Roland
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Quotes for
Roland (Character)
from Saved! (2004)

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Saved! (2004)
Roland: Are you okay?
Hilary Faye: No, Roland... I crashed my van into Jesus! Okay? I have a pimple the size of Jupiter! I am NOT okay! This is not how I wanted to remember my Prom. This is not how I wanted to remember my life.
Roland: Well maybe we can fix it... with some glue, or something

Cassandra: There's only one reason Christian girls comes down to the Planned Parenthood.
Roland: She's planting a pipe bomb?
Cassandra: Okay, two reasons.

Cassandra: [Roland rolls up to Cassandra, wearing a black shirt with white laces down the middle] What are you supposed to be?
Roland: A roller skate.

Roland: You have everything, Hillary Faye. What are you afraid of?

[during the school assembly, Cassandra stands up and begins yelling in Spanish]
Tia: [thinking] Oh my god, the Jew girl's speaking in tongues!
[Cassandra rips open her shirt]
Roland: She's going to show her boobs! Thank you Jesus!
Patrick: [thinking] She is, she's going to show her boobs!
[looking horrified, Hilary Faye stands up at the podium]
Hilary Faye: She's saying she has a hot pussy!
[the word "pussy" is bleeped out by microphone feedback]

Cassandra: So I figured they would have sent you to a special school by now.
Roland: [smirks] This IS a special school.

Veronica: Roland is so blessed to have such a thoughtful sister. You know, in countries like China, Hilary Faye would probably have been killed at birth.
Hilary Faye: And then where would you be, Roland?
Roland: China.

Mary: How was your summer, Roland?
Roland: What?
Mary: Your summer. How was it?
Roland: Oh, it was great. I went roller-skating, water-skiing, learnt to kickbox. The usual.
Hilary Faye: Roland, why do you always have to make everyone feel so awkward about your differently-abled-ness?

[Mary is about to confess that Dean is gay]
Mary: I need to tell you guys something.
[Van suddenly haults]
Hilary Faye: Eew.
Veronica: Eew.
Roland: WHAT? Wasn't like it was some kind of secret. The guy was like a one-man gay pride parade.

Cassandra: Are you playing footsies with me?
Roland: Wheelies.

Hilary Faye: Roland, does Jesus still love me?
Roland: Probably not.
[pause]
Roland: Yeah, why not.

Cassandra: I'm not really a stripper...
Roland: I'm not really a Christian.

Cassandra: We should get back inside.
[walks away]
Roland: [to himself] Nice!
Cassandra: [turns around] Do you want a push?
Roland: Thanks!
Cassandra: [in his ear] If you stare at my ass again, I will push you off a cliff.

Roland: [to Cassandra] I don't want to be the guy who's with the girl because he needs her, I want to be the guy who's with the girl because he wants her.