Alfie Elkins
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Quotes for
Alfie Elkins (Character)
from Alfie (1966)

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Alfie (2004)
[from trailer]
Alfie: I'd like a little privacy please.

Alfie: [to the viewer] I, myself, subscribe more to the European philosophy of life, my priorities leaning towards wine, women... well, actually, that's about it.

[from trailer]
Alfie: Whenever you meet a beautiful woman, just remember somewhere there's a man who's sick of shagging her.

Julie: Where were you last night?
Alfie: I thought we agreed we weren't asking each other those questions.

[last lines]
Alfie: What have I got? Really? Some money in my pocket. Some nice threads, fancy car at my disposal, and I'm single. Yeah... unattached, free as a bird... I don't depend on nobody. Nobody depends on me. My life's my own. But I don't have peace of mind. And if you don't have that, you've got nothing. So... So what's the answer? That's what I keep asking myself. What's it all about? You know what I mean?

Alfie: Anyone in the mood for a little Alfie, straight-up?

Alfie: [to the viewer] I told you how we men are. We want showstoppers. And the problem is, Julie hasn't got enough of the superficial things that really matter.

Alfie: Personally, I've always suspected that everyone else is having a far merrier Christmas than I am.

Alfie: In every doomed relationship, there comes what I like to call "The uh-oh moment". When a certain little something happens, and you know you've just witnessed the beginning of the end. And suddenly you stop and you think, "Uh-oh, iceberg ahead".

Alfie: Strange. But even when you know it has to end, when it finally does, you always get that inevitable twinge: Have i done the right thing?

Alfie: In a flash I have my new year's resolution - aim higher.

Alfie: It seems to me the problems you worry yourself sick about never seem to materialize. It's the ones that catch you unexpectedly on a Wednesday afternoon that knock you sideways.

Alfie: If you ooze masculinity, like some of us do, you have no reason to fear pink.

Alfie: I find that, lately, even lying to myself comes easily.

Alfie: [to the viewer] Couples should never split up between Thanksgiving and January 2nd. Always have a relationship to see you through the holidays. Always.

Alfie: [to Marlon, about Lonette] You were at her front door, 3 a.m. in the morning, begging and vomiting? And what, she wasn't charmed by that?

Alfie: [to the viewer] Of all the women I've known,the one I let my guard down with delivers the knockout punch

[first lines]
Alfie: You're lucky you know. I rarely allow anyone into my flat.

Alfie: I think this just might be my favorite position. I know it was President Kennedy's. He was such a great leader. Of course JFK used the old bad back excuse, but if you ask me, he knew that it gives you the maximum pleasure with minimum exertion.

Alfie: And so, it came to pass, that after all those years, little Alfred finally got what he wanted for Christmas.

Alfie: Hang in mate. Come on, you can win her back. Woo her. Send flowers. Chocolates, right? Write a poem.
Wing: Dat what you do?
Alfie: Well, actually no, I've never done that. But it... maybe a way to go...
Wing: What rhyme with Blossom.
Alfie: I would try... awesome?

Alfie: I never... I never meant...
Marlon: ...You never mean to hurt anybody.
Marlon: But you do, Alfie.

Alfie: I felt I needed a friend to talk to. But as it was, they were suddenly in short supply.

Joe: You did the only thing you could do. You behaved like a gentlemen.
Alfie: I've never been accused of that before.
Joe: Don't get all choked up. You also behaved like a scheming, back-stabbing, so low could look up a snake's asshole, son of a bitch. Next time think before you unzip.
Alfie: Alright, you screwed up. So what are you gonna do, hmm? Run to the bridge? The question is, what's gonna happen with the rest of your life.

Flower Shop Proprietor: Tell me what she - or he - is like, and we'll find the appropriate bloom.
Alfie: Well - she - is... You know what, she's adventurous.
Flower Shop Proprietor: Ah.
[grabbing first bloom]
Flower Shop Proprietor: Frivolite!
Alfie: And, very sexy.
Flower Shop Proprietor: I'm thinking, Dolce Vita!
Alfie: A little mischievous. Cheeky?
Flower Shop Proprietor: Avalanche. With a touch of Mi Amore.
Alfie: And then under it all, she's, she's just. She's just kind of... sweet.

Alfie (1966)
Alfie: My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I don't want to know.

Alfie: Make a married woman laugh and you're halfway there.

[talking about Gilda's appearance while she is pregnant]
Alfie: Mind you, she came over quite beautified for a while, particularly during the early months. And I told her: I said "Blimey, girl, you ain't as ugly as I thought".

Alfie: She's got a little ginger moustache. But I find I'm quite willing to overlook the odd blemish in a woman, providing she's got something to make up for it. Well, that's what we're all here for, innit - to help each other out in this life.

Alfie: I don't want no bird's respect - I wouldn't know what to do with it.

Alfie: I've never told her that I love her - except at those times when you've *got* to say something for appearance's sake.

Alfie: If you lose a bird you can always replace her. But with a child it's different.

[speaking to camera as he is kissing Lily Clamacraft]
Alfie: Well, what harm can it do? Old Harry will never know. And even if he did, he shouldn't begrudge me - or her, come to that. And it'll round off the tea nicely.

[final words of the film]
Alfie: You know what? When I look back on my little life and the birds I've known, and think of all the things they've done for me and the little I've done for them, you'd think I've had the best of it along the line. But what have I got out of it? I've got a bob or two, some decent clothes, a car, I've got me health back and I ain't attached. But I ain't got me peace of mind - and if you ain't got that, you ain't got nothing. I dunno. It seems to me if they ain't got you one way they've got you another. So what's the answer? That's what I keep asking myself - what's it all about? Know what I mean?

Alfie: What I loved once and what I love now are two different things.

Alfie: I've told you before to be careful where you put your legs.

Alfie: You're not entitled to secret thoughts!
Annie: Everyone's entitled to secret thoughts!

Alfie: [hugging Ruby] She's in beautiful condition.