Hilary Faye
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Quotes for
Hilary Faye (Character)
from Saved! (2004)

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Saved! (2004)
Hilary Faye: Mary, turn away from Satan. Jesus, he loves you.
Mary: You don't know the first thing about love.
Hilary Faye: [throws a Bible at Mary] I am FILLED with Christ's love! You are just jealous of my success in the Lord.
Mary: [Mary holds up the Bible] This is not a weapon! You idiot.

Roland: Are you okay?
Hilary Faye: No, Roland... I crashed my van into Jesus! Okay? I have a pimple the size of Jupiter! I am NOT okay! This is not how I wanted to remember my Prom. This is not how I wanted to remember my life.
Roland: Well maybe we can fix it... with some glue, or something

[repeated line]
Hilary Faye: PASTOR SKIP!

Hilary Faye: You know, secondhand smoke kills.
Cassandra: I'm counting on it.

Hilary Faye: Tia, calm down!

Hilary Faye: You better be wearing underwear this time.
Cassandra: [looks over shoulder and down ladder at Hilary Faye] Heh.

Hilary Faye: [the day after "saving" Cassandra] Hey Cass! How do you feel?
Cassandra: Oh, I'm a whole new girl Hay-Faye.
Hilary Faye: I TOLD YOU! How great is Jesus?
Cassandra: Yeah, um, about that... I've decided to devote my life to Satan instead. Thanks though!

Hilary Faye: Well, if it isn't the Heathens.
Cassandra: Burn in hell, you narrow-minded, tacky-ass bitch!

[doing stretches in gym class, Mary spots Patrick running laps around the girls. Patrick smiles at Mary]
Hilary Faye: I know what you're looking at, Mary. And Jesus does too.

[during the school assembly, Cassandra stands up and begins yelling in Spanish]
Tia: [thinking] Oh my god, the Jew girl's speaking in tongues!
[Cassandra rips open her shirt]
Roland: She's going to show her boobs! Thank you Jesus!
Patrick: [thinking] She is, she's going to show her boobs!
[looking horrified, Hilary Faye stands up at the podium]
Hilary Faye: She's saying she has a hot pussy!
[the word "pussy" is bleeped out by microphone feedback]

Hilary Faye: [to Cassandra while putting up Prom decorations] You better be wearing underpants this time.

Cassandra: You can tacky up prom on your own, cause I quit.
Hilary Faye: Quit? You can't quit!
Cassandra: Watch me. Watch me walkin' away. Watch me walkin' away from Jesus!

Veronica: Roland is so blessed to have such a thoughtful sister. You know, in countries like China, Hilary Faye would probably have been killed at birth.
Hilary Faye: And then where would you be, Roland?
Roland: China.

Pastor Skip: I think the Christian thing to do would be to let them stay.
Hilary Faye: The Christian thing to do? I have been doing the CHRISTIAN THING my whole life! I did not have sex with a gay and try to blame it on Jesus!
Mary: Hilary Faye...
Hilary Faye: Oh, shut up, you fornicator!

Hilary Faye: I knew Mary was hiding something. The thought of her humping that pervert... I still can't believe Roland never showed up.
Veronica: I can't believe your brother called you the "c" word.
Tia: I can't believe we have to go to Prom in this van.
Hilary Faye: Look, when I tried to pay for my hair, my credit card was mysteriously maxed out and the limo driver wouldn't take a personal check. Get off my back.
Tia: [pause] It's bad enough we don't even have dates.

Hilary Faye: [at a shooting range] Us Christian girls have got to learn to protect ourselves. I mean, sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some
[cocks gun]
Hilary Faye: rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary.

Pastor Skip: [to the Christian Jewels] Listen, I'm concerned about Mary. Something's going on.
Hilary Faye: Yeah, me too.
Pastor Skip: Well, she's part of your posse, and I think that you could help her. I'm gonna need you to be a warrior out there on the front lines for Jesus.
Tia: You mean like shoot her.
Pastor Skip: No, I was thinking of something a little less gangsta.

Mary: How was your summer, Roland?
Roland: What?
Mary: Your summer. How was it?
Roland: Oh, it was great. I went roller-skating, water-skiing, learnt to kickbox. The usual.
Hilary Faye: Roland, why do you always have to make everyone feel so awkward about your differently-abled-ness?

Hilary Faye: I mean you're not born a gay, you're born again!

[Mary is about to confess that Dean is gay]
Mary: I need to tell you guys something.
[Van suddenly haults]
Hilary Faye: Eew.
Veronica: Eew.
Roland: WHAT? Wasn't like it was some kind of secret. The guy was like a one-man gay pride parade.

Cassandra: I always get this really left out feeling at Christmas time
Hilary Faye: [to Patrick] Jewish.
[Back to Cassandra]
Hilary Faye: Well, if you decided to accept Jesus into your heart you and your people could join in on the fun!
Cassandra: You know what you're right! I want to join in on the fun. I don't want a Hannukah bush this year, I want a Christmas tree.
Hilary Faye: You're playing me again?
Cassandra: No, I want to start a personal relationship with Jesus. I want to be saved!
Hilary Faye: Oh wow!
[Gestures to Patrick]
Hilary Faye: Patrick! Oh, I don't have all my equipment! Ok, first, you have to confess all of your sins out loud.
Cassandra: Well, there's all the swearing, I mean, I have a Goddammed dirty mouth. And the sex I mean, are we talking oral
Hilary Faye: [claps hand over Cassandra's mouth]

Hilary Faye: Roland, does Jesus still love me?
Roland: Probably not.
Roland: Yeah, why not.

Tia: Stop being so stingy!
[eats chocolate]
Hilary Faye: What? They're my Valentine's day chocolates.
Tia: Hilary Faye, you bought them for yourself so it doesn't count.

Hilary Faye: Want to get something to eat with us?
Patrick: We're going to DQ.
Cassandra: Why? So we can watch Hilary Faye try to get into your Easter basket? No thanks.

Cassandra: [Drunk] Hey Roland. Wanna get outta here and you can take me for a spin on that thing... RELEASE HIS PARKING BRAKE HILARY FAYE!
Hilary Faye: Oh, God, you smell like Tia's dad, have you been drinking?

Cassandra: I should kick your fat Christian ass right now.
Hilary Faye: You know what? Whatever!
[walks away]
Hilary Faye: And I'm not even fat!
Cassandra: Your head is fat! Oh! And your ass is fat!
Hilary Faye: WHATEVER!

Hilary Faye: Lay off the tiara, Tia!