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: I salute your honesty, my dear, a quality not necessarily to be despised.
: Havershaw, I'm not a cowardly man, but I get the feeling that thing is out to get me. Havershaw
: Now now, sir, none of that. We're not losing our nerve are we? Mr. Thorndyke
: BLAST you, Havershaw! How dare you patronize me! I am not losing my nerve! Havershaw
: No sir. No sir, of course not.
[Thorndyke kicks not-yet-named "Herbie" the little white car in his shop
] Jim Douglas
: What's that for? Mr. Thorndyke
: I beg your pardon! Jim Douglas
: Well, why don't you let the little car alone? Mr. Thorndyke
: Are you presuming to tell me what to do in my own establishment? Jim Douglas
: Ok, I'm out of line. It just bugs me to see somebody abusing a decent piece of machinery.
: Good evening. Tennessee Steinmetz
: Sorry, the other rats are out for the evening!
: What part of Ireland did you say your mother came from? Tennessee Steinmetz
: Coney, Ireland.
: At a time like this, whatever kind of time it is, I always say money serves to ease the pain.
[Jim brings the malfunctioning Herbie back to Thorndyke. It accidentally bangs against Thorndyke's Rolls Royce and stops. Jim gets out
] Mr. Thorndyke
: Have you gone mad? Jim Douglas
: Okay, what's the joke? Mr. Thorndyke
: What do you mean? Jim Douglas
: I don't know how you rigged it, but I'm sure that car is a real cut-up when a convention comes to town. Mr. Thorndyke
: What in the name of... Jim Douglas
: If I'd wanted a trick car, I would have bought one at a joke shop. Mr. Thorndyke
: [as Carole joins him
] Allow me to say that I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about. You come billowing up in that beastly little car, and assault my personal Rolls Royce. Jim Douglas
: ...I brought it back! I want my money, I want the papers I signed, and then I'll get outta here, and you two clowns can, can have your little laugh. Carole
: Mr. Douglas, if there is anything wrong with the car, would you be good enough to tell me what it is? Jim Douglas
: Well, there's nothing essentially wrong with the car. It's just that it wants to go one way and I'd like to go the other. Mr. Thorndyke
: Well, whatever it is, none of it is covered in our guilt-headed guarantee. Jim Douglas
: Oh, I'm sure of that.
: Good sir, would you say this is a compact car?... You do not answer. Well, let me tell you that you've never heard of a compact car until you see what I'm going to do with this. Mr. Douglas, I have a friend with a claw-and-hook auto-wrecking company in San Francisco, and he's going to work on your car. Maybe he'll transform it into a birdbath. Or what about a nice doormat, so I can wipe my feet on it every day. It's too bad this thing doesn't have the gumption to get up to the starting line this morning. I should have enjoyed beating it.
[kicks Herbie again
] Tennessee Steinmetz
: [croaking, grunting
: Mr. Douglas needs a car, and for a very low amount down and the usual monthly payments, the car will become his. Mr. Thorndyke
: Very well, even though my personal inclination is to have Mr. Douglas clapped into jail and this four-wheeled contrivance dropped into the Bay!
[during the big race, Thorndyke's car bumps Herbie off the road and down a hill
: What happened to it? Mr. Thorndyke
: I'd say it's gone for that last big lube job up yonder.
: Excuse me, Mr. Thorndyke, but if I sold this gentleman the car, I feel a certain responsibility.
: Do you mind if I try it?
[Jim nods and motions her to go ahead; they go over to the VW Bug
] Mr. Thorndyke
] Miss Bennett! Our dinner engagement! Carole
: [getting in
] I won't be a minute.
[during the big race, Thorndyke and Havershaw have switched the signs leading to Placerville and the Lost Bonanza Mine
] Mr. Thorndyke
: How true it is that the simplest ways are the best ways after all. Havershaw
: That's what I always say, sir. Mr. Thorndyke
: Oh, shut up.
: [to Carole as he is about to enter a road race against Jim
] You keep your eye on your friend in the Bug, my dear - I'm going to squash him!
: [Thorndyke and Havershaw are stopping in the middle of the race to have some chilled wine
] You know something about champagne, sir? Mr. Thorndyke
: Havershaw, if you tell me that the bubbles tickle your nose, I shall probably kill you!