want to retire to a beautiful little Greek island, filled with beautiful little Greeks!

Julian Noble: I'd only be interested in your mother if she lost 20 pounds and 30 years.

Julian Noble: My handler, Mr. Randy, contacted me the way he always does, through an ad in the International Tribune looking for cat sitters in Bali.

Julian Noble: I lie when I need to, tell the truth when I can.

Bean: Did You bring your gun?
Julian Noble: Yes, as a matter of fact.
Bean: May I see it?
Julian Noble: Really?
Bean: Yes, please.

Mr. Randy: Did you study the assignment?
Julian Noble: No, I shredded it. Then I humped the bellboy on the room service cart.

Julian Noble: I didn't mean to weird you out. I was wrong, please. I just get paranoid sometimes. I'm drunk. I'm tired, and I've just been fornicating for the past two hours, and before that I was doing shit - horrible business shit.

Julian Noble: I'm the relief pitcher in the bottom of the ninth... and I've fumbled the ball.

Hotel Bartender 1: How you here for business or pleasure, sir?
Julian Noble: My business is my pleasure.

Mr. Randy: Goddamn it, Julian, you leave the game, even for a while, I don't know if they'll gonna let you back in. And then what the hell are you gonna do? Waste your days picking up illiterate teenagers for suck-and-fuck sessions behind the Old Navy store?
Julian Noble: Sounds delightful to me.

Danny Wright: [discussing possible escape routes] That door over there, if it weren't locked.
Julian Noble: A Vietnamese girl I once knew had her legs so locked together I couldn't get a whiff of her spring roll. Two drinks, half a quaalude later, I was at an all you can eat buffet. Every lock can be broken. It's just a matter of will and whether it's worth it.

Julian Noble: Now, escape routes.
Danny Wright: Escape routes?
Julian Noble: Well you don't want to get caught right?
Danny Wright: Oh, right.
Julian Noble: Don't get caught. It sucks.